Hard

Split my butt in twain.  You make me go insane.  I can't help but feel like you want to cream on me.  Let me know your plans for me.  Let me know your fantasy.  I can tell that you really want to cream on me, cream on me.  So do it.  Cream on me.  I dare you.  I can handle it.  I've been waiting on you all these years.  I've been waiting on you.  You gonna give that cream or what?  Hwat?!  I'm just a li'l joe, ain't no cream in me as far as I know, so leave me bee.  Bee, buzz buzz.  Bee, buzz buzz!

Cream Dream

Make a choice, man.  It's either me or the highway.  I'm giving you an ultimatum.  You must decide now.  You like to travel those highways, hitch-hiking, sucking dicks for rides.  Well, when you're in a committed relationship, that shit just won't fly.  We've had this conversation a dozen times.  Most couples never have to talk about this, so what will it be?  Will you stay or will you drift?  I'm a man that's designed for the open road, truck stops with my mouth around any dick.  It's not something that I've chosen.  It's just the only way I know how to live.  If you can't accept me for who I am, I think there's nothing left to say.  I'll just pack my bags and hit the bricks.  I am gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.  Anticlimax.

He Chose The Highway

Sometimes I have to sleep over at my grandmas house. It's a creepy old house and so noisy during the night. And she collects weird items like glass eggs and shit. Eggs with faces. What the fuck grandma? They stare at me all night. It makes it hard for me to sleep. Sometimes I feel like I wanna die at my grandmas house and escape from it. It's so frightening and with the shadows from outside, downright terrifying. Sure it's kinda cliche to be afraid of that but there's more. Ghosts! I think there are ghosts!  I always see shit moving, candelabras and shit. Lights flicker on and off. My grandma floats around in her sleep. I hear whispers, see figures, feel a touch, a ghostly touch. All ghosts are such such faggots.  I heard you boy. Why speak ill of ghosts? We don't speak ill of you. We like you. We like you a lot, so much, in fact, we love hanging around you. Some of us follow you around all day. Others, like myself, masturbate to the thought of you taking a shower, taking a dump. Sometimes I manifest myself in the toilet to catch your leavings. Whaaaat? Your leavings are beautiful, young man, your leavings are beautiful. I've never seen leavings like those. Tell me how'd they come to be so crisp like delectable little poo jewels? Whoa hold up! You mean to tell me that, as a ghost, you manipulate time and space around just so you could get a taste of my fecal matter? That is correct!  Disgusting!

Young Man, Your Leavings Are Beautiful

Take a walk on the wild side.  Let your titties out, cuz I like when I see a bunch of titties flopping around at the pool parties I host.  Cuz topless young women are a big attraction.  They attract lots of guys, and it gives them huge erections, which is good for me cuz I like to stare at them through the fronts of their bathing suits.  I've always found the anatomy of the human penis to be disgusting, but when I see one pressed against the inside of a bathing suit, I can't help but instantly cum.  So, naturally, if you're a guy with a moderate to large-sized package, this is your official invitation to attend one of my pool parties.  Oh, I went to one of his pool parties once.  It was the most awkward experience of my life.  Sure, there were a lot of titties, but the creep kept staring at my erect dick.  When I noticed and whipped it out for him, he squealed in terror.  What the fuck?

Fool Parties

I want to fart in your mouth, but I like to do other things too.  Read a book, take photographs, smell baby's hairs, cut baby's hairs, a baby's hairs dye.  Eat a baby hair pie, eat a baby hair pear in a stinky train station.  Marisol dies of complications.  She will never have a baby hair affair.  She will never attend a baby hair fair.  She will never be a baby hair millionaire.  She doesn't have a baby hair prayer.  She will never have a baby hair affair.  She will never attend a baby hair fair.  She will never be a baby hair millionaire.  She doesn't have a baby hair prayer.

Beware of Me Near Baby Hair

Hungry, starving, malnutrition, this is my life.  Or at least it was before I discovered the wonders of eating garbage.  People throw away the most amazing things: a full sandwich with a minor hair.  I will devour without a care, or a piece of newspaper.  Put it between some bread and you've got a meal, and you feel well-fed.  Keep it to yourself because certain people are trying to silence me for my revolutionary thinking, my renegade ways of eating.  The government won't tell you, but you can live a perfectly healthy life just eating the remainders at the bottom of any old dumpster after it rains.  A dumpster soup.

The Rainbow

You are disgusting, disgusting in every way.  Disgusting, everything you do, disgusting.

