Dr. Reedy revisits his favorite book on boundaries, “The Dance of Anger,” by Harriet Lerner. He talks about how guilt and fear must be faced for us to set boundaries and become who we are. He explains that anger is a signal that we need to take better care of ourselves. He also explains how we do everything (blame, argue, guilt others, complain, rage, debate, reason, etc.) except set a boundary to get others to change to avoid doing the harder work.

Healthy Boundaries and Harriet Lerner’s “The Dance of Anger” - Ep 450

Dr. Reedy explains the concept of boundaries: where they come from, what they are, and the barriers we have to setting them. He explains that surrender, choosing how to lose, is a key component in developing healthy boundaries.

Boundaries & Choosing How to Lose - Ep 513

Dr. Reedy talks about marriage and couples. He explains how intimacy is painful, difficult, and requires us to so the work of facing our own issues. He explains how talking tends to be a taking thing and listening tends to be a giving thing. Dr. Reedy explains that the start of the marriage and our ideas and projections on it to give us all our childhood didn’t provide are the energies and issues that later become chasms.

Couple Work, Intimacy, and Individuation - Ep 517

Dr. Reedy talks about the shift that occurs when parents turn inward. He talks about how parents can model vulnerability and accountability. He uses communication skills to illustrate that the work of healing is to take responsibility for your own life. He explains that what happened to us as children is not our fault but how dealing with it and healing from it is our responsibility.

Suporting Your Child While You Are Still Healing - Ep 566

Dr. Reedy talks about principles involved in discovering and setting healthy boundaries. He explains that boundaries are synonymous with - or come out of - self-care. He warns against trying to explain your boundaries and using boundaries to change other people.

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries (& Self-Care) - Ep 572

Dr. Reedy talks about communication skills and how “why” we share is more important than the words we use.

Communication Theory and Skills - Ep 598

Dr. Reedy explains how love and fear are driving forces in our unconscious, motivating much of our behavior. He explains that we need to learn to distinguish between love and fear and understand when we are taking from others and when and how we can show our love to our children and partners.

Love and Fear - Ep 604

Dr. Reedy discusses why personal work is the basis for all our relationship issues and challenges. He takes live questions from the audience on psychedelics, religion, children using marijuana, and how to respond to these issues.

The Relationship with Yourself First (Q&A) - Ep 632

Dr. Reedy discusses regression and what triggers it. He explains that old contexts, old relationships, old energies, roles, or rules can trigger us in ways that we revert back to a less evolved way of functioning. He encourages observing this dynamic and developing compassion for ourselves when we experience this inevitability.

Regression: When and Why it Happens - Ep 637

Dr. Reedy discusses how we may feel humiliated when the distance between the false self and real self is exposed. Most often, the real self is exposed when we encounter difficulties or failures. He explains that the narcissistic wound, the wound of not being seen, of not having our whole self (in contrast to the “good” self) is rarely addressed without failures and humiliation. He explain that defenses don’t feel like defenses from the inside – they feel like, “they don’t understand me.”

Humility and Humiliation: Search for the Real Self - Ep 643

Dr. Reedy discusses Jung's concept of the Shadow, how to recognize it, and how to integrate it. He explains how this brings peace and freedom and lays the foundation for greater intimacy.

Shadow Work - Ep 650

Dr. Reedy explains the origins and function of resistance and defensiveness. He talks about how we can make it worse as parents, therapists, and spouses.

Dealing with Resistance - Ep 652

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on parenting and relationships. He talks about the difference between caring and wanting someone to know you care. He explores the nuances of loving and caring for yourself and loving and caring for your partner.

Parenting is Impossible (Q&A) - Ep 653

Dr. Reedy talks about how humans cope with the anxiety of uncertainty and ambiguity. He explains that if we seek for security and absolute answers, we move towards mental illness. But if we can embrace the mystery of this life, we become more human and in that lies our resiliency.

Coping with Uncertainty - Ep 654

Dr. Reedy explains communication theory and the deeper psychological principles required for connection. He warns against using communication skills to change others and emphasizes that such skills can improve self-awareness first. They can also help us to remember to own our feelings (they are ours). He talks about listening and how it requires a significant amount of psychic energy.

