Dr. Reedy revisits his favorite book on boundaries, “The Dance of Anger,” by Harriet Lerner. He talks about how guilt and fear must be faced for us to set boundaries and become who we are. He explains that anger is a signal that we need to take better care of ourselves. He also explains how we do everything (blame, argue, guilt others, complain, rage, debate, reason, etc.) except set a boundary to get others to change to avoid doing the harder work.

Healthy Boundaries and Harriet Lerner’s “The Dance of Anger” - Ep 450

Dr. Brad Reedy explains the definitions of masculine and feminine energies and how they differ from the terms "sex" and "gender." He then goes on to discuss the qualities of each and how we are at our best when we accept and cultivate a balance of both within us. He also touches on toxic and healthy masculine and feminine traits.

The Masculine and Feminine Energy in Each of Us - Ep 465

In this podcast, Dr. Brad Reedy talks about sex as it relates to parenting teens and young adults. He covers topics such as consent, promiscuity/sexual "acting out," sexual double standards for boys and girls, and how to walk the line between privacy and safety for a child who is under 18. He also makes the case that parents' attitudes/shame/hang ups about sex will have an impact on how their children feel about sex, how they talk about it, and how safe they feel opening up about it.

Let's Talk About Sex - Ep 468

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses the book No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, PhD. He covers Schwartz's writings on the parts of the self, the eight C's of Internal Family Systems, and other concepts elucidated in the book. Reedy ends with key takeaways from the work that overlap with Evoke's philosophy. Find out more at www.evoketherapy.com

Book Review: No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, PhD. with a Forward by Alanis Morrissette - Ep 475

Dr. Reedy explains the concept of boundaries: where they come from, what they are, and the barriers we have to setting them. He explains that surrender, choosing how to lose, is a key component in developing healthy boundaries.

Boundaries & Choosing How to Lose - Ep 513

Dr. Reedy talks about marriage and couples. He explains how intimacy is painful, difficult, and requires us to so the work of facing our own issues. He explains how talking tends to be a taking thing and listening tends to be a giving thing. Dr. Reedy explains that the start of the marriage and our ideas and projections on it to give us all our childhood didn’t provide are the energies and issues that later become chasms.

Couple Work, Intimacy, and Individuation - Ep 517

Dr. Reedy talks about what to do when loved ones aren’t willing to look at their part in things. He answers questions on boundaries with children and how learning to love our horrible, rotten self is the key to freedom and leads to reduced suffering.

Getting My Spouse To Do Their Work (Q&A) - Ep 540

Dr. Reedy explores the difference between enabling and authentic behavior in parenting. He also talks about letting go vs. trying to control what others feel, think, and do. He explains how guilt and shame must be dealt with on our path towards greater mental health.

Is it Enabling or Not? (Q&A) - Ep 552

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from audience members on dating in sobriety, the relationship among guilt/shame/regret/and a humble apology. He talks about the necessity of doing your own work and how not doing it asks your children (and partner) to carry your burden for you.

Guilt/Shame/Regret & a Humble Apology (Q&A) - Ep 556

Dr. Reedy takes questions from the live audience on how to effectively encourage those we love to seek treatment. He explains that resistance is a threat response, and the primary objective is to create safety. He explains how curiosity replaces judgment and he explains how and why a sense of self and boundaries must be at the foundation of anything we do with those we love. He gives the audience an assignment to apologize to the identified patient as a starting point for creating safety.

Reducing Resistance (Q&A) - Ep 565

Dr. Reedy talks about the shift that occurs when parents turn inward. He talks about how parents can model vulnerability and accountability. He uses communication skills to illustrate that the work of healing is to take responsibility for your own life. He explains that what happened to us as children is not our fault but how dealing with it and healing from it is our responsibility.

Suporting Your Child While You Are Still Healing - Ep 566

Dr. Reedy talks about principles involved in discovering and setting healthy boundaries. He explains that boundaries are synonymous with - or come out of - self-care. He warns against trying to explain your boundaries and using boundaries to change other people.

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries (& Self-Care) - Ep 572

Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Rebellion and the Cure - Ep 576

“My Child is Avoiding Their Work” (Q&A) - Ep 577

Dr. Reedy discuss the shadow and how the repressed energy of our unconscious impacts our behaviors and relationships. He talks about how to recognize the shadow and how to unpack and heal so that we don’t ask our children and our partners to carry our unconscious, undone work.

