this is a metaphor. think labyrinth or daedalus myth. ffs. 💎 . 🧿👅👅👅🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸

Sanity Inn

first song i ever wrote on the guitar whn i was 13...re-recorded it tonight after giving my guitar the big hug it deserves for carrying my child-teenage self through  <3 i know sadly lots of ppl can relate. perception can be quite the burden! so i'll fill a space by doing some whining and bitching about it in my songs. we all gotta meet somewhere. i love you, really i do (also i'm ok. kurt cobain was allowed to sing what he wanted no matter how dark -- and so am i)

Lyrics: 

how’s hell mrs Robinson 
I hear it’s going fine
Your days of secrecy are over

Look up at your—
You look up at your husband
But he’s moved on 
I’m a 
masochist I’ve been wishing for death
but it never comes
never comes 

Why should I 
have to fight for my life?

Why should I 
have to fight for my life?

Golden hands diseasing your skin 
I watch the city burn 
Guess we know now who locked me in 

Every morning it’s just the same
I wake up wishing I’d put a bullet in my brain
I don’t want another lover! 
I don’t want to trust each other

How’s hell Mrs Robinson 
I hear it’s going fine
How’s hell Mrs Robinson? 
I wish that you were mine

Hello My Reborn Lover (Mrs. Robinson) *live acoustic 2022 version*

song i just improvised so embrace the offkey part near the end umm good save tho? wasnt about to redo it
“IF SOMETHING CAN BE DESTROYED BY TRUTH, IT SHOULD BE” 


lyrics:

but what if I feel guilty
when I decide to leave?
it wasn't all that bad,
that's the duality

oh, what is now emerging 
the old me can't concieve 
oh, honey hey will you rock me? 

well i was happy 
for some time now
when we started out
i guess i was proud
never felt with my heart
too busy thinking from my head to even start

what do i want?
really, not that
if i'm being honest
i feel bad
i fell in love again, again
that's what she said
that's what she said

but what if i feel guilty
when i decide to leave
it wasn't all that bad, no
that's duality 
oh what is now emerging?
the old me can't concieve
oh me
honey hey, will you rock me?

DUALITY OF MAN (will be his downfall)

if you'll notice the song sounds like its coming from behind WALLS. it also ends abruptly

Planting seeds in your garden
I'm whispering to the wind
Planting seeds in your garden
I’m on the verge of saint and sin

Tending to the seeds I've planted
I know that you can hear my song
I'm singing to the seeds I've planted
You have loved me all along

Like a snake writhe up the tower
twisted and enwtined with you
As the sun it gives you power
Getting down with the guru

Tr!pping in your little garden 
now that everything is grown
Contemplating in your garden
but the work is not yet done

Screaming in your rosey garden
'Til my big old head comes off
I'm screaming in your rosy garden
someone's tried to amp the cost
what's it--living?
what's it? not

In Your Garden

the mixing sucks cuz the acoustic and voice were one live recording so I couldn’t adjust them! & used an acoustic bass 
Lyrics:
My potheaded princess 
its just in her nature
I know that she's sneaky
bu damn who could hate her?

She drained my life force
Because I let her
What you call a poison
might just make me better

So what?
Eclipse me
I long to get free
Is fear really all that I'm destined to feel?
She's like Vanna White and she's standing at the wheel

What does your mother say?
Mocked the Sufi surfer way
Don't let her tell you who you are anymore, babe
I see you clearly
Do you not hear me?
You're better than the vision that they had chose for you
I'll pop that delusion so you can see right through
The best illusions are the ones that you choose
I've got this cloud here so are you coming ...

The call of love is here
So are you gonna leave it?
I know its kind of tough
he likes the same things you believe in

Don't do what I say
I'm not hear to lead
I'm just walking my own path
no reason or creed
Just lead with love instead of the greed

Starcrossed lovers who may break the curse
lets let Romeo and Juliet be the ones who've had it worse
We could be free if we lelt ourselves live
so cast out the webs
and just let me in

Don't listen to me
Listen to your heart
If not in my favor I would still want you to start

Two supernovas with a destined fate
don't intend to cross you but you know you've made me wait
break this love cycle and do what you do
even if it ain't me
see your heart through

Call of Love

Vesta Conjunct Vertex

I’ll carry your torch but first I want to slow burn w YOU

Ultraviolet? 
(melting by heat)😘
Diamond mind? 
Confess & have your free will
This life is already paid for.

