1960s-style secret agent theme. Organ, Mellotron strings, synth, lead bass guitar, autoharp, double bass, Latin percussion.

Organ and Mellotron strings: Nord Electro 3
Autoharp: iPad app
Double bass: Stagg EDB 3/4
Lead bass guitar: Encore Precision copy
Synth: Korg Volca Keys

One Of Our Agents

Extended version of Tom Lehrer's "We Will All Go Together When We Go". Added lyrics by Robin Johnson, with banjolele, electric bass, ocarina, cajon, diddleybow and atom bomb

LYRICS
When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner or l-
ater, those you love will do the same for you;
And you may have thought it tragic,
Not to mention other adjec-
tives, to think of all the weeping they will do
But don't you worry;
No more ashes, no more sackcloth,
And an armband made of black cloth
Will someday never more adorn a sleeve;
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbours too,
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve

And we will all go together when we go!
What a comforting fact that is to know!
Universal bereavement,
An inspiring achievement;
Yes, we all will go together when we go

We will all go together when we go,
All suffused with an incandescent glow;
No one will have the endurance
To collect on their[1] insurance;
Halliburton[2] will be loaded when they go

And we will all fry together when we fry;
We'll be French fried potatoes by and by;
There will be no more misery
When the word is our rotisserie;
Yes, we all will fry together when we fry

Down by the old maelstrom
There'll be a storm before the calm

And we will all bake together when we bake;
There'll be nobody present at the wake;
With complete participation
In that grand incineration
We will all be hunks of overdone Trump steak

We will all char together when we char
And may[3] there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that ICBM
And the party will be come as you are

We will all burn together when we burn!
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn;
When it's time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn

We will all boil together when we boil;[4]
There will be no blood or tears or sweat or toil;
In that worldwide kerfuffle
We will all promptly shuffle
Simultaneously off this mortal coil

We will all roast together when we roast[4]
From Malaysia to the West Pacific coast;
Come that global nuclear crisis,
We'll be seven billion slices
Of artisinal organic wholegrain toast

We will all stew together when we stew;[4]
Frankly, there won't be much else for us to do;
When that judgement day comes dawning
There will be no early warning;
We’ll just vanish like in Terminator 2

We will all grill together when we grill,[4]
So there's no point in making out your will;
In that final blaze of glory
At the closing of our story
It'll rain fire and fury, then go still

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas;
Go directly; do not pass Go; do not collect two hundred dollars

And we will all go together when we go[4]
From Los Angeles to Rome to Tokyo!
There will be no more cryin’ eyes
When we all photoionise;
Yes, we all will go together when we go

We will all go together when we go[4]
In an awe-inspiring pyrotechnic show!
When those cores begin to fission
There’ll be no queue for admission;
Yes, we all will go together with go

SPOKEN: One of the big news items of the past year concerned the fact that China, which we call Red China, had exploded a nuclear bomb, which we called a device... and proliferation became the word of the day.[5] I feel that if any songs are gonna come out of World War III, we'd better start writing them now.[6]

And we will all go together when we go—
Every janitor and every CEO;[7]
When those nuclei start splitting
We will all go at one sitting;[8]
Yes, we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go

CHANGES
1. Was "his"
2. Was "Lloyds of London"
3. Corrected from "let" to "may" as in the Tennyson poem
4. These six verses are my originals
5. From Lehrer's recorded introductions to "Who's Next?" and…
6. …"So Long, Mom"
7. Replaces a line that Hasn’t Aged Well, "Every h*ttentot and every Eskimo"
8. Replaces "When the air becomes uranious/We will all go simultaneous"

We Will All Go Together When We Go (Extended)

released date 07.06.2015 
re-mastered date: 10.01.2016 
re-mastered on SC: 11.01.2016 

All Rights Reserved ©

Battle of the Stars

Mr Beanbag: Sentries' Parade

I've decided to do a podcast every month in 2017. This one has conversations with myself, short stories and songs about the January blues and a shopping basket on top of a bus stop. There's also an attempt at a variety show, a couple of jokes/adverts and a lot of jingles. 

Thanks to Mike Spragg, Tom Laws and Chris Cooper for contributions. If you want to send me anything or just tell me that you think I'm a bit of a knob my email is beardybollocks@gmail.com and I'm @beardybollocks on twitter,

Everyone gets the blues in January

Two American old-time string band fiddle tunes played by Lois Hornbostel on Southern Appalachian mountain dulcimer. From Lois's CD "Dulcimer Jubilee!" Ken Bloom, guitar and Jeff Furman, banjo join in on Hangman's Reel."

Dulcimer Jubilee!

Little Billy Wilson/ Hangman's Reel

Released at Slipstock 2017.  AMIGAAAAAAA!

Apologies to The Clash.  I can't believe I actually released something with me singing in a relatively non-nerdy way.  Greets to everyone who was there and everyone who couldn't make it.  It's 8am the next day and my head hurts now.  Peace!

Darling you've got to let me know
Should I dub or should I bro?
If you say you like the bass
I'll put a smile on your face
So come on and let me know
Should I dub or should I bro?

It's always wub wub wub
You're happy when I play the sub
One day it's Skream, the next Skrillex
What are you spinning on your decks?
So come on and let me know
Should I dub or should I bro?

Should I dub or should I brostep?
Should I dub or should I brostep?
If I dub there will be bassline
And if I bro it will go double time
So come on and let me know
Should I dub or should I bro?

This indecision's bugging me
How many genres do we need?
And what is trap supposed to be?
Who cares so long as it is filthy
Come on and let me know
Should I dub or should I bro?

Should I Dub or Should I Bro

Sometimes you find an old finished track lying around and it doesn't sound as bad as you remembered.

Starglasses

Better stay out of my way on April Fool's day
or with my humour I will slay you with my hilarious japes

Random

April fools day

Just thought I'd Paulstretch the most tense piece of music ever made

Countdown Theme Paulstretched

Edinburgh-based busker, playwright, programmer and mucker-abouter with various instruments, my favourite being the Appalachian mountain dulcimer or hogfiddle.
For tips, Paypal robindouglasjohnson@gmail.com - thank you!

I also play (or at least play with): alto saxophone, piano, guitar, electric bass, ocarina, kalimba, cajon, banjo, ukelele, and banjolele.

We Will All Go Together When We Go (Extended)

Dulcimer Johnson

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