Shadow Work - Ep 584

Dr. Reedy talks about communication skills and how “why” we share is more important than the words we use.

Communication Theory and Skills - Ep 598

Dr. Reedy explains how love and fear are driving forces in our unconscious, motivating much of our behavior. He explains that we need to learn to distinguish between love and fear and understand when we are taking from others and when and how we can show our love to our children and partners.

Love and Fear - Ep 604

Dr. Reedy explores the definition and origins of Codependency. He explains that the root of codependency is the way parents and other big people talk to and respond to the child. Codependency is a modern term that encompasses anxious attachment styles. He explains that codependency is NOT the cause of addiction in another but rather is at the core of all addictions. He teaches that healing codependency does not cure another person’s addiction but only resolves the codependency in the individual who is healing.

Trauma and Codependency - Ep 616

Dr. Reedy discusses the foundations of healthy family dynamics. He talks about how the identified patient becomes the scapegoat for other family members’ undone work.

Healthy Family Dynamics - Ep 623

Dr. Reedy discusses why personal work is the basis for all our relationship issues and challenges. He takes live questions from the audience on psychedelics, religion, children using marijuana, and how to respond to these issues.

The Relationship with Yourself First (Q&A) - Ep 632

Dr. Reedy discusses the risk of practicing gratitude and proposes that a more effective route might be by learning to feel all our feelings. He explains toxic positivity, gaslighting and spiritual bypass. He talks about Thanksgiving and the pressure to feel a certain way and what to do about that.

Why NOT to Practice Gratitude - Ep 634

Dr. Reedy discusses his first book, The Journey of the Heroic Parent and how his work has evolved since then. He describes the goal of the book as one to help parents become their own expert by learning how to think differently about parenting. He emphatically invites parents to do their own work and to explore their own histories, their own psychology.

The Journey of the Heroic Parent: 10-Years Later  - Ep 663

Dr. Reedy discusses how skills and tools don’t make up the transformative substance of our therapy journey. He talks about a “transformation of consciousness” that occurs when we are deeply changed. He explains ego-death and how fear and love are the primary forces that drive our behavior. He explains that therapy is not about improvement but rather about self-compassion, increased consciousness, and rests on a foundation of sense of safety.

How Behavioral Therapy Falls Short - Ep 670

Dr. Reedy defines and discusses what makes for emotional safety. He talks about how emotional safety heals us and how repeated exposure to an emotional safe person changes our nervous system permanently. He explains that when the “big people” from our childhood were unable to sit with us and our feelings, we learned to hide and protect ourselves… and these efforts to protect ourselves become our mental illnesses.

Emotional Safety - Ep 671

Dr. Reedy talks about what it means to hold space for another, what gets in the way of doing so and how this impacts the development of a child or the client in therapy. He explains that seeing someone is the key to mental health and resiliency and that the foundation of our ability to do that is in how we have managed to heal our own narcissistic wounding (the wounding of not being seen and accepted as we are).

The Science of Holding Space - Ep 673

Dr. Reedy discusses the issue related to individuals choosing to cut contact with their family members. He also talks about what to do when you are on the receiving end of this kind of boundary.

Choosing To Go "No Contact" with Family - Ep 675

Dr. Reedy reviews the book by Richard Bach, the author of Jonathon Livingston Seagull. Illusions is the allegory of a “Master Messiah” as he passes his wisdom on to Richard, the apprentice. The overarching message of the book is that we are accountable and responsibility for our own meaning, our own happiness. His telling illustrates that such a message is often rejected because we don’t want to take on the responsibility for our lives – we want to blame our unhappiness on our circumstances, on others.

Illusions, by Richard Bach (Book Review) - Ep 681

Dr. Reedy discuss the impact of family of origin roles and rules on our psyche. He talks about how we can repair wounds and trauma we experienced. He emphasized the need for overt and explicit communication rather than covert and implicit messaging. He explains how therapy, sitting with a different perspective, can shift the ideas we have sometimes unconsciously internalized.

