Friday The 13th: Movie Review 6-Pack

Stalker (1979)

The Purge (2013)

Alphaville (1965)

How can you not sit down with a couple of 80’s heavy hitters for our month’s dystopian theme “SOME BULLSHIT TOMORROW”? Especially the one we’re discussing in this episode. This privatized authoritarian world of technocratic mediocrity might hit closer to home than any future film we’re discussing all month. The near future setting of Old Detroit is extremely violent and absurd. There are no deep solutions. Only increased repression by corporate funded police. Barely anything works so if you don’t die by getting shot 30 times then you’ll probably go out in a much dumber way when your technology shits the bed. Paul Verhoeven sets up his reputation nicely with his ultra-violent, ultra-satirical 1987 sci-fi film “ROBOCOP” starring Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Kurtwood Smith and more. Officer Murphy meets his end and is reborn into a 24 hour policing cyborg. His natural training is essential but his memories of his old life are harder to deprogram. Robocop became an eighties cultural icon who once save the Pro Wrestler Sting from a cage after the four horseman tased him and locked him up. Unlike his mechanical contemporaries, Robocop stood the test of time. Robocop is really the only functional thing in this movie. Here’s a link we found if it still works: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1gutp9 

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Robocop (1987)

eXistenZ (1999)

The Trial (1962)

When you’re getting into the concepts of SOME BULLSHIT TOMORROWs many classic literary interpretations have stood the test of time. It’s felt “1984” a few times this month and today’s selection is no different but perhaps it feels a little closer in its mediocre society. Things are cluttered, disconnected and cartoonishly inept. Life lived under paperwork and forms in drab buildings, some of them you hope you never see inside of. The best of your reality is in your dreams but when the faces in your dreams appear in reality then you just might see a chance to rise above the drab world. A creative tour de force by Terry Gilliam early in his “post Python” film career, it remains a visually impressive work of humor and devastation that stands out amongst his unique filmmaking career. When talking about dystopia on film it’s hard not to include Gilliam’s 1985 film “BRAZIL” starring Jonathan Pryce, Kim Greist, Robert De Niro, Ian Holm, Michael Palin, Bob Hoskins & Katherine Helmond to name a few. There is some good in this world. Good men who want to help. Good people who want to care for their neighbors. Can they make it in this very familair ultra-propagandized society? God willing, return I will to Old Brazil. We found this link to the movie: https://archive.org/details/brazil-1985-1

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Brazil (1985)

We’re near the end of this month’s movie theme examining various futures in film. We’ve been calling it SOME BULLSHIT TOMORRROW and while most tomorrows have been bullshit, this near future has some optimism. This future is so concerned with CTE damage in combat sports that humans have been replaced by fighting robots. Imagine if your rock ‘em sock ‘em robots could dance and dismember. Shawn Levy’s 2011 film “REAL STEEL” made its money and seemed to fade back into pop culture obscurity. This flawed family drama starring Hugh Jackman, Dakota Goyo, Evangeline Lily and Anthony Mackie finds a beating heart amongst the mechanical carnage. Will this near future film find its cult appreciators? What works and what doesn’t? We got something to say about it. We always do.

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Real Steel (2011)

We’re winding out our theme of dystopian futures in movies and we absolutely have to go back in time, once again, and try to prevent catastrophe. The Terminator is back and this time? He’s your new dad and he’s been sent back in time by your 45 year old self. Devastation may have been delayed but still imminent. There’s hope still in keeping John Connor alive to destroy Skynet tomorrow. The resistance hacked an Arnold bot and sent it back but Skynet sent a Liquid Metal prototype back too and he’s scary as fuck. A defining film for a generation, an exceptional action movie and a rare sequel that is better than the original. Of course we’re talking about “TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY” from 1991 directed by James Cameron and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Robert Patrick, Edward Furlong and Joe Morton. With the help of his pet Terminator, John Connor and his mother can prevent the future and stop Skynet on the cusp of its creation so long as they can survive the relentless T-1000. There’s always a few holes in any time travel story but we might enjoy this movie now even more than we did when we were kids. Jimmy knows what you want to see. Found a link right here: https://archive.org/details/t-2-ultimate-edition-with-original-ending-1

