Made this back in 2019
P.S. I don't know why the track starts 10 seconds in, this is the only version of the song that I was able to salvage




Seconds wither me
Leaving but a scar
Wish I kept them close
Deep inside my heart
I've been in a daze
Dreaming endlessly
Will I ever wake?
From my enemies?
Treading overhead
Slipping through the cracks
Hiding from myself
As I fade to black
In the world below
With the little light
Can you heal it so?
My forsaken plight?

[x2]
Gears stop turning when I'm awake
Days keep holding me right in place
I just want this nightmare to fade
Please don't say that you'll ever wait

Am I better off never holding on?
Should I write my wrongs way before they're gone
I keep getting lost through each open hall
Can you fix the lock to my broken song?
Rip me all aside till my shadows break
Cut me like a knife till I'm torn astray
I just need a sign of my broken fate
There's nothing to hide under all the shade, yeah

[x2]
Falling

gears

ngl I just ripped this off of youtube since I got 2 versions of the song and can't remember which one I uploaded

holding on (prod. by twofivesix)

Made this back in 2018

P.S. Sorry for the empty space at the end

save my soul (prod. by nojon)

be the change you wish to see (prod. by yutaka hirasaka)

Ripped off of youtube

Cry all night
Go to sleep
Then wake up
And repeat
Wonder why I'm still so weak
Break the floor from under me
I'll return with my soul
Right before the feeling goes
Why can't I see my toes
Can somebody cut the rope?
Hear the cries of the fiends
Mind my business while they feast
All I see are broken dreams
All I need are memories
Paint the walls and the crows
As they drag me down the road
To a place that I know
Guess it's why I feel at home

Has the light ever shown?
Deep inside the world below
Ease the pain from getting close
I just want to feel at home
Am I at the bottom or the top?
Why they keep me down when I'm up
See my halo hanging right above
Guess I really never cared enough
Funny how I'm always on my own
Even when they say I'm not alone
Maybe I should take the blight and roam
To a place the light'll never go
Watch it go until it's almost gone
Everything I've known to love is lost
Did I try too hard to write my wrongs
Why can't I just seem to move along?
In this place that's only kept me low
I could never feel the weight I hold
Is there still another way to go?
All that's left of me in here are bones

Cry all night
Go to sleep
Then wake up
And repeat
Wonder why I'm still so weak
Break the floor from under me
I'll return with my soul
Right before the feeling goes
Why can't I see my toes
Can somebody cut the rope?
Hear the cries of the fiends
Mind my business while they feast
All I see are broken dreams
All I need are memories
Paint the walls and the crows
As they drag me down the road
To a place that I know
Guess it's why I feel at home

the only halo I'll have will be the rope around my neck (prod. by born hero)

entite ring (prod. by discent)

the angel of sleepy hollow (prod. by haruhi)

take me away (prod. by kimj)

Trust me
I know
How it feels to be alone
You're not the only one
That's lived their whole life in the shadows
Trust me
I know
How it feels to be alone
You're not the only one
That's lived their whole life in the shadows
Don't beat yourself up
You did nothing wrong
You just had a little hiccup
By tonight it'll be gone
The same thing used to happen to me all the time
I would cry myself to sleep every night
I lost the respect of everyone around me
It felt like I had no one on my side
Whatever you're feeling now is only temporary
You won't feel like this in the morning
Don't let this one loss get the best of you
I know sometimes it's hard to ignore it
Trust me
I know
How it feels to be alone
You're not the only one
That's lived their whole life in the shadows
Trust me
I know
How it feels to be alone
You're not the only one
That's lived their whole life in the shadows
No one's perfect
Just look at me
I still fuck up
You're not crazy
Just give it some time
Everything will work out
Don't dwell on it
You'll just bring yourself down

Shadows (prod. irby)

keep it moving, you know this ain't window shopping...