You Disgust Me Out Of Commission

Everybody makes mistakes.  Everyone has some regrets.  We all have tough decisions to make in life, and sometimes we make the wrong one.  And occasionally, that wrong decision may destroy your life, but you learn to live with your decisions good and bad.  You see, my son didn't know that.  I never taught him that message, didn't think I had to, but last year, he committed suicide.  And I feel like it's my fault.  And I'll never forgive myself, never teaching my son the value of human life.  I can also never forgive my son for his cowardice.

I've Got A Lot Of Problems Of My Own To Deal With

Who Dats

I'm going to the cemetery.  I'm going to visit my dead son's grave.  I don't got no flowers to pay my respects.  I've got another thing I crave.  I'm going to dig up my son and crack open his baby coffin lid.  I'm gonna view my son in all his splendor and suck on his itty bitty skeleton dick.  I use the crowbar to unhinge the lid.  I see my son all withered away.  I pull away his bug-eaten suit for my dick fillet.  His dick was gone.  It was missing.  Where oh where could it be?  Those fucking bugs left none for me.  So I sat there for a second, not losing my head.  What is my next course of action?  Should I fuck all the bugs that stole my son's dick?  Would that bring me any satisfaction?  Is that even possible?  To fuck a bug?  What kind of stupid question is that?  Why would the bugs eat my son's dick?  Is it because I'm black?  So I made it my mission to fuck every bug I see, to rape them furiously as punishment for their thievery.  I am determined to fuck all the bugs I can until my son's dick is returned to me.  So I spend all my time traveling across the land fucking various bugs until they understand, for every action there's a consequence.  You must answer to me.  I'm a black dude fucking bugs.  A what?  A bug, you see.

Decomposition Of Important Things

I met Tommy on an adult fantasy role-playing forum.  I was a shy bard named Kissler, and he was a dragonrider named Dalvo.  We got to dal-know one another, and I think I'm smitten in love.  He promised to pay to fly me out to Danniesport for Christmas.  We got closer and closer.  The more we talked, the more I felt it was fate that had brought us together.  We made love over the internet for the first time just weeks before my flight.  I boarded the plane at 6am.  I arrived in Danniesport around 2.  Tommy was nowhere to be found.  Then I saw him as he stepped from behind a column with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of daisies.  Hey, they ain't roses, but they nice too, better than what Tommy would do for you.

Kissler Meets Dalvo

fart, daddy's fart, landing in my mouth, so thick and tender is daddy's fart as i eat it down like a steak so brown with a taste profound, daddy's fart tastes so good as it's going down.  ask anyone that's tried it and they will agree.  daddy's fart is delicious with a glass of daddy's pee.  he should open up a restaurant.  i'm sure it would have five stars.  no-o-o-o.  i'm a food critic.  daddy's fart is gross.  i have my own column.  daddy's fart is gross.  i review restaurants.  daddy's fart is gross.  all around the city.  daddy's fart is gross.  i've never been so.  daddy's fart is gross.  disgusted by the food.  daddy's fart is gross.  at any place.  daddy's fart is gross.  'til i ate daddy's fart.  daddy's fart is gross.  GROSS!  GROSS!  GROSS!  GROSS!

Zero Stars

help!  i'm a 12th degree black belt but this dude has a gun.  all the kicks i learned and bricks i broke, 'bout to get shot by a gun.  did you think i'd show up without a gun?  i've never taken a karate class in my life.  i knew the stakes were high.  if i didn't bring this gun, i may die.  now i won't.  i spinkicked the gun out of his hand, or at least i tried.  he shot me in the foot.  i bled to death and died.  AND I FUCKED HIS CORPSE.  of course he did.  why wouldn't he?

The Spinkick (A Hopeful Attempt)

met my lover rocky on a night i was singing the blues.  he took me back to his hotel room and totally budged my poos with his charming good looks and a bottle of booze.  rocky rocked me with his cock to an audience of coo's.  the hotel 6 was alight with dicks.  our hotel room was acrust with poo.  my sore lil butt was a-bruised and bruised, and like i said, he budged my poos.  he served an eviction notice to all those stray little poos.  vacate the premises or you'll be forcibly removed.  his cock was so strong and authoritative.  the landlord of my poo-packed little butt, cleaning it out.  what a gent!  thus began my downward spiraling relationship with the ultra abusive rocky.  he abused me mentally and physically, as well as sexually, for many years, until i finally had enough and packed my bags.  didn't make it far before rocky was on his knees apologizing to me, promising to change, promising things would go back to the old ways, back when we were hot and heavy and he'd spend his days budging those poos of mine.  i'd heard this line before, way too many times.  so i said goodbye, and rocky cried his eyes out as i drove off in my kia sorento.

