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ELI BRADEN performing LIVE STAND UP COMEDY

Eli Braden - Stand-Up Set 3/12/14

Eli Braden remixed the 'House of Cards' theme song for his now-defunct podcast

Theme from 'House Of Cards' (Eli Braden Remix)

Parody of "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan

"Go Fuck Yourself Ben" by Eli Braden

I recorded this song of mine with producer NOBY SIDEZ and hope to have it completed and released by Summer 2016.

It's not 100% finished yet (the ending in particular needs some work) but I think it's ready to unveil on the world even in this form.

And yes, that's the legendary SHAGGY on the mic to spit a verse at 2:32 (he's an old family friend).

SPANK BANK (UNFINISHED - MAY 2016)

I'm going to be filming a music video for this song in July/August 2016 and am looking for actors/actresses willing to spare a few hours of their time to appear in it.

I can't pay "money," but I guarantee ALL your dreams of appearing in a music video with me will come true.

Please contact EliBraden@gmail.com if interested - THANKS xo

STRAIGHT MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS

HIT EM WITH THE HEIN

Bobo "(Theme From) The Simpsons"

The New King of Music-Based Comedy

White People Problems

As some of you may know, I was originally commissioned to compose and perform the theme song to the recent hit movie 'Fifty Shades Darker.'

Unfortunately, due to some POLITICAL BULLSHIT I shan't get into here, I was removed from the project just days before the film premiered in theaters.

This audio is how the opening moments of the movie ORIGINALLY SOUNDED before the DUMB STUDIO EXECS f***ed everything up. As you'll clearly hear, I was RIGHT, they were WRONG, and - ONCE AGAIN - Braden gets ASS-F***ED by the Hollywood powers-that-be.

Please enjoy.

50 Shades Darker Theme

Fifty Shades Darker ALTERNATE THEME SONG

Eli Braden- Stern Show Masters

I just re-discovered this song I wrote shortly after the release of "The Interview"

Kill Kim Jong-un

KILL KIM JONG-UN

Laverne and Booey

BODAK ROBIN

Nobody ever watches the end credits on Netflix
And that means no one's gonna hear this song
In fact you've probably already moved on
To another show or movie that you're watching tonight
You're too busy to watch credits - I mean, who's got the time?
Why did we even bother making this song?
I don't know why / I don't know why
And now, here are some title cards you also won't watch

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #1 ("Nobody Watches the Credits")

You've probably noticed that these are brand new lyrics
To the Joel McHale credits song
I changed 'em cos I found out I was wrong
When I said nobody sits through credits of Netflix shows
It turns out some people watch the credits - how was I to know?
But it's mostly friends and relatives of people who worked on the show
(I just rhymed "shows" with "show")
So I hope you got a thrill seeing your friend or loved one's name in small print
For like half a second

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #2 ("Some People Watch the Credits")

I've decided to keep on changing the lyrics
To the Joel McHale credits song
Every two weeks from now on
It's just a shame to let these 30 seconds go to waste
I could use this time to say anything I wanna say
Nobody's paying attention to these lyrics anyway
(They don't even have to make sense)
I could just sing nonsense like, "Shah-gin frah-gin bak-mead plahgin dashick strahgin nye"
Actually, that might be German

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #3 ("I'm Gonna Keep Changing the Lyrics")

It's so awesome - I can sing whatever I want to
In the Joel McHale credits song
So shout-out to my buddy Ron
I also wanna say, "What's up" to my homie Brad
And my best friend growing up; his name is Jared - he's rad!
Also Tony, Vana, Erik, Boyd, Cynthia, Grey and Matt
(Don't forget Toby!)
And just to clarify, the Jared I mentioned earlier is named Jared Barnett
It's not Jared from Subway

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #4 ("I Can Sing Whatever I Want To")

Has anyone noticed that weird thing on Joel's finger?
Under his nail, there's a dark blue spot
Well, I've been thinking about it a lot!
So I looked up fingernail spots on WebMD
And it turns out it's probably not a serious thing
It's subungual hematoma - a blood blister, basically
It will grow out over time
He probably got it slamming his finger in the door of his Porsche 911 Turbo S Convertible

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #5 ("That Weird Thing on Joel's Finger")

Normally, Netflix doesn't have advertisements
But I could use a few extra bucks
So I sold a local business a plug
Is your home in need of exterior remodeling?
Then you gotta call FeigCo Roofing and Siding
Cos when it comes to roof and siding repair, FeigCo's the king
They're licensed and insured
So call FeigCo Roofing and Siding for an estimate today
(It's not that FeigCo)

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #6 ("FeigCo Roofing and Siding Commercial")

Everyone keeps asking me if there's gonna be more
Of these Joel McHale credits songs
Guys, I won't be gone long
Cos I love making this song - it's, like, my favorite thing
And there's a lot more versions of it that I still wanna sing
Then again, you never know what the future's gonna bring...
A bus just crashed through the studio wall and it's not clear if I survived
That's the season cliffhanger

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #7 ("Season Cliffhanger")

Shout-out to everyone binge-watching all 3 hours
Of these 6 new episodes
Of the Joel McHale Show
Just remember to stand up and stretch once in awhile
Or get off the couch and out your house and walk half a mile
Cos there are dangers to sitting too long, both severe and mild
(Back pain and obesity)
It can also increase your risk of high blood pressure and diabetes
And deep vein thrombosis

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #8 ("Binge-Watching")

I thought for sure by now I would be super famous
From singing Joel McHale’s credits song
So why is it taking so long?!
There’s no question that this song’s received critical acclaim
But it hasn’t translated into fortune or fame
Why isn’t “Eli Braden” already a household name?
(Eli Braden’s my name)
That’s spelled E, L, I, B, R, A, D, E, N
If you wanna Google me

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #9 ("Shameless Self-Promotion")

A friend of mine dared me to use a British accent
To sing the Joel McHale credits song
And I said, “Alright, mate - you’re on”
The only question now is what to sing about
Maybe something about fish n’ chips or Simon Cowell
Or maybe I could guess how many pence are in a pound
(I looked it up - it’s a hundred)
Blimey, I have to use the loo - I drank too much tea
Very shagadelic!

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #10 ("British Accent")

My dad is the guy who usually sings this
But he wanted me to give it a shot
To show Hollywood what I got
He’s always telling people how good I can sing
Cos he wants me to be famous more than anything
He’s my dad and I love him so I don’t wanna spoil his dream
(Honey, watch your pitch!)
Dad, I just wanna be a kid / Please leave me alone 
(Don’t you DARE embarrass me like that!)

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #11 ("Stage Parent")

My stupid band didn’t show up for the recording session 
Of this Joel McHale credits song
So I had to do it alone
But the only instrument that I play is kazoo
So there was really only one thing that I could do
I picked up that kazoo and I blew and blew and blew
(Til the song was finished)
By the way I later found out my band mates all died in a fire
So I’m looking for a new band

"The Joel McHale Show" End Credits Song #12 ("Kazoos")

Robin's Tight A$$hole (Old Town Road parody)

17 minutes long? HA! I scoff at you, Bob Dylan. Wait til you hear MY song about the JFK assassination. It's gonna be 29 MINUTES LONG. You hear me, old man?! 29 MINUTES! Suck it!

Awful Comedy

1:25 SAMPLER of "29 Minute Song About the JFK Assassination"

Eli performs a parody of God Bless the USA as heard on the Howard Stern Show 4.7.20 (authored by Mike Trainor)

Corona Go Away (God Bless the USA)

A parody of "Lola" by the Kinks as heard on the Howard Stern Show 4.13.20

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