I’ve seen you everyday but still I can’t describe you
You tell me it’s ok cause everything I’ve gone through
Size me up and make me smaller than I’ve been before
Itching to walk in the fire where I should belong


I’m not scared of dying
just afraid that I will die alone
I’m not good at crying
just wonder where it is that you go

I’m not scared of falling
But getting up scares me most
I’m not scared of trying
But we both know that I’m not good enough

What’s better than your love?

You see me when we speak, but you can’t seem to hear me
Tell me where to meet, maybe you’ll finally free me
String me up atop your wire for the world to see
Itching to walk in the fire that calls out to me

I’m not scared of dying,
just afraid that I will die alone
I’m not good at crying
just wonder where it is that you go

I’m not scared of falling
But getting up scares me most
I’m not scared of trying
But we both know that I’m not enough

What could be warmer than your fire?

Warmer

I want to ask you which door that you’re choosing
Out of fear that I’m not on the other side and I

I never want you thinking I’m getting even
When I don’t get what I want
Cause that’s not right


I was what you needed
But not anymore
It doesn’t hurt me
Like it did before

I was what you wanted
But not anymore
It doesn’t hurt me
But makes me want more 


I want to ask you which cards that you're playing
Out of fear that i still have the losing hand

I gotta know, though—does she even touch you
The same way I did when you were all I had

Not Anymore

Swimming in the black, I take a breath with each wake on my back
And I never want to seem like I’m weak when I’m free
And I take but I won’t give back, it’s all me, all I have
And I preach but can’t arise to the call of falling tides

So much for you and me
How dense are you to believe in such a thing?
For every heart you break, there’s a wing for me to clip
No matter how the fabric’s cut, we just don’t fit

So much for you and me
How dense are you to believe in such a thing?
For every mouth you close there’s a place for me to spit
Even if you won’t, I know she’ll swallow it

You’ll all be fed, gutted, and bled
While I’m a black dog dancing in the blood
Because I’m the only thing I could ever learn to love

Lipstick pig in “midnight red” when I sleep in your bed
You always wanted more and I just want your head between my legs

Lipstick Pig

Thanks to Sadie for adding in some synth lines!

Lyrics:

Look what you’re in for 
You poor little bird
All of these nights awake
Are starting to hurt

You said you love me so you closed the door
I still don’t really know what for but
You never told me what you did before
You had to go and fuck it all up

Lie to my face,
Such a fool for your word
Turning new pages
Is starting to hurt

You said you love me so you closed the door
I still don’t really know what for but
You never told me what you did before
You had to go and fuck it all up

poor little bird
You’re too easy to hurt
poor little bird
It’s your fault this won’t work

Poor Little Bird Ft. Sadie

I wish that I could see things through your eyes
You see me draped in silk, dripping in sunlight
Posing here so long has made me tired
As you chip away the parts you don’t desire

And I look up, frozen in time
Looking at the pieces left behind when I find
All the weight that plagues my mind
Very much remains when you see me smile

If all the pretty pictures
Don’t look how I remembered
Could you paint from memory?
Plant the seed, harvest the bounty
Ferment fruit, keep me from counting
All the chances gave to me

When I’m weightless, floating in time
I look at all the pieces left behind when I slipped
Through the cracks and lost my sight
The pressure that it builds might swallow me alive

If all the pretty pictures
Don’t look how I remembered
Could you paint from memory?
Plant the seed, harvest the bounty
Ferment fruit, keep me from counting
All the chances gave to me

If all the pretty pictures
Don’t look how I remembered
Could you paint them differently?
Plant the seed, harvest the bounty
Ferment fruit, keep me from counting
All the time it took to leave

Pretty Pictures

You twirl my curl inside your pocket, yeah
It burns a hole inside your palm 

and I’m not sorry for the damage that I’ve done
‘cause you seem to be doing better
Now that you can think about me every day
It’s so pathetic

Your glassy eyes tend to say it all
It burns a worry into my skull

And I’m not sorry for the space I take up 
while you lick your wounds, I take my exit
Now that you can think about me every day
It’s so pathetic

Pathetic

Thank you to Willis Nillis (https://soundcloud.com/willisnillis) for coming in clutch with the last minute mixing!

Lyrics:
Mending the breaks I weave, just one last time 
But the silk I spin won’t come out right

You won’t escape from me and my feral jaw
I’m a dog of hell, I’ll drag you down

Why would you stay, why would you waste away with me?
Why would you wait when all I made were ways for you to leave?

