take me down some old back road
i don’t want to be here but i don’t wanna go home
ive had so many fever dreams
and when i dream i don’t really sleep

i’m wrapped up in these hollow walls
spiders chase me down the school halls
i’m stuck in place with my frozen face
i’m terrified and just trying to hide

scoop me up from your high place
i don’t care that it’s not your real name
i’ll call u whatever u wish to be
i’ll paint u a star and save your seat
crawling up the back of my head
i will crush all of your eight legs
insects dance inside my brain
thats where moths will take the stage
fluttering their dusty wings
keeping me from thinking straight

mom says i don’t really rhyme
i guess she’s right but only this time
but i woke up again to find the truth
none of it was spent with you
i don’t know if you’re even real
probably created in a brain dead deal
not to say that you were bad
because u made me really glad
im singing about a girl i met in my dreams
the only thing is she didn’t like me
and tho i will always respect that
she always complemented my hat
mixed signals are coming my way
and now it’s the end of today

good kids get short ends
paper cuts around the bend
i’ve never been on a rollercoaster
i’ll never say i’ve seen what u think of me

i look down at my feet
to keep from seeing me
but i miss out on the trees
and all the good around me
flores y paraguas
sunny skies and bologna
i know that’s not how u say it
but who really cares who will damn it
did u catch that line up there
it was in a language i’m still learning here
too bad spanish class is actually hell
make good choices and fare well

speaking of the fairest things
fair weather friend is really lonely
not only that but now she knows
what it’s like to be all alone
uncomfortable in your expensive clothes
unusual in your keyboard home
people they don’t. recognize you
that’s okay, take off your shoes
make yourself here at home
find out what it is you own
is it your hair, is it your name
grow it out and take the stage

good kids get short ends
paper cuts around the bend
i’ve never been in a haunted house
however i’ve seen things oh so ghostly
yes i’ve seen band wagon copies
oh no i’ve seen yellow sprinkled sparsely
call me john, call me harshly
i don’t know him, i’m falling slightly
i’ve never been in a haunted house
unless you count 1921 51st street south

i’ve been haunted, without the chainsaws yes
i feel ghouls embrace and encompass
my feet will scream, my bones will shake
take me out to the higher stakes
i’ll risk it all, i’ll do it quick
please remember not to forget

good kids get short ends
paper cuts around the bend
i’ve never been on a rollercoaster
i’ll never tell i’ve seen. what u think of me

anxiety comes. with word vomit
it’s not just mean girls, it’s very real and
i guess that’s all, goodbye steven
i guess that all, goodbye heathens
i guess that all, later alligator
i guess that’s all, i won’t see you later

good kids. get short ends
i’ll always love, but can’t always pretend
good kids. get short ends
i’ll always love, but can’t always pretend
good kids. get short ends
i’ll always love, but can’t always pretend

Good Kids Get Short Ends

i thought i was learning
to kill my subconscious
but really i was learning to 
kill my creativity
all in the name of
doing something differently
all in the fear of
things staying the same

how dare i assume
i am different
your brain is a muscle
your heart is one, too
how dare i assume
i would lose everything
creation is a spell
but my spirit has been bruised

prodigy philosphy
practice admits weakness
when i'm afraid of failure
i seek out my own meekness
i stare at it for awhile
then i ask it to stay
i sink my teeth into it
then i dig my own grave

its easy enough to be the one who
spreads the message of
genuine authenticity
and giving yourself love
but no matter who says it
its simply not enough
no matter how hard you believe
you're gonna wanna give up

why should i try to thrive
when i've been trying to get by?
if i know im gonna fail
then why wouldnt i bail?
without my sense of purpose
my passion just seems worthless
without my sense of hope
i just start to let go

ive been trying to rewire
my head my chest and my desire
but it takes so much more than
just your willpower
so i write up a plan
i rewrite my schedule
but i never stick to it
because im scared of the rebuttal

i used to welcome judgment
i wanted to be heard
but now i dont care for it
because it does me no good
being listened to is
simply not enough
when no one enjoys your words
its so easy to shut up
speak my needs into existence
give myself what i cant go without
lose my friends to my insistence
then wonder what it was all about
lose my self esteem
just to melt into a puddle now
question everything
just to fall back in line some how

i dont think im missing
anything that important
ive just lost myself
and my ability to make potions
ive just lost my magic
and my love for writing poems
ive just lost my voice
and my joy has grown slim

i feel empty where i used to be filled to the brim (x2)

so of course i ask
whats the fucking point?
maybe this will pass
or maybe ill just disappoint

