A medley based on songs from David Bowie's The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust.

Ziggy Stardust Medley

Lights! Cameras! Action! Here I am!
It's me! I'm back!
L is for Llama

"Go! Go tonight!"
The oracle shouted
Go with confidence and courage

May the horn's blast
And the cymbal's crash
Guide and strengthen your spirit

This story's really none of your beeswax
But I robbed a Whataburger in a ski mask
Whataburglar just like you like it
Sirens screaming bloody murder as I reach my loyal sidekick 
It's BJ the alligator my escape party
My getaway car but am I afraid? Hardly!
No keys, no ignition how do you get him started?
Shucks his name's BJ so I reckon you gotta suck his dick partner
Oh yeah! Guzzling gator cock like Kool-Aid
So much gagging you'd think it was April Fool's Day
Whatapervert gave it to him just like he likes it
Then we blasted off to India like a bolt of fucking lightning

Over mountain tops
With heart a Molotov 
Ready spaghetti to explode

Through blizzards and rivers
Shivering on a lizard
With the CIA in tow

Crossed that itsy-bitsy sliver called the Mississippi river
Quicker than one Mississippi counted by Twista 
Life was the cat's pajamas until we reached Montana
When BJ slipped on a banana and landed on his manhood
He exploded. Bloody flaming chunks flew everywhere
With burning flesh dripping off my face I gasped for air
And cried "No BJ!' with all the pathos I could muster
"I remember when I first stole you from Fudpuckers
Stuffed you down my britches it hurt like a motherfucker
My dick needed fifty stitches so I sued those fucking suckers"
But no number of stitches fixes a broken heart
Walked to the next rest stop and stole a car
When I reached India I said to a man "I seek Nirvana"
He said "Kurt's been dead twenty one years. Here smoke this marijuana"
Took the joint said "Point me in the direction of the Taj Mahal"
Passed it back he said "Oh you must mean the Tacomall"
I said "Wait this isn't India? I can't believe it"
He said "No actually I think it's a sativa"

Lights! Camera! Action! Here I am!
It's me! I'm back!
L is for Llama



 


L Is For Llama

Little Oscar the shepherd
Gotta kick outta wicked tricks
He'd say "Oi quick! There's a wolf yea big
About to murder my whole herd for sure"
And everyone in town would come
And see what that low down scum had done
And they'd all laugh "Wouldn't life me humdrum
With good old Oscar the hoodlum

Little George Goody Two-Shoes
Was a goody good through and through
His pop's tree plopped after twenty odd chops
From his racket-making, havoc-wreaking hatchet
So he told his old man what happened
And he nearly blew a gasket
He roared "Dadgumit you're so unimaginative!
Why can't you be more like that Oscar kid!"

But old George never learned his lesson
A great shame for had he of listened it would've greatly lessened
The rate of mental decay that made George fall prey
To Alzheimer's as an old timer
'Cause when you lie you gotta remember what you said
But when you tell the truth you ain't gotta remember a single shred
And which is going to keep your brain from turning into a softy:
Mental inertness  that's lofty or mental exertion that's naughty?
So one day George was standing before
The stump of a cherry tree stumped staring blankly
'Cause he knew he came here everyday and cried
But he couldn't exactly remember the reason why
When all the sudden he remembered The Giving Tree
But in his confused state he somehow came to believe
That he was the guy from the book and yelled "Hey look!
I think I spot the yacht I made from the wood!"
But it was really just a pile of dead babies
Funny how life's yachts always turn out to be the discarded carnage of crazies
So anyhow George was about to meander on over to get a gander up closer  of his S.S. Gilles de Rais
When up walks his old friends Thomas and Ben
And Ben says "long time no see George" then extends his hand
And he told them he had never seen them before in his life
'Cause that's how bad his disease had grown by that time
And it broke their hearts and they began to cry
We are all made liars by the cruel hands of time
So better start lying before you can't choose your lies
Unless you like making your fucking founding fathers cry