All bark, no bite
All teeth, no fight

Why would you stay, why would you waste away with me?
Why would you wait when all I made were ways for you to leave?

DOG FROM HELL

Dog From Hell (SLOWED + VERB)

get ur fairy on (missy elliott + zelda mashup)

i hate to say i told you so
but what do you know?
i hate to say i told you so
but where'd you go?

i die just a little bit inside
when you hold her face
tongue tied when i see you smile
with her in your arms

i hate to say i let you go
but now you're gone
i hate to say i told you so
but you moved on 

i die just a little bit inside
when you hold her face
tongue tied when i see you smile
with her in your arms
 
i lie when i tell you I'm fine
when you take her home
i try to keep moving forward
when you kiss her lips

Fuck

Mixed and mastered by Willis Nillis
Music video by Diego Chavez: https://youtu.be/TElqkQd5P-0?si=ZDdEXFNBDk00OGQ9

Lyrics:
I scare myself, that never scared you away
you want me back, I’m hostage by my shame
Through change I can finally say “goodbye”
To what I had become just to survive

A little alchemy of the self, transforming within
The catalyst reclaims everything I should’ve been
When chrysalis begins repentance sneaks in
And I can’t stop wondering if you think I’m cool yet

Do you think I’m cool yet?

Part of my sin was wondering when it ends
Part of my sin was wondering when it ends
Now I can’t stand the thought of going under
Knowin’ that you need me to hold you when it thunders
And now I can’t stand the thought of going under at all, at all

Now I can’t stand the thought of growing older
With the time I wasted when we were both younger
I think I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it right

A little alchemy of the self, transforming within
The catalyst reclaims everything I should’ve been
When chrysalis begins repentance sneaks in
And I can’t stop wondering if you think I’m cool yet

Do you think I’m cool yet?

CATALYST

Production by https://soundcloud.com/afterdarkfm
Mixing and mastering by https://soundcloud.com/willisnillis
Bass performed by Bunnycalx

Lyrics:
A dissonance, anomaly
Decode the furrows in your brow, await to speak

Different code, or inadequacy?
The flowered path I long for wasn’t meant for me

I can live without your touch
If you love when I’m a little too much
Don’t hold my hand
Just hold my gaze until it stops

I won’t even hold a grudge
Thinking of it makes my head rush
Don’t hold my hand
Just say my name until I calm

The beckoning electricity
A static stands between your fingertips and me

It plagues moral, my memory
My creator’s not as kind as you can be

I seek relief within a dream
But the thought alone has compromised my sleep

You reach out to me, and you were plush

If you could get away
I’m sure you would’ve by now
But no, you don’t care about it
And you’re mine

PLUSH

Komm susser tod

the sun burns in my tired eyes
i wake alone and unsurprised
beads roll off the water you left for me

cut my fingers on a note that you left
struggle to rise of my bed
the sheets tangled keep pullin me in
and i read your note in my head

baby, please don’t do this to me.
every drink you take is like a kiss from a bee.
i don’t care that you're hurting me,
but you’re killing yourself every time that you sting.

all i touch comes crumbling down.
why rebuild a fallen town?
you must've called a thousand times
and now i see your thoughts transcribed

Distortion

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said "Yes I think we've met before"
In that instant it started to pour,

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love

Live through this, and you won't look back
Live through this, and you won't look back
Live through this, and you won't look back

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

Lyrics;

dreaming of away from me
lonely gods here with me
played with fire my fingertips are charred
leaking from a bullet to the heart

freaking out, someone will see
trippin hard from my own two feet
say it’s hard, but you still don’t see
what you’re doin to me

you’re just stranger in the hall
I was wrong to think there’s more
but that doesn’t make it hurt any less

you’re just a stranger in the door
I was wrong to ask for more
but that doesn’t take away all my grief

keep it all
bottled down
until it all comes flowing out

I keep it all
locked down
until the walls come crashing down

Lonely Gods

Lyrics;

I have so much love to give
but no one to hold it close
sometimes I am terrified
that my insides will implode

maybe if you held me
I could last another night
but you won’t even touch me 
I guess i’ll finish off in spite

I have so much hatred 
burning deep inside my joints
every time you look at me
just further proves my point

and maybe if you said "no"
I could move along in peace
but you seem to prefer me
when i’m strangled by your leash

