I have just about reached my limit with people who complain about things they are not willing to change.

You hear it all the time from some in your group. They are the ones who whisper loudly that someone else didn’t do their job, or someone else didn’t tell them some tiny bit of useless information, or someone else said something to someone. And you know the rest of the excuses of the one person who blames their lack of accomplishments on everyone else but themselves. Today, I have a lot to say to those people. 

What are we supposed to think when all you ever do is blame others for the work you should have been doing? Trust me, others are watching, and you will be a marked person if your words do not match your lack of activity and accomplishments. It is pretty easy to tell that you didn’t do your work when a project, program, or process fails.

As hard as it is to admit, honesty is not for the faint of heart. It is hard to concede that you fell down on the job or that you chose to do something else instead of doing the work required or that you probably didn’t care enough to pull your weight, so you bailed on the project, thinking that you could blame others and it wouldn’t be noticed. Come on, that type of logic is silly at best and pathetic at worst.

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EFYL - 242 Don’t Complain About Things You Are Not Willing to Change

Decisions, decisions, decisions. They are such a big part of our everyday life, and no matter how many times you and I decide to go with the flow and let life “work out,” in the end, we all make decisions that will have a lasting impact.

I like today’s thought because, once again, it serves as a reminder that we all choose our own outcomes. I know that many will argue with me on that thought because they have bought into the belief that life handed them the deal they have, and they are powerless to get out of the rut they chose to live in.

As you can well imagine, I completely disagree, and I am growing more unwavering in that thought. As I look around and see my friends and clients who wallow in their current misery, I am amazed how they refuse to see the path that led them to this dead end years ago.

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EFYL - 241 The Only Person You Are Destined To Become is The Person You Decide To Be

Your story isn’t over yet.
In praise of the humble semicolon

I know it seems odd to write a post about a punctuation mark, but recently I was at a restaurant and my waiter had a very pronounced semicolon tattooed on his arm, and I asked about it. He told me that the semicolon is now the symbol to recognize those who have struggled with depression, anxiety, addiction, and/or suicidal thoughts.

I had not heard about this trend of using the semicolon as a symbol of hope. The waiter went on to explain that the semicolon represents “…a sentence the author could’ve ended, but chose not to. The author is you, and the sentence is your life.” 

It is my prayer that no one in my circle (and if you’re a reader or listener, you are in my circle) would ever consider taking such drastic steps that would leave an empty place in the hearts of those who love you or who know your name.

The key is to hold on tight and be strong enough to let the painful, disruptive feelings pass, and then take the next steps forward to continue moving forward. 

I am going to assume that you, my reader, are not in this position. Still, as you interact with others at work, school, in the community or your place of worship--even your family--please be aware that you are surrounded by people who will (or have) at one time or another consider the punctuation of a period for their life and not a semicolon. 

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EFYL - 201 In Praise of the Humble Semicolon

As much as we all wish to blame our circumstances, our lot in life, our families, our boss (or whatever it is you point to as the reason that you have not fulfilled your life purpose), in the end, it comes down to the most basic and simple truth-filled understanding. When all is said and done, the only limit on your life was placed on you by you.

Argue all you want about how life didn’t give you what others had, and I will show you millionaire after millionaire who grew up in an orphanage or on the street with nothing and no one, and yet they beat the odds. We read about them in magazines, we see them on TV, and we admire them today.

I’ve often wondered how it happens. How does someone who comes from nothing go on to win big in life? 

My own theory is that when you start with nothing, you have nothing to lose. So, these people move ahead and take the chance--any and all chances--to change their lives. Because when all is said and done, whatever happens to them is just par for the course since they started with nothing to lose. 

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EFYL - 239 Your Only Limit is You

If you've made mistakes and have the scars to prove it, and you have learned from them… good for you! It means you’ve tried. Most people make one or two mistakes, and then they learn the hard way and never make the same mistake again (with the exception of love --we’re all very hopeful in that area). But besides love, most people see a mistake for what it is and learn from it.

At least I hope you learned your lesson and aren’t such a blockheaded as to keep doing it over and over.

It's a given that good people make bad decisions, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad for the rest of their lives. Yes, there are always a few in the bunch who are rotten to the core; if that’s the case, don’t waste your time. Toss them to the curb, but don’t discount those who made mistakes long ago and changed for the better. Time tells the truth.