Oscar The Shepherd

They call her Knick Knack Patty Wack
The way she gives a guy a bone
I wanna give that booty a smack
I wanna bonk that badonkadonk
I'm Knick Knack Patty Wack's knick-knack
She bums snacks to make her bum big 'n fat
Around her fat finger I'm wrapped
So tight it's turned my finger black

It's easy peasy lemon squeezy with Knick Knack
No chit chat or none of that yakkety yak
Paddy cake paddy cake baker's bake
Knick Knack Patty Wack is a piece of cake

The only thing vanilla 'round here yo
Is the ice cream in my root beer float
She says "My cunt's raining cats and dogs"
As she peals off her panties and bra
I wanna fuck that outback steakhouse
Make the junk inside her trunk go clunk
And maybe I'm jumping the shark
If I tell ya I've cummed to her farts

It's easy peasy lemon squeezy with Knick Knack
No chit chat or none of that yakkety yak
Paddy cake paddy cake baker's bake
Knick Knack Patty Wack is a piece of cake


Knick Knack Patty Wack

I think it's time I bare my soul butt-naked
And tell you all about what happened in Vegas
Saved but by the grace of clear browsing  data
Those who know what I mean throw your hands up
Everyday growing up it was porn, porn, porn
Like Billy Idol I wanted more, more, more
And man there way always more, more, more
I mean it was really, truly porn galore
Everyday was like Thanksgiving
I thought boys'll be boys and I digged in
Not knowing 'bout the hole I was digging
All 'cause with real girls I was too chicken
'Til my dick was like an empty toothpaste tube
And getting hard was like solving a Rubik's Cube
It was like Castaway in that one part
Where Tom Hanks is trying so hard just to get a spark

Porn galore, porn galore
It's everywhere golly gee it's a smorgasbord
Porn galore

Porn is bigger than The Beatles
And porn is bigger than Jesus Christ
And porn is bigger than both combined
And I refuse to tow the line
And you can call me an un-PC quack
But I won't be a wet noodle won't take it easy mac
And I know I am not alone
The problem's nearly as common as cellphones
But the cat's got our tongue on the birds and the bees
Instead of roaring like lions we're too chicken to speak
I don't believe in too much information
There's never too much only not enough
Asbestos used to get a big thumbs up
And with tobacco man did we ever fuck up
'Cause sometimes science ain't cutting the mustard
But if no one speaks up how's it gonna ketchup?

Porn galore, porn galore
It's everywhere golly gee it's a smorgasbord
Porn galore

These days we never have to imagine
Like John Lennon once sang about
The emperor's new clothes is the fashion
Turn on your web cam and let it all hang out
Whatever happened to panty raids
And stealing Dad's playboy magazines?
Dr. Seuss once said "They say I live in the past,
But sometimes progress progresses too fast"
I think of those words when I feel born again
Then all the sudden I'm watching porn again
I swear trying to quit feels identical
To what you'd expect from a chemical
I feel so close and yet so far
Kinda how the girls on the screen are
But I guess close only counts the same
In horseradish and lemonade

Porn galore, porn galore
It's everywhere golly gee it's a smorgasbord
Porn galore


Porn Galore

Your momma's so, so, so, so, so, so, so fucking fat
Your momma's so, so, so, so, so, so, so, fucking fat
And I like her like that

Your momma's so fat that one day she was at the Piggly Wiggly on a mobility scooter, and she got her fat ass stuck down an aisle and they didn't know how they were ever gonna get her out. But then I came to the rescue hurdling aisles and swinging from fire sprinklers like Tarzan and I whipped out the world's strongest magnet and aimed it at the scooter. The magnet was so strong shopping carts flew through the air, pallet jacks flew through the air, aluminum cans you name it.

I got beaned by a can of baked beans. I got a black eye from a can of black-eyed peas. I got creamed by a can of cream of mushroom, cornholed by a can of corn. And I know you're probably thinking "this guy is so, so, so, so, fucking high". And you're so, so, so, so fucking right. A car even flew into the store from out in the parking lot, but your momma was still stuck. That's how fat your momma is.