Where have you been all my life
Cause you make me feel warm inside
I was starting to think that I'd have to keep settling for less
You've definitely peaked my interest
You're nothing like these other vixens
I never thought that girls like you actually existed in this world
So many girls have stabbed me in the back
I'm shocked my spinal cord is still intact
Your loyalty is all that I ask
Everything else doesn't really mean jack
I'm not saying that I don't care about what you want
I just want to make to sure that nothing goes wrong
I don't know if I could take another loss
The last girl I was with made me write all these songs
This dating shit feels like a neverending cycle
It's honestly gonna turn me into a psycho
I was sweating just from being in your prescene
I was trying so hard not to mess up like a typo
I shouldn't be afraid of showing you my best
I think I'm just afraid of getting too obsessed
Every girl I've met so far reminds me of my ex
I almost thought that all that shit would never end
I want to take you home, but I still need to know
What's your body count and do you still live with your folks
It's all these little things about you that I need to know
I can't be tryna wife someone that doesn't care at all
Trust issues were never good for my health
If I have you I want you all to myself
Why should I have to share you with somebody else
I'm not tryna show you off like a fucking gucci belt
You cut right through the static
If only I had met you back then
You would've saved me from all this hearbreak
I never would've done all this acid
Are you doing anything later?
It's been so long since I've made plans
I used to not believe in fate
If only I had known it then
Being with you feels like taking off a blindfold
Before I met you I was so fucking spiteful
I thought that being real was going out of style
For you I'd definitely go a thousand miles
It's been so long since I've met someone this geninue
And the best part about it is I don't have to pretend
Getting to know you feels like a muhfucking win
I wouldn't be opposed to tatting you on my skin
[x3]
Wouldn't be opposed to tatting you on my skin

you cut right through the static

what was I thinking (prod. 2001 x artemys)

One of many

mixed/mastered: @lilspudxlp

[Chorus]
You made me realize
That everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what I was so afraid of
I think I just needed to clear my mind
I started to feel better when I read through your text
Whatever you wrote me did something to my head
I almost thought I would never get out of that mess
You always make my problems seem like they're not a threat
[Verse 1]
You reminded me that I'm still human
I can't expect everything to always be perfect
We all make mistakes and learn from them
It's the only way to be a better person
I wish someone had told me all this when I was young
I wouldn't have ever considered pulling the plug
Sometimes all we need is just a simple hug
I used to think that opening up wouldn't be enough
[Verse 2]
I used to hate looking at myself
I was insecure if you couldn't tell
You showed me how to have confidence
The cold shoulder was all I ever felt
The only person you can really change is yourself
You can't force your agenda on someone else
Trust me, I had to learn the hard way
If I never reflected I wouldn't be here still
[Chorus]
You made me realize
That everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what I was so afraid of
I think I just needed to clear my mind
I started to feel better when I read through your text
Whatever you wrote me did something to my head
I almost thought I would never get out of that mess
You always make my problems seem like they're not a threat

you made me realize (prod. 2001)

To my brother who doesn't believe in me

mixed/mastered: @lilspudxlp

[Chorus]
Another long night
Another long drive
I'll think about what you said to me this time
I was this close from lashing out
You're lucky I didn't lose my smile
Your words still sting
It's hard to focus
I thought winter was supposed to be the coldest
You've shown me who you really are
You only comment when I miss the mark
[Verse 1]
You only know how to bring me down
I never asked for your criticism
I always clap when I see you doing good
To me it just doesn't make any sense
From now on I won't say anything
I'll just let the music speak for itself
I can't keep losing sleep over what you think
I haven't slept for days in case you couldn't tell
[Bridge]
I meant every word I said
You've never walked a mile in my shoes
Don't treat all my progress like shit
You don't know what I had to go through
I'll come back when I've calmed down
Right now I just don't want to see you
You remind me of my old self
Maybe that's why it's so hard to please you
[Verse 2]
I had to work my up from rock bottom
I was never really given any handouts
I take a lot of pride in what I'm doing
You think I'd come this far just to burn it all down?
I don't have that kind of time anymore
You'll understand when you get to my age
I used to say the same shit to our old man
If he were here I know he'd say the same
[Chorus]
Another long night
Another long drive
I'll think about what you said to me this time
I was this close from lashing out
You're lucky I didn't lose my smile
Your words still sting
It's hard to focus
I thought winter was supposed to be the coldest
You've shown me who you really are
You only comment when I miss the mark

another long night (prod. 2001 x pekarot)

