Current version: 3rd(30 Apr 2023)

I just had a rather special dream in my sleep, although I already can't remember every last bit of its details precisely.

During this dream, I was watching a short movie, with its male protagonist suddenly being betrayed by just about everyone around him, including his beloved wife.
Even though it's clear to him that she was forced to do so, he still had to kill her personally to protect his sons and daughters, just as a slightly tragic melody started playing, with him recalling all the good memories with them within his family before this.
The situation ended up with total chaos and he was driven into total madness. Then I just woke up from the dream before I could watch the rest of the movie(that's why the melody's so short), but this doesn't feel like a nightmare to me, despite the fact that I slept quite poorly that night.

Because I want to remember that short melody, I composed this easy, simple and small song based on it, and it's done via 1BITGRADON within 8 hours.
I hope that this song, being my 1st published one, won't be too much of an earsore for too many of you :)

DoubleX - Everyone Turning Against You

Current version: 1st(26 Sep 2024)
I just suddenly sung this melody out of thin air, so I made this song before I forget that melody, and "Accepting Sadness" is the 1st name I came into mind :)

DoubleX - Accepting Sadness

Current version: 1st(13 Oct 2024)
It's actually my 1st song but I never published it before, as I didn't like most part of it. However, there are still some parts I like so I overhauled the whole thing quite a bit to hope that it'll be better this time. Nevertheless, it's probably a false hope, so I named this song this way :)

DoubleX - False Hope

Current version: 1st(9 Jan 2025)
When you usually end up hurting the others deeply, you'll likely feel hopeless about yourself, and you probably don't want to seek for help in afraid of severely hurting those helping you, so this kind of helpless hopelessness might be illustrated by this music :(

DoubleX - Helpless Hopelessness

Current version: 1st(12 Jun 2025)
For those trying to belong to groups but always failed to fit in, they may instead learn to be alone for the rest of their lives, provided that they can embrace the loneliness for such a long time :)

DoubleX - Eternal Alienation

Current version: 1st(26 Jun 2025)
Since I enjoying weeping alone so much, I'm so glad that I finally made a sad song that can make me weep so much :)

DoubleX - Full Of Regrets

Current version: 1st(29 Jun 2025)
Some are so stuck in the past that they'd want a time machine to relive their good memories and rewrite their bad ones, but all they can do is to make use of the present to create their futures :)

DoubleX - Stuck In The Past

Current version: 2nd(13 Aug 2025)
When you were consistently going nowhere for so long that now you probably will constantly have nowhere to go, but you've to go to somewhere fast no matter what, you'll likely feel more and more trapped until you won't even know what to do anymore :(

DoubleX - Nowhere To Go

Current version: 1st(13 Aug 2025)
When all your efforts are futile and you become pessimistic, the outside world will probably "encourage and recommend" you to feel good no matter what, but once this unsustainably toxic positivity burns out, you'll likely face an even worse despair X(

DoubleX - Forced Optimism

Current version: 1st(20 Aug 2025)
When you're more and more empty inside day by day, it's like some parasites eating your internals bit by bit, until you're so rotten to the core that you can't hold yourselves together anymore :(

DoubleX - Inner Emptiness

Current version: 1st(27 Aug 2025)
When you've less and less time to know yourselves, you'll probably become harder and harder to be yourselves, instead you'll likely be closer and closer to a dead man walking, until you eventually just can't function anymore :(

DoubleX - Dying Inside

Current version: 1st(31 Aug 2025)
When you always feel all you've done are nothing but mistakes that can't be corrected at all, you'll likely think that your very existence are the only ones you can X(

DoubleX - Nothing But Mistakes

Current version: 1st(31 Aug 2025)
If you first face your despair, you'll probably feel conflicted, confused and cornered, as illustrated in the 1st part of this music. But once you get used to it, a strange serenity might come into your lives as shown in the 2nd part of this music. However, when you can no longer sustain yourselves that way, you'll likely feel even more desperate than before X(

DoubleX - Addicted To Despair

Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
While a soulless life's often so not worth living that it can be much worse than peaceful death, when you're obliged or even forced to live for a long time anyway, it'd be rather hard to keep your souls alive T_T

DoubleX - Soulless Life

Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
For those failing to fit into any society, being a detached outsider can be another choice. While it'd mean abandoning many aspects of life, it may also lead to unique experience and perspectives that bring new ideas and valuable insights into the mainstream humanity :)

DoubleX - Deteched Outsider

Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
When you feel more and more worthless, you might begin to treat shopping as wasting precious money instead of naturally contributing to the economy, eating as wasting scarce food rather than meeting genuine needs normally, drinking as wasting clean water but not basic human rights, and even breathing as wasting vital oxygen without realizing that it's just a part of the carbon cycle. Then one day you may feel that your very existence are just wasting invaluable space while devaluing your uniqueness entirely, eventually you can really be completely and permanently wasted if you keep thinking this way QAQ

