One day is life to memorize where it was all at
Asking what god decides where is the home to go back
And if it's just a dream then maybe I haven't lose you yet
But it feels like it's nothing to ask for
Work it out how you want
But you know that we both life with that

Staring through her hands at the blur of choked light
Flooding pages off the chapters of my life
Walk into some other background
Don't ever filter out who you are
That she did
Despite myself
Let me have now

Direction that shies away from living
Past a vehicle that had its run and then derailed
Listening for her life she's written where no one can read it
Looking somewhere I can't go
But you can't hide that this means something
The childhood and the wake from it
If how you felt was how you seemed
What's the point to know the difference?

A Day Like Now

Last words I've always had
With everyone like you
Has always been
You're fucked and that's it so there you go
And everyone else looked at me and said
You can't run with us and for that you're going to burn
Variance
Work against
I wish you knew but wishing can't change whether you'll ever know me
And betting that want will make it work is like believing that your word will always stand for something

A beating
A place
A broken stare
Someday I will get mine I swear
I won't take my turns on anyone
When they all took their turns with me
Apparent
A reason
To get to be sure
I think that's all that all of you were
A lesson repeats and repeats
But then there's always more shit to hear

Here
Despite my cause
Despite no change
Despite that I've...
Lost you anyways
Try to stay awake
Exceed to replace
And all for your sake
When I don't know you anyways
Always sustain
Always at peak
And they all loved you...
Or maybe just me
I swear this isn't me

Keep Me

Watch the setting
Let her go
You're moving too close
The words that describe you
Always exceed me
All that I'm seeing
Wish I could believe you
Hold them out against you
I'm not against anything

You were nothing I could ever own
I don't think you'll ever know

Mind Is A Matter

Whose side are you on?
What's wrong?
Don't you trust me?

Keep on talking
I'm sure you will
You'll be dead in a year for real
How am I supposed to deal with this?
It's not important
Well fuck what is?
Lost a lot more than sympathy for losing her virginity at 14
Stay shut
Pray you're safe
Where's your boy?
What's her name?
What the fucks that supposed to mean?
She said I'll trade you all my shit for something that could mean anything to me

All shit changes
All too much
A little price
On all of us
Fucked it up
Given up
Or didn't get to live that long
Setting fires
Setting sun
Who we were
What have we done?
And all us
Adjacent
And repeated until we're gone


Let it go
Who matters now?
Who cares about us anyways?
I don't want to sleep
Or ever ask what all that means
Looking out too far?
Or opportunity to make it end?
I went on...
But never lived up to
My days were better spent

Everything I'll earn
Will never look like you to me
And all I've ever known
Might someday be worth something
I see you and shut my eyes
But never fall asleep knowing
That this place and what we mean
Will someday outlive you and me

I fucking hurt for all our faults
And make an excuse for every one
Why does nothing here make sense?
How does difference lose it's sum?
Surmising doesn't make you mine
Being broken doesn't mean I'm done
In some way I owe this to you
All the other reasons are mine
Lights fade out
And truths aren't truths as much
Our words don't merge
That's just not true
And life just shouldn't mean as much as it did when I saw you.

Ewen

Resolves in my being nowhere to regret what happens
That all that all of you did just regards where I am
And recess
Just let me win once
In part cause I try
Because you're all gone
I'm done
Making everything up
Beating the surface
Chasing the dragon nowhere

Shores as deep as my arms that drown your affronts
Some places I can't take anyone
Touching the lucid shades and walk till you've changed
And make it feel like it means everything

The beauty you had
The life that I don't
That there was an answer I wish I had known
And when my chords were torn
And the message was pure
As loud as I was
I don't think anyone heard

The Fall

A somber and hopeful attempt to pay tribute to my friend Michelle (Fugue Satori) who died too soon. 

https://fuguesatori.bandcamp.com

Behindhand

Chicago resident forever sending noise to the ether in search for the profound.

disquieter

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