Drill holes in my body 
Dangle me from the stars 
If I have a good heart 
Why does the universe laugh at me? 

All that I've ever wanted stays a fantasy 
I'm scared to death 
I won’t get my dream 
Accept it just won't happen to me 

I'm running away 
Run while falling away  
The world gets so distant foggy 

In talk therapy 
Phone light blinking
Digital things just look like graphs to me 

Eating fire for week 
Walkin' through the desert 
Walkin' through the fire zone
Eating fire for week 
Walkin' through the desert 

Why am I so scared to put myself out there for you to see? 
Retrieving words from a whole place is so hard for me 

Always go back to the same problem 
If I don't numb my feelings 
Will I be safe? 
Is anyone listening? 

I'm running away 
Run while falling away 
The world gets so distant foggy 

In talk therapy 
Phone light blinking 
Digital things just look like graphs to me

Eating fire for week 
Walkin' through the desert 
Walkin through the fire zone
Eating fire for week 
Walkin' through the desert 
Walkin' through the fire zone

The laws of life work against me when I’m not myself 
They seem to just abandon me when I need them the most 

I'm running away 
Run while falling away 
The world gets so distant foggy 

In talk therapy 
Phone light blinking 
Digital things just look like graphs to me

Eating fire for week 
Walkin' through the desert 
Eating fire for week 
Walkin' through the desert 
Eating fire for week

Talk Therapy

You probably don’t know what it means to be traumatized
Half your memory gets stuffed in box
Of who you are and always been 
How could you be confident 
In what you can’t remember 
Whats been severed 

For the rain dog for the rain dog I write
For the rain dog for the rain dog I write

You’re just the image of someone claiming suicide 
A grave word you lightly toss 
But did the cops take you in 
Strap you down to a bed 
Mom scrape the meds from your mouth 
Blood to the ground

You’ve stolen the truth of our lives 
So misunderstood such lonely nights 


You don’t come from a place of disability 
Your problem lies in distinguishing 
Character flaws from mutilation 
When the brain’s a broken organ 
It’s not a choice it’s a life sentence 

For the rain dog for the rain dog I write
For the rain dog for the rain dog I write

You criticize losing a fight as plight for fame 
Your mild case of sad thoughts are not the same 
As a disease that you sell 
Your commodity don’t represent me 
Or the freak you claim to be 

You’ve stolen the truth of our lives 
So misunderstood such lonely nights
For the rain dog for the rain dog I write 
You’ve stolen the truth of our lives
For the rain dog for the rain dog I write
So misunderstood such lonely nights

There are different degrees of pain 
Depending on your chemistry 
I’m asking for there to be a distinction 
So that ableism doesn’t creep in 
Like neon pilots 
When the goal was to lower the stigma 
By people who don’t fully grasp the disease 
It’s like a blind man who can’t be more dedicated to seeing 
Or a cancer death not being attention seeking 
It’s a broken cognition 
Mixing overdrive with darkness
That brings you to your knees 

You’ve stolen the truth of our lives 
So misunderstood such lonely nights

Rain Dogs

Heaven Doesn't Know My Name

Make Monsters Make Saints

The angels say 
You stay you waste 
Born into building of flames 

Their moral take 
Says burn and stay 
That’s what we call tradition 

Try to save 

I try to save 
I try to save 
No capacity to hear me 

Care for yourself 
Care for yourself 
If you won’t no one will help 
Why’d you do this to me? 

The martyrs crown 
The martyrs crown
I cry at the moon 
It shrugs it’s shoulders at the view 
The martyrs crown is thrown out the window 

Violent hallways 
I make my way 
Walk of panic one decade 

Demon perched in 
My obsession 
Hate things in you stuck in me 

I found a way 
But I found a way 
Through sick maze of my psyche 

Face down in mud 
Rosary up 
Hex off your smoke delusion 
Why’d you do this to me? 

The martyrs crown 
The martyrs crown
I cry at the moon 
It shrugs it’s shoulders at the view 
The martyrs crown is thrown out the window




So far 
So distant 
I watch this collision 
Tear drops fall on our photographs 
Tossed in the fire 

The martyrs crown 
The martyrs crown
I cry at the moon 
It shrugs it’s shoulders at the view 
The martyrs crown is thrown out the window 

Born into building of flames 
Born into building of flames
It shrugs it’s shoulders at the view 
Out the window 
Born into building of flames
It shrugs it’s shoulders at the view 
Born into building of flames