DoubleX - Waste Of Space

Current version: 1st(10 Sep 2025)
When you finally realize that there are so little things that you can even have a little control, you'll at last be forced to totally surrender yourselves to your surroundings during your whole lives, and you'll still have to keep controlling your perception, emotions and thinking hard into sincerely enjoying all these as divine blessing, all to avoid yourselves from complete collapse :)

DoubleX - Total Surrender

Current version: 1st(16 Sep 2025)
As you become more and more compassionate towards the mankind, you'll feel more and more clearly that the majority of the humanity is constantly suffering immensely, and you'll be more and more deeply touched on just how powerless the civilization is against such widespread mental harm and pain for such a long time, especially when everything is just misfortune beyond everyone's control, so you'll want to be so empathetic that you won't ever blame anyone for anything anymore, but instead just focus on what you can do to mend the wounds in this dying ecosystem :)

DoubleX - Deeply Touched

Current version: 1st(17 Sep 2025)
When you don't know how to deal with anyone else anymore for a long time, and you're not strong enough to be self-sufficient anytime soon, you'll eventually become too weak to live :(

DoubleX - Too Weak To Live

Current version: 1st(20 Sep 2025)
When you're suffocating mentally, it can be like drowning in the middle of the gigantic ocean without anyone else ever coming nor any mobile signal coverage, then it's only a matter of time before you become too exhausted to even stay afloat, and the endless sea waves will only further siphon your already lacking stamina X(

DoubleX - Mental Suffocation

Current version: 1st(21 Sep 2025)
If you ever have an utopian dream, you'll be so ecstatic that you don't wanna wake up forever, and the fact that it's always impossible to be even slightly real only makes you so attached to such idealistic illusions that you'll just want to repeat this over and over again :)

DoubleX - Utopian Dreams

Current version: 1st(27 Sep 2025)
When you can't think clearly for a long time, your brain will become such a mess that you'll become the one you know the least, so your mind will also be so chaotic that nobody can understand anything inside anymore :(

DoubleX - Chaotic Mind

Current version: 1st(3 Oct 2025)
As you have to do more and more to stay relevant in this world, you'll be more and more exhausted over time, until you become so drained that you'll feel completely dry emotionally for who knows how long X(

DoubleX - Drained Dry

Current version: 1st(4 Oct 2025)
As you become more and more mature, you'll have more aspects of your lives to handle well at all times, causing you to be harder and harder to deal with them all at the same time, eventually you'll feel so conflicted that your soul will at last be trapped into a total unrest :(

DoubleX - Internal Turmoil

Current version: 1st(5 Oct 2025)
Just as you wanna rest after being exhausted, your boss or family members ask you to do tasks that would be easy, simple and small for you if you weren't already that empty. If you just refuse while explaining that you're really so tired, they'll be very so displeased for your rejection on even such trivial extra works that they'll eventually want to fire or leave you; If you keep straining yourselves no matter what, you'll be so habitually overloaded that you'll eventually collapse and be done. So it's vital to control the ratio and rhythm of refusing versus accepting these demands to keep everything sustainable, but such a long yet thin wire is really just so insanely hard to walk for long QAQ

DoubleX - Habitually Overloaded

Current version: 1st(15 Oct 2025)
Although I've spent hours to try to name this song, I still felt unsure about what the title should be, so I became lazy and just name this song as "Feeling Unsure" lol

DoubleX - Feeling Unsure

Current version: 1st(17 Oct 2025)
Sometimes you can suddenly change from feeling fine to become totally overwhelmed in no time with obvious causes, but it's more often like a boiling frog - you gradually feel less and less fine bit by bit without realizing it, until you feel finally overwhelmed and at last know that you've never been really fine, but then it's all too late for you by then :(

DoubleX - Finally Overwhelmed

Current version: 1st(22 Oct 2025)
If all I did didn't mean anything and I never mattered to anyone, then maybe it's time for me to just take myself lightly and move on, provided that I still have anywhere else to move to :)

DoubleX - Take Myself Lightly

Current version: 1st(26 Oct 2025)
As long as people keep harming themselves, each other as well as the whole ecosystem, we'll still be living in a world of harm, and this will only continue until we can finally let go of our fear of death, and thus break free of our survival instincts that have been trapping up all for so long :)

DoubleX - World Of Harm

Current version: 1st(30 Oct 2025)
As whether you're deserving someone is determined by that someone, so in theory you can be deserving a person while not deserving another. But when everyone you've directly interacted with clearly shows that you're never deserving any of them, you'll probably feel that you won't ever meet someone who thinks you're deserving him/her, so it'd only be natural for you to think that you're always deserving nobody :(

DoubleX - Deserving Nobody

Current version: 1st(30 Oct 2025)
When you can't use anything well and don't know how to do so for a long time, some of the others will blame you for wasting all you've, then after trying hard to change that but still failed, you'll eventually start to doubt whether you're actually unworthy of anything X(

DoubleX - Unworthy Of Anything

Just a nameless weakling who's incredibly nub at everything

Double X

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