Ever tried to close your car boot but the machine won't let you? How about a fridge that won't stop bleeping or a hob that keeps locking itself for reasons it won't reveal. This song explores this wild new world we inhabit, combining elements of Rock, Pop, Funk/Soul and Electronic music. Its soundscape is energetic with upbeat tempo and emphatic vocals. Emotionally impactful, this song has an infectious energy throughout the track that draws listeners in throughout. Enjoy!

Lyrics

The washer needs attention
It's saying something's wrong
It's calling for my help now
But I want to write this song

My dryer it's got issues
It needs more self esteem
With all of my devices
There's just one common theme

[chorus]
I've got emotionally needy homeware appliances
I thought they're here to help
But they won't leave me alone
All of my white goods
Are now just big
Tamagotchi!

[verse 2]
My hob is codependent
The kettle needs a shrink
The dishwasher's so exhausting
I wash my pans up in the sink

The fridge just won't stop crying
It's beeping all day long
It wants my reassurance
But I have to write this song!

[chorus]
I've got emotionally needy homeware appliances
I thought they're here to help
But they won't leave me alone
All of my white goods
Are now just big
Tamagotchi!

[verse 3]
When my hoover's low on energy
It shouts to me for help
Doesn't stop its bleating
Til I return it to the shelf

When my oven hits 180
It seems to want a prize
I feel so bad for saying this:
"Shut up and heat my fries!"

[chorus]
I've got emotionally needy homeware appliances
I thought they're here to help
But they won't leave me alone
All of my white goods
Are now just big
Tamagotchi!

[verse 4]
We didn't ask for this
Yet this is where we are 
I'd like to get away now
But it's much worse in my car

Bing bong. Put your belt on 
Beep boop, stay in lane
Brring brring, not too fast now
If I do wrong it will complain

[chorus]
I've got emotionally needy homeware appliances
I thought they're here to help
But they won't leave me alone
All of my white goods
Are now just big
Tamagotchi!
Tamagotchi!
Tamagotchi!

Make it stop


White Goods

A song about love and loss and poison. Like The Twits but for grown ups. 

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
Well, I've been feelin' pretty low
If you're wonderin' why,
well, you already know
It's you, you broke my heart in two
Took my cooking books 
and you left with your lover, too
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

[Prechorus]
Oh, now you're askin' me to be friends?
Well, babe, I guess that kinda depends
Because I know what I wanna do, oh

[Chorus]
I wanna put antifreeze in your gravy
Foxgloves in your wraps
Ricin in your porridge, dear
Arsenic in all your snacks
I wanna make soup with battery acid
toasties filled with blades
death cap mushroom wellingtons 
crem pat hand grenades

[Verse 2]
Come in, come in. Let me take your jacket.
All cooked fresh, not from out of a packet.
No need for you to look suspicious
Just how you like it: it's all delicious
Eat up, eat up now, but none for me:
Guess I just don't feel that hungry
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

[Prechorus]
Oh, now you're askin' me to be friends?
Well, babe, I guess that kinda depends
Because I know what I wanna do, oh

[Chorus]
I wanna put antifreeze in your gravy
Foxgloves in your wraps
Ricin in your porridge, dear
Arsenic in all your snacks
I wanna make soup with battery acid
toasties filled with blades
death cap mushroom wellingtons 
crem pat hand grenades

[Middle 8]

[Verse 3]
Now I'm not murderous
So maybe you're curious
'bout why I'm spouting this shit
When I should just move on with it
Make a new life, meet a new beau
See it play out, let the love grow
But I've never been a big quitter
So I'm sitting around getting bitter
I cried my tears like an ocean
All the poison ideas are a notion.
Sometimes the world seems cruel
These fantasies are my tool
To help me deal with the pain and 
thoughts that I'm the poison
I'm the poison
I'm the poison
I'm the poison

[Chorus]
I don't wanna put antifreeze in your gravy
Foxgloves in your wraps
Ricin in your porridge, dear
Arsenic in all your snacks
I don't  wanna make soup with battery acid
toasties filled with blades
death cap mushroom wellingtons 
crem pat hand grenades

I messed it all up
I'm sorry



Neon Dysfunction

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