Your momma's so, so, so, so, so, so, so fucking fat
Your momma's so, so, so, so, so, so, so, fucking fat
And I like her like that

Now I have no ax to grind with Paul Bunyan or Tony Beaver, but what happened next tops anything ever done by either of them. Eventually your momma came unstuck and fell over on top of me and flattened me like a pancake. She cracked my skull like a raw egg and broke all my ribs. Jizz rocketed out of my dick and tore through my pants and shot up her asshole and bounced around inside her like a bouncy ball thrown by the Incredible Hulk.

Then your momma rolled off of me and pealed me up off the floor and said "Come here you sexy pancake". She tore all my clothes off and wrapped her tentacles around me and stuffed my dick up her belly button. Then Nine Inch Nails started playing and she belly button fucked my brains out. Half way through I died from all my bone fractures and internal bleeding, but she just kept fucking my corpse until she orgasmed and ink shot out of her tentacles. That's how fat your momma is.

Your momma's so, so, so, so, so, so, so fucking fat
Your momma's so, so, so, so, so, so, so, fucking fat
And I like her like that

Your Momma's So Fat

Artist: The Cold Sores

Please don't take me back to San Francisco
To another obnoxious roller disco
Please don't take me no!
Oh you can't make me go!
Please don't take me back to San Francisco
Please don't take me back to San Francisco
To another obnoxious roller disco
Please don't take me no!
Oh you can't make me go!
Please don't take me back to San Fran oh no!
Please don't take me back to San Francisco
To another obnoxious roller disco
Please don't take me no!
Oh you can't make me go!
Please don't take me back to San Fran oh no!

As I climb up woah everything shakes
How many more times before the levee breaks
As I climb up woah there's no escape
How many more times before the, before the, before the, before the

Please don't take me back to San Francisco
To another obnoxious roller disco
Please don't take me no!
Oh you can't make me go!
Please don't take me back to San Francisco
Please don't take me back to San Francisco
To another obnoxious roller disco
Please don't take me no!
Oh you can't make me go!
Please don't take me back to San Fran oh no!

As I climb up woah everything shakes
How many more times before the levee breaks
As I climb up woah there's no escape
How many more times before the, before the, before the, before the, before the, before the, before the



San Francisco

Badda-boom! Badda-bing!

Boom! Boom! See I've got two jobs
Boom! Boom! And you're the new job
So I'm immune like flu shots
To everything you got

Boom! Boom! I'm not one of you
Boom! Boom! I make fun of you
Take this job nuke it and bomb it
I'm puking up vomit bleh!

Boom! Boom! I'm not one of you
Boom! Boom! I'm not one of you
Boom!  Boom!

Boom! Boom! Fake and professional
Boom! Boom! They're interchangeable
My life's a race to blow up
Before life make me grow up

Boom! Boom! Hold on to your soul
Boom! Boom! Or you might lose it
And when they tell you work smarter not harder
They're just calling you stupid

Boom! Boom! I'm not one of you
Boom! Boom! I'm not one of you
Boom! Boom!

Money turned you savage and vapid 
You're squirming and rabid nervously laughing
Your heart is blackness, your smile is practiced
Caught you red-handed you're Mr. Krabs, kids

Badda-boom! Badda-bing!

Boom! Boom! I'm not one of you
Boom1 Boom! I'm not one of you
I'm not one of you
I''m not one of you
Boom! Boom!



Boom! Boom!

I kiss you on the cheek
As you turn your face to burp
Don't know how I made you fall for me
But I guess whatever I did worked

Oo  girl! You say that you're on your period this wekk
Well baby that means that it's shark week
My ribs are sore, but I want more, I want more
Baby lets make some gore
Oo girl! Oo, oo, oo , oo
Oo girl! Oo, oo, oo, oo
Oo girl! Oo, oo, oo, oo
Oh yeah!

