Found one of the old recordings from 2004.  One word to describe it is 'tedious'.  Another, 'agitating'.  Yet another, 'puddle'.  And who was it about?


I don't care about the trouble you're into, I don't care about the crime you did
I don't care about  your lack of money, I don't care about your insecurities
I don't care about your wayward ties, and I don't care about your made-up eyes
I only care about the time we spent together, I only care about the time I wasted with you

You're a special kind of birch, not extraordinarily pathetic like I wish you'd be
Wish I could hit you maybe one time, you broke a household once and forever

You say you can't stand your friends' friends, you say they're up and into themselves too
Much to care but you're all shirt because, they're so totally like you
The last thing I want is for you to die, I really hope you live your days
With long, terminal, painful diseases, festering sores and internal bleeding but

You're a special kind of birch, not extraordinarily pathetic like I wish you'd be
I wish that I could hit you maybe two times, you broke a household once and forever

Well if I cannot hit you, maybe I'd settle for...

Clothes that never quite fit right, and forever more eternal bad hair days
And a job that'll never quite pay enough, and a bill that'll never get paid

A man who will do what he wants, when he wants and
Without a care about your wants and needs and
Desires and wishes and so forth, that's the kind of man you deserve
He's gonna buy Callaways, before he's even broken in his Taylor Mades
A full set with all of the accessories, he won't even let you watch Living Channel baby

That's exactly what you deserve, I fervently hope you find this curve and
It hits you right where it hurts on your pretty little nose
Then the smile that wore me down, and the eyes that knocked me out and blinded me
The You that sucked me in like a tractor beam
You get the comeback of all comebacks yeah

You're a special birch
Should I say bee...

You're a special lady

Birch

(D&C 122:5-9)

If you are called to pass through tribulation, if you are in perils among false brethren
In perils among robbers or in perils by land or by sea
Accused with false accusations, torn from the arms of your family
Dragged down to prison by enemies, prowling like wolves for the blood of the lamb

Know thou my son all these things shall give thee experience
Know thou my son all these things shall be for thy good

If you should be cast into the pit, into the hands of murderers
If you be cast into the deep and the winds become your enemy
If the heavens gather blackness, elements hedge up the way
And above all, if the very jaws of hell open wide after thee

Know thou my son all these things shall give thee experience
Know thou my son all these things shall be for thy good

For He hath descended, for the Son of Man hath descended below them all
Are you greater than He?
So fear not what man, have no fear what man can do
For God will be with you forever and ever

Know thou my son all these things shall give thee experience
Know thou my son all these things shall be for your good

(My son, peace be unto thy soul
Adversity and afflictions shall be but a small moment
If thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high
Thou shalt triumph over thy foes)

It's all good

All These Things

Well I took my sweet time to finish this one
Angel for Georgy, Simhan for the son
Too serious, this time I'm gonna have fun

My little girl don't you know
Listen today, smiling tomorrow
Here's the bottom line, more than you'll ever know
Oh how I love you so

Well you talk too much and you move too fast
Ears are painted on, are they listening to this
Keep it up girl, get a foot to your ass

Oh my little girl don't I know
Consequently this is what follows 
When you're three years old before you touch the floor
Oh but I love you so

Why did it take so long
I've got no reason, at least not on me
And it's not because you're any funnier
It's but I'm lazy, to put it simply
And the other two well they're older
Then again, the three of you get everything

(Shut up...)

I'd give anything and more, anything it takes now
To keep you happy and smiling and awake now
Sleep in your own room please, give us a break now

Oh little girl one fine day
No more spiders, no more spray
Till we get there girl, stay warm and toasty
I love you my little bee bay

Well I wrote one before but
It's a little out of date but
Sing the song again, sing Get Up Stand Up
And I love you so, people ask me how

I'll teach you more Uncle Bob when you're ready
That'll be our Once I Stood Like A Totara Tree
Do you agree, are you even ready
Sing, one, two, three... go

Little Girl

You know you got a major problem, Georgy gave you fair warning
Started with your head on the pillow, I've no idea how you end up in the morning like that
Well I guess she got a reason, I can see her point of view
Matter of fact, a star for bravery to whoever falls asleep with you
And if anyone's to blame, if you wanna find the fault
You can blame it on me

Hem up the bottom it's way too long, and don't worry about the face
We even got the very same split in the very same place
And I hate to see you cry, of course I'd prefer to hear laughter
There's that little glimmer in your eye, I know I'm gonna give in to you after
Yeah yeah, I heard you, nobody else's fault
Just blame it on me

And like a typical child, when things are good there's nothing better
But when it's not, better beware ya, and here we go again
They say you're temperamental, especially for a boy of mine
But it's all right, nobody loves you like I do