*oooh break*

will you listen to my dreams,
that break apart my seams?
i’ll take my coffee without cream
if that means you won’t leave

i’d rip my heart in two
if it meant things could be true
but it’s a bridge you won’t cross
so i’ll just accept the lose
 
I feel like i’m boiling
when I see you all alone
it’s a punch right to my face
cuz you said you wanted home 

maybe if you heard me
I could be your second choice
but you don’t really want me
so there isn’t much remorse

are you ready for these dreams,
that break apart my seams?
i’ll take my coffee without cream
if that means you won’t leave

i’d rip my heart in three
if it meant I could be free
from the spell you cast on me
please don’t leave
 
i’d rip my heart out
if you would hold it
beating, compulsive
express impulsion

i’d rip my heart out
if you could stand it
you act so frantic
when i’m romantic

Black Coffee

Lyrics;

I think you're dumb
 I think you’re reckless
 I need to know if you’re invested
 I wanna see  what you feel

i’ve met your ghosts
 I’ve said my greetings
 and yet I still don’t know your demons
 I wanna feel what you see

touch me in the backseat 
help me feel complete
 fuck me and forgive me
 for feeling so relieved

you may be inconsolable
 I find it so adorable 
i’m so unbearable 
it’s almost satirical

I know i’m dumb
 I know i’m reckless
 your disregard
 leaves me breathless

touch me in the backseat 
make me obsolete 
fuck me and forgive me
 for being in between

love me
 hurt me
 hold me
 tease me
love me 
hurt me 
hold me
 stay with me

Backseat

Lyrics:

did you call my name?
did you ask me so?
was it from the drinks?
was it from the blow?

I could see it in your eyes
I heard it in your tone
and I can feel it in my thighs
but I still let you home

somebody help me
I can’t speak or think
somebody help
get him away from me

somebody help me
will I face it all alone?
somebody help me
was it all my fault?

was it something I said?
did I get in your head?
you say that you want me so badly
but you fill me with regret

and it’s not the first
which makes it so much worse
jesus christ, I hurt 
I didn’t want to take this turn
 
somebody help me
get him away from me
somebody help me
I just need to breathe

somebody help me
the weight is crushing me
somebody help me
why can’t I scream?

clothes across my bedroom floor
and bruises left around my throat
it’s happened just once before
but that makes me hurt so much more

I can’t move while you whisper
that no one can ever know
and you hold me very closely
but I know i’m so alone

can he hear us?
is it over?
I can’t feel anymore

My Fault

What I Need

I see you’re guarding after me
I wanna look but I can’t see 
yeah, you’ve buried me so deep, so deep

and yeah, you’re planting all the seeds
but is it winter, is it spring?
i’m too covered up to breathe, baby

but maybe I can grow this time
but I never want what’s right
but maybe I will feel it warmer than the sunlight

oh, maybe I’ll wilt up and die
but will I know if I don’t try
but baby I can feel you warmer in the sunlight

I let the roots grow out and feed
on the life left behind for me
through the dirt I start to breathe

I feel the warmth upon my face
you pick me up and blow me away
and wish for all the yesterdays, today

but baby i’ll still grow this time
you just had to say goodbye
but I will see you floating forward in the sunlight

and i’ll take my chance to thrive
i’ll spread my life throughout the sky
but I will see you again while floating towards the sunlight

and maybe I should try to hide
but whats the fun in being shy
when I could be here with you, floating towards the sunlight

and if you’ve not been lost before
how do you know what to call home
i’d rather be here with you, floating towards the sunlight

Dandelion

Chewing on my hair
I am just a feeling you don’t seem to understand
You think that I am wandering thoughts not meant to be said out loud

But reality tells me otherwise, it sees my vulnerability
Still it chooses to slowly suffocate me, pushing down my head

A prick to the thumb
I am overgrown
Please don’t take away the blade
I just need a trim

I don’t know how you could love me
When I’ve never even learned to love myself
I hoped that you would’ve hate me
So I couldn’t hurt you the way I hurt myself


I could be your ocean if you want it
Or I could be your breath of air
But I’m the vines bound tight across your ankles
And you’re freshly sharpened pruning shears

Praise my body, it protects me
Though it’s not beautiful
Spikes and scars as far as you can see
And I’m not beautiful


I don’t know how you could love me
When I’ve never even learned to love myself
I hoped that you would’ve hate me
So I couldn’t hurt you the way I hurt myself

euphoria

another day where the faces blur all into one
you laugh at me and say it was a funny joke
I won’t confess my hatred, I just need someone to know
that this sinking feeling is pulling me under

