ohhh-xytocin

neck that yearns
neck that runs
'long the years
my burnt out fun

she'll have to teach
and waste her time
on fixing me
you took me ripe
and made me green

her stage design—
filmmaking company—
proof of my asinine
presents to me

pursues to redefine
my crippled oxytocin

she'll have to teach
and waste her time
on fixing me
you took me ripe
and made me green
she'll have to teach
and waste her time
on fixing me
you took me ripe
and made me green

ohhh-xytocin

OHHH-XYTOCIN

eu tenho um rosto
eu tenho um nome
que não significa nada pra mim

eu tenho amigos
eu tenho amores
eu tenho um emprego
tenho tantas dores
o cheiro de tudo me causa tremores

eu tenho uma crença
é minha sentença 
eu tenho uma família
uma guilhotina
eu tenho três vidas
chegando em seguida
eu tenho um arrependimento
que prende todos os meus pensamentos

tenho as minhas deficiências
simplesmente não conhecem a impermanência
e eu tenho um descuido
eu sou feita de escudos
sou a peça de teatro, do quebra-cabeça dos fundos
tenho meus hábitos noturnos
que escondem os dias de mim
me deixam assim, tão só

TRÊS VIDAS

I kissed your blood and tasted your past
Became invincible, obsessed
So well I felt like I could last
Not as forgettable regrets

Sought you out, so deeply ingrained
In my old tears
Called you out, so weakly I aim
To claim your heat

You lifted my flood, you laughed at the clash
The waves forgivable, oppressed
In Hell you knelt before your nest
None more detestable abscess

I'll return as I can
Give me one more day
Make me sleep - it can wait
Give me one more day (please)
A dash of foreverness
So I can bear one more day
You've danced me so far
I can only get better
I need just one more day (one more, one more)

Lost in doubt, so weary with shame
I've disappeared
I, I taught my mouth, sincerely to blame
My own mirror

I saw you under all those lights
And the sound from your mouth brings about the divine
The dream is alive, more than ever before
Sure at every cell — want into that special door

SINCERELY

I've been lonely, I've been unholy
I've been more than I'd dared to be
I've been quiet, but not quite
I've been what you wanna see
I've been uprising, I've been disguising 
I've been despising my own being
I've been the stall against the wall 
I've been the very last one to sing, yeah

And, so long
Ain't it no wrong
If no one knows
What I'm up to? 

Ah, I've been misled, like I were dead
I've been sinking into sand
I've been through sorrow, without tomorrow
I've been closer to the end
I've been unholy, I've been the only
I've been floating through the skies
I've been un-resting—are you still guessing?
I've been wondering why I try
I, I, I...

And, so long
Ain't it no wrong
If no one knows
What I'm up to? 

Now, I am free
Now, I can see
Now, I am soft
Fluid as stone
Now, I am keen
Towards my sin
Now, I am bold 
Into the unknown 

Now, I am bold
Into the unknown

UNHOLY (feat. Hantexc)

and the clock won't stay right
and i forgot to lock the door tonight
and it was the first time in forever
i wanted to

and my words come out tight
and the scarring takes too long
and it was the first time in forever
i couldn't let it go

and eyelids are always shut nowadays
i never seem to recognize their brightened ways
i'd been amazed at such a frenzied
display of trust which thrust me at the speed of light

i swear i've seen it die
long enough to never live again

and bloodstains always leave their trace
and a new apartment won't let us erase 
the history of this land
and turpentine won't wipe your slate clean
and i'm so tired of the way things go, usually
and i'm so proud to own this brain of tin
and these burns are second degree
i had so much left in me

and eyelids are always shut nowadays
i had to leave everything i know behind just to face
this piece of paper again
i swear i've seen them die
i swear i've seen them die 
long enough

long enough to never leave this home again

TURPENTINE

mother i've been struggling
i didn't tell you a thing
i didn't think you'd understand
i still don't think anyone will
something inside just tells me so
and i do it for the faith
if you didn't yell then no one will

nana i wasn't lying
everything's so good i hate myself harder
even harder, now
no-no-no one knew why i was crying

knowing is a strong word for how
belief works
in my deathbed, in my head
i gave it my all, i did so well
i was pretty
i was prettier
i was prettiest
when i...
hope you still think so 
now that i cry because i'm better

