Everything reminds me of a song. (If it's not song lyrics, it's Simpsons quotes.) When I lived in the Over-the-Rhine neighborhood of Cincinnati where I frequently encountered a nice little green-lifestyle general store/café called Park + Vine (named for its original location on Vine St, but later relocated to Main St), I couldn't get the name's similarity to Ben Folds Five's "Sports & Wine" out of my head and so I reimagined the latter as an unofficial jingle for the former. [Music and melody by Ben Folds, lyrics and instruments by me; recorded in GarageBand.]

Ben Folds Five "Park & Vine" (unofficial jingle)

An autumnal mood piece written and recorded on Sept. 6, 1992 by Mark F. Griffin, using a Washburn D14SB acoustic guitar and a Yamaha MT100II four-track cassette recorder.

Labor Day

At the frame shop our entire day's work often hinged on when the UPS delivery person might show up with pre-cut mouldings ready for assembly, so we wrote a Madness-esque ska ode to this blithely unaware and often tardy hero. We played it for the next UPS delivery person to come by, who was not impressed.

"The Guy From The UPS"
He drives around town
In his little brown truck
His little brown hat
And his little brown pants
If the booty is late
He don't give a fuck

He's the guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS

Got lots of boxes
And packages now
Comin' from places
That he's never been
All wrapped up
Like little brown cows

He's the guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS

Got somethin' special?
Send it on out now
Wrap it up tight
You know you can trust him
'Cause he's wearing brown
'Cause he's driving brown
'Cause he's living brown

Everyone likes to see him
When he comes around (and around and around)
They get to sign their name
On the sign-in thing
(What do you call that thing?!)
The man in brown
Is the best man in town
Why?

'Cause he's the guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
(Who the hell is he?)
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
(Oh no)
The guy from the UPS
(Everybody!)
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS
The guy from the UPS

Words by J. Dan Biggs and Mark Griffin
Music, vocals and instruments (guitars, Casio digital saxophone, percussion) by Mark Griffin
Recorded to cassette on Yamaha MT100II four-track, mid-1990s.

Photo: nshepard/creativecommons

The Guy From The UPS

While it's common for my brain to unconsciously compose music in dreams, it's rare to wake up remembering any of it. This dada couplet (part of a longer song that was background music in a shopping mall) was playing just before I woke and still echoed clearly once I was conscious. Pipsquacks must be captured and documented, so I recorded all 10 seconds of it; straight from my brain to yours.

Lyrics:
The very next day
Or the afternoon
Listen
The chicken plays a tune

Music & lyrics by me, ©2014.

Song Couplet from A Dream, Dec-2-2014

It happened again. Wainwright Tile & Stone is a real business in my neighborhood. Every time I see their sign I wonder what the commercial jingle would sound like if it was Rufus Wainwright's shop so I dreamed this up, to the tune of "Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk." And, just as Rufus's version turns slightly sinister after the initial verses, so does mine; but I'm certain that the folks at the real Wainwright Tile & Stone are all very nice and wouldn't dream of helping you design your own kill room, as my version implies. [Music and melody by Rufus Wainwright, lyrics and instruments by me; recorded in GarageBand.]

Rufus Wainwright Tile & Stone (unofficial jingle)

On January 28, 2006 my previous band, Leisure, performed David Bowie's 'Ziggy Stardust' album in its entirety, plus 11 other Bowie songs from '69-'75, in the ballroom of Newport, KY's Southgate House. This song was the show's finale.

Young Americans (live)

For no discernible reason this morning, the theme from Cheers as performed by John McCrea of Cake sprang into my head. To be clear, I’m not aware that John McCrea has ever performed the song; this is purely a figment of my inexplicable brain. In an attempt to purge the thought, I had to record it (poorly, using my Mac’s built-in microphone); here it is. In retrospect, I think there’s an accidental hint of Hunky Dory-era Bowie in my vocal as well. The song is written by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo, and a buy link is provided to Gary Portnoy's discography on iTunes.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name (in the style of Cake)

Scant music for six people. Visit my website for mixes and writings about music and other cultural esoterica.

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