-Empty  Feelings- - 2

blurred moon

sound from https://www.tiktok.com/@nextoblue/video/7182906863628029230

Stream Here

audio 002

evergreen

Nothing Happened At All - Take Care

Goodbye

feel so bad

Dreamstolgia

if i died would you miss me?

download

temporary

love birds

first single from orchid mantis LP9, more info coming soon

https://orchid-mantis.bandcamp.com/track/another-life-ft-sign-crushes-motorist-2

i only remember the good parts

another life

another life (ft. sign crushes motorist)

Not Allowed

miserable teens club - Retreating Into A Dying Mind.mp3

Stream

stuck in my head

icantbelieveiletyougetaway - aldn (Normal Speed ver.) (Intro Looped)

Lucky

i did this all for you

i tore out my heart

this song was written during treatment in a particularly bad time. right now things are worse, but this was different. whenever i get new lesions in my brain, they attempt to close them using a powerful steroid called "prednisone". no, not like steroids body builders use, these target cuts in my brain that form and essentially singe them closed. after 30+ lesions i stopped counting them and stopped asking. i don't even want to know how trashed my brain is at this point. but anyways, they give me a very high dose of this. usually 1250mg. all i can really say is, it feels like you just drank 10 cups and coffee and a couple redbulls in one sitting. it feels like your blood is made of battery acid. its pretty much impossible to sleep, and i have to take these dosages for several days. sometimes for 25 days straight, at 25 pills a day gradually reducing the dosage by 1 pill a day. anyways. in these times, my insomnia becomes much worse. i already cannot sleep, but during these treatments sleep is out of the question. ill go a bit insane from sleep deprivation. in these times im looking so desperately for a sense of calm. a sense of peace or serenity. all i could really do is try to make a calm or beautiful sounding song to give myself something. not something id already made, but just exactly what i needed to hear at that time, and i guess this was that song. i never released this one, but things have been especially bad lately again, and i heard this track again and realized it helps me just as much now as it did then. maybe its time to share it, and maybe someone out there will feel the peace i do, when listening <3 big love to you all. thank you for reading, and listening .

-Empty Feelings- - 2

-ZXC-