Seligman's dog

Surrender

You wake up wondering what kind of reality you are in today

More Suo

Mark As Resolved

N.A.R.

A slow broken rhythm barely dragging through this autumn

Isolated

Letting Go

New Moon

1. Detachment from Pain: Initially, Rune might feel a profound detachment from the physical pain of her injuries. This could be portrayed as a sudden release where the sharp, overwhelming sensations of her wounds give way to a numb, distant feeling, as if she's no longer bound by the limitations of her body.

2. Sensory Overload: As the dissociation deepens, Rune might experience a sensory overload where sounds from the ongoing chaos around her—the distant echoes of the rave, the murmurs of the crowd, and even the more immediate medical interventions—meld into a symphony of abstract noises. Lights and colors could blur into vibrant streaks, transforming the harsh lighting of the rave into a softer, more ethereal glow.

3. Vivid Hallucinations: Hallucinations might fill her vision, with perhaps ghostly apparitions of past performances, fragments of her artworks, or even spectral versions of people she has known—both allies and adversaries. These visions could be both comforting and haunting, reflecting her unresolved conflicts and unfulfilled desires.

4. Emotional Surge: Mixed emotions might surge through her. There could be a moment of peace and acceptance, a resignation to her fate intertwined with intense flashes of regret for what she will never accomplish or experience. This emotional rollercoaster might highlight her internal struggle and the dualities of her life.

5. Out-of-Body Experience: Rune might perceive herself from outside her body, observing the frantic efforts to save her or the resignation of those who stand helpless. This could be a pivotal moment where she sees the impact of her life on others, viewing the scene as if she were both participant and spectator.

6. Existential Reflection: In this altered state, Rune might engage in a profound introspection, questioning the meaning of her existence, her art, and her legacy. This could manifest as a dialogue with herself or a perceived entity, exploring the depth of her psyche.

7. Final Acceptance and Letting Go: As her consciousness begins to fade, Rune might reach a state of acceptance, embracing the end as just another phase of existence. Her last thoughts could be a poetic acknowledgment of her life as a performance, one last show that blends reality with the artistry she cherished.

8. Legacy and Transcendence: The conclusion of her life might be portrayed not just as an end but as a transformation into something timeless—her art, her influence, and her experiences becoming a part of the collective memory of those who knew her or were touched by her performances.

In crafting these final moments, the narrative could draw heavily on visual and auditory elements to create a poignant, cinematic farewell to a character whose life was dedicated to challenging perceptions and exploring the boundaries of human experience. This would ensure that Rune's death is not just a conclusion but a powerful, lingering statement on her existence and impact.

I Don't Get It [Live]

Outro [Live]

A ketamine-induced near-death experience (NDE) during surgery, particularly one that extends for a lengthy period like eight hours, can be profoundly surreal and varies widely among individuals. Ketamine, used as an anesthetic, is known for its dissociative properties, which can cause patients to experience detachment from their physical body and the external environment. Here’s a general description of what such an experience might entail:

1. **Detachment**: The initial phase of the experience often involves a sensation of detachment from the body. The patient might feel as though they are floating above the operating table or drifting away from their physical form.

2. **Vivid Imagery and Perception Changes**: As the dissociation deepens, individuals may experience vivid visual or auditory hallucinations. These can range from abstract patterns and shapes to clear, lifelike visions. Sounds may be distorted, amplified, or may seem to come from unfamiliar sources.

3. **Emotional Intensity**: The emotional response in a ketamine-induced NDE can be intense. Some individuals report feelings of profound peace and tranquility, while others might experience anxiety or fear. This emotional response can be influenced by the individual's mindset, the environment, and their previous experiences with ketamine or other psychedelics.

4. **Out-of-Body Experiences (OBEs)**: Patients often report out-of-body experiences, where they perceive events related to their own body or surroundings from a perspective outside their physical self. This might include observing medical staff performing surgical procedures on their body.

5. **Altered Sense of Time and Space**: Time may seem to slow down, speed up, or become entirely irrelevant. Spatial dimensions might also alter, with some describing experiences of traveling through tunnels or passing into different dimensions or realms.

6. **Encounters with Entities**: Some individuals describe encounters with beings or entities during their experience. These can be perceived as benevolent or malevolent, and might include deceased loved ones, spiritual figures, or unknown entities.

7. **Life Review or Reflective Moments**: While not as common in ketamine-induced NDEs as in spontaneous NDEs, some individuals might reflect deeply on their life experiences, relationships, or personal insights.

8. **Return to Consciousness**: As the effect of the drug diminishes, the patient gradually returns to their body, often with a fading of the visual and auditory hallucinations. The return can be accompanied by confusion or disorientation, which typically resolves as full consciousness is regained.