I was made for this

Mixed/Mastered: @lilspudxlp

[Chorus]
I'm trying
Can't you see I'm trying
Why'd you have to say that?
Do you not want to see me win?
I don't understand you
Why are you so hateful?
Your words only hurt me
I thought we were in the same boat
You really know how to hurt my pride
I guess you don't want to see me shine
I don't feel bad now if I leave you behind
Don't call me when I'm in the spotlight
[Verse 1]
Can't you see that I've been giving it my all
The least you can say is job well done
Your expectations are unrealistic
You think I do this just for fun?
I don't have all the time in the world like you do
That's an upside of being young and dumb
You don't have any real obligations
I pray for you when that day finally comes
[Bridge]
So think twice before you call me a joke
Cause you might be in the same place in two years
I've seen the way you talk about me behind my back
Would you still laugh if I suddenly disappaeared?
See unlike you, I don't like giving up
When I'm a corpse is when I've had enough
How can you mock someone for at least trying
I'd still do this even if I knew that I was dying
[Chorus]
I'm trying
Can't you see I'm trying
Why'd you have to say that
Do you really not want to see me win?
I don't understand you
Why are you so hateful?
Your words only hurt me
I thought we were in the same boat
You really know how to hurt my pride
I guess you don't want to see me shine
I don't feel bad now if I leave you behind
Don't call me when I'm in the spotlight

at least I'm trying (prod. 2001 x jolst)

Someone please make a future diary amv outta this <3

Mixed/Mastered: @lilspudxlp

Cosplayer: TaraFYW

[Chorus]
My shawty got a chainsaw, yeah
Should probably not piss her off, yeah
Just leave if she says get lost, k?
I'm not tryna clean her mess up, ya feel
We both have to take crazy pills
It's bad enough I love her still
She's even worse than gasai yuno
She won't stop till she's had her fill
[Verse 1]
My baby girl used to have a halo
I think she traded that shit for a draco
I always knew she was working for the devil
If only he was a part-time worker
If I were you I would leave right now
Around her you aint safe and sound
How else do you think I got these scars?
You really think I just fell down?
She's the definition of yandere
She puts all those other fake hoes to shame
She never leaves the house without her blade
Her purse is full of hand grenades
Tell me how I know all about this shit
She almost blasted my ass into bits
I've had one too many close calls
But I'm willing to take that risk
She's gone through so many katanas
She even got some wrapped in prada
You definitely don't wanna get on her bad side
She'll cut you clean in two like a guava
I've seen her stuff a grown man in a backpack
She really knows how to disect a body
I would think twice before sipping that
I think she put something in your coffee
[Bridge]
I don't know what caused her to be this way
It all started when we went on our first date
Some chick said something that rubbed her the wrong way
It got so bad that they even had to call in a tank
[Verse 2]
Be careful if she gives you a present
What's inside could take your ass out of the present
She has a very funny way of showing affection
She finds joy in showing someone their own intestines, yeah
[Chorus]
My shawty got a chainsaw, yeah
Should probably not piss her off, yeah
Just leave if she says get lost, k?
I'm not tryna clean her mess up, ya feel
We both have to take crazy pills
It's bad enough I love her still
She's even worse than gasai yuno
She won't stop till she's had her fill

shawty with the chainsaw (prod. 2001)