You have choices. If someone has treated you poorly, you can forgive and start over, or you can forgive and stay away. You get to make a choice, but let me just say from experience, don’t lose a second chance for laughter, love, or a lifetime friend if you have it within your power to forgive and forget. You’re an adult now; you can choose wisely those you want in your life. 

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EFYL - 216 If You've Made Mistakes And Have Scars To Prove It

Steve Jobs said, “When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and you’re life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”
	
Friend, you can change it, you can influence it, and you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

How cool is that… to build for others once you’ve found your place in this world.

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EFYL - 50 You'll Never be the Same

You often hear the phrase that life is precious, and we need to be careful with our words, our actions, and our attitude, and I wholeheartedly agree with that statement and believe it to be true. 

We all need to follow the wisdom of those words, but what I find so disappointing in watching others is the bizarre attitude of some people who think that by tearing everyone else down, they are building themselves up. Sorry, Charlie, it doesn’t work that way because you can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else. It’s just not possible; in fact, it’s more dangerous than you’ll ever know if you go down that road.

I know I am not speaking to the good folks who are listening to me today. Still, many of you are the friends, acquaintances, partners, or family members who are so bitter, angry, nasty, and hateful that they waste their lifetime tearing down those around them in hopes of lifting their own status in life. I say to those who are so damaged, you don’t get far in life by standing on the broken bones of others, and, frankly, you just look stupid being that king of that hill.

If you are in a relationship where your friend, partner, family member or significant other spends time tearing at the fabric of your life, you need to walk away, because if you believe that life is precious then you need to learn to value your short life on this earth, and value yourself enough to block the negativity of those who heap anger on you and on others. They are damaged, and you can’t fix them, nor should you try, when they have stooped so low to find their self-worth in tearing you down.

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EFYL - 91 You Can’t Fix Yourself By Breaking Someone Else

You can never leave footprints that last if you are always walking on tiptoe. Leymah Gbowee

If you’re like me, you see a quote and it just strikes you as a great mental stop. That is what happened with today’s quote and theme.

Those who know me know that I am not someone who tiptoes around issues--it is a time matter for me. I don’t like to waste time when, with a direct response, decision, or action, I can move on to other things.

No doubt this has gotten me in trouble at times, but chalk it up to impatience and my limited ability to focus on a multitude of things at one time. I’m not a multi-tasking kind of person. I do one thing at a time, in silence, so I can focus on getting it done correctly the first time. I live by the Abe Lincoln quote, “I walk slowly, but I never walk backward.”

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EFYL - 199 You Can Never Leave Footprints That Last

You can dwell on it for the rest of your life. That’s death. Or you can let it go and move on. That’s life. 

I had a call from a very nice person. She has been listening to my radio show for over a year, and finally got the courage to call me and ask how to start speaking. 

When I answered the phone, she introduced herself and told me that she wanted to speak at women’s conferences; then she began to tell me all the reasons why she hadn’t been able to pursue her dream of speaking. She is married with kids in school and a husband who is ill but is doing odd jobs to help keep the family stable. She has to work, but doesn’t like her job, and she can’t quit, because they need the money. She went on to tell me that she is not a good writer and didn’t finish school, so she feels bad about that, and doesn’t feel good about her command of the English language. It was then that I had to stop her—frankly, I just couldn’t listen anymore. 

I have a very low tolerance for people who want to dwell on all the reasons why they can’t follow their dreams, live their passion, or do what they feel they were born to do.

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EFYL - 94 You Can Dwell On It For The Rest Of Your Life

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone were happy to see you? I mean really happy to see you every time you came around. 

The great news is you can become such a person. It doesn’t take much. Now, for some, it might be a new view of the old you, but you can become the person everyone hopes will show up for dinner, the ballgame, the bike ride, or any work event.

When you ask professionals of a certain age what book has changed their life, many will say the old standard, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This is an old book—it has been around for a while and is one of the first best-selling self-help books ever published. It was written in 1936; it has sold 30 million copies worldwide and is still considered the standard for those who want to change their world or how others perceive them.

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EFYL - 93 Wouldn’t It Be Great If Everyone Was Happy To See You?

Even though there are days I wish I could change some things that happened in the past, there’s a reason the rearview mirror is so small and the windshield is so big: where you’re heading is much more important than what you’ve left behind.

So, friends, I have to ask – where are you headed? 