It's important to note that while some elements of ketamine-induced experiences can resemble spontaneous NDEs, they are pharmacologically induced and can vary significantly in content and intensity. The personal interpretation and long-term impact of these experiences can also vary, depending on individual psychological factors and the context in which the drug was administered.

Reverse Diffusion

I have short hair again. Hooray.

My improvised live version of My Black Ass by Shellac

My Black Ass [Live]

My improvised live version of Luna by Neutral

твои горизонты окутаны дымом
и молитвы твои не доходят до цели
и твоих дочерей
замуж за королей
уж не выдать
для них лишь свинцовые плети
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

твои сыновья уходили неслышно
и в окопах чужих остывали с улыбкой
то не наша вина
всех укрыла война
заплатили сполна
за грехи наши дети
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

я вопросы тебе задавал неумело
и пытался читать по расплывчатым знакам
на запястьях твоих
силуэты живых
тех кого не узнал, не сберег, не заметил
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

звал их по именам и по воспоминаньям
целовал твою смерть в почерневшие губы
но скрывает трава
голоса и слова
и никто не придет и никто не ответит
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

я тебя не виню, я не верю в знаменья
в горделивую поступь рабов и хозяев
наши идолы лгут
наши кони несут
даже боги порой попадаются в сети
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

мы с тобой как и все упадем и застынем
и над нашими тайнами ветви сомкнутся
и по лицам других
молодых и живых
будет петь свою песню задумчивый ветер
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

Luna [Live instrumental]

CWMIYWTL

In the hollows of days gone by,
Where shadows linger and memories sigh,
A whisper of absence taints the air,
A weight of loss that's hard to bear. 
Gone is the laughter, the touch, the grace,
Leaving behind an empty space,
A silence that echoes in the soul,
A void that's deep, beyond control.  Knowing it's lost eternally.

Knowing it's lost eternally.

Knowing it's lost eternally.

Knowing it's lost eternally. 

Through the corridors of time we roam,
Seeking solace, a way back home,
But the ache of absence remains so real,
A wound that time may never heal.

In the dimness of the night's embrace,
I feel your absence, your lingering trace,
A presence in the void, bittersweet,
A memory that's both cruel and fleet.

Knowing it's lost eternally.

Knowing it's lost eternally.

Knowing it's lost eternally.

Knowing it's lost eternally. 

In the hollows of days gone by,
Where shadows linger and memories sigh,
A whisper of absence taints the air,
A weight of loss that's hard to bear.  Gone is the laughter, the touch, the grace.

Gone is the laughter, the touch, the grace.

Gone is the laughter, the touch, the grace.

Gone is the laughter, the touch, the grace.

Perspective narrows to a point,
A string unveils steps covered in dust,
Traces disperse singly,
Sound weaves into the braids of forgotten moments,
Icons intact, yet the saints are less substantial than shadows.

Untouched silence, a touch—
A cocoon with a sphinx’s smile spins silk.
A reflected fracture of consciousness,
Arrows of fleeting steps sink into the venom,
To kill, to forget, to gather—such is the ritual.

***

The author of this text seems to be grappling with themes of disorientation, loss, and existential uncertainty. The imagery of narrowing perspectives, dusty steps, and forgotten moments suggests a reflection on time and memory, highlighting the impermanence of experiences and perhaps feelings of disconnection.

The use of symbols like the cocoon, sphinx, and icons hints at a desire to make sense of this uncertainty, weaving mythological and sacred imagery into a personal narrative. The recurring themes of fracture and ritual imply a struggle to reconcile conflicting emotions or beliefs, possibly pointing to introspection, attempts at self-discovery, or a desire to find meaning amidst chaos. The language is intricate and reflective, suggesting someone who is deeply contemplative and seeks to explore and understand the complexities of their inner world.

Ich Warte

I promised not to write to you

But here I am, writing. I no longer dream of our daughter, but I still think about how I'd tell her things, like the music that made me cry when I was her age, so she'd always know she's not alone. She would be incredibly strong. Just like you.

I still dream of you. Like in that damn Brodsky poem I recorded for you. I thought I'd share that recording and turn the page, but I still sneak a peek at your photos and admire the way you see and feel. I'm grateful that you don't reveal anything about your personal life. I'd lose my mind. I can't help but remember the heights we reached together and wonder whose touch now sets you on fire.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if you were dead. If only worms were touching your flesh instead of me. I've changed countries and apartments eight times, and I'm still haunted by the fact that eight is your favourite number. When I step on street grates, I always think of you. I finally washed your T-shirt last week, but for some reason, I made a playlist of songs you sent me. I'll get a fox tattooed on my ass from "Antichrist," the one that says, "Chaos reigns," screaming like Munch's painting. It's entirely in your spirit, and I see your smile and dimple.