Well in your defence my boy, I say it's out of your hands
Surrounded by so many girls in the same time, it's not so hard to understand
You got it better than me at the same place, I had the personality of a stone
But even if witches surround you everyday, I'm glad you'll never be alone
So whatever, whatever my Simhan
They can blame it on me

Unlike a typical son at least you're not afraid to tell me
Black or white, no such as maybe, and here we go again
Say we got a greasy, look out if we got no sauce
But it's all right, nobody loves you like I do

I wonder how you'd get along with your namesake
Chances are good he'd find physical pain
I can see you charging in the front door from school, elbow to the head and a knee to the ooh
But this is what I see, even he'd agree, it's your boyish charm

I apologise sincerely for what I've passed on to you
Like your endomorphic silhouette and the length from your hips to your shoes
Course there's the style and the glamour, number three with number two around the sides
Your skill with the remote, but it's when you don't smile - that's when I'm filled with pride
So put my hand up, I'm responsible
You can blame it on me

Just like a typical boy, you're gonna be a big man someday
Till then, can you put your things away, ahh here we go again
You know what's quite surprising, I'm pretty sure you won't surprise
But it's all right, nobody loves you like I do

Your aim is so deadly, and how did I end up sleeping next to you
But it's all right, nobody loves you like I do

You gotta listen to your mother, that's right, said I'm talking to you
But it's all right, nobody loves you like I do

And your mother does too...

(Recorded in 2004.)

Simhan

And she was white like an angel, pure and perfect like an angel
And they were talking 'bout the China Grove when she walked in
I've been a fool all day, a crazy smiling fool all day
And time means absolutely nothing now she's here

I'd like to feel this good every day of my life, I looked into your eyes and said
Honey everything's gonna change, but everything's gonna be all right

Taken by surprise yesterday, nothing's been the same since yesterday
And before we even knew it, we were on the road to another life
It's like we're coming to a different door, one we've never been through before
And it's one we're not afraid to open, been waiting so long

I'd like to feel this good every day of my life, I looked into your eyes and said
Honey everything's gonna change, but everything's gonna be all right

(Georgy)

I'd like to feel this good every day of my life, I looked into your eyes and said
Honey everything's gonna change, but everything's gonna be all right
Now she's here and we're so happy, now she's here and we're just fine

And we're so fine
And she's so beautiful
Just like an angel

Angel

If I find the man, the one who put a house beat
On Uncle Bob, I'm gonna punch your head in you egg
Cause I seen your face, saw it on your video
And I know what you look like, so when I find you I'm gonna punch your head
And the man who's behind you, the one in the suit and tie
You rape and you pillage the joy of my childhood
My own Sound Of Music

Hey don't mess with Uncle Bob, leave it alone
You're up in the Blue Mountains, ticking time on your cell phone

Leave it (if you only had a shred of)
Leave it alone now (honour and integrity yeah)
Leave it alone

You did it to Nat King Cole, did it to Old Blue Eyes
Did it to Satchmo (please can you help my ears are burning)
Can somebody please do it to Cher or Westlife and those other eggs

Ow bay, don't mess with Uncle Bob, leave it alone
Pay your tribute baldhead by leaving it, even it
Hey man don't mess with Uncle Bob, (bandaru) leave it alone (he's gonna get you)
Sham on your nam, I damn you (and your brother too)
You got to leave it alone

(The man responsible should be hammered and nailed)

Now you don't own them, neither do we
Cut off those shop dreads and go back to your Kenny G

Hey man don't mess with Uncle Bob (how you feeling me), leave it alone
Why did you do it, what made you do it (should I be more specific), leave it alone
Hey man don't mess with Uncle Bob (please), leave it alone
I don't care if you made him a grand daddy, you should have left it alone

(Let me pay obvious respect and esteem) 
I don't need permission (to Hareruia)
But if you're gonna be persisting (Kuaranea)
Make my decision (Katchafire)
Punch you in the head and

By the way while I'm here
Let me say the same thing goes for Steveland
And Earth Wind  & Fire too

(Recorded in 2004.)

Uncle Bob

Memory recall.  No idea what was I was doing.  (Recorded in 2004.)

So before I sit down I just wanna say
Grateful to be here, for this beautiful day
Open my mouth, try as I may
Take a memory trip and I'm a do it this way

Start Cambridge, I'm a shut mouth drool
Kids' one hour is the hour I rule
Teacher make me do it, teacher is a fool
Never say a single word in Sunday School

Turn local motion, T.A. style
Empty seats for miles and miles
Sad enough, bad enough to take your smile
That's what I remember as a Sunday child, we sang

Saturday, a special day
Try to run away from Sunday
Don't wanna go to sleep 'cause I don't wanna wake up
I gotta find another avenue to get to the top
It seems the whole wide world's having fun outside
Smiling, happy, so alive
And I'm stuck inside, damn make me cry
Forever and a day I hate shirt and a tie

Moving on, what was once M.I.A.
I know the right choice but I take the other way
See my old man, what a man, nothing to say
The grunt from the front and I'm a gonna pay

(Good ol' school today we greet you... Greasy Joe's, I'm gonna eat you...)