Not to dwell on memories of high school, but for many people, their emotions were shaped by the challenge, fun, or pain those days held for them. As a coach, it is amazing for me to hear stories from clients who can tell me to the most minute detail of their success or failure in those most formidable years of their life. And as a friend and coach it is my job to pull, push, or carry them from the past into the present because as the quote for today says, there’s a reason the rear view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big, where you’re heading is much more important than what you’ve left behind.

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EFYL - 200 Where You're Heading Is Much More Important Than What You've Left Behind

Today I want to encourage you to keep on keeping on, and my theme is a quote that is new to me; it’s by the famous artist, Vincent Van Gogh. He says that “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” I love that line, because it is so true.

I know that sometimes it feels like you are spinning your wheels when you are trying to create an opportunity for yourself or others, or you sometimes feel alone as you’re building a business or as you do the daily work of the job and responsibilities that you have, but, friend, don’t get discouraged, because great things are done by a series of small things brought together.

If you’ll keep doing your small part, I know that, in time, you will be able to see how your piece of the puzzle fits into the whole of the beautiful picture that you’ve been admiring for years. The key to success is being able to hold on through the good times and the not so good times.

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Episode 168 - Great Things Are Done By A Series Of Small Things

I have always loved the quote, “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” It has been attributed to just about everyone, but the one who is consistently listed is Samuel Goldwyn of TV and movie producer fame. 

Interesting when you think that he might have said that line considering that he was--in a sense--the star-maker in Hollywood, but even he understood the long view of success or luck (as you’d like to believe). Just think back on your favorite movie star and then research how many times they had to do cheese ball commercials or TV sitcoms or print advertising before they finally made it big (whatever your definition of “big” is) and add to that the staying power to survive the ground game of the business before you age out. Very few people hit the stage late in life--they’ve been in the game forever. Without the sudden success of American Idol that found Carrie Underwood or the British version that found Susan Boyle, not a lot of folks make it and make it stay--just think about all the one-hit wonders. 

I know… I know, some of you are thinking, Well, Deb, if I could just get one hit I’d be happy. And you’re probably right, but guess what, it’s going to take work for you to be lucky.

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Episode 148 - How To Be Lucky

If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is this: Be gentle with everyone you meet--you have no idea what has happened to them on their life journey.

As most of you know, I am a speaker. I stand before audiences of 100 to 1,000 on any given week, and it never fails--really, it never fails--that someone who looks like a million bucks or who is the life of the party or who carries themselves with such apparent ease is the one who carries the deepest scars.

Over the years, I think I’ve developed something like a sixth sense that allows me to either see, to feel or to hear what is not being said or seen. I’m sure that I’m not always right, but if you study people long enough, you begin to glean a bit of--I don’t know--essence or matter or sense of someone’s heart, and if you’re careful, you might be in a position to speak truth into them about their situation in life. Doesn’t happen often, but occasionally a break opens up and you’re able to see inside.

Because I received so much email and chatter about last week’s show where I focused on the age old truth that will stand the test of time, which is that no matter what you think about yourself, when it all comes down to it, you matter. Yes, you. You matter, and although, as some pointed out, they didn’t seem to matter to the one or ones they wanted to matter to, they had to admit when pushed, that they do matter. May be there is someone you’d like to be more meaningful to? We’ll get to some of that today, but let me remind you that this doesn’t negate the truth that you still matter.

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Episode 147 - Be Gentle With Everyone You Meet

In thinking about this week’s show and having overheard some conversations of a few people that I know well, I was struck once again about the power of words that sink into the heart of everyone and rattle the fragile understanding of one’s self worth. 

It seems to me that words are so many times callously thrown about and off-handedly imply to anyone who will listen that they (the person) are damaged and, believing their pain, they question one eternal truth that has stood the test of time through the ages, and yet so many people struggle with the concept of this truth, which is…that they matter.

A simple truth you need to be reminded of…, I don’t know what is going on in your life today, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you have value and that you matter and nothing can change that truth.

In our time together I want to lay out a few ideas that I want you to pay attention to and really hear in my message today. 

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Episode 146 - You Matter

I love the Peter Drucker quote for today’s show, “If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.”

Let’s think about that. If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old. Something old would be your negative mindset and self-talk that tells you that you’re not good enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, rich enough, strong enough and you know the rest of the “enough” drill. Or the other side that I hear is that many people have bought into the idea that they are too old, too tired, too lonely, too…fill in the blank.