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Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Our month’s theme and our year’s theme have crossed over. You could call it “LARS VON TRIER’S BULLSHIT TOMORROW” but it may not be bullshit for Lars or the character of Justine so much as cathartic. Imagine being overwhelmed with crippling depression and then you discover a rogue planet is hurtling towards Earth. Guys who get their astronomy news from Joe Rogan aren’t too worried about it but you know exactly what’s going to happen. The end of the world. The world is shitting itself and you’re basking peacefully in the sun’s reflection off of the planetoid Melancholia as it looms towards Earth. Yes, we are discussing von Trier’s 2011 examination of extreme depression in “MELANCHOLIA” starring Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg. Personally I would spend all of that time collecting as many Beanie Babies as I can. It’s a passion of mine and I’d rather go out doing what I love the most. I just hope the stores will be open until the very end. I want my last moments to be me handing my credit card to a cashier for a tie-dye Iggy Iguana. Signing that receipt right as I’m misted into nothing. I may need to borrow some money though.

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Melancholia (2011)

We are back for that most magical time of the year. Spooky season. Autumn. October. Halloween. HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST 2! Every weekday all October we discuss a different horror movie discussion and we will have even more horror to discuss than last year because we’re bookending the month with TWO movie review 6-Pack episodes in which we discuss 6 movies within a franchise or genre within a specific time limit for each movie. It’s often where our lowest rated movies rear their heads and while that is no exception in today’s episode, the good well outweighs the bad because we’re discussing zombie fare from the master of the zombie movie, George A. Romero. A beloved horror icon and we have no less respect for the man because he invented a modern horror trope in such a way that no matter what you do  if you decide to make your own zombie movie, you’re always going to be ripping off George at least a little bit. A classic zombie gorefest? Commentaries on race, consumerism and class? Black lead actors surviving in horror? Funny zombie movies? George did it all and we discuss four decades of Romero zombie horror with the inventive “NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD” from 1968, the iconic “DAWN OF THE DEAD” from 1978, the brutal “DAY OF THE DEAD” from 1985, the zombie revolution of “LAND OF THE DEAD” from 2005, the wobbly “DIARY OF THE DEAD” from 2007 and the baffling “SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD” from 2009. We only got six minutes to discuss each one and you better believe we ignore that limitation well into the episode. We had fun. One thing that George Romero will always give you is a gory good time. HAPPY HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST!

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George Romero's Dead: Movie Review 6 - Pack

Halloween II- Movie Review 6 Pack (+1)

HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST HAS RETURNED! That means a horror movie discussion every weekday all October long and we often like to do classic film selections on Mondays. For Halloween this month, each weekday has a particular theme and every Monday is UNIVERSAL MONSTER MONDAYS! The iconic Universal Monster characters that have been the face of a studio for generations. Today we hit the strange romantic horror of the 1932 film “THE MUMMY” directed by Karl Freund and starring the legendary Boris Karloff and Zita Johann. Some thieves from the British Museum are excavating in Egypt when they happen upon a scroll that resurrects an ancient sorcerer named Imhotep who was wrapped and buried alive over three thousand years ago. Ten years later Imhotep is a dusty player in the ancient artifacts business and there’s a slinky, half Egyptian hottie with uneven plucked eyebrows walking around that really reminds him of his old girlfriend. Will love conquer across time or will the British Empire cockblock what is fated to be? Who knew Egyptians were such mystical people? This is a very informative documentary. Here’s a link: https://vimeo.com/660594850

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The Mummy (1932)

La Dolce Vita (1960)

Wings Of Desire (1987)

When we’re backpacking across the old countries for September’s theme of EUROPEAN VACATION we gotta stop and sample some of that fine French excellence that Orson Welles so drunkingly told us about. We’re playing it cool with today’s discussion of our second ever Jean-Pierre Melville movie for the show and it’s his swaggiest by far. We’re talking “Le Samouraï” from 1967 starring Alain Delon, Francois Perier, Cathy Rosier and more. Delon plays a cold-as-ice hitman who lives by a personal code of solitude. When an employer turns on him he keeps his contracts while plotting revenge for the betrayal even while knowing that half the police in Paris are on his trail. Why did that piano playing woman not sell him out? How does she know these dead men? What is this final contract for? A defining feature in French cinematic style. Do yourself a favor and take this one in. It’s on MAX last we checked.