And the golden Crunchie should've come my way
I like the same things then as I do today
And those white brick walls, if they could only say
What was really in my mind after Saturday, we sang

Saturday, please go away
Nowhere to hide from Sunday
If I play the cards right, pull a sicky tonight
Maybe try to break a leg, hey I just might
It's like three whole hours in a prison cell
Not a joy in the world as far as I can tell
And you can sweet bet nine times out of ten
I'm gonna end up with a crack, here we go again

(And then it happened...)

People I loved, family and friends, never see again
What's the point of it all then?

Well turns out we're nothing but delirious
Had enough of trying to be curious
Everything we need is right in front of us
The joke's on me, this is serious

Think you're clued up, thinking you the man
You think I'm a fool, you misunderstand
Before I sit down, I'm a show my hand
Everybody's gotta know about The Plan

Yeah I know I switched, I can tell from your face
I know a four minute pop song's not the place
To be preacher man, hit you man, give you space
I know I should have, but I'm getting through this race

See The Plan, it's the answer, the reply, the retort
To every single question and thought
Harder I tried, harder I fought
I tried to run away from freedom and I'm glad that it caught me

The most important things to me
Trite and predictable as it may be
My life, my love, my family
And the batteries to the remote to the TV

I started where I ended, take a look down
Sunday's still the day I wear a frown
But throw this away, then truly I'm a clown
Hit me on the head and listen to the sound, it goes

Saturday, slow it down I say
Even now I'm not in love with Sunday
As much as I wanted to give it all up
I realise there's no other way to get to the top
And I guess that means that I must be keen
Simply put, at least I'm aiming
If I fed you more than you can chew
You got a problem with that, you know what you can do, sing

(Saturday, stinky day...)

Passed it on for free, my son is Mini-Me
If I gotta stay then so does he

My shirt and my tie will always look a wreck
Another reason why I wish I had a neck

A solid seven on a boredom scale one to ten
Another seven days I gotta do it again

At least I'm looking forward to Sunday roast, it won't be long
Too bad nobody remembered to turn the oven on

Church Talk

A song for / to / about my help meet... that she most likely does not want.

(Recorded in 2004.)

Corny

D&C Section 89.  This was the big hurdle when I was a yoof.  Then again, meat has never been used sparingly or in times of famine - never in my life.  The reference to kfg - most honest lyric I've ever written.

(Recorded in 2004.)

Wise Word

Well you could tie my hands behind my back, stick a needle in my ear
Force feed at the highest decibel 8 Foot Sativa
Or Chris Barnes or George Fisher, I could name drop all day
But so many letters, so many words, nothing to say

I lost myself at hello, should’ve quit while I’m behind
Reality there is no such button called rewind
Thirty seconds in already, get to the point and make it clear
The shame is not in failing, it’s in aiming and getting nowhere near

My bad, I should have waited, then again we don’t have all day
But all these letters, all these words, nothing to say

I wish I could say I’ve suffered, I know because I’ve tried
I wish I could say to get me the Gadiantons went fishing nation wide
The truth is I’ve been spoon-fed, tucked into bed safe and warm
Like a Windsor or a Kennedy, sheltered from the storm

But like a Windsor or a Kennedy, curious just the same
To leave the warmth under the blankets and put an asterisk to my name
And when the going got too hard, because of whatever, pressure and time
Went back to bed, put it down to yet another hill I failed to climb

Well they’re sure adding up, if there’s a will I will find a way
But so many syllables, so many words, so little – no, in fact, nothing to say

And only I could blow it

There’s enough of everything
You name it, there’s enough of it
The world don’t need anymore songs
Nobody cares, any idiot could do it

And I stole that from an interview, right there

The heel will never get the love but now and then he scores
It’s the proven way to guarantee the crowds coming back for more
And when the face wins the glory back and sanity restores the game
The dollar bills are banked but I wonder if the heel gets paid the same

Like at the movies, I consider the work that’s left behind
The Oscar winners and losers sure but to me it’s about the times
When I’ve been entertained for entertainment’s sake, and that’s the main factor
Yeah that’s why Gene Hackman is my all time favourite actor

Now the problem with changing subjects while you put them into play
Is realising that after they’re done with, you end up with absolutely nothing to say