I don’t believe you
i just need to see it through
I won’t forgive you
like you desperately want me to

it all gets harder everyday
I need something to go my way
i’m tired honey, can’t you drive?
asleep at the wheel

I promise you i’m going back on wednesday
I need the help, but I don’t need your pity
take what is left, start up your brand new life
i’ll only be just a week or two behind

I told you so

Self Help

It's All The Same

kindly remind me
why we are fighting
I find you frightening
when you gaslight me

reciting your vows
forgetting the vowels
a e i o u
a e i i i 

I know what I said
cause I said it
no I won’t take it back
cause I meant it
that’s why I said it
what a stupid question for you to ask

we both know I won’t change my mind
even though we both know that i’m wrong
because i’m stubborn
that’s what you’ve called me
it’s one of the nicer things you’ve done

how could you forget
my birthday was sunday
I don’t ask for too much
just to be remembered

you forgive and forget
but mainly the latter
i’m only crying
cause I hate it when you yell

AEIOU

Sometimes you're so sad
Thinking about us
And all our lies and mess
How can it be?

One of us is not on the right way
And I don't know who, and I don't know why,
And when I see your angel face,
I feel so low
So low

Maybe I'm too bad
To be living with you
Or is it my way of life,
You don't understand

One of us is not on the right way
And I don't know who, and I don't know why,
And when I see your angel face,
I feel so low
So low
Babe I'm so low

One of us is not on the right way
And I don't know who, and I don't know why,
And when I see your angel face,
I feel so low
So low
Babe I'm so low

So Low

sleeping in
should I really be here when
there’s work to do

i’m relaxing inside your tub
something tells me I don’t belong
it’s nothing that you’ve said or done
i’m just so used to being wrong

and now that the pipes have burst
I wonder which deity has me cursed
I plead to them to let this work
as I wash the shit out of my shirt

sleeping in
should I really be here when
there’s work to do

i’ve been going backwards, backwards, for so long
sometimes moving forward, forward feels reversed
and you want to rewind, rewind, but that might hurt
baby if we press play I think we’d feel better

Waters

they call and call my given name
they go and go when seasons change
but I want home, somewhere to belong
they seek a temporary fix
for something permanently wrong

then I saw you in the garden
petals made of wings
you are all that i need
cleome, cleome

you stay throughout sun rise
and even when the moon shines
but you will not let us be,
cleome, cleome

i dance and dance around your frame
until my fragile body caved
i cannot rest, oh how I long,
exhaustion finally snuck it's way
up into my lungs

Come crashing down
lay on my back
don't worry dear, i'll be just fine

The night goes on
the ants march in
picking muscle from my spine

then I saw you in the garden
petals made of wings
you are all that I need.
cleome, cleome

you stay throughout sun rise
and even when the moon shines
but you will not let us be,
cleome, cleome.


Cleome

I know these waters can be quite unforgiving to us
We think it’s fine, but chains start to rust
We taste the salt with our tongues
put our faith where it doesn’t belong

Nori, the stench of the sea
And to where it may lead

Nori, nori, nori, nori

Running out of breath
I swear I wouldn’t let you drown again, 
Can’t you see me falling in?

Put your hand in mine
I swear I’ll pick you up out of these depths
When the wake is closing in

The water’s dark and we’re both lost
I’m happy as an afterthought
steer your ship the way you want
I hope the current is in my favor

Nori, nori

Running out of breath
I swear I wouldn’t let you drown again, 
Can’t you see me falling in?

Put your hand in mine
I swear I’ll pick you up out of these depths
When the wake is closing in

Enjoy me
Ignore me
Explore me
Deplore me

Enjoy

Nori

I put flowers in my hair for you today
But I know you didn’t even notice, you were busy, anyway

On the day you finally see me
It will break your fucking heart
how much you had never loved me
Is what tore us both apart

It won’t go away
It won’t go away
You can’t go away
You can’t run away

Somewhere inside me is who I want to be
I’ve begged the pastor for a way to set me free
The thing that you’ve made me is eating me alive
And when I bite back, it wrestles my insides

It won’t let go of my sweet head
Now I can’t tell what’s good and bad
But I won’t let go until I’m dead
I’m looking forward to the end

I wore flowers in my hair for you today
But I promise that I will never ever make the same mistake

DELENDA

Pinned to spotlight

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