Broken Pieces.

A fucked-up retrospective love-story that I wrote for Salwa to sing.

---

there was a time
I made you happy
though now we're very far apart

you wanted me
and you could have me
every story has a start

 ---------------------

I just wanted to
be your little pot of glue
to fix up all your broken pieces

I just wanted you
to love me like I loved you
but all that's left is broken pieces

-------------------------

you were you
and I was me
I wanted to curate you

I saw a beauty
I could care for

I was a fool
you shouldn't be

the cage that keeps
the pretty things

they'll only love you 
till they kill you

---------------------

I just wanted to
be your little pot of glue
to fix up all your broken pieces

I just wanted you
to love me like I loved you
but all that's left is broken pieces

-------------------------

hold you tight
I need you
you're my only friend

love you if you're near me
we'll come back again

---
image modified by CC-license from flickr user sethw, with thanks.

Broken Pieces

Rave-industrial!

Oldschool breaks and a good slice of DeathBoy self-loathing.

Working title for the track was 'suffisticated', I sang the lyrics in the car-park of a local Tesco with a field mic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-qwelSmukE

(I was living in a flat-share and didn't want to wake people up at 3 in the morning with my vodka-induced howlings... worked out OK!)

Burnout

Instrumental with a fat, fucked up sample from Dexter which pretty much describes my addiction/problem with alcohol and the level of bleak fucking hatred I get consumed by when I sink into proper song-writing mode.

Not yet certain if this will make the final cut of the album, it's a bit of a concept track (and a short one at that), but one I love nonetheless.

Dark Passenger

An ode to the fucking filthy machine that keeps turning over inside my head and won't let me stay on the floor even when I should know better.

Social commentry, spite and breakbeats. You know you love it, wage-slaves ;)

For extra dirge, this is the second of my tracks for which the vocals were sung at 3am in the Tesco car-park in Enfield. True story!

I got some very weird looks from passing drunks that night.

---

Tick Tick Tick Tick 
Tick Tick Tick Tock

behind my eyes is a demon
with the face of a clock

one rotation takes a lifetime
we live in circles, inside a book

The Wheel turns, we all burn
like we ever give a fuck

and no excuses but to learn
i'll be better next time

one hundred-twenty-seven
black and glistening teeth
I'll kiss you like a crocodile
my smile's a coral wreath

it screams "YOU GET BACK UP"
I say I'm past regrets
I'd rather die now please, God
"you're not finished yet"

let's make a perfect child
no, baby, let's make two
I'll give you triplets
fill the universe with you

let's call one Neversee
and call one Neverdo
let's call one Speaknoevil
'cos nothing's ever true

rotties born with ballgags
to mothers in restraints
cattle without voices scream
but you hear no complaints

show me on the dolly
where they they made you touch yourself
save you from the paedos
for a future packing shelves

Fallout

There is literally no excuse for the degree of wigga-ism displayed in this track.

Written in about 2 hours after a proper recording session with Mr Eris for an album of Xykogen's I was producing, we were cunted and decided we should finish the evening off by writing a proper Rude Boy track.

Mark physically prevented me from removing the point in the track where he says 'Booyakasha'.

Later that evening, we were both knifed and died.

String Theory (feat Mark Eris)

A lot of anger and rage and self-hatred.

Impostor syndrome is a thing.

---

I---
I'm growing bigger
I'm getting better
I got all the stuff

Stood on the hill
Displayed free will
Made you fall in love

V---
They tell me I'm right
I'm still wrong
They wrote me a letter
I wrote them a song

Here for a good time
but not to stay
Really should know better
But I'll take it
I'LL TAKE IT ANWAY

C---
NEVER EVER
NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

NEVER EVER
I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

V---
I'll draw all the blood
that's in your veins
Fill you back up with
the contents of my brain

Always feel so hard
to lose control
all I can tell you
is that it's good for the soul

FAWM 2023

Never Good Enough (FAWM 2023)

This song is about how I grew up, which was not very fun.

My beautiful and fantastic son, Corben, is my proof that you can escape a generational cycle of abuse.

---


living helter skelter
yeah mate, this one was a belter
how've you done?

thrown
up saliva dangling and refracting 
pretty patterns in the sun

wakes me makes me naked
far off places
share our faces, get it done

focus on the journey home
must protect the chromosome
if I'm the zero
he must be the one

---

from all I know
must be a way back home
there must be
despite the things I've done

this pattina of scars
a map to follow
if it doesn't exist
I'll fucking draw one

--------

try for human feelings
this the real thing?
did I pass the acid test?

purer faces than mine lie
dirtier ones feel good inside
but I'm the best

climbing up the ladder
bigger, stronger, faster, better
tell me, mom

did I hit all the targets
but the not people 
cos you people hit someone

you people always hit someone

Once More With Screaming (FAWM 2023)

These things have been floating over the sky.

