This piece of music helps me.

when I made it, the image conjured in my mind was of a battlefield at night, uninhabited by people, but laden with technological tripwire and military traps beaming flashing blue LEDs. Inside all of the warfare was a bright white spirit, tormented and innocent. 

I wish I was in my womb again

Internal Conflict

https://colorsquadrecords.bandcamp.com/album/c-o-l-o-r-s-q-u-a-d-0-1-2

I made this track a couple of years ago. I remember seeing a couple of girls on Sauchiehall street and being really attracted to them. I had the sensation that due to my low self esteem I would be literally incapable of approaching anyone I was that attracted to. It was a strange moment. I went home and made this track. I was spending a lot of time in bed and rushing essays at the time; Sleeping through all my classes.

I'm not in a very good place in my life at the moment. I've recently started working for a gardening company in Edinburgh after coming home from getting cheated on in North Carolina in Febuary. I'm stressed and keep fucking up at work. I'm in a band also, which doesn't give me enough time to work on my own music the way I'd like. Everything in my life feels rushed and fleeting, some mad scramble. I get depressed often and wish I could cry but I never can. 

All I want to do is create great music and share it with the world the way my idols have in the past, that's all i've ever wanted. But sometimes I doubt my ability to follow in their footsteps, even though I know I'm capable. It often feels there's just an endless sea of musicians these days; infinite competition. Everyone is trying to get their head above the surface to breathe in the air of success and recognition, even if only for a moment before someone else pulls them back down and replaces them. 

I don't want to work some pointless job I don't care about for the rest of my life. I'm already drained. I'm not very smart, or confident. My ultimate nightmare is giving up. If I stopped making music I'd be nothing. Sometimes I think it would be better just to make music alone and not share it, but the act of sharing art and making a connection with the wider world is really the point of the act. I want to belong, but I don't want to be something unnatural.

I want to release ID#2 soon. I think I'm going to put a few hundred pounds behind getting it promoted. I don't really know how to do any of that stuff though. I'm tired.

Glasgow G.

@spoutnikz mix

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfUSPXF25FI

ℑ𝔇#2

You May As Well Die Right Now If You're Never Going To Live For Anything

Mixed by https://soundcloud.com/dr-doctor
Colo(u)r Squad comp 14 entry:
https://colorsquadrecords.bandcamp.com/album/c-o-l-o-r-s-q-u-a-d-0-1-4

ID#2 coming out soon, will be putting both ID#1 / #2 on Spotify too
x

Secret Feelings

https://open.spotify.com/album/0vKh01SechGsRoCRxIGRSY
https://fergusmcqueenie.bandcamp.com/album/id-2

New album "ਮਜ਼ੇਦਾਰ" is also available on Spotify and Bandcamp.

x

I made this track when I first moved to Glasgow in 2021. It was the first time I'd ever lived in a city and the noisy rides I took on the mainline always excited me. I think this track captures that feeling of excitement and youthful wonder.

I'd like to leave a long passage about my life here:

Around the time I had made most of the tracks on ID#2 I was living at home with my parents. I was feeling a little dejected with my music - I had the sensation it was all too formulaic and that I was essentially just polishing old ideas. I've been making music since 14 years old and yet I was, at 23/24, still totally unknown, totally irrelevant. Still not creating music that could stand beside the work of my idols. 

I went to Innerleithen music festival and saw some people I'd hung out with in the past playing music in their band. Afterwards I asked if I could sit in for one of their practice sessions, just out of curiosity. They agreed and when I showed up they already had a Yamaha CS set up for me and told me to play. I made some sweeping sounds between bars, they asked if I wanted to join and I agreed.

I spent 3 years in the band, playing gigs around Edinburgh, going to festivals etc. Within that time I fell into a short relationship with an American girl after a gig in an abandoned quary, went to America to see her and was cheated on while I was there (the lucky lad was a schizophrenic police informant) and then was almost robbed outside a closed McDonalds in North Carolina (long story, had to phone a fat american cop). I came home, moved to Edinburgh, got a full time job with a gardening company, my co-worker being a Canadian ex meth head punk who at one point threatened to throw a pair of secateurs at the back of my head (long story, I quit). Physical labour all day, playing gigs around the city at night.

Around a year ago I met my now girlfriend at a gig we played, she'd attended multiple gigs. It's been a brilliant milestone in my life so far.

Over the last 3 years I haven't made a lot of music. In the past I used to make a piece of music every single day (even an entire EP one day) - it was my entire life. Now my life is far more complicated (adulthood). My average life is too demanding for my temperament.

I'm 27, going on 28. My band seems as though it about to reach it's end for reasons I won't go into. My parents are very old now, I have no siblings so I'll be looking after them soon. I'm very scared of my life. In all honesty, I'm not really sure how I got here. Life made sense when creating music was all I did.

I still have large creative ambitions. My plan is to create ID#3, making the best music I possibly can, by the end of next year. Then I'm going to embark on a very ambitious project with orchestral elements, which I hope to put my entire self into; a project which will stand the test of time and make an impression on music culture. 

This may sound lofty, but it is possible. I know I have the ability to do so, I only question my will power, and ability to have full faith my passion. People have done it before me, and my life is inspired by those people. I want to give back to music that which it gave me.

My music is now on Spotify, Bandcamp and Youtube (+ a couple of music videos I made with friends).
https://youtu.be/AfUSPXF25FI?si=iWfrmKtwwwL7jhiq

Ps. 
If you've been listening to my music for a while, or just discovered me and find me interesting, please don't forget about me, because at some point I'm going to do something important and significant. It'll be completely new, and brilliant, and everyone who listens to it will know that I gave everything to make it. It'll be my attempt to understand God. The purpose of my entire life distillied into tailored rhythms and melodies. And I guarantee you'll be glad you heard it.

∰

x

∰∰∰

St. Enoch Railway Station

I♥D♥#♥1

Dysania

𝕀𝔻#𝟙

She Has Every Right To Be Proud

https://colorsquadrecords.bandcamp.com/album/c-o-l-o-r-s-q-u-a-d-0-0-8

ID#1 out now https://eggshellgoblin1.bandcamp.com/album/id-1

⬤(⬤)⬤ [DL]

Man Of The Hour

This will be on the ID#2 Project, once I've finished it (likley this year or the beginning of next)

I should be releasing something with https://soundcloud.com/mieke at some point soon.

(Mixed by https://soundcloud.com/dr-doctor)

Fergus JK McQueenie

Pinned to spotlight