TASTY

the key inserted, want into this bedroom
math of turns so i'll get in soon

my square feet
will only ever admit
upon my perfect greet
my fun is teeth
though i'll admit
i'm much better, way better if
they don't all fit

every day 
gives me a sore throat
these words i wrote
to keep my pain afloat
quiet riot, coming out all wrong
sugarcoat the ashes in my diet
but clear as day all along
dull and unfit crier

the key inserted, brings back my burial
my blood wants out, frantically arterial

all but pearly
gritty with simmering screams
pretty moonlit needs, a hypocrite
someone is split
someone will submit
something please
hit and wrestle, make
my filthy vessel listen to me

could breathe it in
choke on me
until one of us dies, dies, di...
...amonds within your eyes
mean home for parasites
dwellers on shoulders and spines
massive and empty disguise
will you grow older?
a bolder soldier, better in fight
in the joy of your highs?

i'm much better, i am
i'm much better, i am
used to my lies and surprise goodbyes
i'm much better, i am
my fun is teeth
much better if they
don't fit

LIES AND SURPRISE GOODBYES

I warned myself
From every hazard the worst is a face
That grew older with me
As every laugh and frown
Made their mark on my skin
My fingers can only feel
What it must look like
So I trace these lines 
Hoping that the mirror doesn't represent
Or emulate my lies

So you tell me not to worry 
But the fact that neither do you
Worries me more
Than it probably should
So you tell me not to worry
But baby we can't escape rust
And as long as I breathe
I'll always behave like iron
And you're looking at pure dust

I skip my meds on occasion
It seems too sweet to just play clean
But as long as I can take a step back
You'll see that you
Know what I mean
I swear I try to sabotage me
But I'm a poet in need of the heat
It burns so good I just can't help
But bring your heart along
With mine to sink

So you tell me not to worry
But I built in you my only home
And I'm a wrecker, I'm a nomad
And a fallen queen looking for a throne
So you tell me not to worry
But please, my dear, you must
Cause as long as our souls meet
You'll always behave like carbon
But I won't let you be more than dust

IRON (revamp'd)

Para ser tragada, não engasgada
Embriagada na madrugada
Escolha errada, uma de várias
Meu dedo apaga minhas pegadas 

Um corte tão fresco que ainda vaza
A carne já vem amaciada
A vaca implora pra ser cortada
Meu dedo apaga minhas pegadas 

Essa catarse é uma agulha, perfurando uma linha de fronteira 
Minha identidade mergulha pra dentro e pra fora de si mesma
E não me lembro de jamais ter acendido uma chama já acesa 
Não me arrependo de querer ver meu maior inimigo em cima da mesa
Não consigo
Ter certeza de quase nada 

Para ser amada, inconformada
Embriagada na madrugada
Estou errada, uma de várias
Meu medo cala minhas palavras 

Um corte tão fresco que ainda não fala
A carne pra sempre avermelhada
A faca implora pra ser usada 
Enquanto meu medo...

PARA SER AMADA (improviso) (feat. Ciabatta)

The weight of your gaze upon my body
I'll hate you until 
We're both satisfied

Well, listen to my heart beating til it's no longer yours
I'll make you regret wanting me, more and more and more and...

SHUT YOUR FUCKING FILTHY MOUTH BEFORE
YOU SAY I'M ANYTHING OTHER
THAN ANOTHER FILTHY STRANGER YOU TOOK HOME

I AM BUT PREY, TREAT ME AS SUCH
BABY, WE AREN'T MUCH
WE WILL SURRENDER TO THE TOUCH, THEN YOU'LL ERASE ME
IT GOES AS FOLLOWS—

Lead me to your haunted house
Dance me until we're inside (each other)
I don't think you understand 
How little I care about you or next time

We're not meant to fall in love
This is just a puppet show
"If I'm here tomorrow still" is just unreal, it's time to go (one more)

SHUT YOUR FUCKING FILTHY MOUTH BEFORE
YOU SAY I'M ANYTHING OTHER
THAN ANOTHER FILTHY WHORE YOU TOOK HOME

I AM BUT PREY, TREAT ME AS SUCH
BABY, WE AREN'T MUCH
WE WILL SURRENDER TO THE TOUCH, THEN YOU'LL ERASE ME
IT GOES AS FOLLOWS—

Ella Stone

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