Rocky, The Budger Of Poos

dark homosexual vibes from the abyss of gayness.  dark homosexual energy, the kind that imbues my soul.  and i have aids.  it's my own fucking fault for being so gay.  maybe i should knock it off.

Dark Homosexual

finally, my shrink ray is done.  i've worked so hard for so many years since i graduated from ITT tech.  now i'll use it to shrink my dick.  what?  why?  why would you shrink your own dick?  are you insane?  no, not insane.  why would i want a medium-sized dick?  that would surely be insane.  what?  look, dude, i've worked through two years of pseudoscience classes learning basic algebra with one goal to mind.  i've always wanted to shrink this dick o' mine, and now finally my day has arrived.  in a few short minutes, my dick will be five nanometers in length, and i will sing, sing, sing.  ITT tech taught you how to build a shrink ray?  i highly doubt that.  they can barely teach someone how to read.  i'm leaving.  wait, come back!  i want some attention!

Shrink The Pink

When I met Jesse Pete, I knew he was a crazy man.  He was always bragging around town about his one nigh stands.  He advised me to check the night life and see what I could find.  He filled me in on his hot spots where he did his nightly grind, and things went south.  He personally drove me in his own car to his favorite little pussy bar.  What the fuck's a pussy bar?  Turns out it's just a place for him and his friends to jump me from behind and kick my head in.  They pummeled me for ten to fifteen minutes and strung me about the place.  When morning arrived at the pussy bar, I was completely turned to paste.

Jesse Pete's Favorite Pussy Bar

When you're munching on a butt and you like what you taste, that's poo, that's poo.  That's cool for you.  Me, personally, I don't eat no poo, but if you do, that's fine for you.  Just please leave me bee.  Don't flaunt that shit in front of me, and please, pretty please, I must decree.  Don't expose that to my kids and me.  Here you go, one each for your sons, one for you.  A freshly-picked butt.  You got some munching to do.  What did I just say, huh?  What did I just fucking say?  You did the exact opposite of what I said.  You're corrupting my sons' heads.  I don't want this munching to be normalized, so please take your lifestyle somewhere else.  But Dad, the poo make me glad.  I have never had something so rad, something so bad, but, like, good bad, something so corn-clad.  It makes me crazy mad.  It ain't no fad.  I'm now a poo poo lad.  Why are you sad, Dad?  Hit that overbearing pad.  My son, my little bouncing baby boy, lost to the sands of time.  Oh well, at least I still have my other son, right, Gregory?  Daddy, it's been decided.  I like poo too.  No.  You're banished, faggot.  Come with me, boys.

The Buttmuncher's Banishment

Dilithium Tourdes is a multi-voice speechsynth experience from a universe that is not too far from our own.  In this universe, anything is possible, which means that it is inhabited by real creeps that like to tell you stories through songs.

The albums are free and you can find them at:

The Dirty Dick Outlaw (2007): https://archive.org/details/DADA092
Some Farts Are Better Left Unsaid (2007): https://archive.org/details/ChaozRecords021
Skin Flute Destinies (2007): https://archive.org/details/Dilithium.Tourdes_Skin.Flute.Destinies
Let the Snow Cum (2007): https://archive.org/details/Dilithium.Tourdes_Let.the.Snow.Cum
Smooth Ass Assault (2008): https://archive.org/details/DADA154
Take Flight (2009): https://archive.org/details/TFN189
Origins (2009): https://archive.org/details/DilithiumTourdes-Origins-sep62009-rdb016
The World of Commerce (2011): https://archive.org/details/DilithiumTourdes-TheWorldOfCommerce
Necrotic Cuntblasters (2012): https://archive.org/details/Dilithium_Tourdes_-_Necrotic_Cuntblasters
"Flagship" (2013): https://archive.org/details/DilithiumTourdesFlagship
The Brown Album (2015):
https://archive.org/details/DilithiumTourdesTheBrownAlbum
Enter the Faggot (2015):
https://archive.org/details/DilithiumTourdesEntertheFaggot
Powering On (2018): https://archive.org/details/DilithiumTourdesPoweringOn

Dilithium Tourdes is currently working on several new albums at once, in between cumming.

Dilithium Tourdes

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