giving a poem some sound. conversations with myself [drums and recording by julius]

i'm enough, i'm rough, i'm soft
i'm a flow of sensations, emotions, a bundle of relations
i'm a rock, the air, the flames, the sea
i'm my friend, my healer, my darkest enemy
i'm the flaws for which i came to be
i'm the pain through which i grow
i'm the songs i sung and i'm the words i wrote
i'm the legislator, i'm the judge
i wrote the statute and i choose my gods
and whenever the air gets too heavy to breathe
i shall remember myself that i'm my only relief
that only i can make the cut 
>> don't be fooled, there's so much disguise
if you're seeking for your truth, there's a clear impulse inside
this seed within you will bloom if you give it space
it will unfold your purest you, it doesn't need a guide <<
up on the mountain light shines through my closed blind eyes
wind shakes me up, wakes wounds inside
a tree talks to me, silently, about all the love i didn't see
the sky clears up as i breathe deep
nothing's as dark as it used to seem
i'm lost and found, again and again, i'm lost and found
>> don't be fooled, there's so much disguise
if you're seeking for your truth, there's a clear impulse inside
this seed within you will bloom if you give it space
it will unfold your purest you, it doesn't need a guide <<

DiaryTalk

I wrote and recorded this song in my little bedroom-studio when I was 19, but forgot about it over the years until I discovered the project on my pc a few days ago. so I decided to renew the vocals and share it as well - there you go:

Is it a strength to run?
When to hold through and when to move on?
Is it smart now to turn my back,
Or is it a way not to face myself

--- You can't run away---

Can i call it courage or is it escape?
What is there to deny or to push away?
Why would i look away?
It'll get me anyways

Is it a strengh to run?
Am i following fear or am I following trust?
Is it smart now to turn my back,
Or is it a way not to face myself?

You can't run away from your fears
They'll manifest in every breath you take (2x)

Denial

i've been playing around in the midiworld lately - thanks to felix for slaying the bass!

>> when we come to the scene, there's a whole other life to meet
different air to breathe here, dive into the unforeseen
i ain't struggling to keep up with odd identities
the smell of your nail polish is making me feel feisty

at dusk when the evening would rise up
she was quiet and trodded to keep up with her stride
then when they stopped, she looked at her
scrubby hair, pale lips and a sense of longing in her eyes
she never felt so whole in a strangers reach
reached out for her hands and placed kisses on them
one on each, one on each

so on we go, getting roped into the show
come on, on we go, getting roped into the show 

when we come to the scene, there's a whole other life to meet
different air to breathe here, dive into the unforeseen
i ain't struggling to keep up with odd identities
the smell of your nail polish is making me feel feisty

strange hands

winter mood of 22

the mellow vibrates under my skin
i remember them like tiny birds that chirp within
why don't they sing at night?
why is language such a futile device?
sensation seeking, bring me back to life
i'm too tired to sigh

behind thick grey walls
is where lies hide

it's rather cool in here
can't quite tell what i sense
empty like the cup you drank that night
life used to feel intense
used to feeling tense

too tired to sigh

ambient experiment

>> the everlasting pulse
noise that deafens us at night
the vibration shakes the air
it will never disappear
not easy to find calm
let me soothe my soul
leave me alone
let me soothe my soul
let me bathe in my warmth

yen for vacancy

>> like ships on stormy seas
our bond did struggle to be free
like ten thousand ships on stormy seas
my head struggled to be free
you left nothing but wrackage
and i'll be there 
carrying my package home
i'll carry it home on
my broken wing you left me with
now i'm gonna carry my wrackage home
i'm gonna carry my package home

cradlesong

>> i've grown old very quick
got still in a day
people make me sick
my friend is the daze
i've grown old very quick
cars make me sick
the orbit shouted at me for way too long

blue morning light and
a place to hide
is what i seek for 

i've grown old very quick
got still within a day
people make me sick
my friend is the daze
i've grown still very quick
streets make me sick
the orbit shouted at me for way too long

blue morning light and
a place to hide
is what i seek for

place to hide

this is a snippet of some old recordings I recently found on my portable mic, which I used to capture sounds and moments on my travels.

>> feine tropfen nach grobem sturm
auf sich ewig brechenden wellen
ob sie auf dem weg schon die weiten erahnen, 
in denen sie für diese winzige lebensreise 
des absonders, fallens, platzens, 
ergießens und entladens 
ihren ausklang finden werden?
kaum gelöst und als einzig abgetrennt, 
sind sie schon wieder eins geworden,
gehüpft, in die bebenden tiefe 
und in freudigem impuls
wie kinder, die sich gebaren
um zu spielen, bis sie schmelzen

last sparks, and rain

>> i was hidden
i hardened the tiny flower
that hadn’t ever been ready
to meet the winters cold hour
nor the hot sun
i dimmed the light 
a little too late for years
leave me in my darkness
i just want to
escape the winter's cold hours
and the hot sun
i dimmed the lights
i just want to 
escape the winter's cold hours
and the hot sun 
i just want to be smaller than a pore
stiller than a feather
i was hidden
i recalled a state of gleaming
without burning out for the sake of achievement, 
deletion of unbearable tasks
i gotta learn how to walk the thin line
between obsession and leisure
and remember the fact that i once
got it rolling for pleasure
so when i lack a sense of joy and ease
i better dim my lights
shut my eyes and feel for a while
shut my mouth and feel
i just want to be >>
i was hidden >>

wannabe

this is a cut-together of a long latenight jamsession with dear @chicxx

grovelbug [latenight session mit @enbae]

not perfect, but some impression.
@ nachtdesgewaschenenbären, 1.12.23 in regensburg

breakfast.breakfurious [dj-set]

set from 24-04-2024
if you want to know the name of a song, just hit me up <<

als der tech ins ghetto zog [pt. 1]

als der tech ins ghetto zog [pt. 2]

Recording, bass and mixing back in 2019 by the lovely @InGowanRing - thank you!

>> i see shattered souls and pushed ego 
what has made you act so evil?
brother, come home to love
mother, come home to love

who are you behind your lies?
in the arms of love there's no need to hide
who are you behind your disguise?
in the arms of love shines your hidden light

i see frightened inner children
there's a lot of light but it's still hidden
mother, come home to love
father, come home to love

who are you behind your lies?
in the arms of love there's no need to hide
who are you behind your disguise?
in the arms of love shines your hidden light

---outro---

Hidden Light

A song about dark doomy days. Recording, bass and mixing back then in 2019 by lovely @InGowanRing - thank you!

>> midnight calls you home (4x)
everybody has a friend and yours is gone
everybody has a vision and yours is faded
everybody has a goal and yours has passed
everybody seems to know where they belong and you've forgot

midnight calls you home (4x)
everybody seems to go their way while you're drowning
and the earth keeps moving while your tears are falling
and with your last breath you cry out for somebody
but underwater cries are silent and tears unseen

midnight calls you home (4x)
where is home, where is home?
what is home, what is home?
where is home, where is home? <<

Midnight

musician/ amateur-producer/ DJ
this is my personal journey of sound, be welcome.
if you want me to play a set somewhere, just hit me up. i value a balanced gender proportion in the selection of producers, and i also have enough material for a flinta*-only-set.
also if you are interested in collabs or my voice in a feature, don't hesitate to contact me!

DJ elbow / elen in wavs

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