Those are crazy negative thoughts that creep into your head when you start to feel sorry for yourself and, friend, for you to do something new--something good for you; something uplifting for you--you have got to stop doing the same old thing you do and that is your self-fulfilling prophecy of sadness and woe. No wonder so many people feel like they are too far gone to get back on track to do and go and be what they’ve wanted to be.

I really don’t want to spend another show on self-esteem and how to, at this age (or any age as a matter of fact), get a grip on your life and stop with the whining and sadness of your position in life. But I can’t let this thought just sit out there without confronting the silliness of this mindset. The ridiculous limiting belief that you have--that it is too late for you to do what you want to do. Hear me, It is never too late to do your life’s work; it is never too late to do what you feel you were called to do, because you will figure out that once you stop doing all the old mental gymnastics on why you can’t do something you will find that now you just may be in a position to do whatever you want.

Let me tell you about a conversation I had with a friend...

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Episode 145 - If You Want Something New, You Have To Stop Doing Something Old

I’ve got an idea this month. Let’s focus on saying yes to any opportunity that comes along, however big or small.

Let’s try it for just one month and see what happens, because I believe that once you get use to saying, yes, great opportunities will start to show up in your amazing life.  

See, once you get used to saying yes, you’ll start seeing more ways to say yes. There is something freeing about saying yes to opportunity, because you never know when that yes will open another door, and that door may lead the way to the door you’ve been waiting for to swing open in your favor and direction.

Now I am well known for saying no to a lot of things that are routine—that’s not what I am talking about today. 

I will always encourage you to say no to drudgery work that will not enhance your resume or standing. I will always say no to being busy for busyness’ sake. I will always say no to people who just “want to pick my brain,” because I just don’t have time for that. I will say no to meetings about meetings. So hear me when I say… that you should say no to anything that is not good for you, or your family or your bottom line. Life is a business that you need to pay attention to and focus on the future.

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Episode 116 - Can I Get A Yes!

I love the quote, If you’re tired of starting over—quit giving up. I am not sure who said it, but, wow, if there was ever a billboard that we should put up around the world, it’s this one. If you’re tired of starting over—quit giving up.

I hear people say all the time that they are tired of always having to start over, and so many times I want to ask the obvious question of why did you stop? Really, why did you stop your diet? Why did you stop going to school? Why did you stop being the loving partner or spouse? Why? Hello, it isn’t rocket science, because if you didn’t stop, you wouldn’t have to start over.

When I ask people why they constantly feel the need to start over, the answer usually is something benign like, well I got tired, or I didn’t feel loved, or I wanted to do something else.

I’m not here to judge your reasoning, really I’m not, but I’m curious why you think your lame excuses trump the great progress you were making at one time. I can assure you that getting re-started is going to be harder than it was when you started the first time. Why? Because now you know that you can quit, walk away, remove yourself and do the minimum and still get by, and, while that seemed like a good idea at the time, in the end you’ve really short-changed your life and opportunity, because now that you’ve stopped, getting started again is hard, since you now have to deal with the mess that you made. That is why so many people just constantly want to start over, because starting over appears to allow you to walk around the mess you made without ever having to do the hard work of cleaning up… or so it seems on the surface.

The real truth is, if you don’t clean up the mess you’ve made, whether that is dealing with the truth of your situation for your physical health or the reality of going back to school when you are older, while doable, it is hard, since life has other plans for your free time. You may have the raw emotional issues of a marriage that is broken or a friendship that has gone away, and the pieces are still all around, and someone has to pick them up or you’ll stumble over them again once you’ve gotten back on your feet.

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Episode 186 - If You’re Tired of Starting Over—Quit Giving Up


Have you ever thought about your “full potential,” meaning is there something that you’d give your all to, holding nothing back and being empty when you’re finished, only to refresh yourself and start over?

So let’s talk about what it would take to help those who have the possibility of living to their full potential, and then let’s talk about those who, with a little reinforcement or encouragement, would be capable of developing themselves into the actuality of living the life they desire.

Probably the number one thing I encourage people to do to move into the direction of their full potential is to stop talking to friends and family who put you down, who don’t believe in your goals or who are always negative when you talk about doing better or being better. 

Learn more at www.debsofield.com ~ Keynote Speaker, Author, Coach 

Episode 104 - Living to Your Full PotentiaL

Deb Sofield Hosts Encouragement for Your Life - A Rock Solid Podcast series for Self Development and Motivation to make you Stop, Focus and Do Something with Your Amazing Life. www.debsofield.com

Deb Sofield’s Encouragement for Your Life

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