The Martyr's Crown

Go.
My old brain gets hijacked 
Not at gunpoint reacting like I am 
Cause the fear of villain from back then stayed in hostage mind 
I drop my head and move along 
I drop my head and move along
Cause the fear of villain from back then stayed unconscious mind 
I drop my head and move along
I drop my head and move along

Lightning strikes my stomach sick 
It leaves me if I run through it 
To stand my ground I’ve done no wrong 
Until we die this is our song 

I got 
One life 
No time 
To not grow my list of enemies 

I killed 
Two-face 
I had the key 
You got nothing on me 

I don’t gotta tell you this 
I’ll just slip 
A note under the bars 

One life 
Two tries 
To purge the lies  
Of withering heights 

I hate my persona 
I give in to throw them off the scent
Like a spy in the night 
Cold and cunning like a mastermind 
If he could be a vagabond 
If he could be a vagabond 
Like a spy in the night 
Cold and cunning like a mastermind 
If he could be a vagabond 
If he could be a vagabond

Lightning strikes my stomach sick 
It leaves me if I run through it 
To stand my ground I’ve done no wrong 
Until we die this is our song 

I got 
One life 
No time 
To not grow my list of enemies 

I killed 
Two-face 
I had the key 
You got nothing on me 

I don’t gotta tell you this 
I’ll just slip 
A note under the bars 

One life 
Two tries 
To purge the lies  
Of withering heights

I wanna see I had the key 
Before my deathbed 
I wanna see I had the key 
Before my deathbed

I got 
One life 
No time 
To not grow my list of enemies 

I killed 
Two-face 
I had the key 
You got nothing on me 

I don’t gotta tell you this 
I’ll just slip 
A note under the bars 

One life 
Two tries 
To purge the lies  
Of withering heights

Withering Heights

Say more than you’ve ever said  
But the words mean nothin’  
Been try tryin’ hard to connect  
But you’re changing the subject 
 
Yeah I just wanna go 
Go home alone I’m dyin’ 
No I don’t really know  
Know why I was invited 
 
 
And I’m running out of time 
Adding up like 
1 and 2 and 3 and 4 
Days are numbered I need more 
And I want more from this life 
Counting down like 
4 and 3 and 2 and 1 
Not much left until we’re done  
 
 
Hate that all my thoughts drop off  
Of your ears so alone 
Walk out of the bar too loud 
Breakin’ down in my voice notes 
 
Yeah I just wanna go 
Go home alone I’m dyin’ 
No I don’t really know  
Know why I was invited 
 
And I’m running out of time 
Adding up like 
1 and 2 and 3 and 4 
Days are numbered I need more 
And I want more from this life 
Counting down like 
4 and 3 and 2 and 1 
Not much left until we’re done  
 
And I want more from this life 
Counting down like 
4 and 3 and 2 and 1 
Not much left until we’re done

Voice Notes ft. Ethan Gander

Watch the ceiling melt and scream into my jacket 
Is this a cry for help or just a manic tangent?
Episode of pain the lights are getting dim 
The clock is gonna strike the death toll is a torment 

Why do I get punished for everything up in my brain? 
Good and evil mental collages that I just wont say 
Scared to face my dark twisted reality
 
Midnight and I’m paying the price of what I hide in the daylight 
Sinking deeper my fear steals my reason 


My chemical rabbit hole spiral 
I can’t escape these demons 
I’m dizzy I live in a silo
Straight jacket trapped in feelings 
I’ve been underground 1000 times 
Still alive 
I’ll keep digging til I hit the other side 

Too many questions and I’m running from the answers 
One by one erase the doubts I’ll have chance to 
Shine a spotlight on the things that I don’t know 
Can’t heal the things that stay in the shadow 

Midnight and I’m paying the price of what I hide in the daylight 
Sinking deeper my fear steals my reason 


My chemical rabbit hole spiral 
I can’t escape these demons 
I’m dizzy I live in a silo
Straight jacket trapped in feelings 
I’ve been underground 1000 times 
Still alive 
I’ll keep digging til I hit the other side 



Chemical rabbit hole 
Chemical chemical chemical chemical 
Chemical rabbit hole 
Chemical chemical chemical chemical
Chemical rabbit hole 
Chemical chemical chemical chemical
Chemical rabbit hole 
Chemical chemical chemical chemical

Shine a spotlight on the things that I don’t know 
Can’t heal the things that stay in the shadow

Chemical Rabbit Hole ft. kroh

Art Of Relax

Captain Hunchback

Buried Horror Show

it's so much easier to fantasize
than realize what it takes to thrive 
i thought i was special enough to be exempt 
from required work 
i start to wonder if i deserve 
all that i expect 
change me 
can i change me