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Le Samouraï (1967)

We’re spending a lot of time around France and ‘ol Gay Paris for September’s theme of EUROPEAN VACATION because Bob has a lot of French DVDs that he’s been holding on to for a while that need to be watched. We finally get to a movie by the notorious Austrian director Michael Haneke and if his other movies hit like this one? Well, we may need more uncomfortable Haneke movies to watch in the future. France, like many European nations, has its ghosts that it doesn’t care to speak much on. Too much emotional inconvenience. Some things should stay in the past. But then you get videos of your apartment from the outside. Violent drawings as though they were done by a child. You got your suspicions but it’s too emotionally inconvenient to explain. We can take care of it. Confront it. Surely it can be firmly resolved and you can keep what needs to be hidden where it belongs, right? The past is so inconvenient. Why can’t the past understand that it was a long time ago?  We’re talking Haneke’s 2005 modern thriller “CACHé” starring Daniel Auteuil and Juliette Binoche. It might not be what you think and it might not be about what you think. What should be our next Haneke movie to discuss down the road?

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Caché (2005)

What a journey. We’re rolling through our ninth discussion in our year-long theme of A DREARY YEAR OF VON TRIER. This US election year was guaranteed to feel heavy and hopeless and it’s lived up to that spectacularly. Add a dozen Lars von Trier movies to that because why not? Today we talk of his third in his “Depression Trilogy” and it’s definitely a fun one to trick your in-laws into watching. If you can talk your mother-in-law into watching the complete 5 hour and 20 minute director’s cut of the 2013 film “NYMPHOMANIAC” then you deserve a large trophy at the very least. That’s what Bob and Angela did. The whole damn thing. Charlotte Gainsbourg plays Joe, a nymphomaniac. She’s found beaten and pissed on by Seligman, played by Stellan Skarsgård, an asexual and learned man who helps her out and hears her sordid stories of BJs, DPs, S&Ms, MMFs and you figure you would hear more about VDs, STDs and other things after sleeping with hundreds, maybe thousands, of people but not really. HPV at the very least. I think most of us have that one except Seligman. There is a home abortion in this movie so make sure you don’t miss that. We got quite the ensemble that includes Shia LeBeouf, Stacy Martin, Christian Slater, Jamie Bell, Uma Thurman, Willem Dafoe, Mia Goth and more. The movie is called “Nymphomaniac” and it’s by Lars von Trier and it’s what you would expect so let’s get up in them guts and talk about it. 

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Nymphomaniac (2013)

HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST continues and we’re discussing our second “True Threat Thursday” selection! Every Thursday this month is horror based on true events and we hit up an early slasher film by “Legend of Boggy Creek” director Charles B. Pierce. In 1946 a masked man killed 5 people in Texarkana and seized the mid-size town in fear. Maybe if you removed the cop comedy and the trombone scene then Charles Pierce’s 1976 true crime thriller “THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN” might hit a little better.  Controversial in the area after only 30 years of the crimes, now they watch this movie in Texarkana every year. I wonder if the crowd does a specific thing when they see the cameraman on the train like they might do during viewings of the Rocky Horror Picture show? This movie stars Ben Johnson, Andrew Prine & Dawn Wells. Of course some there are some changes made from fact. Like the part where the police almost get him after the killer takes a daytime stroll in the woods with his mask on. If it wasn’t for that damn train. This movie oughta be free and here it is: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8rbh2u

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The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)