Communication and Connection - Ep 655

Dr. Reedy takes questions on topics from the audience. He discusses what to do when our adult children seem to be going off course. He talks about how we can learn to be our most authentic self and how to protect that journey by the company we keep.

How Can I Learn to Be More Authentic? (A.M.A.) - Ep 656

In this episode I am so pleased to welcome Ian Morgan Cron to the podcast. While he wears many hats, as he shares in this episode, the fundamental nature of his work is a spiritual one. Ian is Bestselling Author, Enneagram Expert, Priest, and the host of the Typology Podcast. After many years in recovery and in the wake of a relapse, he released his most recent book, The Fix. In it, he reveals how the twelve wteps can be key for anyone who wants to take their life back. 
Richard Rohr says about his newest book, “Ian Cron’s generous and hard-earned wisdom reveals that the Twelve Steps are not just for alcoholics and addicts, but a path to a profound transformation of Self for everyone.” In the this interview we cover a wide variety of topics including God and family, making an amends, how his various roles overlap and complement each other, his experience with shame (in real-time), and how he leans into his personal story to inform his work and hopefully make himself useful to the people he loves and serves.

An Interview with Ian Morgan Cron (Enneagram Expert) - Ep 657

Dr. Brad Reedy welcomes Noah Rasheta, host of the Secular Buddhism Podcast. Noah is a philosopher, author, and host of a podcast on Secular Buddhism, where he shares Buddhist teachings & concepts for everyday life. He shares practical, accessible skills and concepts to help people incorporate Buddhist teachings into their life in an attempt to reduce unnecessary suffering. In this episode, Noah discusses his favorite principles from Buddhism and how we can think about enlightenment. He shares his personal journey and provides listeners an overview of the goals and objectives of the practice of Buddhism.

An Interview with Noah Rasheta (Secular Buddhism Podcast Host) - Ep 659

In this episode, Dr. Reedy discusses religious trauma and what kinds of family systems are at the greatest risk. He distinguishes religion from moral development and spiritual development. He talks about how families with dogmatic, strict-father-styles use religion to control, intimidate, and mold their children. He discusses how religion can be used as a defense against the experience of God and how religion can prevent spiritual development. He discusses the function of religion within a spiritual life. He talks about how many clients come to therapy with a history of religious trauma.

Religious Trauma - Ep 658

In this episode, Dr. Reedy discusses how so many clients are coming to therapy with great worries and distress due to the tumultuous events in the world. He suggests that we need to become more discerning with the news we consume. He proposes that peace is found by focusing on what we can control. He talks about the Buddhist concepts of impermanence, radical acceptance, and mindfulness.

Finding Peace in Uncertain Times - Ep 660

In this Ask Me Anything episode, Dr. Reedy takes questions from the audience on topics ranging from how we communicate our energy to our children, making the unconscious – conscious, debunking the cause and effect thinking, and how small-t trauma is insidious. He answers a question on shadow work. And he talks about how to handle the mistakes we have made as parents when our children remain angry.

Why is “Small-t” Trauma So Insidious. (A.M.A.) - Ep 661

#MentalHealthMatters #HealthyRelationships #ParentingSupport  #AddictionRecovery #EmotionalWellness #MindfulParenting #TraumaInformed #SelfCareJourney #RelationshipAdvice #PsychologicalSafety #HealingJourney #FamilyDynamics #MentalHealthAwareness #OvercomingAnxiety #BreakTheStigma #PersonalGrowth #MindBodyConnection #WellnessWarrior #LifeCoaching #ResilienceBuilding

The Power of Our Contexts - Ep 662

Dr. Reedy discusses his first book, The Journey of the Heroic Parent and how his work has evolved since then. He describes the goal of the book as one to help parents become their own expert by learning how to think differently about parenting. He emphatically invites parents to do their own work and to explore their own histories, their own psychology.