Best to sing about them, huh?

---

floating overhead
are they like god?
do they see me faking 
making love?

Sure hope not
but the joke's on them
[me and zeke ain't nothin, we ain't even friends!]

don't tread on me cos you know 
I got my rights
unless you're a cop
then I'm all white

vote yourself to death
then you scream some more
[she's no poolees! that woman's a whore!]

---

chinese balloons
coming soon
to a neighbourhood above you

are they spies?
why do they float?
[WHY THEY TAKIN PICTURES OF ME AND MAH GOATS?]

in what distant deeps of sky
fill the news with fearful symmetry

why do we not
shoot them down?
[YOUR SO CALLED PRESIDENT IS A CLOWN]


--

that priest they saw
checking my parole
I clear his drive
while he cleans my soul

Did nothing wrong
So got nothing to hide

Keep my gun underneath my bed
all the ammunition 
lives inside my head

all of those secrets
I claim not to have
I keep 'em all inside

-----


Gave my kids religion
Was my decision
Daddy taught me right from wrong

House is cold and dark
Noone left to hold me now

Got mah 2nd ammendment
Gave me contentment
why don't my kids call

why don't my kids call

Chinese Spy Balloons (FAWM 2023)

I didn't want to sing.

Just thinking about the world.

Been playing a lot of Fallout lately.

I call my beautiful son "Weasel". He is my child. My god.

Considering the Weasel God (FAWM 2023)

I miss you.

This song is almost entirely the creation of the exceptional and amazing Salwa Azar.

I put my house music background into it, but she did the whole thing.

Twitter @salwaazar
Facebook: @musicisbeautiful
Youtube: @salwasmusic
Bandcamp: salwa.bandcamp.com
Soundcloud: https://m.soundcloud.com/salwa

---

image used via cc-license by kind permission of flickr/arollightfoot

Salwa Azar - I Miss You (FAWM 2023)

// verse 
Woke up to another day
pull on the battle face
quite like this place
let's hope I stay

smashed in the face 
with an unexpected atom bomb
gave all my passion
turns out I was wrong
so very wrong

// chorus
We're not friends anymore
Let's not pretend anymore
My eyes are red, my throat is raw
Can't forget the things we saw

You bolted through a closing door
Cutting deals on higher floors
Keep running down this corridor
But I can't find you anymore


// verse 
A failure to synthesize
New organisms fertilized
Something burst out from inside us
I thought
We didn't come here to fuck spiders

Hide in safety, shed the skin
Nestle with your newfound kin
Always wondered how you'd be
Adjusted by telemetry

// chorus
We're not friends anymore
Let's not pretend anymore
My eyes are red, my throat is raw
I can't forget the things we saw

You bolted through a closing door
Cutting deals on higher floors
Keep running down this corridor
But I can't find you anymore

// verse
You did the things you had to do
Stayed alive, and I did, too
You said the things you had to say
I still stuck by you anyway

Sinking further in the sand
under the weight of reprimand
Pieces washed up on the shore
Remnants of an ancient war

// chorus
We're not friends anymore
Let's not pretend anymore
My eyes are red, my voice is raw
I can't forget the things we saw

You bolted through a closing door
Now I can't see you anymore
Keep running down this corridor
But I can't find you anymore


// verse
Raise the sights up to their head
fill their carapace with lead
Slow down time and take the shot
The steady aim I just ain't got

You wake early I'm up nights
I turned left, you're always right
I'll bow my head down one more time
See through your eyes as they meet mine

---
image used via cc-license by kind permission of flickr/taylor-mcbride

Spidertank (FAWM 2023)

I wanna dance the night away, you see...

it's just a party and now, come with me...

Take Me Away (FAWM 2023)

Mid-90s drum-and-bass style breaks, spanking industrial snares and fat filterbass.

More proof I never planned to leave the 90s alive, motherfuckers!

Zombie Overlords

My entry to the Streaming competition of the Nova Demoparty 2023

https://novaparty.org/

... I won! :D :D

Nova 2023

Rave 101

This album described a point in my life in which I was new to London, new to the industrial scene, still very much sick in the head and unable to transact with life on a very reasonable basis and expounding my pretty much all-encompassing, furious HATE for myself and for the world.