Every Monday is “Universal Monster Monday” all October for HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST and today we discuss probably the coolest looking one when you see a picture of all the monsters lined up. We’re talking about Gill-Man and he’s only defending his territory that humans have unfairly encroached on. You can’t just enter the Black Lagoon without presenting Gill-Man a gift of a human woman and if you’re not willing to come off it then he’s gonna maim your doctor and take her for himself. One half of Jack Arnold’s 1954 hit “CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON” is typical 50s sci-fi horror. The other half is stunning underwater technique with stunt sequences unlike anything seen prior to this point. A fish man has to swim and they captured that feat as good as you possibly could. If only Gill-Man killed them all and took his fleshy bride once and for all. I guess you can watch that Del Toro movie that won the awards if you really want to “pearl dive” while watching interspecies love scenes. Get your Gill Man right here: https://archive.org/details/creature-from-the-black-lagoon

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Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

We’re backpacking across Europe all month long and we’ve been circling back around to France for weeks now. What can we say? France loves their movies. We’ve even got a couple of movies this month that are French movies whose directors aren’t even French. For today’s French feature we’re gonna get a little dirty like some stinky muskrats on the banks of the Seine. It’s the river barge life for a newlywed couple who live their lives on a barge with an old Salty Crewman, a Cabin Boy and about 20 cats. Seems like a fun romantic adventure for a hot second until you smell the cabin. How you gonna keep a girl on the farm after she’s been to town? How you gonna keep a girl in town after she’s seen a barge? How you gonna keep a girl on the barge after she’s seen ‘Ol Gay Paree? We discuss Jean Vigo’s final film from his all-too-short life. The 1934 romantic comedy “L’ATALANTE” moves along dreamily and displays a sense of love and passion that really isn’t as common in film as you want it to be. Great character acting and genuine laughs. You can see its foundational roots in French cinema. Here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYYjXTiK-R4

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L'Atalante (1934)

When you rank the Universal Monsters in order of lethality you’re gonna line up some heavy hitters. Frankenstein seems to be kinda sweet until suddenly you get snapped like a Lemmy Bunny. Dracula and Imhotep definitely have stacked some bodies off screen over their long life spans. Gill-Man only kills when you encroach his lagoon so that’s more “justice” than “murder”. The oft overlooked “Phantom of the Opera” is probably the least lethal. Just get that poor guy some attention and maybe a little sloppy top and he should calm down. None of these guys are more lethal than today’s UNIVERSAL MONSTER MONDAY character. The crazed Invisible Man killed 122 people in the span of a week or so! HE DERAILED A TRAIN FOR THE LAUGHS! Dude is a psychotic spree killer and he’s portrayed by the amazing Claude Rains in James Whale’s ground-breaking 1933 horror “THE INVISIBLE MAN”. Claude Rains introduction to U.S. audiences became legendary as he chewed up the screen while never seeing his face and only hearing his voice. The kids today might say that Claude Rains ATE in this movie. You could say that Claude Rains absolutely SERVED CUNT in this role. These James Whale monster classics don’t miss. Of course we got a link: https://archive.org/details/the-invisible-man-1933_202105

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The Invisible Man (1933)

A few more Frenchies this week as we hit peak romance for September’s theme of EUROPEAN VACATION and when it comes to French New Wave, today’s discussion is amongst the most infamous. Jean-Luc Godard’s 1960 international hit “BREATHLESS” helped set a standard in style at a time when the filmgoing world was hungry for more international flair. Like a few other movies we cover this month, it represents a distinct point in the global recognition of European film. The chemistry between Jean Seberg & Jean-Paul Belmondo is out of this world. Belmondo’s character of Michel sees it too. He calls Seberg’s Patricia a martian at one point. A romance so bright that it makes you forget that you’re watching a crime movie and that this dude is a car thief who killed a cop. They’re not fated to be together but we can still revel in the feelings they have for one another. Living. Dying. They look cool either way. A lot has been said about this iconic film and the ease of Belomndo’s performance and the shine of Jean Seberg. With Seberg it’s hard not to speak of her tragic life that our tax dollars helped destroy. Look that shit up. Here’s  a link to the film: https://archive.org/details/breathless-1960

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Breathless (1960)

