She stands in front of the mirror and watches
Tucking bone after bone into the pocket
Formed by flesh as soft as crimson silk against ivory
Oblivious to the tusk that’s stirring inside me

Ooh, I’m gonna cast a spell on you
Ooh, it ain’t hard to play the blues

How can I gather the fabric of you
Into my arms, the indigo hue
Staining like a growth ring into my wrist?
How can I speak of my tenderness?

Oh, I’m a sensitive soul
Oh, and you’re a sweet smoky devil to hold

I have an elephant’s memory
And I can still conjure the day she sent for me
Gave me a hand left better undealt
I just can’t remember the way that I felt
She’d say never mind, leave it behind
Be who you really wanna be, and be unkind
But me, I’d rather take the making way
I'd cut out a rib for room to house that long-lost stray
But she’d say

Boil that cat alive
Put its bones inside your mouth
And watch the mirror
Till you see you disappear

We are moved but by the turning of some massive, distant gear
At night I feel her breathing, always warm but never near

Air & Darkness

I’d settle for silver
You know I miss her
Used to be the one to hide a body
Now I’m just another unread text
What would be brought to life
The die cast in new light
If I could be someone who shows their feelings?
Break the mould and see what happens next

But I was scared
Of being even second best
Just stood and stared
I missed the starting gun
And now I’m bruised and limping to the finish line
Dragging all the things I left undone
Wishing I had been someone

Who could foresee the trend
The fact it hurt then
Doesn’t mean it’s gonna hurt forever
Bruises fade and so do memories
Now it’s a damn mess
Can’t trust the process
Does that mean it’s gonna hurt much longer?
And is it true it’s either them or me?

I did not dare
For fear that I would fail the test
Beyond compare’s
A race that can’t be won
So I refused to try, and too late realized
Nothing has to be more than it is
Maybe you’ll remember this

Or maybe you can cut your hair and change your name
Sign off, forget the password, bury shame
You can run and run and run and and never once look back
But it’s a hollow victory
Arriving all alone
A perfect, empty home
To which you’d take the gold

I’d settle for silver
You know I miss her

Silver

From Harbourview to Camelot to Griffintown I flew
With the body of a lion and the tongue of a shrew
I disparaged you so ruthlessly
But to be fair, my love, you made it easy
In spite of memories
Where you are close to me

And now I get to look at you with the eyes of one who’s leaving
And notice all the beauty I got too used to seeing
But darling, there are cracks in the facade
And darling, there is ice inside your heart
So breathtaking to view
And so removed

So if we’re stuck between the land and groove
Or speeding sea to sky
Let it all pass by
Reminisce on bygone times
When I ran into your arms
I was running away
From what, I could not say
But it set the tone, I suppose
I loved being alone with you

Our days, it seems, are numbered, but of course they always were
It’s just that now I count them on my fingers in a blur
Oh darling, there are lights up on the mountain
But darling, I was whistling in the wind
Anemic and in vain
Grown callous to your pain

The element of iron and the element of blank
For all of your deficiencies, you only have yourself to thank
Or blame, if blame’s the way that you prefer
But it won’t put you back to how you were
So I gave back the keys
And now you’re closed to me

Why do you hold out your cup to me
When I have given you so much already?
I touch your face and I feel nothing
Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing
I lost something along the way
It’s not the same

But if we’re stuck between the land and groove
Or speeding sea to sky
Let it all pass by
Reminisce on bygone times
When I dreamed of silver bullets
I would just have to fire
At your art without desire
Though it isn’t strange, how we've changed
I wish it could have worked with you

Misfire

Medea’s on the move again
She’s gathering her forces
I’m breathless, though I’m holding
Not my breath, but my dark horses
And readying them to trample
Every hope and doubt
When anything could happen
I guess through is the only way out

Did even my cancer overachieve
Advanced beyond its probable age?
Let it wither and die under the glare of bright eyes
Will I be starving in the age of plenty?
Will I be drowning in the desert called me?