Fear Of Failure

I can’t remember the last
Couple of winters
I can only remember
What is gone
My dads ex wife and
My ex step mom
Her grandma Susie
Her mother’s hugs
Winter meant gross
Jackets that didn’t fit
It meant mom and dad fighting
Over who would buy them
So I can’t remember the last I
Couple of winters
Because I think I
Spent them alone
No ugly jacket to keep me warm
No big hugs to keep me sane
No self love, nothing was the same
No fucking passion for anything
Winters meant Smokey
Late bonfire nights
Adults talking and laughing
Under starry skies

When everything got quiet
When I knew I was alone
Nothing brought me heat
And suddenly my heart grew cold
But Instead of heavy coats
There were stares of disgust
At my old baggy hoodies
No one wanted to discuss
The way my eyes got darker
The way my heart seemed to shrink
Only anger and lonely crying
No one seemed to think
Of the ways I changed
Of the person I used to be
Yeah I think I spent them
I think it was just myself and me

I’m not blaming anyone
I know we were all going through things
But losing the ones you love
It compares to almost nothing
And if they could only see
The way I was hurting
Maybe they would understand
Why I wanted to keep burning
Burning up with rage
Burning up with anxiety
What else are you supposed to do
When you have only the fire and lightning
Only the fire you’re fighting
To keep you from freezing up
When you have no more hugs
When you don’t know how to accept love

I can’t remember
The last couple of winters
I know it’s because
I spent them alone
I can’t remember
The last time I held your fingers
I know it’s because
I haven’t had a home
I can’t feel you now
Can you feel how I’m down?
I’m sorry it’s just
I don’t know how to have hope

Winters (2020)

This is for everyone who has had a rough life and keeps finding it to be harder with the way in which the world is progressing. I'm looking for hope alongside you.

I know that I am not unique
In thinking that life has been so extraordinarily
Difficult, insensible, insatiable, irrational
I’m not lying when I say my color died
I’m not kidding, my soul runs & hides
What are we missing
What time can we bide?
What are we missing
What time can we bide?

I’m not the only one to say
My childhood had been distressing
And a few know the way
My highschool years were so depressing
Now with the life I have today
Everyday just seems heartbreaking
Economy & Government, Disability & Environment
How can we get over it
When everyday we’re getting through it?
How can we get over it
When everyday we’re getting through it?
How can we get over it
When everyday we’re getting through it?

Go ahead and just assume
That I am exaggerating
That I am exacerbating
A stupidly simple situation
How can we live in this dying nation?
You know what I’m talking about
You hear our voices getting loud
I’m screaming for some unity
I’m begging for a community
I pray that you can believe me
I pray that you can believe me

Maybe I’m too sensitive
For the current world we live in
I want to create something new
I want to stop the world from sinking

There’s so much life left to live
There’s so much love left to give
There’s so much hope under my skin
Untapped potential seeping in

I strive to have some impact
Even if it doesn’t last
I would love to know my worth
But that’s not how this shit works
X2

Call me toxic, call me insane
But at least dig deep when you cut open my brain

The older generations
Are always thinking
That we’re lying
That we’re dramatizing
Maybe they can seek the truth
Through the product they’re advertising
Maybe they can seek more youth
Through the denial in desperate lighting
Not all that long ago
It was routine for lead poisoning
I don’t believe in hitting kids
Because I believe in listening
Even if chemtrails don’t exist
The pesticides are killing us
No matter what they insist
The cause & effect is disastrous
No matter what they insist
The cause & effect is disastrous
No matter what they insist
The cause & effect is disastrous

Go ahead and just assume
That I am reaching exhaustion
You know we do it often
A stupidly simple situation
The rich are letting us stew in hatred

There's so much life left to live
There’s so much love left gift 
There’s so much potential under my skin
Block out the hate that’s seeping in

I know I’m too sensitive
For the current world we live in
All I want is to start anew
And to feel alive again

Everyday

lyrics:
She grabbed the candle
One that would not light
She held his hand and
Said let’s play, not fight

I, was too tired
To make sense, of the time
That we spent
Not on the RV yet
I still don’t know
Where that time went

Silly little curly girl
Laughed when my doll screamed
She liked him so much
Even more than me
I let her love him
I hadn’t heard that laugh
In so long too
Much time has passed

I was out of it
Already too stressed
But she made the best
Of it

Playing dolls
She smiled
And she had me
Smiling too
Even tho I
Didn’t know why
I was smiling
Who knew?

