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Fresh Juice Promo

The freshest in #hiphop and #rnbmusic 📻
Every Wed 9-11pm on rainieravenueradio.world
Hosted by D-Money, Pint Size Patron & Taylor Hart

IG & Twitter: @FreshJuiceMedia
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Email submissions: dbelles@live.com (Clean Please!!)

#FreshJuice Intro

R.I.P. Dennis Belles... my father

Its about time I publish these poems I wrote and recorded in late 2018 and 2019. I was dealing with some terrible anxiety grappling with a lot of emotions and feelings all at once. I started writing to deal with the pain hoping making art of it all would help me grow and mature. It did. I hope the experiences I went through will inspire you and know that we all go through the hurtful things in life and overcome them together! =)

Written and recorded June 2019
Beat made by Youtube
Picture taken by Deborah Belles

Lyrics

I'll never forget what he told me.
Words so set in stone.
Try to pull it out.
So bold.
Feelings so insurmatible to mount.
But I shant give up the ghost.
For it haunts me and spurns me farther.
And, yes... I am talking about my father.
Who I never felt love.
Always saw himself so up above.
In the clouds lost in sight.
My dreams are the only thing keeping me comfort at night.
He never supported anything I did.
Always viewed me as such a kid.
Don't do this and don't do that.
Its like video and I'm watching it back.
Hitting pause so many times just to rewind it back.
Say I love you but mean it.
So for the world, this I share.
What he couldn't, I can be aware.
And I'd like to spare you of this hurt.
But deep down each night I cry it's not fair.
I can talk such a tough bravado.
But I can't name anybody in my squad tho.
Or maybe they are there and my glasses are foggy.
Steam so thick from the fires of the past.
I brush them off not letting them touch me.
And then proceed to beg come and heal my wounds.
So this happens everytime I swoon.
Much like there's never enough room.
Not like I can capitalize on these clausterophobic thoughts.
Road so narrow they call me stubborn.
But when the rubber meets the road.
And I'm speeding my aura is cocky.
And that's when I'm beating my chest like Rocky.
Once in awhile I grab a bottle.
And pour one down.
Like who could love a wretch like me.
If my father couldn't.
Why can't we just be?
So I run up in the direction of North.
Its the the only way I can afford.
I say no too often to stability.
And I wonder now are you hearing me?
If a tree falls in the woods does it stand up?
Of course it does and its just keeps fighting.
And it finds another and comes up like, "What's up?"
Setbacks keep me in ruts.
And it all comes right back to Dad.
A shadow I'll never be able to understand.
And so I'll never get another chance.
Doesn't matter how many times I jump.
I'll never be sure where I land.
But in this land its what I build.
A soul that longs to be fulfilled.
Go ahead present me with a million dollars instead.
I'll take me father back and that's straight facts.
For although he judged me I can say that he did have my back.
And that's great and all but confidence is what I lack.
So exhausted from hurting and spilling all my drinks.
Find me in a ditch so deep in thoughts.
Quiet and collected you see my face.
Smiling and laughing to share love.
But sometimes all I need is just a everlasting hug.
So grab me and don't let go.
Hold me and don't let me push you.
And that's the best meal I could ever eat.
More filling than food will do.
I love you, Dad.

What He Told Me

Because you can't always skate away from your problems...

Its about time I publish these poems I wrote and recorded in late 2018 and 2019. I was dealing with some terrible anxiety grappling with a lot of emotions and feelings all at once. I started writing to deal with the pain hoping making art of it all would help me grow and mature. It did. I hope the experiences I went through will inspire you and know that we all go through the hurtful things in life and overcome them together! =)

Written and recorded August 2019
Beat made by @lina-kadmiri
Image by Noah-x3 on DeviantArt

Lyrics

Moving mountains
Whirlpools of sunken treasures
If she would've just let me in than I could have had her.
Lost smiles sunken in the corners of my oceans.
(you’re dead like a dream)
Sharks bite me but I can still swim.
Run a marathon and pant like a dog.
Heads so caught up in fog.
Stay at home where my heart warns don’t let her hurt.
Too late for that punch to her self worth.
Not trying to overly stir this pot.
But I’m bleeding on the battlefield hands above.
Dare I say this… is this love?
All we ever do is hurt each other.
But I couldn’t give her up even if time chopped and screwed me up.
You couldn’t nail my coffin even with the right tools.
I’m lost in wonderland and the bunny won’t show me out.
The battle is a rout and she always wins.
Trouble is its time to wake up.
(you’re trouble and I'm done. you’re dead like a dream)
Slapping tunes hoping to forget her.
Meditating hours trying to find me.
Stuck in the middle ready to throw up.
So I throw my hands in the sky ready to give up.
But pathetic lil me is still in love.
Hoping on sign from up above to punch me in my face.
Tell me I’m wrong because I feel and I can give her some peace.
Wouldn’t it be nice not to be so overtly broken.
Fires burn and I’m naked in the classroom.
She’s an enigma and I’ll never get up out of my cozy bed.
All these other females and all I give them is dead.
I dream to be loved but can only love the one that stabs me the hardest.
And foolishly I only long for her the longest.
I pray how can I stop hurting her and still find nirvana.
Maybe there’s peace in the one to come.
But even still now she’s the only direction I know how to run.
You think this is fun?
Trapped in the barrel of an illegally sold gun.
My spirits on fire and she couldn’t care less.
I’m just a problem to her and I respect her feelings.
She’s got her reasons and its best I stay away.
But all I’m left with is a hole within me.
And I still have this dream.
Where I heal her and she heals me.
But we’re way past that aren’t we and there’s no roots in any seed.
Gardens are dense and there’s too many weeds.
The mystery is still out and we still have no leads.
I’m stuck on one star and there’s no rocket to blast me up.
I’m still chasing my own heavens which love could never touch.
And all I can say whenever I’m alone and drunk... fuck
(you're trouble and I'm done. you’re dead like a dream)