This is our last stop for French movies this month and the last of our most romantic week under September’s EUROPEAN VACATION theme. This movie bounces around from France to Spain and is one of the most bizarre romantic comedies out there. Pretty impressive for any director to hit it like this at the age of 80 but Luis Buñuel was a different breed. Fernando Rey plays a well-to-do widower who falls for a poor but beautiful 19 year old who lives with her mother. His obsessions overwhelm him as everything seems to be going spectacularly except he just can’t get that one thing that many men want. Despite that they can’t seem to keep away from each other. This woman seems so subtle and elegant or then again maybe she’s actually sultry and emotive? It’s like she’s two different people and why does she hang out with those street boys? Is she really a virgin? We’re discussing Luis Buñuel’s final film, the 1977 romantic comedy, “THAT OBSCURE OBJECT OF DESIRE” starring Fernando Rey and most notably featuring Carole Bouquet and Angela Molina both playing the female lead, “Conchita”. Also featuring terrorism! This is probably peak “domestic violence in a comedy” that we will probably ever get. Not saying it’s played for laughs but maybe that’s what wealthy middle aged European men will do when they don’t actually get to sleep with the young woman in the movie. Such chastitiy is a rare occurrence in these Euro flicks.

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That Obscure Object Of Desire (1977)

The Bicycle Thief (1948)

Ali: Fear Eats The Soul (1974)

The Wolf Man (1941)

We’re winding down our European Vacation and we make a stop in Norway but there’s something that goes beyond the borders in Joachim Trier’s 2021 romance/comedy/drama/coming-of-age film “THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD”. Renate Reinsve plays “Julie” whose fickle and drifting life might seem a little too familiar especially if you’re in a certain age range. She meets Aksel, played by Anders Danielson Lie, a cartoonist about 10 years her senior and falls in love. The love and the eventual disconnect feel very real. She aslo meets and falls for Eivind, as played by Herbert Nordrum, a casual and sweet guy closer to her age. Relationships end and begin. Lives abruptly come to a close. Expectations fall through. It all seems so drifting and aimless so what can we possibly do about it? Force it? At best we can only hope for peace with however it goes. Trier’s third in his “Oslo” trilogy sets an illuminating spotlight on the romance of a certain generation and it’s as unsettling as it is sweet. It sure hit a little too close to home for our hosts. This feels like it could have taken place anywhere in the western world. Oh, look! We found a link but click it while it’s there. It might not be soon: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x92wuh2

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The Worst Person In The World (2021)

The Amityville Horror (1979)

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

Every weekday during HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST represents a different horror them and we’re happy to kick off the first of four JOHN CARPENTUESDAY selections. Every Tuesday we discuss a John Carpenter film that we’ve been long overdue to watch and today is his follow up to his and Debra Hill’s smash hit “Halloween” that sees the return of Jamie Lee Curtis and Nancy Loomis. We’re discussing the salty 1980 horror “THE FOG” also starring Adrienne Barbeau, Tom Atkins, Janet Leigh & Hal Holbrook. A legacy of horror envelopes the town of Antonio Bay as strange things begin to happen on its 100th anniversary. A lot going on but Carpenter manages to execute this eerily serene horror in interesting ways. Seriously, we about fell asleep looking at these coastal landscapes and guilty whisperings of the village priest. Not a complaint. Why is this era of Carpenter so soothing? Here’s a link we found: https://archive.org/details/the.-fog.-1980.720p.-blu-ray.x-264.-yify

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The Fog (1980)

The Evil Of Frankenstein (1964)

Pumpkinhead (1988)

Christine (1983)

EXTREMELY SPOILERY! We’ve arrived upon the eve of Halloween and the penultimate episode of HALLOWEEN HUMPFEST. We previewed every day except today because today was left to Angela to decide which horror movie, made in 2024, was going to be discussed. There were many to choose from but we went to the movies and picked a body horror flick that is getting a lot of buzz right now. If your ear is to the ground then you already know we’re talking about Coralie Fargeat’s newest film “THE SUBSTANCE” and it stars a resurrected Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley & Dennis Quaid. Fargeat’s second feature film is visceral, alluring, relentless, disgusting and overstimulating. Obvious satirical commentary on body image, the scumbaggery of entertainment and fear of aging but where does this hyper tale end up? Would you take THE SUBSTANCE? I would. I’m too curious to not do something like that. Having a super hunky, gay other of myself walking around? He’d probably have a giant TikTok following within a week. He would serve mega cunt until I looked like that dude who drank the wrong goblet at the end of that Indiana Jones movie. Demi is back and Mr. Skin’s servers are gonna crash after this flick hits their radar. You should definitely bring any parents and in-laws with you to see this one. Happy Halloween!