It wasn't a good place to be. But I'm proud as fuck of the music that leaked out of my mind. I struggle to be as raw and honest as the shit that's in this album, now.

This is the sound of a very, very, very angry man, who does not connect to the universe around him and blames himself first for the horrific disconnect found at every turn.

Freedom

There's a space in my bed
Shaped just like you
There's a hole in my head
And nothing I can do

I'm broken without you
Something I cannot replace
I'm fallen without you
Something I cannot erase


I'm not worth nothing
So let's bring it all down
to fall with me

I'm not worth loving
So let's burn
In my black flame valentine jubilee


You were supposed to love me
Keep me safe from them
But I was never sufficient
Now I'm alone again

'cold is in my bones
Making diamonds in my eyes
So I fill this skin with stones
'Finally realised


I'm not worth nothing
So let's bring it all down
to fall with me

I'm not worth loving
So let's burn
In my black flame valentine jubilee

Valentines

MY world is not in a terrible place, but THE world is pretty fucking shit right now.

And we have to live in it.

I don't feel so happy about that.

We've been left a turd to live in by people who played on easy.

About time they made room for us all, so we can try to fix things.

---

What could you become?
If you tried
Given the chance
To use what you've got inside?

What could you be?
Given free will
What would you build?
Who would you kill?

What would you do?
How could you grow?
With nothing to stop you
Where would you go?

WHY DON'T YOU SCREAM?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGHT?
WHY ARE WE LETTING
THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
TAKE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT?

Where do we start?
To fix this thing
They tore us apart
We've got much more to bring

Not full of hate
Not living tropes
Not gonna obey
Their narrative, nope

WE'RE GONNA SCREAM
WE'RE GONNA FIGHT
PROMISED THE WORLD
BUT THEY HANDED US SHITE

SMARTER THAN YOU
WE KNOW WHAT TO DO
AND ONCE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DIE
It's gonna be alright

They keep looking north
When it all goes west
The next generation's
gonna pass the virus test

They keep on booming
with a pain in the chest
The next generation's
gonna pass the virus test

Once More With Screaming

Virus Test

Dystopian tech-rock from DeathBoy.

---

I am a 16 digit number
ending 112
if you authenticate
then I can give myself to you

translate intangible
to physical with no undo
migrate what’s managable
so I don’t have to deal with you

shiny tiny metal wings
their tips cut lines across my thigh
ions lie and tigers bare themselves
oh, my

this Kleptoromance
breeds corruption. in me
obfuscate your worst mistakes
with Rohypnology

wish ourselves into a place
we cannot stand to be
then fake it like it’s a-ok
with Rohypnology

and our children will have
sockets in their heads
sing them upgrade lullabies
and tuck them into bed

we can apologise,
but we’re already dead
they’ll find us dangling
with wires around our necks

this Kleptoromance
breeds corruption in me
obfuscate your worst mistakes
with Rohypnology

wish ourselves into a place
we cannot stand to be
then fake it like it’s a-ok
with Rohypnology

data rape and rasterbation
save me from enturbulation
pornologic self-contagion
makes me know I’m me

Unprojected six six sex
Sine-wave boys and cheap durex
asypmtotic intellects
and fractal injury

and when I terminate
reality will cease
atoms differentiate,
with entropy

I’ve seen things that you bladerunners
would not believe
attack ships in the hearts of killers
inside of me

Rohypnology

Breakbeat industrial cover of New Order's classic Blue Monday.

One of those times the track you're making decides to go its own way and suddenly all the pieces fit together.

---

How does it feel to treat me like you do?
When you've laid your hands upon me and told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken, I thought I heard your words
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now, how do I feel
Those who came before me lived through their vocations
From the past until completion, they'll turn away no more
And still I find it so hard to say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me just how I should feel today
I see a ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn't for your misfortune, I'd be a heavenly person today
And I thought I was mistaken, and I thought I heard you speak
Tell me, how do I feel
Tell me now, how should I feel
Now I stand here waiting
I thought I told you to leave me when I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel, when your heart grows cold

---

image courtesy of flickr/rvoegtli, used under CC-license with thanks.

Blue Monday (DeathBoy's Accidental Cover)

The 'sly' remix of Anuism, in which I get my Tricky on, featuring the beautiful vocals of Mog Warbeast.


---

There's an island in my mind with a private beach
Politicians drown in lies, and poets preach
Alcohol is no longer necessity
And we strive because we value our longevity

The lies you talk are prone to cause a powercut
your victory is pyrrhic like an uppercut
If I push away your arms, I'm feeling delicate
and I'm striving in the dark to prove the predicate

--

Would you hold my hand?
Would you hold my hand?

