WINTER'S WAIT

OH PAIN

This is the 3rd of 10 song previews I am sharing, leading up to the 2/12/13 release date of my album. Thank you for your continued encouragement and support of my first single “Oh Pain”

Today’s song is: OPEN HANDS feat Genevieve Simpson

Five years ago, my Aunt Naomi Stone, a poet, e-mailed me a piece entitled "An Invitation." She said this was one of the few times she felt she wrote something that could be a song. I remembering reading it and instantly being struck by thefirst line..."Hold on to the words, and make them a song, that you can play for me, then let them go, for the music is no longer yours." I saved it and it sat in my inbox for years. As I was writing and choosing songs for the album last year, I remembered this email and instantly felt like it needed to be on the album even before it had melody or music. I opened it up again for the first time in years, sat down at the piano and began working on it. It was a surreal experience and melody ideas and feel came very quickly. The song felt like it was "writing itself" because the theme was resonating so deeply.

In my personal experience, I have found that there is a big difference between holding on to something as a possession and holding on to something as a gift. Money comes and goes. You can budget, but then there are times when unforeseen emergencies happen and you're left without the security you once had. Titles are given and taken away. One day you're the CEO or Regional Manager of a company and then the next day you're at home sending out resumes because of a dip in the economy. Cars, homes, furniture, land etc are "all yours" and then in an instant you can loose them all. This common reality can cause our hands to hold an anxious grip on "things" to the point where we constantly fear losing them. Since our childhood days we've been saying "mine" which is often reprimanded with the word "share." I believe this parental wisdom is trying to teach us to be generous and hold things loosely. And then there's something I've left out thus far...

Love

Ah yes...love. Billy Joel, one of my biggest influences, has a line in his song "And So it Goes" that says "And every time I've held a rose, it seems I only felt the thorns, and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon I suppose." These are the words of a man who has loved and lost, believed and then become cynical. This is a struggle shared by so many. We hope, we are wide eyed, we trust...only to be left hurt, heart broken, jaded and disillusioned.

I must confess that true love scares me at times. In my most fearful moments, the idea of running from new love to new love is appealing to me. It is easier to give away small pieces of myself, only to take them back and leave when fear sets in. However, I refuse to do that...to take the easy route. To love with open hands requires vulnerability, trust and the realization that your heart can be broken at any moment, a scary reality that can lead us to much fear and anxiety within our relationships. I remember having a conversation about jealousy with some friends once and I said "If I act in a possessive manner and constantly fear losing her I just might." I shared it as confident wisdom, but I was counseling my own self at the same time. I have realized that I need to look deeper, to challenge my own fears, and to remember that with great risk comes the greatest love. I want to love for the sake of loving, not for the sake of remaining "safe."

This song, "Open Hands," is song about the mystical and difficult art of holding what you have as a treasure yet releasing it back to it's divine source as if it were being loaned to you. My beautiful Aunt Naomi refers to her source of courage and belief as "The Beloved." She is a friend of my heart, a constant source of love, wisdom and encouragement. Please enjoy this preview featuring the lovely and talented Ms Genevieve Simpson. Genevieve has a moving, soulful voice that erupts out of a beautiful spirit. She also happens to be the woman that inspires me to take risks, to remain vulnerable and try to love open handedly. She lives the concept of this song out daily. This song is a definite theme in our relationship. I am grateful to have found such an amazing woman and for the beautiful privilege to stay present in the fight for love. Peace and love to you my friends.

Open Hands feat. Genevieve Simpson (Preview)

(My mom has given me permission to share this story)

A little over 25 years ago my mom went through a difficult emotional time. This affected her in ways no one could truly understand. Several members of my family made the decision to get her help, so they sent her to be treated in the hospital.  I was about 8 or 9 years old at the time and I didn’t fully understand what was going on. I would hear terms like “Psyche Ward” and I didn’t really know what that meant. Next thing you know we were making regular hospital visits to see my mom.

I remember when my family would arrive to visit her we’d always come to this door that led us down a long hallway. This hallway led to another door which had to be unlocked for us to get in. We’d walk in and my little eyes would see grown men walking around in hospital gowns speaking loudly as if they were having a conversation with someone…but no was near them. I remember the eyes of this one woman, deep set and lifeless, staring straight ahead as she stumbled down the aisles of this section of the hospital known as the “South Wing.” We’d finally arrive to a room where my mother would be sitting on her bed. Often times she’d have a friend with her who she’d introduce to us by name. She would talk to the people of the south wing with great interest and loving kindness, as if they were special guests at reception. I remember being one on one with her and carrying on conversations, laughing and enjoying being in the presence of the woman who gave me life. It was a tough experience that lasted for a short time, but it seemed much longer than it actually was. She was eventually let out and sent back to her safe haven called home. She certainly had changed, but she was still my mom, beautiful, intelligent and strong.

About 7 years ago I began writing a song about those memories. When I sat down at the piano one of the first lyrical phrases that came out was “Do you know my name, can you hear me when I call?” In a conversation not to long after beginning to write this song, my Aunt and I were talking about this experience with my mom. She shared with me something that floored me. She said she remembered me asking my mom a question during one of those hospital visits….

“Do you know my name?”

She did not know I was writing this song, and that those were the opening words of the chorus. I did not remember asking this as a child. It’s amazing what stays in the subconscious and can be brought out through something as healing and lovely as music. This song was originally called “Long Hall” referencing the giant hall leading up to where my mom was in the hospital. I changed it to “Long Haul” because an experience like that never leaves someone. There is healing that comes over time but the story remains apart of all who were involved. My mom is a beautiful, brilliant and brave woman. She is witty and sharp in our conversations and she is truly one of my heroes. Just like she knew her friends in the south wing by name and loved them, she continues to love everyone in a way that inspires me.

This song is for you mom…I will love you forever

Dustin Ah Kuoi

Popular tracks