Playing dolls
She hugged him so tight
And she had me
Tired as hell
But that didn’t matter
In this space of
Inbetweens and 
Whatever she would tell

Wake up wake up!
Dolls would jump
Sleep now sleep now!
Dolls would slump
And it wasn’t until
Mom has called
That I too was
Ready to fall

Silly little curly girl
Laughed when my doll screamed
She liked him so much
Even more than me
I let her love him
I hadn’t heard that laugh
In so long too
Much time has passed

Playing With Dolls

lyrics:
The day was okay
Just some tension in the air
Until the RV came
And then the tears appeared
We had been quiet until
Doors shut a little loud
We cried and grabbed each other
With our words through the cloud

Please come home to me my baby
Please stay safe I love you my honey
Please don’t die now, I need you home already

Don’t do anything stupid
Don’t wander off trails
Stay away from certain circles
Listen to the cautionary tales

Please come home to me my baby
Please stay safe I love you my honey
Please don’t die now, I need you home already

Do you have all of your things?
Earbuds, charger, camera, keys?
I forgot the earbuds
Please forgive me
Do you have all your stuff?
Deodorant, shampoo, and toothbrush?
Yes I do believe
Except the earbuds I have everything.

We cried some more
Panic filled our bodies
I had to hide my feelings
Or create extra follies
I felt my breath quicken
What was I ever going to do?
No turning back now
If only I had corona too.

These are things
Of the goodbye cries
These will later haunt me
When the glue sticks to my eyes
When I don’t wake up in time
When I don’t ever sleep again
These are things
Of the goodbye cries
That have sometimes stopped me
From things I shouldn’t have tried
When I fill up on chips
When I forget to take sips X2

The goodbye cries they
Hurt my body all those days
The tears and salt say
Whispers during the whole way

Please come home to me my baby
Please stay safe I love you my honey
Please don’t die now, I need you home already
X3

Goodbye Cries

lyrics:
We’re not even on the road yet 		
Adults are yelling
Before the tires scream
We’re not even on the road yet
How dare you tell me
What we need?

 - Don’t you know I’m better than you		
Don’t you know I know everything?

- Don’t you know you left all the clothes
For our kids back in their rooms clean?

We’re not even on the road yet
What are you selling?
How did I believe-

The best thing to come from 		
This stupid trip is
The Facebook pictures
Your fake up-turned lips
And we’re not even 
On the road yet
How stupid
Do I seem?
We’re not even
On the road yet
And all I hear is
Yelling

- Don’t you know I’m better than you		
Don’t you know I know everything?

- You’re going to lose your wallet,
I bet you didn’t know these things

- Don’t you know what the government says?
Or what about what’s in your meat and cheese?

- Don’t you know there are bugs in your bed?
and you're so gross, they prefer you over me.

- Don’t you know when to stop taking pictures?
Don’t you know to hide your fucking tears?

- Don’t you know, it’s not just for FaceBook-
Don’t you know how to love or cheer?

And we’re not even on the road yet
How stupid do I seem?
We’re not even on the road yet
And all I hear is yelling

Yelling yelling
And more yelling
Yelling yelling
And more yelling
Yelling yelling
And more yelling
Yelling yelling
And more yelling

Why did I ever think
For even just a moment
This could be something
That didn’t make me cry
Why did I ever think
For even mere minutes
This could be more than
A dragged out goodbye?

Yelling yelling
And more yelling
Yelling yelling
And more yelling
Yelling yelling
And more yelling
Yelling yelling
And more yelling

Yelling Yelling and More Yelling

Dinner tonight is
Simple as anything
Ham and cheese holding
All of these things

Bumping slowly
Hitting elbows harshly
We are moving
Too quickly

Don’t let the mayo
Fall to the floor
We don’t know when
We can stop at a store

Bruises are seeming
to appear now
Cabinets are swinging
Oh my god, how?