Being a neet ain't so neat

Mixed/Mastered: @lilspudxlp

[Intro]
The sunlight is so bright
Is it always like this in the daytime?
I've been a recluse for so long
The only time I saw the sun was through blinds
Being an antisocial introvert was my aesthetic
Before life hit me hard I was so pathetic
I'd spend a whole day watching anime and netflix
It didn't help that I also had a porn addiciton
[Chorus]
I just had to break the silence
I was about to go psycho
I never want to feel like that again
I almost thought that shit would never end
At first I didn't mind it
If anything I tried to hide it
There's nothing cool about being a no-life
There's nothing cool about always staying inside
[Verse 1]
You should never neglect your mental health
Not socializing for days will bring you down
I know a lot of this sounds like common sense
But it's hard when you've always been a pessimist
I used to hate going out in public
I'd always try to avoid conflict
I learned that you can't run forever
If you don't fight you'll never be the strongest
[Verse 2]
Being a neet was never cool anyways
Fuck whoever said that it was
They probably never experienced it firsthand
It's shit like that that always boils my blood
Spend 5 years being a disappointment
Then try and stare at your own reflection
I promise you won't look at yourself the same
You might even have to start taking medicine
[Bridge]
I never thought I would lose my mind
Opening up really hurt my pride
I thought it wasn't gonna affect me
For so many years I was doing just fine
It's an issue that's never talked about
It's no wonder why japan's going south
People don't care unless it happens to them 
And this pandemic really doesn't help
[Chorus]
I just had to break the silence
I was about to go psycho
I never want to feel like that again
I almost thought that shit would never end
At first I didn't mind it
If anything I tried to hide it
There's nothing cool about being a no-life
There's nothing cool about always staying inside

it's a neet life, till you have to go to therapy (prod. 2001 x canifallasleepnow)

First song with the prs

We could've been on the same side
If only you could sympathize
You never were one for forgiveness
How will I ever know if I never try?
You're anything but an angel
You always treat me like a stranger
Don't expect me to ever call you
I'm too focused on getting this paper
Nothing would change even if I said sorry
We'd just go right back to square one
Talking to you is always pointless
I'm better off just sticking to my guns
You don't know what's best for me
I don't need you anymore
Don't send me any more gifts
I'll toss them right out the door

We Could've Been...

Shoutout to the engineer for the additional vox

Mixed/Mastered: @lilspudxlp

[Hook x2]
I'm tryna get my city up
I'm chillin with westcityup
Bring your whip if you wanna hang with us
Only real ones can hang with us
[Verse 1]
Whenever you're ready come over to the shell
We got 350zs and camaros to go round
We don't care if your exhaust is obnoxiously loud
The only thing that matters is how you peel out
Domestic or imported, it doesn't matter to us
We're just here to have a good time or until the cops try to bust us
Make sure you fill your tank up, it's gonna be a long night
You wouldn't want to get stranded even with that nitrous oxide
It's sad how this city never gets any love
I'm sure it'll get some though after we're done
The pulls that we'll do will wake everyone up
Let's pray that no one has to go home in cuffs
I still got some speeding tickets that I need to pay off
I won't let that hold me down though you know Imma take off
I just got a tomei installed in case you didn't see it
I was honestly thinkin about keeping it a secret
[Hook x4]
I'm tryna get my city up
I'm chillin with westcityup
Bring your whip if you wanna hang with us
Only real ones can hang with us

Taco Tuesday (prod. 2001 x nate2timez)

prod by kamoshun
made this bitty back in 2021

I'll mend your heart demo

A bit rough but it's been a while oh well

Tangled Up (vito x pekarot)

This one's for you

She was the one that approached me
I didn't question a single thing
Oh, if I only knew back then
I would've saved myself so much grief
I can't wait to see the expression on her face
I can't wait until she hears this song
When that day that comes I'll buy us some champagne
I'll throw a party to celebrate her loss
I don't know why so many girls love to break my heart
I bet they get a kick out of watching me fall apart
I need to be more careful with who I let in my life
I'm not trying to walk away with arrows in my spine
She was the one that came up to me
How was I supposed to see this coming?
This is why I got trust issues
I get tense when girls try to hug me
Something felt off after our only date
She said goodbye but not to my face
It took me a while to process it all
That tone in her voice made my skin crawl
I'm such an idiot
I should've just declined when she had asked me then
Man what a waste of time, I'm trying not to cringe
I hope she gets a taste of her own medicine
There's now a hole where my heart used to be
Maybe this is just my destiny
I've always had the worst luck when it comes to love
I don't get how some people do it for fun
I can't wait to see the expression on her face
I can't wait until she hears this song
When that day that comes I'll buy us some champagne
I'll throw a party to celebrate her loss
I refuse to be her boy toy
Asking me out was completely her choice
I never even thought about her like that
When she hit me up I thought it was my bad
[x4]
Never again

Bring The Champagne (prod. irby)

