Estoy Tan Sola

It's Never Enough

Track #5 from 'Books Of My Numberless Dreams (A Love Suite)' EP 

written by: Steven Moctezuma
Recorded and produced by: David Von Hegedus & Steven Moctezuma
Artwork: "Lips (incomplete)" by Brian Kies

La Petite Mort (Solo Outro)

Track #2 from 'Books Of My Numberless Dreams (A Love Suite)' EP 
Written by: Steven Moctezuma
Recorded and produced by: David Von Hegedus and Steven Moctezuma
Artwork: "Lips (Incomplete)" by Brian Kies

La Petite Mort

Cause all I've ever wanted
And all I've ever needed
I want you to look at me
The way I look at you

You come in foreign colors
You don't really give a damn
But for me to stay at your side
Would mean for me to cry

And you never give me your time
I was with you once upon a time
Now another boy is on your mind
And it's tearing me up inside

Cause all I've ever wanted 
And all I've ever needed
I want you to look at me
The way I look at you

Your face sets my thoughts on fire
Your smile really makes me tired 
But you won't give me a chance
No, you won't give me a chance

You're always under his shoulder
And you never call me back
But I know you thought of me
When that song played so lovely

 Cause girls like you are never alone
And girls like you are never home
But I still love you
Yes I still love you...

Cause all I've ever wanted
And all I've ever needed 
I want you to look at me
The way I look at you

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma

All I've Ever Wanted ((DEMO))

My mind is always going backwards in the pangs of the modern world
My life is stuck in these strange frames and I can't seem to get away
Her face pervades every single thought, every second of every day
Those moans, they keep running through my ears though I don't really wanna hear

And in my head, I don't think it'll be okay
And in my dreams, I can see her standing right next to me
And all your words, they don't mean a fucking thing
But it's in my head, it's in my head, it's my head

Those thoughts are carried on fragile, thin sanity 
These days, though I never really pray, I'm wishing for a lot of things
My world is crumbling slowly in gas and slaughterhouse
My time is always spend worrying--boy, I wish, I wish she was here

And in my head, I don't think it'll be okay
And in my dreams, I can see her standing right next to me
And all your words, they don't mean a fucking thing
But it's in my head, it's in my head, it's my head...

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma
Drums: Austin Pacheco

Stuck In Strange Frames ((DEMO))

Everybody's always talking
Everybody wants a piece
Nobody wants to be free 
Because everybody buys the dream

But I don't really care if there's nothing up above
But I don't really care if I never find true love
But I don't really care what job you think fits me
But I don't really care if it's everyone but me

Everybody wants a car
Everybody wants to be a star
Everybody wants to belong
And everybody sings the same song

But when the sun goes down
Who are you now?
And if you've never really known
Then stop complaining, be alone

But I don't really care if there's nothing up above
But I don't really care if I never find true love
But I don't really care what job you think fits me
But I don't really care if it's everyone but me

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma

Everyone But Me ((DEMO))

The time has come, I'm going back north
To see, see, see, I'm seeing my worth
Like browning leaves, we both have changed
But I must learn not to care

I'm leaving my heart
But I'm taking my time

I gotta pack my things
Watch them change from worms to kings
Memories of love at dusk
But I must learn not to care

I'm leaving my heart
But I'm taking my time

And I--I no longer care

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma
Extra instrumental work by David Von Hegedus
Vocals by Justine Kaneshiro

Learned Apathy ((DEMO))

Girl from LA you make me lust
Girl from LA, you've got me lost

When it's cold outside
And I'm not feeling alright
You walk through the room
And I don't know what to do

Girl from LA, you make me lust
Girl from LA, you've got me lost

Your hair is dark brown
Your skin like silk and sand
Your lips are moving
Your laugh gives me sweaty hands
Your body is carved
Is carved like fine stone
And when you speak girl, your eyes are made of gold

Girl from LA, you make me lust
Girl from LA, you've got me lost

When I see you, do I need you?
Oh please let me get near you
You wear dark violet lips
In an all black outfit

Girl from LA, you make me lust
Girl from LA, you've got me lost

Your hair is dark brown
Your skin like silk and sand
Your lips are moving
Your laugh gives me sweaty hands
Your body is carved
Is carved like fine stone
And when you speak girl, your eyes are made of gold

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma
Drums: Austin Pacheco

Girl From LA ((DEMO))

Could I ever be anything besides me?
And could I ever see anything past my eyes?
And in the claims of praise, am I really amazing?
But in the shouts of hate, am I really so crazy?

I gotta make believe that I'm really so free
I gotta make believe that you really like me
I gotta make believe in love, oh my love...
I gotta make believe and let go

And if I knew just then that all things must end
And if I took your advice, would I really try?
And in the kisses you gave, it makes me want to cry
And in the time it takes, I promise I'll try

I gotta make believe that I'm really so free
I gotta make believe that you really like me
I gotta make believe in love, oh my love...
I gotta make believe and let go

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma
Extra instrumental work by David Von Hegedus
Vocals by Justine Kaneshiro

Gotta Make Believe ((DEMO))

Written and produced by Steven Moctezuma
Drums: Austin Pacheco

Skipping Forward ((DEMO))

Written by Steven Moctezuma
Performed by Dead Monks Club

Vox: A. Mendez
Synth: S Moctezuma
Bass: D. Von Hegedus
Guit: S. Moctezuma
Perc: A. Pacheco

I know I'm me, I don't want to be caught in between
In between two cultures, in between two worlds and I can't breathe
I know I'm me, I don't want to be caught in between

Oh nothing changes, nothing ever changes, nothing ever does
Oh nothing changes, nothing ever changes, nothing ever does

Everybody's different, there's no black and whites, no absolutes
There's so many people so many different people, don't you think it's true?
I know I'm me, I don't want to be caught in between
In between two cultures in between two worlds and I can't breathe.

Oh things are changing, things are always changing, things they always do
Oh things are changing, things are always changing, things they always do
Oh things are changing, things are always changing, things they always do
Oh things are changing, things are always changing, things they always do

In Between

Written and produced by Stevie Moctezuma
Performed by Dead Monks Club
Vox: S. Moctezuma, A. Mendez
Synth: S Moctezuma, L. Torres
Bass: S. Moctezuma
Guit: S. Moctezuma
Perc: Dan March

Mama said I was wrong
Never felt so alone
Why did I push you away?
I never saw through her ways
And I after all I'm a boy
I never make a good choice
Mama I did you wrong
I left you, I left you alone 
Oh no
(She's too bad, she's too good for you)
(You don't know just what is good for you)
(You're too bad and you're too good for her)
(Don't have a clue what is false or true)

Mama said I was wrong
Never felt so alone
Why did I push you away?
I never saw through her ways
And I after all I'm a boy
She gave me such a good choice
Mama I did you wrong
I left you, I left you alone 
Oh no
(She's too bad, she's too good for you)
(You don't know just what is good for you)
(You're too bad and you're too good for her)
(Don't have a clue what is false or true)

Huitzilin

Dead Monks Clubs is a collaborative group of varying musicians contributing to songs written by Stevie Moctezuma. Started in Berkeley, grown in Oakland, and now based in Los Angeles, Dead Monks Club's first full length LP "Dead Monks Club" was released on October 13, 2023.

Dead Monks Club current members and contributors: Stevie Moctezuma, Amber Mendez, Caiden Nason, Luis Torres, Dan March, David Von Hegedus, Danny Moctezuma, Nick Brathwaite, Kass Peralta, and Austin Pacheco

Past members: Justine Kaneshiro, Dani Evans

Dead Monks Club

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