PrIce.

The Whiffler forges a path
clearing the way with his battleaxe.
Chopping through crowds or an angry mob
The Whiffler loves doing his job.

Make way! Make way! for the king, I say.
Make way! Make way! Make way!!!

The Whiffler proud of his profession
always marches ahead of a procession.
Crippling, Maiming; no discretion.
No one gets between the Whiffler or his destination.

Go thither! Go thither! for the King cometh hither.
Go thither! Go thither! Go Thither!!!

The Whiffler

The first single of the upcoming Christmas EP, Legend Hath Foretold a Crimson Christmas.

Hjalmar Bloodspear - Lead Vocals & Elder Mage
Thorgur Deathaxe - Lead Guitar & Battlehungerer
Eldgrim Bifrost - Rythm Guitar & Weapons Enchantment

Recorded and mixed in Audiobug Studios
Mastered by Siguardur the Witch King

Male Birth (It's the manliest thing you can think of)

And so With the blade of ice and steel 
Jesus walked across the fields 
Where he suffered his defeat

To the the ancient land of nazareth 
The smell of vengeance on his breath 
The age of holiness is near

Rudolf, the lord of death 
Stricken with a look of fear in his eyes 
For Jesus, the mage of light 
Is back to save us from eternal night 
Yeah

Fighting in the mountains of bazul
With angels, trolls and ghouls 
Amidst a wall of dragon flames 

Rudolf draws power from his hate 
Jesus parries with his blade 
Before he lands his final blow 

Rudolf, the lord of death 
Stricken with a look of fear in his eyes 
For Jesus, the mage of light 
Is back to save us from eternal night 
Yeah

Rudolf Must acknowledge he has suffered his defeat 
Cowardly he begs him for his life to be reprieved 
Knowing all the horrors in which rudolf is to blame 
Jesus swiftly sends him back hell, from whence he came

The Revenge Of Christ

A warriors path he must face alone
To rid the world of Rudolphs doom
The final hope for victory
Is to find the sword ice and steel

It is time for him to face the truth
Rudolf’s brought his reckoning
But still a light of hope shines through
At mankinds final beckoning

Stand and fight, oh warriors of light
This will be our glorious final night
The dark will never win our lands
As long as one of us still stands

And his name is Jesus Christ!
He’s the warrior of the light

The shiny blade of elven might
Is hidden in the hills somewhere
He must fight the human fight
With the weaponcraft of eldermere

Its time to take the fight to him
The sword is smithen from omnipotence
Of god almighty warlock king
and the dwarven smiths of Bethlehem

and the search is on tonight
it is time, oh holy night

Guardian Angel (The Search For The Blade Of Crimson End)

And so it was, the beastly Rudolph gathered his forces to defeat the mighty Jesus Christ in open fray. For six million years he has reigned supreme over the lands of Nazareth, but now he was about to be challenged. 

The glorious battle took place on the planes of Eyarth, and lasted for seven days and seven nights. Jesus, battle mage of the light, fought valiantly, but in the end Rudolf the red nosed bringer of chaos was too strong a foe. The fallen Jesus Christ had no choice but to retreat to the mountains of Castamere to tend to his wounds, leaving Rudolf the defiler to wreak havoc on the world. 

Little did Rudolf know, one last hope was left for mankind. Hidden away in the caves of Maldurin, a weak glow still emulated from Eljyorion, the last blade of ice and steel.

Hidden Secrets In Tombs Long Forgotten (Intermission)

Rudolf the crimson warrior
Riding on his steed
Into glorious battle
With his demons at his heel

He treats his elven maidens
Like a lesser man treats sheep
Forces them to lay
And then to thank him for his seed

He's the descendant of ancient Kings
He has come to reclaim his throne
Raining fire from dragon wings
He strikes fear into your bone

Dont you try to strike him with inferior blades
You will end up smitten to the ground 
You will have to join his mighty blood parade 
Rudolf, the defiler has the might to strike you down 

Rudolf the crimson warrior 
Dresses himself in hate 
For Jesus Christ, the destined 
True protector of the human race 

He wants to kill all humans
But he has to start with him 
Who has used his warlock powers 
To abolish all our sins

Rudolph The Crimson Warrior

Once there lived a man 
In the ancient lands of Bethlehem 
His father was a slave 
But his faith was strong and true 
He climbed up in the hills 
A way from the angry villagers 
Who laughed and scorned his face 
Oh it was hard to be a Jew

But as he feasted on his newly slaughtered  goat 
A shiny voice came raining from above 
Thou shall bringeth me a mighty faithful son
And our glorious reign has only just begun