She said that he's just an old friend
Well how come it took me this long to meet him?
I know there's something else going on
I heard a lot happened since I've been gone
She says his name with so much passion
She keeps saying there ain't no one like him
I really doubt that were just friends
He's probably one of her exes
I wonder who else she's been seeing
Should I start investigating?
I won't be treated like a doormat
Why in the hell would I ever allow this?
I don't care how much shit they've been through
Ain't no way in hell I'm ok with it
I barely know the guy's full name
We're too grown up to be doing this
This is how you break a happy home
I do not condone this foolishness
I'll give her a day to say her goodbyes
Any more time and I'd be a simp
Well what do you know I caught him sleeping in my bed
If I had my gun on me the sheets would be covered in red
I can't wait to hear what she has to say for herself
The things I'm about to do might even put me in jail
She said that he's just an old friend
Well how come it took me this long to meet him?
I know there's something else going on
I heard a lot happened since I've been gone
She says his name with so much passion
She keeps saying there ain't no one like him
I really doubt that were just friends
He's probably one of her exes

He's Just An Old Friend (prod.2001 x Dead Spyro)

Who else is excited for date a live 5

I'm trying to hold on
But everything's been working against me
What am I doing wrong?
Do I really need a hero to save me?
Nothing seems to make sense
I keep trying my best
It's already bad enough that I had pushed away my friends
I'm falling like a star
I'm swimming with the sharks
I should've known that coming back would be the hardest part, yeah
Yeah, I'm glad I got off the drink
Sometimes I could barely think
I never needed to rely on substance
It only made me look pathetic
I'm much better off without it
It only made me realize what I was missing
Yeah making songs in the studio
Hanging out with all my day ones
Talking bout all our dreams and hopes
I'm so stupid
I took all that shit for granted
I should've been a lot more proactive
Yeah all of this could've been avoided
I'm trying to hold on
But everything's been working against me
What am I doing wrong?
Do I really need a hero to save me?
I lashed out at my friends
Ugh, here we go again
I really need to think about what Imma say next
Don't wanna be alone
Just wanna take control
Everything's been falling apart ever since I went rogue
I guess I'll try
I guess I'll grind
Won't stop until I feel alright
So much has been weighing on my mind
It feels like I've been skating on thin ice
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Oooh oooh

Gone Rogue (prod. frevel)

What do you see when you look at my face?
Can you see the pain that I've tried to erase?
Just say the word and I'll stay away
I've already told you that I can't be saved
You honestly might be my last
My heart's already turned jet-black
I thought I could run away from fate
But it caught up to me and forced me to break
My home
Is in the shadows
Feeling incomplete
Is all that I've known, known
Thinking I'm safe
Until I fuck up
Life can be really cruel sometimes
Cry in the rain
Hide my emotions
Do you believe me when I say I'm fine?
It's been a couple years but I'm still like this
You'd think by now I'd have found an exit
I must have a bad sense of direction
This nightmare should've already ended

Cry In The Rain (prod. kaadota)

So I ended up just recording it in the same spot after wasting time outside the yard, wtf...

I'm dumb
I should've let you in when you were banging on the door
I'm dumb
I just stood there when your tears hit the floor
Why did I do that?
You were always there for me whenever I was in a rut
I'm the worst, I know
I didn't even try to help you when you were clearly stuck
It's all my fault
Don't even say it's not
I knew exactly what was going on
I turned a blind eye
I left you there to rot
I promise I'll pay for all the pain I've caused
You were always hurting
I just pretended not to notice
How could I be so heartless?
You were always there for me
We were something like a team
It hasn't been easy ever since it happened
I was never ready for this disaster
You kept me together like staples and stitches
I know that it's too late to beg for forgiveness
I hate this shit but I know I deserve it
I left you to die when your demons were lurking
Honestly I should've been born a serpent
Or something that would never crawl to the surface
It's all my fault
Don't even say it's not
I knew exactly what was going on
I turned a blind eye
I left you there to rot
I promise I'll pay for all the pain I've caused
You were always hurting
I just pretended not to notice
How could I be so heartless?
You were always there for me
We were something like a team
You showed me kindness
And I gave you a nasty scar
Why am I like this?
Do I even still have a heart?
I let all my emotions get to me
And in an instant I completely ruined everything
It didn't take long for karma to find me
Thinking I could get away was a pipe dream
Maybe we should've never met
Maybe this is for the best
I'm the worst, to say the least
I'm as bad as it gets
I wonder if I even have a soul
That's one thing that I've been dying to know
I've hurt so many people with just words alone
Maybe things would be better if I never spoke

