Big Wave

MAGIC WAYS

Mr. Krabs has a daughter named Pearl. She is a whale that he so kindly adopted. Weirdly out of character. Pearl does not know who her mother is. In one episode Mr. Krabs in a brief panic hides an old picture and it isn’t really elaborated on. Played off as a quick gag. Maybe it’s a naughty picture. SpongeBob has shown footage of aquatic life before implying pornography. However, I think it was something else.

When whales die they sometimes produce a phenomanomanomanoma known as a “whale fall.” Where their corpse falls to the bottom of the ocean and creates its own abundant ecosystem. Many animals such as lobsters, squids, and octopi scavenge. They eat on the bloated corpse for months. Sometimes even ears. Many even live inside of it. The most common of these creatures to do this being crabs. Look up any whalefall, crabs are always there. It is pretty much a guarentee those dumb googley eyed bitches will be feasting on dead whale.

The Krabby patty secret formula is played off as a joke. Every time it has been revealed it was played off as a gag and fake. Such as the time it was said to be ground up planktons, but revealed Mr. Krabs only did that to give Plankton a mental breakdown (trolled). There is no canonical answer to what the secret formula is, anyone who says otherwise is incorrect. However, there are some inferences and potential clues. More so, Mr. Krabs founding the krusty krab with plankton and timeline of adopting Pearl can completely co-exist. This impossible code that is never actually meant to be discovered. some say it’s like the briefcase from Pulp Fiction. It doesn’t matter what’s inside it.

It’s just the item itself existing and what happens surrounding it that matters. Such as Plankton, Mr. Squidward, Patrick, and SpongeBob’s antics on Krusty Krab centered episodes. I disagree. I think there is a very real ingredient that Mr. Krabs, ruthless capitalist that he is, keeps secret for reasons other than culinary competition. A particular secret that he doesn’t want his daughter pearl. The whale. To know. A secret ingredient that could last what seems to be a lifetime in Bikini bottom. A secret that robbed a woman-whale of a proper grave. A daughter never knowing what happened. And it is a secret all those that enjoy their Krabby patties in bliss will never know.

And he hopes… he prays to the Capitalism gods that he never runs out of that secret formula… he doesn’t want to have to use his backup… but he will.

Agagagagaggagaga spongeboy mebob, I have committed a grave sin in the name of me unquenchable avarice.

Mr. Krabs my beloved

Dave

Related tracks