I'm nobody to anybody 
i won't be somebody for a while 
so I'll be somebody for me 
maybe someday someone will be listening
change me 
change me 
change me

I've numbed myself from every tension 
so in time my personality has dimmed 
clogged and cluttered 
can't stop moving 
my soul shuts down 
to be of value 
I've got to know myself 
i need to be alive 
change me 
can i change me

I'm nobody to anybody 
i won't be somebody for a while 
so I'll be somebody for me 
maybe someday someone will be listening
change me 
change me 
change me

My days of aimless thought 
add up and fly by 
I'm nowhere close to any kind of glory 
and in this line of work 
i can't skip my way to the top i know 
my road is slow 
but its right this time

Change Me

You ran to the winning side 
I bled 
I carried everything in the cold 
You sat and you watched it happen
You’re thoughtless and you’ve normalized it 
Your heart 
Has no belief in anything 

When I was weak you stole from me 
Like a dog 
Without a thought 
 Without a soul 
You thought I would take this?
You through I'd forget this?

I was the gem you didn’t see 
 Don't you dare follow me 
Don't talk to me don't follow me 
Cause you're nothing
Now I'm powerful dog 
You're just a dog 
Don't you dare follow me
You should of put your faith in me 
Cause you're nothing 
Now I'm powerful dog

You’re such a sly dog 
You thought you had it all figured out 
You never gave enough of yourself to anything 
So you lost everything 
The jig is up 
You’re in for a rude awaking 
I see through your illusions 
And I 
Got front row seats 

 If you’re toxic 
Why did I inhale it 
You’re just a speck of dust 
That I can’t seem to flick away 
Who are you to destroy another little world 
Without a soul while it still grows 
You thought we would take this 
You thought that we'd forget this

Sly Dog

Ain't It Tragic

There’s a beast in me 
Pent up shivering 
I can kill it with a quick fix 
Or use it creatively 
Help it find a way out 
Through the hands and mouth 
If I run to the knife every time I snap I feel good then dead 

It’s like a nightmare where I cannot scream 
These fantasies aren’t as pleasing as they used to be 
Facing the misery of this indulgence 
Running on empty needing healing healing 

So please 
Protect me from demons 
America anonymous 
Even if the pain’s so strong 
Keep me conscious 
America anonymous 

Got a feel good knife 
Let me forget life 
Make it all seem fine 
But deep down I’m wrecked inside 
Never coming to terms with these deadly words 
That I’ve uttered to myself 
Under my own breath 
Im on the run again 

Sprawled out on the ground no adrenaline 
My mind is far from homeostasis 
Cause I’ve been chasing highs 
When my eyelids 
Are heavy and I need some healing healing 

I should be high on the sky not my phone light 
Swipe by miss my life dorian grey style 
I should be high on the sky not my phone light 
I won’t be a slave to these 
Vices head down in line blending to nothing

America Anonymous

Rev up 
Get up 
You’re fine 
Get over what you cry for 


Programmed cleverness 
Recorded wit  
Quick stimulus 
React automatic 

I just can’t function no more 
Cause I’m low 
Go go at our pace go right on cue


Raise your sluggish flesh 
Dangle it on prescriptions 


The likes are your oxygen 
Burning out when 
Concerned what we think of you 
But they rarely do 
Can’t please everyone 
In a shuffle of scenes 
Convince us quickly 
I am processing 
Oncoming crash 

Stuff ugly back inside 
Hide him for another 
Programmed cleverness 
Recorded wit 
Quick stimulus react automatic 


The SOS I sent to myself 
Yesterday went missing 
Cause my short-term memory 
Is short-circuiting

Not Havin' A Blast

Boy Who Blocked the Sun

Body Worx

Secret Weapon

In the Woods

You’ve known my phobias of closeness
I’ve shied away 
Used to hide under my shell 
No clue how to play romantic games 
But when I held back all you did was hold my hand and wait 
Don’t forget 
We could be anything 
When I’m king I won’t forget all that you’ve done 
When your queen don’t forget all that we’ve been together 
We press our cheeks so tight 
Hold close to me yeah
We press our cheeks so tight 

At the pool I bragged to you 
And you shrugged like who cares 
At that moment I knew you chased hearts 
Not trophies for bigger stares
Never once did you try to make me feel ashamed 
You’re the sweetest
Purest boo I’ve known

The irony of chasing dreams when you’re right in front of me

The Curious Case Of Boy Meets Girl (online)

Still that loner 
Scared kid peaking glances 
Dazed on a shady Street 
And now they’re coming near me 