A Couple Regrets (prod. skgotthesauce)

Had this one sitting in the vault for more than a year and a half now, big thanks to @lilspudxlp for mixing/mastering the track

Time's running out and I can't stop it
I feel like it's all a test
I used to hate being under pressure
It really is all in my head
Everything will work out if you stay focused
Don't let all the small things get to you
If only I knew back then what I know now
I probably wouldn't be feeling so damn anxious
I don't want to go back
To how I used to be
I need to make a name for myself
And follow my destiny
I'm not getting any younger
So why wait when I can start now
You only get one life so you might as well make the most of it
It's so sad
I've seen so many dreams die
I promised myself that I'd learn from them and live my life without any regrets
I hate wasting my own time
Cause time is something I'll never get back
I had to cut down on watching tv
I'd binge watch something then go and hit the sack
This one life we have is so precious
I don't know why I keep taking it for granted
Maybe one day it'll all make sense
I guess for now I just need to keep moving forward
I won't stop until I take my last breath
Every bone in my body could be broken
And I'd still run with whatever I have left
[x2]
Diamonds form under pressure
If I don't struggle then I'll never get better
I know this pain I feel's only temporary
But my legacy is gonna last forever
I've proven to myself that I can fly
I don't need anyone to stay afloat
It's really all up to me in the end
I really am my own greatest foe

Make The Most Of It (prod. 2001)

At long last here are the finalized versions of the acoustic covers I did with Gino TC way back in June!

Check out the full-length video with included blooper reel here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEqPELb5D…ab_channel=GinoTC

You And Me

Collide

Yellow

Wherever You Will Go

Mixed/Mastered: Snow Owl Native

What the hell?
Can someone get this off of me?
I've worn this mask since 2019
It's too tight
And it won't seem to come off
It's like I lost the keys to an iron padlock
I don't want to
Forget who I am
I'm coming undone like the stitching on my pants
I shouldn't even be in this state
Walking round with a mental ball and chain
I always watch what I say
I try not to be rude
Sometimes I still have to though
Cause people force me to
Sometimes the words still come out
They're like floorboards that just won't stay down
I've lost count of all the times I've said "my bad" then turn around and start to laugh
I'm just sick of always lying
Pretending like I'm self-righteous
I feel faker than zirc diamonds
Maybe I should've stayed quiet
I wish someone had told me long ago
That I'd become a tortured soul
Someone who never follows through
And deals with thoughts of self-abuse
What the hell?
Can someone get this off of me?
I've worn this mask since 2019
It's too tight
And it won't seem to come off
It's like I lost the keys to an iron padlock
I don't want to
Forget who I am
I'm coming undone like the stitching on my pants
I shouldn't even be in this state
Walking round with a mental ball and chain

Locked Mask (prod. Snow Owl Native)

Losing confidence
Oh god, here we go again
I always give my best
But for some reason it's still not good enough
What can I do to stop
These intrustive thoughts from messing me up?
It's starting to piss me off
All I want is to make something I can be proud of
You think by now I would've had it down
But still I get so nervous
I freeze up everytime the light's on
I swear I'm not doing it on purpose
Maybe I'm just too hard on myself
But then again if I never was everything would be mid
And I bet a lot of people wouldn't like that
Yeah I bet a lot of people wouldn't like that
Losing confidence
Oh god, here we go again
I always give my best
But for some reason it's still not good enough
What can I do to stop
These intrustive thoughts from messing me up?
It's starting to piss me off
All I want is to make something I can be proud of
I do a thousand takes just to scrap them
I take too long on just one song
It's probably why I haven't gotten anywhere
Yeah it's probably why I'm always coming back here

Eidolon Seeker

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