a song i wrote in august of this year, first recording. final version is found on the album. thanks loves

three a.m. (first draft)

lost soul

will i be blind forever? (i will love you for a million years and these are all the reasons why.)

i went driving on the back roads, looking for something.
i went riding on the low train, looking for something.
& you and your cigarettes still haunt me.
i went searching in the dim light, looking for something i could put my finger on.
i went walking through the dark woods, looking for somewhere i could build my home.
& all of my bad dreams still haunt me.
and oh, can you tell me where we're going? where are we going?
i was looking out the window, searching for someone i had never met.
i went jumping out the window, searching for someone i still have never met. 
//
written in january 2017

sirkel

railroad song

why couldn't you tell me? you were too drunk to see that i loved every part of you.
baby steps & cigarettes, you're closer to me than a baby at the breast. i can't stop listening to all you have to say. so damaging.
wake me up in this blue bed when you can find the courage to begin. wake me up, we'll find our heads. when you can find the courage to feel with me again.
all that you care about, all you throw away. i'm falling apart sleeping in the bed you owned that insignificant day. you will never taste me. you will always be too far away.
we're on other sides of the spectrum. you're closed and i'm much much too open. i bite my tongue. i know i can't say these things to you.
//
written july 30, 2014

taste of.

step right up and share a few words about the state of things today. no one really ever listens to you anyway. so i guess we're safe.
you talk your talk about redemption. i scarcely know a soul that's saved. and oh, i couldn't help but notice. you can tell you're playing all the games.
we're all the same.
wait a while. stay with me. can't you offer something that will help me breathe?
take me to your father's office. give me the strongest thing i'll take. i've never met your mother's mother, but i think that i can see her face.
we're all the same.
//
written june 16, 2014

atlas | medicine

my whole life, i've been waiting. for what, i don't know. 
gonna take a whole lot of failing to bring me where i need to go.
the people, they keep asking. they think i be wasting time.
but there's no use explaining what could not, will never rhyme.
and you'll be here.
and you'll be here.
don't wait up, dear.
i'm not ready for you.
sometimes we waste too long singing someone else's song.
and when i couldn't be alone, that's all i found.
and you'll be here.
and i'll be here, somewhere.
will you wait up, dear?
i'll be ready for you.
//
written february 2, 2014

not / unready

hair in my mouth. red fingers on the couch. touch my face, don't be far. too tired to do anything at all. salt in the knives, terrible songs to open the wound. hair in my mouth.
there's this cart, it keeps showing up. it has a face like nirvana. not so, not so, it's too sad and there's no head, but it has a face like nirvana.
two days' hangover, smell like sweat. missing you is vital, unimportant. i have to remember to do these simple things, because i'm here and you're there, and i smell like sweat.
unimportant days, truck doesn't run. i'd rather the sun not shine. we're all after something, we all live in the given days. seven hours is nothing, seven hours is everything. there's this cart, it keeps showing up. it has a face like nirvana.
//
written november 22, 2014

nirvana in the mouth

i've been thinking how to make this last. whiskey's getting to my soul, and i can't think about what's next. 
i've been thinking how to work this crowd. but when i lie down, in my dreams, i'm incapable of thinking sound.
cigarettes and missing simple tasks. i'm in a darkened theater with someone i can't talk to about that. 
i don't want to talk about it.
i don't want to talk about it.
not today.
do you ever think about the change?
do you ever think about the pain?
i'm a lost soul, anyway.
i went to see the boss of things today, spouting words of wisdom he thought would help me along the way.
i can't talk to anyone without getting angry.
i want to find your face along the road. forget about the rich kids and we'll build ourselves a home.
but i couldn't make a thing like fate take me now. and i could never be unalone, when i am so alone.
do you ever think about the change?
do you ever think about the pain?
i'm a lost soul anyway.
//
written january 10, 2014

i'm not allowed to kiss you any more. kiss the weight of the world.
there was a day when i wanted to die. that passed a long time ago.
breaking waves and pushing dawn, i swear to God you're not the only one, you're not the best. but i cannot get your beard out of my head.
you're not the only one i love, but i swear that if you let me in your head i'd never stop trying to keep you back here with me. oh, incandescent feeling, nicotine ecstasy.
//
written december 24, 2014

nicotine ecstasy

three, it's three a.m. 
and suddenly, everyone's gone home. and you're watching this movie with me, and i don't care what comes of all the men i met today.
i'm praying to you, Lord. i'm on that train, i can't go back again. 
how long i've waited, for to see that boy again.
maybe it's just me, but i feel i can see you better under dark lighting with the embers of my cigarette, and whatever this means : when i see your eyes, it's not even about the fucking time. 
but it's a selfish world, for me only to want to see you at three a.m.
i'm praying to you, Lord. i'm on that train, i can't go back again. 
how long i've waited, for to see that boy again.
//
written august 17, 2014

three a.m.

kiss my neck for awhile. too early to leave.
the coffee and the smoke beckon me to keep you close to me.
the room is so blue without the southern light.
and without your mouth on mine, sunrises are a waste of time.
and i wait for you by this door, half a cigarette in hand.
scribbling charcoal words i tried to keep inside my head.
you tell me to call you more. i don't believe i even matter all that much.
when i sit alone in front of the stereo, and the room is so blue,
i only kiss you in my head.
rock & roll tells me all i need to know about the human heart,
and the weight of words in the stars.
i still don't know yours.
//
written in 2014

[october love song]

i waited all day for a one-second kiss. my mind keeps changing, and i don't like it. if a lipstick or a job could distract me from this, i wish. but i simply can't get away from this shit turned to bliss.
are you here? are you there? why do i need you so close? if a joint or a blunt could take me away from this, i would. as it is, i smoke too many cigarettes, and for just a minute each time i feel like you're the one. (like i'm not mad anymore)
you smile when you look at me. i stare when you're looking down, just cause i feel like it. to see if i know your face at all. to see if i'll never feel alone. 
i wish we could talk all night about the way you feel by yourself. i wish i could help you know life will turn around. will it turn around? for you i know it will.
i turn heaven to hell with a single glance. you don't think half as much as i torture myself. if i turn the phone off, i'll miss your call. if i keep it on my chest, you won't think of me at all.
at every second i feel differently. is it you causing sorrow, or my mind cutting me? it's my mind cutting me. it's my mind cutting me.
can i separate how i feel about you, how i really feel, and how i hate everything else? you shouldn't have anything in the way, you deserve more than that.
{get me onto this smoke, maybe with a new personality i won't bother you so much as love}
//
written december 2, 2014, 8:40 p.m.

mind cutting (bonus track)

SIRKEL is now available! download it for free from here or from bandcamp or noisetrade.

distant lands is a band made up of one medium-size girl named emily and one lovely, medium-size guitar named taylor hendrickson. it is modern, melancholy folk music with vibes similar to a walking grapefruit. contact always at distantlands@goodtoasthandmade.com.

distant lands

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