And I’m paranoid ill get murdered and die forever and ever 
My heart pounds 
You’re just bored and hostile too 
If we’re eccentric you’re the Radar 

Save
I'm all alone always have been 
All I have’s this hope 
Save
I could be so much more than just 
Just a Number baby 
Get away and get these icky feelings off of me 
Save
I'm all alone always have been 
All I have’s this hope 

Not gonna lie 
I’m border-lining psychosis 
It's a brutal neurosis 
Facing laughing crying Voices 

And I’m paranoid that you’ll see me for what I am underneath 
I feel like there’s a set of invisible Eyes 
Always staring always watching 

Save
I'm all alone always have been 
All I have’s this hope 
Save
I could be so much more than just 
Just a Number baby 
Get away and get these icky feelings off of me 
Save
I'm all alone always have been 
All I have’s this hope 

After so many letdowns 
I just keep to myself now
They’re always watching me they’re always watching me 
They WATCH 

Save
I'm all alone always have been 
All I have’s this hope 
Save
I could be so much more than just 
Just a Number baby 
Get away and get these icky feelings off of me 
(I'm all alone always I'm all alone always)
Save
I'm all alone always have been 
(Save me now)
All I have’s this hope

Paranoia On Main Street

I’m not a mute
I’m just a string of shells
I’m no mute
Just used to speak too soon 

Keep your talk
It’s you vermin I hate 
Keep your shrieks
I’m all ears to myself

Lost my voice 
Stop rushin me
There are strangers in the mirror
Gimme some time 
To wear em on a coat
Leave me be 

Walkin the walk 
Watchin with movie screen eyes 
The trance is mine
Oh with a spectator ghost

Traumatized 
But it’ll never be as bad 
As it was before
My turrets will confess you away

Lost my voice 
Stop rushin me 
There are strangers in the mirror
Gimme some time 
To wear em on a coat
Leave me be 

Conversation with me and I
And every voice that lies in the night
A terrifying state of mind
In schizophrenic times

Lost my voice 
Stop rushin me 
There are strangers in the mirror
Gimme some time 
To wear em on a coat
Leave me be 



02 I'm Not a Mute

I’m a manic clown
A lonely clown
A puffy clown 
All for you

My stage is your laughter, I flatter
An opera in blue

I lie through my teeth
And spill a drink on my dress for you
If you desire
Chandelier praises will always be mine
What we do to feel loved

I’ll run into walls
With bloody falls 
Blowing kisses
Dead man praises will always be mine
What we do to feel loved

The walls are whispering, watching
Exactly which flaws do they hate the most?
What to say? What to say? Am I, say, something wrong?
Why did she turn away?
Ranting but nothing responds
Frenzied insane machines 
Agh but what the hell, who the hell has the time 
To really pause?
Rev me up with a  drink!

I’m a manic clown 
A lonely clown 
A puffy clown 
All for you 

My stage is your laughter and banter
An opera in blue

Limp to my porn defeat 
To sadly see 
Some empty techniques of a sweetheart!
Stunning my psyche again and again!


05 Waltz of a Manic Clown

Baby what have we done
So scared of whats begun
Come with me my love lets go 
On the run
Only someone who is not like me
Could take a look around
And call a place like this a home
Speak easy love I feel you 
Speak easy love I see you
No matter the odds 
I am with you

Through the static of the radio
I hear the rag time beatin through the roaring 20s
My hands are shakin
and my heart is heavy
So I've gotta come clean 
I have done something you might not believe
And if I try
Still can't call this place a home

Speak to me love
What have you done
You've got me on pins and needles
Speak to me love
What have you done?
You've got me on the edge of my seat



So lets run 
Lets run away

Speakeasy Love

Austin Texas based artist Jeff Azar A.KA. Demi the Daredevil went from the drummer to being a one-man show after the original lead singer Jovan Ortiz suddenly passed away. Demi mixes theatrically edgy vocals with an alternative pop style to create a unique sound that you can’t quite find anywhere else. Jeff’s unconventional approach to songwriting provides the listener with deep, relatable meaning, choosing substance over radio norms, creating a safe space and community for weirdos among other weirdos. Pure and raw emotion spills out from every self-produced fantasy-like track, transporting you to a dark yet nostalgic atmosphere. With the character, Demi, you’ve found your safe creepy place.


Demi has eclipsed 10 million Spotify streams, over 1,000 fan art pieces, and has been featured on Emo Nite, Relix, Crank that Frank, Buzzfeed, and Punk Rock Museum Vegas.

Demi the Daredevil

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