this comes right after a row of sad songs in my playlist 💀..

the abomination (is that how you spell it??) - Part 1

Last One Standing (feat. Polo G, Mozzy & Eminem)

Last One Standing (From Venom: Let There Be Carnage)

Gravity Falls

December pulls up like a mall cop with a receipt scanner, demanding proof that you are a functioning adult with unlimited funds and holiday cheer reserves. Stores blasting cinnamon-scented warfare. Kids acting like a discontinued toy is a national emergency. Parents doing math in their heads like Olympic athletes while a snowman mannequin judges them from across the aisle.

If you feel personally attacked by flashing sale signs, or if your bank app sends you “are you okay” notifications every weekend, congratulations. You survived another seasonal capitalism ritual.

Play this while ignoring 400 unread promo emails calling you “friend.”

This holiday season, love is not enough
It must be verified, financed, and delivered on time
Emotional intent does not qualify for free shipping
Give the only gift that proves you care
Give the Gift of Shiitake

Every ad says my love has a price tag
Limited time, do not let your kid lag
Algorithm knows exactly what they want
Targeted my feed with the perfect taunt

Tiny hands pressed to the toy store glass
Reading off a list like a clearance pass
Card keeps failing, get the cashier stare
Like every real parent finds a way to pay fair

YouTube kids sold them thirty brands by name
Unbox therapy wired into their brain
Now my love gets measured in the cart, not my time
Barcodes pulling rank on my spine

They say do not be the reason that they cry again
Do you want your child to feel less than their friends
Click yes to guilt, click yes to doubt
Click yes and let the system price your heart out

Give the gift of Shiitake, show you care in the approved way
Scan the code and bend, obey, or joy gets taken away
If you love them you must pay, that is what the slogans say
Stamp your worth in holiday gray
Give the gift of Shiitake

Shiitake, Shiitake
Do you love your kids
Then you pay

Screen shows perfect families in matching red
Kitchen spotless, mountain of gifts by the bed
I got mine early in the captions scroll
Soft flex weapon straight into my soul

I worked overtime just to make the list shrink
But the list regenerates faster than I can think
Three jobs deep just to chase one smile
While they just want me home for a little while

Fine print crawling where no one can see
Side effects include long term envy
Annual tantrums, chronic despair
And thinking gifts mean I was there

Results not guaranteed, love sold separately
Parental guilt included at no extra fee

They say do not be that parent on the list this year
The one who could not prove their cheer
Click yes to shame, click yes to fear
Click yes and trade next month’s rent to prove you care

Give the gift of Shiitake, show you care in the approved way
Scan the code and bend, obey, or joy gets taken away
If you love them you must pay, that is what the slogans say
Stamp your worth in holiday gray
Give the gift of Shiitake

Scan, swipe, sign, obey
Shiitake is the only way

Alert, child detected without Shiitake
Flagging to Naughty List Surveillance
Parental love score under review
Recommended action increase spending by forty percent

I see the warning glowing on my phone
Compliance failing, you are not keeping up with the tone
My kid just wants time and a blanket fort
But the system grades us like a credit report

So I hold their face, feel their breath on my sleeve
I whisper your worth is not what I can buy you to believe
You are enough without the box, the bow, the branded proof
Let the ledger mark me as a holiday threat
I am done trading rent for manufactured regret

Keep your gift of Shiitake, I will love them in my own way
No more swiping just to say I earned a passing grade today
You can take your scripted play, I will write our holiday
If that puts us on your list, okay
We do not need Shiitake

Do you love me
Yeah, I do
Not in payments
Just in truth

Give them something no store can track
Presence they remember when the toys all crack
If anyone asks why you did not comply today
Tell them love is not a product
You can keep your Shiitake

How Bad Can I Be? (feat. The Lorax Singers)

Ed Helms

Recent comments

JESSIE•2026

Logan Worster

WarrenC

Goose

Related tracks