Family of Origin: Rules, Roles, and Repair - Ep 685

Dr. Reedy addresses the two main tasks of intimacy – sharing and listening. He talks about the capacity required to deeply hear and listen to another. He explains that talking tends to be a taking thing and listening requires healing and significant capacity.

Intimacy – Talking and Taking - Ep 686

A New Look at Boundaries and Letting Go - Ep 687

Dr. Reedy takes questions from audience members and live participants of the Finding You Inner Circle. He talks about how un-owned codependency becomes a burden to those close to us, how to navigate a relationship where we are repeatedly betrayed, and how to respond when a child is baiting the parent to react.

Ask Me Anything with Dr. Brad Reedy - Ep 688

Young Adults - Ep 689

Dr. Reedy discusses the difference between therapy and a podcast. He explains that ultimately, we must face what is presenting itself to us in our lives. We must go in and through the pain and difficulty to discover news resources that lie within all of us. He talks about how we avoid parts of ourselves and repress feelings, characteristics, or traits in order to fit in and how the problems that bring us to therapy are a call to the hero’s adventure.

Responsibility and Acceptance - Ep 690

Resistance - Ep 691

Spirituality and Therapy - Ep 692

Dr. Reedy discusses whether going home for the holidays is the best thing for us. He discusses the guilt, shame and obligation that’s “baked-in” to us when it comes to visiting family or maintaining relationships we have outgrown. He doesn’t offer advice but rather takes the audience through the questions and the thinking that goes into our relationships. He explains that a task in attachment is to let go of others when they need to be somewhere else and how many people feel compelled to spend time with family and others because of unconscious obligations. The nature of the parent-child dynamic is discussed and how it can be turned upside-down when children feel the need to take care of parents’ emotional well-being and egos.

Home for the Holidays? - Ep 693

Consequences & Boundaries - Ep 694

Dr. Reedy talks about the 8 simple tools he has discovered that can make a difference in any relationship.

8 Tools For Transforming Relationships - Ep 283

Dr. Brad Reedy talks about entitlement in children and offers a unique perspective. He explains how terms like "spoiled," "selfish," and even "entitled" are used by adults to shame children so that the adult doesn't have to own and deal with boundary setting. He explains barriers to setting boundaries and encourages parents to do their own work to improve in this area. He also talks about how parents are shamed through labels like "helicopter-parent," "enmeshed," or even "codependent."

Entitlement 2019 - Ep 280

Dr. Reedy talks about codependency and healthy detachment. He offers a definition of healthy detachment and describes the art of boundaries. He suggest healthy detachment is synonymous with healthy connection, attachment, and intimacy.

Healthy Detachment  - Ep 244

Dr. Reedy talks about the notion of being a good parent. The shift is from being right and good to being a Self. He suggests that the task of parenting is to raise a healthy Self and that this requires rare capacity.

Challenging Notions of What it Means to Be a Good Parent - Ep 309

Dr. Reedy defines narcissist wounding as the wound of not being seen. While narcissism is used casually and often as an insult, it comes from deep childhood wounding and attachment fractures. He debunks myths that suggest that narcissism comes from overindulging children or permissive parenting. Dr. Reedy explains that we all have some wounding and all have some attributes of narcissism.

Narcissism and the Narcissistic Wound – Ep 322

Dr. Reedy talks about healthy detachment, boundaries, and letting-go of outcomes. He points out that healthy detachment is synonymous with healthy attachment and that to move away from codependency, we must be willing to do battle with our guilt.

Healthy Detachment and Letting-Go of Outcomes - Ep 328

Dr. Brad Reedy, Evoke Executive Clinical Director, talks about Existential Therapies including Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy. He talks about how clients and parents can live in “good faith” or “bad faith.” He talks about the spiritual aspects of transcending one’s facticity (the circumstance in their lives) allowing them the feeling of peace in turbulent times.

Existential Therapy - Ep 347

Introducing Inner Circle, our new premium Finding You podcast experience. Support the show and receive access to exclusive content, bonus AMA episodes, and more. Join at findingyou.supercast.com

Finding You Therapy Programs is an experientially based therapeutic program serving individuals, parents, couples, and families.  Email the host drbradreedy@gmail.com

Finding You: with Dr. Brad Reedy

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