I’m just rolling with it

I was given the same agency as you to decide which fruit to eat
And just like you I had to taste the bitter to recognise the sweet
Like we are free to choose joy just like we are free to choose sorrow
Sometimes I even choose the right and let the consequence follow

But that’s no excuse, I realise that’s not what you came to hear
You want to hear a joke or maybe something to make you shed a tear
Hell, anything to get away from the condescending tone of fake authority
My friend of this you can be sure, this song will never make top forty

The teeth are natural, same with the hair, but the accent’s from USA
Because you see I wanna sound American when I’ve got ning to say

Too easy to call it

The melody in my mind was very simple, well, as you’ve obviously heard
Just based on what was going on around my head at the time, a whole lot of words
You know, was no big idea that I had to get out my head, I understood
Just like he said, you could do it through a little pop song, you always could

Yeah I know, I stuffed up the meter and the threw it all way out of time
And took the road most trampled in the case of finding the words to rhyme
Therefore I guess it’s getting close, bring it down and end the clutter
So catch you up, good to be with you, take care and yadda yadda, why did I even bother?

So after the climactic scene, you know the montage where nothing can go wrong
Because the hero suddenly remembered something he should’ve known all along
And maybe the villain talked too much or perhaps some other fatal flaw
Led to his timely demise and led to me clutching for more straws

As to how the hell I’m going to wind this up, it’s overcooked and over-ready
And it’s easily outworn its stay at least three minutes too many
Because if I had to take the blame I’m gonna take it on the chin
And every last one of you can kiss ma ass, that’s right, and then do it again

So I’m gonna stop, hammertime, because I’m on my last cliché
My entire life I’ve really had nothing to proclaim, articulate, declare 
Hell, nothing at all to say

Too Many Words

When I opened the door couldn't half believe
The lines on your face and the stench from your sleeve
Standing there waiting, too many words
And then the joke's on me, one that I never heard

You said "Hey man, long time, good to see you - what's up?
I remember where you live, yeah you thought I forgot
You changed your number, said man I tried to ring
I figure what the hell, I'm gonna turn up and do my thing"

Favour, ask of me this favour
My kids are freaking out now at three o clock in the morning
Keep it down now, gotta keep your voice down now
Sleep it off in the back room, I'll take you later on in the morning

Now I know, I know way back we go, you and me
But you are sure enough overplaying the card of sympathy
There were some good times, from what I can remember
Running off fumes and smoking embers, you see

Cause if I were in your shoes (not that I'd want to) but hell
At least shower and Lagerfeld just to kill the smell
And you say "Irrelevance brother man", well I think it applies
I would have done this before turning up to your door with red eyes

However, I suppose you think you're clever
I'm in apnea, dead to the world now at three o clock in the morning
Shut up man, why can't you just shut the hell up man
It can wait until the sun comes up, we'll deal to them in the morning

Now I agree with you whole-heartedly, you've looked better
And if it were up to me, I would have hidden the letter
It's times like this, you just need to take a break now
Just stay right there, don't go making a big mistake now

Pitiful, I emptied all your alcohol
If I have to I will knock you down, damn it's three o clock in the morning
Going nowhere, better sit your ass down right there
Ridiculous just the thought of you, in the club at the age of 42
It's too early in the morning

Hear no evil, evil no see
I never been good company in the morning
Stay down, stay down till later in the morning
We'll work it out later in the morning

In The Morning

Explains itself.  Complete and utter thieving from Uncle Toots.  Not making any mun.  He don't give a crap anyway.

This is the final song on the non-existing album called 'to your ranks' by cabbage, immediately following Forgiveness And Love.

Say you don't need me, say you don't hurt me
Say what you don't mean, say you make no scene
Too many uncles, too many aunties
Too many cuzzies, wouldn't have it any other way

Said it's all right, it's all right now
Everybody let's do this, do this now
Give it to me one time... etc.

I live in Porirua, Takapuwahia
In the middle of the pa, Ngati Toa Rangatira
No need to lock my house, no need to lock my car
(Oh yeah maybe I gotta lock my car), but they won't get very far
I don't need anything, don't want everything
Maybe a three day weekend and a family home evening
I'm all shirt but I will mention, got a brand new kitchen
My feet keep a itchin', my favourite food is Kentucky Fried Chicken

It's all right...

Too old to be posing, too young to be dozing
Too negative to say yeah, too pretty for a mirror
Long as she's beside me, and the three chillens in there
And all the fam damily, the rest can kiss ma ass (KMA)
Better better better get it on, say thank you to The Pantheon
Too much, pick up the dirt, cause I stole this from Mister Hibbert

And I ain't lying...

Hit another one time...

(and so on...)

doolarks

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