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The Substance (2024)

We’ve crawled out of Halloween Humpfest but the creeping dread continues for just a little bit longer because it’s time for another discussion in our overarching director topic for 2024. Yes, it is still a “dreary Year of von Trier” and what shit-hole year it’s been. Heading down the final stretch, it’s safe to say that the overall feeling of dread may bleed into the following year but we will be done with Lars von Trier, at least, until he gets around to making the third of his USA-Land of Opportunity trilogy. Today, we discuss the first of that trilogy and our introduction to Grace Mulligan in von Trier’s twisted take on American Folklore with his 2003 film “DOGVILLE” and it has a hell of cast that includes Nicole Kidman, Paul Bettany, Lauren Bacall, Stellan Skarsgård, Cloe Sevigny, Philip Baker Hall, James Caan and that’s only half of them. John Hurt narrates a tale of Grace who is on the run from mobsters and cops. She stumbles upon a strange tiny town. The town is skeptical but they give her a chance to be part of the village if she proves herself helpful by doing labor for each member of the town. When the heat turns up and questions continue they may need a little bit more from Grace to justify her presence. Then a little more. Just a little more. If this all becomes too much can Grace escape? We see the clues along the way (dude is reading “Tom Sawyer”) but when it’s all said and done, can glowing optimism make space for a sense of justice? All this within a minimal set design in which walls only exist within the minds of the characters. You know who made this movie so you should have specific expectations. That’s right. Call the in-laws. It’s movie night.

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Check our past & current film ratings here: https://moviehumpers.wordpress.com
Hear us on podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6o6PSNJFGXJeENgqtPY4h7
Our OG podcast “Documenteers”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/documenteers-the-documentary-podcast/id1321652249
Soundcloud feed: https://soundcloud.com/documenteers
Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/culturewrought

Dogville (2003)

November has arrived and we’ve booked for a genre of film that is very different than the cavalcade of horror we just got out of. For some, maybe it is horror, but all month long we’re going to discuss decades worth of Musical Films and we’ve calling it RAISE THE CURTAIN & BELT THE CHORUS. Many of these films started on the stage and others started as movies inspired by the stage and we kick it all off with a well regarded classic. Go watch this one with a grandparent, I’m sure they would appreciate the time spent with Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor and Debbie Reynolds in Stanley Donen & Kelly’s beloved 1952 musical “SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN”. The silent era is fading and Hollywood talkies are looking for the full package, of which Lina Lamont is not it. Shallow and shrill she is, but she’s still got some Hollywood pull. Don and Cosmo have the talent that Lina doesn’t and they meet Kathy Selden, who could cover for Lina’s shrill voice in a new musical feature just so long as Lina doesn’t know. Of course Don and Kathy are in love and then there’s all the singing and dancing that you might have heard over the years even if you never formally sat down with this one. Donald O’Connor truly steals the show here. The talent level is something to be admired so check this out (last we checked it’s on MAX) and hear us talk of this beloved musical.

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Hear us on podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6o6PSNJFGXJeENgqtPY4h7
Our OG podcast “Documenteers”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/documenteers-the-documentary-podcast/id1321652249
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Singin' In The Rain (1952)

Bob Sham and Angela (former Documenteers hosts)have expanded their film discussion into broader waters with MOVIEHUMPERS. This feed is the one stop shop for our classic and current shows.

We appreciate your pod consumption but if you can't wait for our episodes you kind always check them out, first, in their original format over at YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuJf3lkRI-BLUTsLI_ehOsg

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Death to all traitors

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