The Journey of the Heroic Parent: 10-Years Later  - Ep 663

Conscious Parenting Workshop: A Teaser - Ep 665

Dr. Reedy discusses what to do when you are the only one in your circle doing their therapy work. He talks about how therapy changes us and how we can get stuck in trying to change the people around us.

only one doing work - 5:20:25, 7.10 PM

Dr. Reedy discusses what to do when you are the only one in your circle doing their therapy work. He talks about how therapy changes us and how we can get stuck in trying to change the people around us..

What if I am the only one doing the work? - Ep 667

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on attachment, parenting, and relationships. He talks about how a parent’s self-acceptance, which leads to self-awareness, is the key to your children's healthy development. He explains that self-compassion is the key to greater awareness and consciousness. And he talks about how boundaries and skills are really the evidence or signposts that reveal where we are on our journey. He emphatically points out that the goal in therapy is not to be so good we are beyond reproach, but rather the outcome of therapy is learning to love and see our "horrible, rotten, human, fallible, lovable, selves."

Being the Villain in Your Child’s Story (AMA) - Ep 668

Dr. Reedy discusses how the identified patient is someone who expresses the issues with a system through mental health symptoms. He talks about projection and triangulation as ways for individuals in a system to scapegoat others and avoid the responsibility that each member of a system bears. He talks about how we can become a part of the solution as we learn to see mental health issues in the context of the greater system and make changes to disrupt patterns. He discourages the use of shame and guilt as barometers of our progress on our mental health journey.

The Identified Patient & You - Ep 669

Dr. Reedy discusses how skills and tools don’t make up the transformative substance of our therapy journey. He talks about a “transformation of consciousness” that occurs when we are deeply changed. He explains ego-death and how fear and love are the primary forces that drive our behavior. He explains that therapy is not about improvement but rather about self-compassion, increased consciousness, and rests on a foundation of sense of safety.

How Behavioral Therapy Falls Short - Ep 670

Dr. Reedy defines and discusses what makes for emotional safety. He talks about how emotional safety heals us and how repeated exposure to an emotional safe person changes our nervous system permanently. He explains that when the “big people” from our childhood were unable to sit with us and our feelings, we learned to hide and protect ourselves… and these efforts to protect ourselves become our mental illnesses.

Emotional Safety - Ep 671

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on parenting and boundaries. He explains how compassion is born by our boundaries. He explains that children and partners will inevitably require us to face aspects of ourselves we have avoided. We will have to fail, come up short and own our limitations as we practice self-care and attempt to meet our loved ones with love and compassion.

Carrying Your Own Shadow (A.M.A.) - Ep 672

Dr. Reedy talks about what it means to hold space for another, what gets in the way of doing so and how this impacts the development of a child or the client in therapy. He explains that seeing someone is the key to mental health and resiliency and that the foundation of our ability to do that is in how we have managed to heal our own narcissistic wounding (the wounding of not being seen and accepted as we are).

The Science of Holding Space - Ep 673

Dr. Reedy talks about the 8 simple tools he has discovered that can make a difference in any relationship.

8 Tools For Transforming Relationships - Ep 283

Dr. Reedy talks about the notion of being a good parent. The shift is from being right and good to being a Self. He suggests that the task of parenting is to raise a healthy Self and that this requires rare capacity.

Challenging Notions of What it Means to Be a Good Parent - Ep 309

Dr. Reedy defines narcissist wounding as the wound of not being seen. While narcissism is used casually and often as an insult, it comes from deep childhood wounding and attachment fractures. He debunks myths that suggest that narcissism comes from overindulging children or permissive parenting. Dr. Reedy explains that we all have some wounding and all have some attributes of narcissism.

Narcissism and the Narcissistic Wound – Ep 322

Taking live questions from audience members, Dr. Brad Reedy talks about triangulation—how when one problem in a family is resolved, tensions start to mount in other relationships. He also talks about how boundaries and self-care are necessary so that we can provide compassionate service to others.

Justification, Boundaries, and Caring for Others: Q&A December 30, 2020 - Ep 368

Finding You Therapy Programs is an experientially based therapeutic program serving individuals, parents, couples, and families. Email the host drbradreedy@gmail.com

Finding You: with Dr. Brad Reedy

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