Baby your crazier than Gnarls Barkley
Play my saxophone like your Charlier Parker
You get me higher than a sharpie marker
You make me scream like Tom Waits as a carnie barker
You're that party where you have to take my car keys
And I'm barfing all over the carpeting
You're that party yeah you're that party
Darling it's shark week yeah  it's shark week

I love how I cheer you up
I love how I make you happy
I love how I distract you
I just love how you love me

Baby your crazier than Gnarls Barkley
Play my saxophone like your Charlier Parker
You get me higher than a sharpie marker
You make me scream like Tom Waits as a carnie barker
You're that party where you have to take my car keys
And I'm barfing all over the carpeting
You're that party yeah you're that party
Darling it's shark week yeah  it's shark week


Shark Week

Did you know some scientists did an experiment a year ago
Where they had a group of participants throw away their remotes
The scientists checked up on them recently and found
On average the participants had lost ten pounds
Nah just kidding but it sounds like a thing
I snap my fingers and now it's a thing
I don't need a remote, I am the remote
I don't need a ride I'll stage dive and crowd surf home
My story is notorious my victory is glorious
Sold out crowds explode in applause uproarious
But Dolly you haven't even played a single show yet
Silence! The people hearing this don't know that
Bow down to my Soundcloud I'm ten followers strong
And six people and four robots can't be wrong
I'm huge. Donald Trump wanted me as his VP kid
He said he wanted someone with even worse hair than he did
He said "We'll join forces. Call ourselves United Hairlines
Together we can shift the paradigm
So what do you say Goldilocks you in?
'Cause I say wearing this is a total crock of shit!"
And with that he ripped off his face and threw it
It's not a wig it's not a toupee it's a mask I knew it!

I'm no coke slurpin' coke spokesperson
Coke begged but I showed no mercy
I say it and I spray it
Atheists say your prayers

I don't squeal like a pig would
Or eat jerky like a big foot

Spit like a llama
Oo yeah yeah oo yeah yeah

Spit! Spit! Spit it!
Spit! Spit! Spit it!
Spit! Spit! Spit it!
Spit! Spit! Spit it!

If you play harmonica I feel sorry for you
Yeah Bob Dylan I'm looking at you
My motto is don't swallow spit
I don't actually follow it

I don't squeal like a pig would
Or eat jerky like a big foot

Spit like a llama
Oo yeah yeah oo yeah yeah

Spit! Spit! Spit it!
Spit! Spit! Spit it!
Spit! Spit! Spit it!
Spit! Spit! Spit it!

Alright Seattle we're going to do one last chorus, and I want to hear every one of you llamas singing along. This is for the live album so everyone's going to hear it. Seattle make some noise!

Spit like a llama
Oo yeah yeah oo yeah yeah






Spit Like A Llama

It feels like I'm in jail
But I can't afford the bail
It feels like I was just born to fail
But I can't afford to fail
I feel like a dog chasing its tail
Going round and round in circles
Digging for something universal
But not too commercial
Will I ever get to tour man?
Will I get my fifteen minutes?
Or will I never be bigger than the sewer plant
I broke into just to fit in?
Will there ever be llamamania
Any place but my cranium?
Is it just toxic escapism?
Spending everyday daydreamin'

Maybe doomsday is right around the corner
Armageddon spreading from New York to California
Baby doomsday the end of law and order
I'm done pretending I'm done faking I'm taking this world over

If I said adulthood was all good
It would be a falsehood
It would be hollywood
Sometimes I really miss childhood
But then I remember that horrible feeling
Of feeling powerless to change anything
And I know freedom's infinitely greater than security
I came to a small town to calm down
I'm no place important that matters like Portland or Seattle
Now I'm looking around at the cows like what now? Where next?
How much longer? Are we there yet?

Maybe doomsday is right around the corner
Armageddon spreading from New York to California
Baby doomsday the end of law and order
I'm done pretending I'm done faking I'm taking this world over

Doomsday

Track by Doomshoe

Lyrics:
Rainy eyes full of ache, I can't seem to get away from you.

Year Of The Shoe

Dark Horse

I am Dolly Llama. I'm a singer-songwriter living in Ellensburg, Washington. Influences include Daniel Johnston, Tom Waits, Marilyn Manson, Kanye West, and The Beatles. 





Dolly Llama

Popular tracks