If only you knew how little I care about anything without you.

Resilient resonance

Cover of a song by ZZ Ward

We were never the marrying type, oh no
We won't buy dishes or stained glass lights, oh no
For a table we'll never sit at
In the house that we won't ever get
I won't wake up and pick out your tie, oh no
You won't come home and kiss me at night, oh no
We won't lie in this king bed for two
Say goodbye to us saying "I do's"

[Chorus]
No more white picket fences
No more lace veils or vows
No more, "You're the only one" cause that's all done with now
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you

[Verse 2]
Take these roses and this Jameson, oh no
Find a subway that I can sit in, oh no
Buy a one-way out of the city
Everything that I need, got it with me

[Chorus]
No more white picket fences
No more lace veils or vows
No more, "You're the only one" cause that's all done with now
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you
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[Bridge]
All these notes and all these words
Are all that's left in me
Bend these pages, count my woes
One last song to set me free

[Chorus]
No more white picket fences
No more lace veils or vows
No more, "You're the only one" cause that's all done with now
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you
This is the last love song I'll ever write for you, oh

last love song (unplugged)

joseph

saz intro

loops a-c, samui dream loop

Всё напоминает о тебе
А ты нигде
Остался мир, который вместе видел нас
В последний раз

Комната с балконом и окном
Чиста сейчас
Светла как мир, который вместе видел нас
В последний раз

Время пройдёт — ты забудешь всё, что было
С тобой у нас. С тобой у нас
Нет, я не жду тебя, но знай, что я любила
В последний раз
В последний раз

Пусть ничто не вечно под луной
Но ни на час
Я не забуду миг, когда ты был со мной
В последний раз

И пройдёт не знаю сколько зим
И сколько лет
Быть может, счастлива смогу я быть с другим
А может нет. А может нет

Время пройдёт — ты забудешь всё, что было
С тобой у нас. С тобой у нас
Нет, я не жду тебя, но знай, что я любила
В последний раз
В последний раз

it all reminds me of you (unplugged)

swear i saw god with you

Another cover version of Luna by Neutral

твои горизонты окутаны дымом
и молитвы твои не доходят до цели
и твоих дочерей
замуж за королей
уж не выдать
для них лишь свинцовые плети
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

твои сыновья уходили неслышно
и в окопах чужих остывали с улыбкой
то не наша вина
всех укрыла война
заплатили сполна
за грехи наши дети
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

я вопросы тебе задавал неумело
и пытался читать по расплывчатым знакам
на запястьях твоих
силуэты живых
тех кого не узнал, не сберег, не заметил
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

звал их по именам и по воспоминаньям
целовал твою смерть в почерневшие губы
но скрывает трава
голоса и слова
и никто не придет и никто не ответит
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

я тебя не виню, я не верю в знаменья
в горделивую поступь рабов и хозяев
наши идолы лгут
наши кони несут
даже боги порой попадаются в сети
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

мы с тобой как и все упадем и застынем
и над нашими тайнами ветви сомкнутся
и по лицам других
молодых и живых
будет петь свою песню задумчивый ветер
только в окна луна
как всегда холодна
лишь чужим городам
но не нам светит

luna (unplugged)

Passenger

The feeling of being stuck in illusion that you can't shake

Swamp

The essence of the text delves into the profound appreciation of life through emotional richness and variety. The person described lives vividly, experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions from anger and despair to joy and boundless happiness all within a single day. This intense, emotional existence is contrasted with those who live a mundane, uninspired life—likened to "gray consumers of bland soup."

The key to this enriched life is the capability to stretch time perceptually through limited sleep, creating a personal pocket of eternity where "today" seamlessly blends into "tomorrow." This allows the individual to experience life without the typical boundaries set by schedules or future plans, making each moment vibrant and immediate.

Emotions are portrayed as the seasoning of life, with sensations, images, smells, and premonitions enriching every moment. While this intensity can sometimes be painful or unbearable, it prevents life from becoming dull or hardened into unfeeling stone. The person chooses to live "without skin and armor," exposing themselves to both the gentle winds and harsh cuts of reality, embracing the "sweet agony" of fully experiencing life without regrets.

The narrative celebrates the existential delight of living in the present, savoring life’s flavors in all their complexity, and fundamentally, it challenges the reader to consider the depth and color of their own emotional experiences.

Cocoon

Œuvre traduite

Thirst

The name is a nod to minor OCD, a hint at what I'd rather not have, and a reminder about the file resolution publishing houses used to require. It also stands for "the introvert flushes twice", because music is a lot like humor, it either resonates or it doesn't.

.tift

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