Male Birth 
It's the manliest thing you can think of
Male birth
Giving birth to a man is the only way to be a man 
Bale birth 
Down a beer and give birth to the mightiest King 
Male birth 
Producing the man who will rescue ancient lands

As he walked across the lands 
Of gleaming holy sands of old 
No one would accept
Joseph and his child 
Men from David's kin 
Could never be seen welcomed there 
But needless to be said 
They would be punished for their sins

Cause little did the village people know 
That the holy god had cast his mighty glow 
On his son, who now was destined to be king 
Jesus Christ the man to rescue us from sin

Male Birth (It's The Manliest Thing You Can Think Of)

Boner At Cosmo Canyon

Tribute to Pace Alexander.  We will never forget you and always love you brother.
https://www.spreaker.com/user/sonictruthrevolution/sonic-truth-revolution-tribute-to-pace-a

Sons of the Dark Dawn (Pace & Joey) - https://soundcloud.com/sons-of-the-dark-dawn

Sonic Truth Revolution - Tribute to PACE

2nd track of the Viking Burial EP by new Brighton-based Artist Flying_Fortress (a.k.a Peter Buck). Much improved version of an earlier recording, a bit folky and a bit ambient. hope you like.

A Cold and Desolate Winter

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twitter.com/Sire_Reginald
Find our EPs at distortedcorpsewagon.bandcamp.com/releases
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@DistortedCorpseWagon
- Don't forget to stay br000tal!!! \m/  
_____________________________________________________________
It is just as Lord Distruction3000 From The Future has foretold, the return of the savage era of man is nigh. 
_____________________________________________________________
After Distructikon3000 earned the Nobel Peace Prize in 2997 he had been driven into boredom due to the lack of new material in 2998s music scene. He sent his wife Distructikon2500 in time to make the attempt of forming his dream band. He instructed her on every time period and to whom he needs to join. He would watch throughout time as her creations formed. He would then wait to meet her victorious return in the future. Distructikon3000 waited all throughout 2998 and no time changes formed and his love never returned to his time. He decided in 2999 to go back to when Distruction2500 had gone to locate her. He had found that his wife slipped through time and had landed earlier then ment to. She had landed in a violently historic storm and sought out shelter in a nearby forest. She was discovered by the local peasants who had attacked her deep in the forest that they were living in. A violent rumble occured in the sky while the peasants had their grip on Distructikon2500. A bolt of lightning came crackling from the sky and struck Distructikon2500 directly. The jolt caused her to explode killing a majority of the peasants and setting the forest ablaze. She had been destroyed before any other events could have occurred.  Distructikon3000 had made it back in time and discovered the final location of Distruction2500 and only found charred remains and small pieces of his wife. He found a back up memory drive that had contained the final thoughts of his beloved. 

He grew hell bent on his hatred for peasantry and slayed them all in a murderous rampage that inspired the hit single "Death,Peasants,Lightning!"

One hundred and seventy years after the end of the middle ages, Distructikon3000 From The Future had annihilated all the noble lords and ladies and enslaved every peasant his scanners could locate.

He began looking for a select few to start building his empire. 

Intent on forming what they call, six hundred years in the future, a "rock and roll band"; He sought the perfect combination of common folk, noble men and the Gallant Knights of Olde that he learned so much about in the year 2990.

After finding his perfect combination and waiting six centuries through the eras, Distructikon3000 from the future was ready to debut his long awaited dream of being a part of an ultra realistic and historically accurate rock and roll band.

They were known as;

DistortedCorpseWagon
_________________________________________________________________

Unsigned band from Canada, On. 
We record, produce, edit, and create all our own visuals and sounds.

Medievalcore/Metal/Progressive-renaissance-theatrical-deathpunk 


Sir Reginald The Peasant-crippler - Vocals
Heideterich Blaznikov - Vocals/Guitar
Eirikir Skullagrim -Vocals/Guitar/Bass
Distructikon3000 from the future - Godly Drums

______________________________________________________________

Now a kind few words from Distructikon3000;

AVAST! YE PEASANT FOLK! BASK IN THE DEPTHS OF THE WAGON!
______________________________________________________________

A few personal awards we'd like to bestow upon ourselves;

*Didn't die during a joust

*survived the ages

*Nobel Peace Prize 2997 given to Distructikon3000 for ending world hunger by killing all the humans in the final days of the year

Demerits:
*Lost poor Distructikon2500

The Whiffler

Distorted Corpse Wagon

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GRIMAZE

Distorted Corpse Wagon

Sepulcration - Deathmetal

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