Dreama

When you can't seem to work it out, but you both still desire to make it work.

Written January 2020
Recorded March 2020
Beat made by @user-849713483 (TroyG)
Image from andreimogan on DeviantArt
 
Lyrics

I am attached to these boroughs.
The shackles grab me tight.
I long for freedom.
But love keeps me pointed right.
I cry because I can’t fulfill you.
Because you challenge me.
Losing sleep trying to provide.
And every day symbolizes this ride.
I might secretly wish for it all to cease.
For I long for just a tidbit of peace.
But all I come home to is aggravation.
I’d have some dreams but you negated them long long ago.
Digged in the dirt and dripped in sweat I persist.
You used to care but it feels like a time long long ago.
I call for you but your always on the road.
Anchors upon my soul I just want a connection.
For you to love me as I deserve to be.
I’m beautiful but you make me doubt it.
Nothings over until the trumpets are sounded.
I’ve reached my breaking point.
And my temper has become undivided.
And I ache, to have my soul astounded.
And have change from these nightmares pass me by.
But to you I always be true.
Before it all ensues please talk to me and we’ll overcome the blues.

Boroughs

For all my fellow pillow huggers...

Beat made by @sweetbunmusic
Image from Ahniki on DeviantArt

Lyrics:
And so I lie this way
Cuddling is a part I play
Replace you with this pillow
Squeeze her with longevity
Serenade her with melody
And dream
Of what could be
Lost in my own deep maze
Searching for the wisdom of sage
Write you this ballad
Try to mix up my ingredients
And produce a tasty salad
And hit it all with this mallet
Living in constant denial
And drifting for awhile
Maybe your not used to this style
But my hearts open and for the taking
Been in the oven and been baking
The love is real and pure organics
I share with all and I cease to panic
Play me one more song
And trust that I'll never do you wrong
Again
And believe this is not a spin
For love shines brighter than any smile
I Would run a mile just to play a part in your life
Struggling with concepts of strife
Smoking your love from proverbial pipes
For crying is a part of this life
To deny this is savagery
And it leaves me all raggedy
But I live on.

Pillow

Listen live Wednesdays 9-11 pm PST on Rainier Avenue Radio with the free Rainier Avenue Radio app or on their website at www.rainieravenueradio.world

Its trilllllttttooopppiiiiaaaa!!!

#FreshJuice Promo - Its Trilltopia

Find the flowers among the concrete!

Beat made by @uno-stereo
Image from NeighborJohn on DeviantArt

Lyrics:
Is it mine?
Its Not enough to be kind.
They just want to leave us all blind.
Not when your getting sprayed with cages
Flippin pages just to reach higher stages
Leaving you rearranged and never trying to settle
Got pot burning on the kettle
But you wanna come at us wit law and order
Your mind is a disorder and your base is unaffordable
Push a job on me so I feel like I’m incorrigible
So when I speak from the spirt I feel so horrible.
Your in such a rush for it all to be so normal.
But you forgot how trapped you really felt.
How the trap got lost in your scheduled matrix.
Pouring another bowl of milk and Trix.
The only meal not for the kids.
Saying this with such glib.
Turn on all my news sources and getting told.
All I think is such a big fib.
Just looking for us all to get a big lift.
Pour my heart out for good just to get smacked with the wood.
Good, stop twisting our emotions to make more pennies.
Upset me so much I be whippin out the pen cause apparently I’m the one living in sin.
Stop killing people!

Is It Mine?

Its not fun to watch them drift...

Beat made by @doksun
Image from Tengu-Arts on DeviantArt

Lyrics:
In space... they can't hear you drown

I see you fighting your battles
Watching from afar
Set inside a burning star
About to go supernova
And I offer my hand
For my help gets lost in the sand
For underwater you go in misery
And I try to call you
Try to lift you up
But I'm just the one that pushed you off the mat
I can't give you up because

In space.. they can't hear you drown

In Space

Host of #FreshJuice on Rainier Avenue Radio Weds 9-11 pm PST. Assistant Program Director. Cancer. Sapiosexual. Empath. Poet. Goofball.

D-Money

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