Dinner tonight is
Simple as anything
Ham and cheese holding
All of these things
Mayo and bread are
Muffling screams
Lettuce and pickles
Are ripping at the seams, it seems

Sandwich dreams
Pillows of spongy bread
Nightmares of tomatoes and
Lettuce zombie heads
Which of you seem
To have dropped all
your ingredients, they fall
It’s okay, we’re moving
Moving too quickly

And that’s why

Dinner tonight
Is simple as anything
Ham and cheese holding
All of these things

Like your thoughts of your ex
And the thoughts of the deadzones
You just want to sleep
You already don’t know
How you’re going to rest
With this weight on your chest
How you’re going to feel
Because nothing feels real
You must be dreaming
You’re having a bad dream
You are just sleeping
Nightmares that make you weep

Except you shake your head
You pinch your skin
It doesn’t stretch like putty
So you look at the window and
The sky is like a painting
But no more than
It usually is
It is so pretty
Always so pretty
Just eat your sandwich and
Hope you don’t wake up dead

Sandwiches

I remember when your face was bright and hopeful
When mine was too
I remember when we would spend our nights
Looking at the moon
Now upon your face sits circles and lines
Shapes that leave the trace
Of years of heartache and cries
And maybe that's why I am scared

I know I have not been easy,
And when you were at your lowest,
I didn't help then either.
And I don't think I could've
There was so little to make you better.
And maybe that's why I am scared.

You were beautiful then,
you're beautiful now.
After all it's not appearance,
It what you were made of and how

What was once
welcoming and soft, is now
chiseled like a rock.
You're solid. You're strong.
You're as tough as can be.
And I know you wouldn't have gotten there
If it wasn't for all these things.
The way life has shaped us,
Its crashed unto us like waves
Stone cliffs turned to gravel
But it's our spirit that still remains
Stands tall, stands shaky,
but endures more than we ever thought

Still I,
See your rainy skies...

I fear that you resent me
With the bags under your eyes
Or that you'll at least regret me
When you've become sand from life
Because I know I
haven't made it easy
I miss when things were bright
I miss when we were happy

Still all I want is your warmth
Your love, your life, your light
I want to be with you
Even through the stormy nights
When you have nothing to give
You'll still always be enough
I will stay by your side
No matter how easy or rough

Remember when your loved flowed
From your finger tips
Or the way your tongue
Planted it unto mine
Just like a seed
Inside of an orchard
You can use my leaves
To grow your clemintine

Fuck it's loud,
Inside of this cloud.

I want to hold you carefully
The way you hold onto me
Touch me so gentle 
Whisper what you hope
I want to stay in your arms
I want to feel safe from harm
You're good at giving your all
I want to help you cope
Just treat luring me
Back into my body
Like a wild animal
Returning to its home

I'm sorry I'm so scared
The world is just so frightening
And I've had no control
I've lost my peripherals
Tunnel vision like a telescope
The stars aren't in my range
God looks so different now
But you're still so ethereal


You were beautiful then,
you're beautiful now.
After all it's not appearance,
It what you were made of and how
It's everything you were
Anything you will be
All you have become
All the things that are coming
I love you
in your entirety

Entirety V2

I was an anxious kid 'cause I
was made responsible for you
The daring little boy who had
Wanted nothing to do

With what I had to say
To try and keep you safe
You taught me to be brave
But I could never teach you
How to behave

It wasn't your fault
You could just never understand
And it's so isolating

It wasn't your fault
I never meant to leave you
But you never seemed to
Really want me to stay

Ill never forget the
Summers we spent
Playing in the woods,
playing down by the creek 

Good Kids get
Short Ends
Bad kids get
Lenience


Eldest Daughter to Younger Brother Syndrome

i hope this is the song that gets me back into really making music. this is a song about self doubt, but also the desire to do and be better, to protect, to fix things.

coat of limitations v3

This is my music. it's emotional, and it's from the heart. I believe my purpose is expression through creation. <3

I'm a different person all the time; the only way to know me is to know my soul 🎟
You can find it in my music, in my lines of raw emotion.

If I could tell you anything, it would be to let go of that negative energy. It’s no one’s responsibility to hold onto that. It’s no one’s load to carry. 🧸🧩 The earth can hold you 🌠 

There's still so much life to live and love to give.

Go to my Bandcamp & YouTube for more of my work :^) (Bonus content on my TikTok!) Check out my IG to see my art, hang out during livestreams and to keep up with when I put out new music!! @ButterflyCasket

YouTube:
https://youtube.com/@ButterflyCasket
Bandcamp:
https://butterflycasket.bandcamp.com
IG:
https://instagram.com/butterflycasket
TikTok:
tiktok.com/@butterfly.casket

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