It's been a while since I have released any sort of music. It's been four years, so I thought I release something unofficial, you're welcome.

'Lessons' is the ninth track on my upcoming album "Wallow in a Drawer". While it may not be the best representation of what the album will sound like, it sure as hell is at least lyrically. The song is about a toxic and unhealthy relationship that I was in for a year. It's also about trauma, PTSD, and discovering unhealthy behavioral patterns.

And yes, the "comission of the dead" lyric is referring to the painting that I'm holding. It refers to my ex's decision to tell me the price of the painting after I didn't give him the reaction that he was expected. Granted, I was still very much in grief over my cat's death when I saw it for the first time so my reaction was very subdued.

Shoutout to my ex for taking this picture of me. Shoutout to @melaniemartinez.artist (instagram) for painting Paris.



Lyrics:

Feels like your razor still bleeds on my tainted skin
You never liked me smoking weed or my thoughts rushing in.

Did you expect me to fawn in grief over the commission of the dead?
The price tag got you nowhere.
You had me walking ladders under blindfolds.
And I can’t seem to let it go

Cause you always change things up 
Never I could be called right,
Not in your head.
After the waves crash
The rush winds back 
There I am, alone again.

Now I can’t see what’s beyond my head.
What's hidden underneath the flagpole?
Thought you were lush soft green
you’re just a buttered-up stem. 
I mean, who would dare forget a brother 
that’s been left unsent just like a perforated tadpole.
 
Cause you’d always change things up 
Never i could be called right
Not in your head.
After the waves crash
The rush winds back 
There I am, broken alone again

Well either way, I hope to find a vice or a newfound friend
Maybe one day, I hope to find myself again

Lessons (Rough Demo)

Lyrics:
I want you to know
I’d throw everything
to put on a show
and a smile for your face
I want you to stay
Don’t go
Wait for the right day
I’m sure that you’ll know, oh

I’m covered in feelings 
at the rim of the ceiling (ah-oh-oh-oh, ah-oh-oh-oh)
I’m covered in feelings 
at the rim of the ceiling (ah-oh-oh-oh, ah-oh-oh-oh)
I’m drowning my emotions
at the bottom of the ocean

I want you to know
that I’m doing okay
You’re not in my head
unless with a blunt or a drink
So go and live your life
and I will mine
And hopefully we won’t see each other in the streets cuz 

I’m covered in feelings 
at the rim of the ceiling (ah-oh-oh-oh, ah-oh-oh-oh)
I’m covered in feelings at the rim of the ceiling (ah-oh-oh-oh, ah-oh-oh-oh)
I’m drowning my emotions
at the bottom of the ocean

Uh oh, look at the trouble I made into deep to escape, what will become of me?

Cause I’m covered in feelings 
at the rim of the ceiling (ah-oh-oh-oh, ah-oh-oh-oh)
I’m covered in feelings 
at the rim of the ceiling (ah-oh-oh-oh, ah-oh-oh-oh)
I’m drowning my emotions
at the bottom of the ocean

Bottom of the Ocean

Hello! I am back with my second single 'Molt and Decay" for my upcoming third album, "Wallow in a Drawer", set to release in October/November 2024.


Lyrics: 

Can you hear the silence shaking?
Bones are weak, your mind is fading
Waning patience, howling to the moon.

I’ll tie the chain like shoe and laces
Rope on my throat, do I break it?
How much longer can I take this pain?

Cause misery has shot a nerve in me.
Everything’s become a blur,
Maybe one day I can catch a fucking break.

I thoroughly thought you’d be abrasive,
delusional, two-faced, and lazy

Pointing to the target aimed
Straight at my face
Straight at my face
So long now before I go and

Break
I’ll fake and I’ll lay
as I cry and I wail in the rain
It’s too late
You can’t save me 
cause my thoughts reached too far down
I buried myself in the ground
now roaches feed on my decay.

Can you hear that time’s a-wasting?
Days have merged, long nights are fading
The news is trash, I’ll strike the page aflame.

Cause misery has shot a nerve in me.
I’ll toss and toss and turn.
If I fall asleep, can I never wake again?

Cause I’m rusty in this game I’ve grasped,
an achy chest, melodic rasp,
brain fog burnout, so now I ask if I’ll be

Pointing to the target aimed
Straight at my face
Straight at my face
So long now before I go and

Break
I’ll fake and I’ll lay
as I cry and I wail in the rain
It’s too late
You can’t save me 
cause my thoughts reached too far down
I buried myself in the ground
now roaches feed on my decay.

Hey-hey
Hey-e-yeah-yeah
Hey-e-yeah-yeah
Come on

My thoughts reached too far down
I buried myself in the ground
Now roaches feed on my decay.

Molt and Decay (Single)

Left in a garden
Can't cope with the feeling
Despising your loneliness is all that you've known.

You loathe what is hateful
but love what is pure.
What lies beyond the edge of your horizons?
Go out and open your world.

But don't take it for granted,
Oh, the life that you live.
Cause darling before you know it
You're living isolated.
You're living isolated, oh, oh.

Heated in the moment,
Count ten with your fingers.
Feel the burning all around inside you
Go ahead and push it aside.

I wanna know I'm imperfect,
A broken vessel inside
Who's fixed up pretty with rough stitches,
I know they'll heal over time,
I hope I'll heal over time, no, no.

I'm not a burden.
I'm just sick of self-contempt.
But I'll know I'll be so much stronger
when I make it through the end.

I'm not a burden.
I'm just sick of self-contempt.
I'll know I'll be so much stronger
when I make it through the end.

Gotta find a reason why I feel like a burden
Cause there's salt in my eyes, wanting to die,
Rage driven and nervous.

Well, I gotta find a reason why I feel like a burden,
Cause there's salt in my eyes, wanting to die,
One day, I'll make it through the end.

Through The End

Seeking Clarity

Decided to post my album on soundcloud. Original Release: 8/23/2019
Now on Spotify, Apple Music, Bandcamp, Youtube, etc.

Love Until Your Heart Gives Out (Explicit)

Goodbye

Lonely Static

You're Not A Man

Half-Empty Glass

Poison

alt-rock artist from satx since 2016. new works coming soon.
https://linkin.bio/doggybeeb

Tracks by Nathan Hernandez