Or in my great derailment
Will I recruit new forces
And train myself to build those wells
That spring from deeper sources?
You never think that it’s gonna be you
But you know that these things happen
So they must happen to someone, right?
It’s your window at which the bad luck’s a-tappin’

I have to believe the poison’s gonna cure me
I know that I have more than a fighting chance
But I have no war cry, have no guts, no glory
And all I can do is to do what I can

Medea’s putting down her roots
She’s planting in the graveyard
I cannot help but think of her
As a cold, rapacious bastard
I did not ask
I did not choose
I’ve yet to grasp
How much I’ll lose

Vinblastine Blues

Between the Scylla and Charybdis
Of treatment and disease
You gotta pick your poison
You just gotta roll the bones

Because David has no secret chord
And Uriel with his flaming sword abandoned me
So now I am trying to be my own master
But everywhere I go I feel disaster’s hand on me

They say that forewarned is forearmed
But also ignorance is bliss
So how d’you know when it’s better
To turn your back on the abyss?
I’m setting free all my dark horses
Betting on the darkest one
To make a run into the wild
And find the strength to bring me home

I’ve learned with each new cataclysm
You must climb the chasm, bridge the schism between two selves
And when I am shorn and shriven
Reborn and recovered, everyone I’ve been, I mean you well

What if the echoes never end?
What if music never sounds the same again?
Experience tells me that I’d find a way to live with what I’d lost
A way to work with what I’ve got

Nothing is real, nothing is certain
In the cave of forgotten dreams
And those geniuses of yore
They didn’t do it for the fame

Pick Your Poison (demo)

You’re safe now
I’ll light a candle for you every night
And put it in the window, though
To guide you back in case you’re coming home

But you can let go
You can let it go
You can let go
You’re safe now
You’re safe now

Although I said there is no safety
Although I said there is no end
You can let it go
It’s over, it’s over, it’s over
For now, for now, for now

Although I was the one to leave
I miss you every day
You gotta do what makes you happy
I have to let you go
Darling
I love you
I love you
I loved you
So big I couldn’t see it at the time
Thought everything was fine

If I could let go
If I could come on home
If I could make the most of it
I’d live, and live, and live, and live
The way I thought that I’d be doing now
The loan renewing
Come on home somehow
Will you call me when you get there?
And stop appearing in my dreams
I should have just enjoyed the ride
I can’t say I’ll be fine

But I’ll call you when I get there
And you can let it go
Although I said there is no safety
I’ll light a candle for you just in case
Although I said there is no end
I am forgetting my own face
If I could start again
If I could apprehend
If I could make the most of it
I’d spend, and spend, and spend, and spend
The way I thought that I’d be doing now
But storms are brewing
Fickle thundercloud
Storms are brewing
Come on home somehow
I’ll light a candle for you every night

If I could let it go
If I could come on home
If I could just enjoy the ride
So big I couldn’t see it at the time

For Your Safety Please Hold On (demo)

Day +100.

Sometimes it ends like this
Another Facebook post
She will be missed
A loving wife and mother
Don’t forget
To be kind to one another
Cry not yet, not yet

Sometimes it goes like this
Another stone engraved
Forever missed
Although forever in our hearts
They’re hard to reach
Through woods so deep and dark
Rowan, yew, poplar, beech

Are you resting peacefully in your crystal cave
While loved ones die in fiery crashes?
Cleaning empty houses
Choke on dust to dust, ashes to ashes
Searching for the day of your rebirth
Hunter small but skilled, your flight is over
Come back, go to earth

Sometimes it starts like this
A lady by a lake
Swaddled in mist
The trees are whispering
Don’t forget
To be alive, to sing
Not yet, not yet, not yet

I only wish for death to take me swiftly, from behind
Without the torturous gift of foresight
Everything is backwards
But you must entrust your life, go forthright
Knowing where the winding road will lead
Viva Vivian! treacherous, tragically loved
In thought, in word, in deed

Merlin (demo)

I’m looking down the barrel of a gun
That may or may not be loaded
I’m listening for the ocean in a conch
But it seems that I’ve been put on hold
It isn’t fair, but nothing is
And everywhere is only this

It’ll take a lot of courage
But it might give a little wisdom
Telling everyone I’ll be just fine
Although I may be made a liar by time

I let myself be distracted, even knowing
That those distractions did not matter
Not easy to be honest, even now
And although you say that you are glad, you’re unrelieved
There are no aces up your sleeve
There’s only this

So make the most of what you have
‘Cause you don’t know how much you’ll get
Repeating things I don’t believe
In hope that faith will spring from familiarity

But the price of things isn’t always what they cost
The margins cannot hold my scattered thoughts
The centre cannot hold, so I am lost
If I don’t find peace

It’ll take a lot of courage
But it might give a little wisdom
Telling everyone I’ll be just fine
And I will not be made a liar this time
So make the most of what you have
‘Cause you don’t know how much you’ll get
Repeating things I don’t believe
And hoping faith will spring from familiarity

Shell Game (Demo)

'She said, "Oh, I know you, and you cannot sing." I said, "That's nothing, you should hear me play piano."'

Emma Leonie

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