--

Searching for a peace that I know I'll never get
plugin in my PC into the chevrolet
Tend away from chemicals, psychotropics
Grain neutral spirits, Mister Misanthropic

Bask in radiation, supplied by technology
Analyse the sociopath, amateur psychology
Try to understand, But I can't for the life of me
Tell 'em what they wanna hear, be what they wanna be

--

Would you hold my hand?
Would you hold my hand?
Would you hold my hand?
'Cos I can't see my way to the end of this

--

Rocking back and forth, try to work with what I'm feeling
lying on the floor, but I'm staring at the ceiling
if seeing is believing then who am I deceiving?
you fuck the ones you love, are you giving or receiving?

your lies are a sign into the coridoor
Where the freaks are quoting poe and cawing Nevermore
This disaster is a carcrash of the lifestyle
Steal a madman's shoes before I walk a mile

---

image sourced under CC licence from http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikepedroncelli/67637056/ - with thanks.

Anuism Sly (feat. Mog Xykogen)

Drum and fuck and hate and bass and shit.

Sundaywild

I love the back teeth out of this track.

To my surprise, I discovered my little boy did, too.

He's 12. How the hell does he know this song?

Anyway, we both love it.

So I got him to sing for me. (He calls himself RedDeathKid).

I figure it made it a little poignant because he's the age range that would be killed in a typical school shooting.

Thank god we live in England.

Anyway, first time I ever got the boy to sing for me.

I think it worked out pretty good.

---

Image used under CC-license by kind permission of Flickr user highwaytodistraction. Please check their shit out.

Pumped Up Kicks (feat  RedDeathKid)

Dirt damn you metronome
fucking with my skintone
Desperate urge to call home
Your son.

Old faces of me stare
All this makeup, wear and tear
Diluted innocence.
Gone.


You're moving fast
Looking so tall
Just right to enslave me

We feel just right
We've got it all
And everything lately

I'm always cast
You never call
In spite of my bravery

I'm just the ash
You cause to fall
By running to save me


Unreasonable goals
emotional holes
reset and recover

safety net life
whimsical wife
nonesensical lover

Memories of mom
Brothers have gone
Dad are you angry?

Worked on it hard
all fell apart
How could you love me?


You're moving fast
Looking so tall
Just right to enslave me

We feel just right
We've got it all
And everything lately

I'm always cast
You never call
In spite of my bravery

I'm just the ash
You cause to fall
By running to save me


Dirt

emotional infant
sucking this and
spouting that

we both know that you could hurt me
if you try

vengeful survivor, left my sensors on
I'm not like you, you twat
we both know you only feel
when you get high


Childlike chorus
you ignore us
you're so afraid
so fey.

so take me down
so take me down
so tear me away

everything you do
everything you say
is written
in me.


Just Stop
oh Just Stop
Can't you see you're killing me?

gaveitalltomybaby
gaveitalltomybaby
gaveitalltomybaby
andmybabygoesbang

Don't Stop oh,
please Don't Stop, Curl my
finger round the trigger
and help me kill me
... -ohPlease


did you ever ...stop and think
that when I lie
I lie so much better than
YOU.

No.

No?

did you ever drop and sink?
well when I die
I'll die so better than YOU.



Juststop

Lady Contradiction

A lot of this song is about my relationship with my little brother, Ryan, who I adore very much.

We always fought and still do, but he was a massive part of my life growing up and he's still one of the most important people in my life.

---

Stayed in the same old places
we saw the same old faces
External pressures made us blind
to vital empathy

We played in broken buildings
divorced from feelings, peers and drives
too busy getting by
to realise what we were meant to be


I ran away from you
You ran away from me
We change sides
All our lives
sibling rivalry

And now I'm missing you
I hope your missing me
the other part of what I am
So far away from me


Never assume you know what's good for me
If you know what's good for you
Stand back
I will get through this without you

Never assume you know just how I feel
Cos you're never gonna touch me
Well FUCK YOU
I'm stronger than your worst fucking dreams


I took the piss to make me strong
You always knew your right from wrong
We pushed the envelope
Of what we thought they'd let us try to be

They liked the clever whore
But I got away with more
We were invincible
I need you now to stand up with me


I ran away from you
You ran away from me
We change sides
All our lives
sibling rivalry

And now I'm missing you
I hope your missing me
the other part of what I am
So far away from me


Never assume that I'm not there for you
Know you better than I know me
Hold back
We can get through this together

Never assume they give a fuck about us
Won't ever let them ever touch you
FUCK THEM ALL
We're stronger than their worst fucking dreams


Never Assume

The single most played out / shared / popular DeathBoy track - featured on the X-Box 360 Project Gotham Racing III, produced by the legendary John Fryer. Anthemic, stadium-grade UK-industrial from London's dark and grimy oldschool.

http://www.deathboy.co.uk

Black Morning

Terminally diseased london industrial trip-hop. Cancerbreaks and leukemic lyrics. Ventolin synths and half a heart screaming.

Inordinate

An album full of breakbeats, basslines, guitar riffs and angst.

Everything DeathBoy is about, possibly our greatest showing to date.

Produced by legends such as John Fryer and Rico.

Released on LineOut Records.

"Black Morning" is featured on the Xbox 360 launch title "Project Gotham Racing III"

This album is available in both digital and CD form on Amazon, iTunes and most good places to buy music. If you can't find a copy, please leave a comment.

Music To Crash Cars To represents both a culmination of work and (as far as the band ever had one) a manifesto of sorts: Fusing introspection and fury into something you can dance to.

Crushingly personal lyrics, sideways stabs at the London industrial/goth/drugs scene, film and comic references, a generous slathering of utter self-hatred and a terrifying and unremitting commitment to stream-of-consciousness angst.

Originally published on Wasp Factory Records, this was DeathBoy's first commercial endeavour.

You can download this entire album (by extremely kind permission of Wasp Factory Records) for free.

If you enjoy it, please give a little back. You can pay for the album on iTunes / Amazon / etc, or you can just follow us on twitter / like us on facebook.

If nothing else, you can share this URL or give a copy to somebody who would appreciate it.

But if you do like this album, please do be part of the virus. Pass it along to somebody who needs it.


01. we will destroy

02. computer #1

09. change (apocalypse remix)

DeathBoy/Slipstream entry to Nova 2020 competition.

Featuring my beloved playa family Joe and Cassie <3

edit: WE FUCKING WON! :D :D :D

Both Kinds

I have to admit in advance that I accidentally / unconsciously stole the central conceit of the track from Ben McClees, whose EP I'd been listening to and while drunk and creative thought I'd come up with the whole 'Safety In Numbness' trick. 

I'd totally nicked it from the name of one of his tracks.

That said, it spawned the state of mind that made me write this track, and for that I'm very grateful.

We're playing this one live, it's a storming, stadium-industrial number and I'm hugely proud of it and pleased with it.

Big love to Pete (I Am Immune) for the guitars, who listened to my test mix and sent me his wall-of-sound filth to drop into the track while I was still awake and drunk and working on it. I can only apologise for running the guitars low in the mix, I'm a dirty synth-queen and that's how I mix, it certainly wasn't to diminish his axe-wielding. 

When we play it live it owes everything to Pete's input.

After all that mush, hope you like the song. It's one that's pretty important to me, and I can't wait for us to thrash it out live and get it on the next commercial album.


Safety in Numbness (feat Pete Boyd of iAi)

REMIX KIT HERE: https://drive.google.com/file/d/16-H6x1lO0i2h8swTiNDfxz1cQR1PpLPa/view?usp=sharing
---

Deja You - this time with extra Salwa Azar.

My always incredible friend Sal kindly lent her vocals to the track, as I was looking for something to take it up a notch, and as usual, her voice just brings something a bit magical even to my dark ranting.

Find more Sal music at:
https://soundcloud.com/salwa
https://salwa.bandcamp.com/album/black-feather-wooden-chair

---

We said we'd never go back
We said we'd never do the bad thing again
We promised we would grow up
We said that we would try to be better friends


I notice that we're alone
I see we find ourselves here again
One of us picked up a phone
The other closed the circuit, now let's pretend
again


Sit here with head in my hands
Imagine you standing over my shoulder
We execute bigger plans
Pull on the adult face but we don't grow older

Stood tall and stretching my legs
I know you're stretching yours too
Learned that I don't need to beg
To do what I need to do


I'm looking in on myself
Outside the window like a lover displaced
I'll make you happy again
Restart the cycle like it's all been erased

These loops they will never end
the things we do affect the things that we've done
Rewind and try it again
This time we'll be the ones we tried to become
again

---

image used under CC-license by kind permission of flickr/nine2ninetysix

FAWM 2021

Deja You (ft Sal Azar)

This is the music of Scott DeathBoy and the band DeathBoy.

It is mostly loud and angry, with occasional patches of surprisingly gentle ambience.

Thank you for flying Air DeathBoy.

DeathBoy

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