And if you must possess… possess me too.

lyrics:
every time i charm her, he locks my neck with spikes
every time i make her laugh so giddy with delight
every time i come around he dizzies up the girl
tried to make me lose my head 
tornado minded hurl

don't be so greedy
she can love who she wanna
relax a little bit so we could all reach nirvana

but you're a stingy, greedy, man who has to possess?!
but that's something that demons do again I will digress
you're unwilling to share? 
then alright!
something about a fusion might take place one of these nights
only if its in the good of, um,  the most high
otherwise you're on your own I'll simply say goodbye

Fusion???

A fantasy about a healing Druid who fucked with the wrong one. But unfortunately he fell in love with her & she wants to save him from the karmic clock. 

(Ps this isn’t about the dude who literally brought me to the rope lmao it’s just a fantasy about no one) 

Hi druid
I can feel your webs
there's your sparkling fascia 
crackling in my head

Hi druid
we come from the same tree
you're fucking with yourself when you think you're fucking with me.

trees are a system. a system indeed.
we help other trees when there's one tree in need. 
so why are you hurting me when we are the firs?
love is the answer, hate is the worst.

bow down and say that you're sorry
 if you wanna be saved.
well then you better hurry
--else your fate is made

holy ghost 
does the most
and will not let you win
no matter how big your complex, 
you remain a victim to your sins

my heart will be your door
whenever you shall pass
i won't let you drown in the underworld glass
I have nothing but love when it comes to you
so be sweet to me
and i'll be sweet to you

i'll collect ya back!
squeeze your nutsack!
till your fuckin face turns black!
like your shame that seeps thru the cracks
you're wack
you're wack
you're wack
you're wack

even though you once led me to die
i'd still fuckin save you from unconcious life
i will collect you
i collect you everyday
you might think YOU'RE mining for diamonds
while in the ocean I wade

don't worry about it
bygones be bygones
you must be desperate when its others' pain you thrive on.

you get used up in your room by your hand (hot)
left is bride
right is groom
you're your man

don't mean to shame ya
but its payback for the rope you led me to 
no no
dammit i love you, i love you, i love you its true
i ran back down the stairs of Dante's Lake for you.

fuck MK ultra
fuck mind control
you better stop, I got the holy ghost.
a good friend of jesus, saved by his sacrifice
so my lovely druid,
you better be very, very nice.

The Poem U Heard Me Write

Improv 

Oh, everyone was fishin'
You go fishing too
So what makes me any different
than you
than you?

You get paid to fish
Fish inside my mind
In my unconscious brain
where you have a good ass time

So why can't I go fishing too?
Why you gonna tell me there's other things that I should do
when I'm just having fun
LIKE YOU!
Make it make sense guru guru

In my life
there's your wife
so pretty
not so nice
kinda mean
you'll deny
makes you complacent
hmm...why?

Do you ever stop and think
"life is not in-san-ity
and I don't have to be
and I don't have to be
holding on so so damn tightly"

What the hell 
are you afraid or something?
of death?
when you know that there's something that comes after it

Are you afraid that you're gonna get lost to the unconscious?
go to sleep?
and because you wanted money
and greed
and power
and greed
and money
and greed
oh
you didn't foresee this?
but you saw other things.
okay.
maybe focus.
lets refocus together.

I was sent here to help you out
without a doubt
without a doubt
its not my martyr complex or my sainthood
and I know that its good
and I know that its good.

When I went to the other side
I saw your wife
I saw your wife
she was high
riding high
you were like 
an evil mind.

You were one plane higher (x2)
You were wearing all white
town crier
I'm not a fucking liar

Hey
what will you do?
when we go? guru
I'm here to make sure you don't get lost
and you won't get lost.
cuz my heart is the door that you will use when you cross.
(don't do it any time soon though) 
if you can help it.
I know its karma and we don't have a say,
but you tried to have a say 
that's why we're here today

oh my god didn't you learn? you don't fuck with things like that.
don't try to be the god in your life or things will get bad and cause you strife

and now you know! and now you do know, you do!
and you thought "hey i can get the pearl from this little girl too"
well-- no you can't. no you won't. i already don't care and I already wonnn

why would you think that you could win against a greater power?
you must really have a complex. --OH! You DO have a complex! 
That's why you thought you would flower.
but hey i gotta remind you
there's something higher behind you. 
so don't play. don't gamble. gamblers tend to lose.
and was it worth the risk? apparently not that's why you go fishing everyday and you wanna try to take what is not yours babe.
if the world was your oyster then why did you have to steal?
if the world was your oyster then why couldn't you just fuckin keep it real?
if the world was your oyster then why did you have to try? why did you have to lie? why did you have to lie? 
sounds umm, like a lack mindset to me, but okay baby whatever you say!
you're so abundant babe bc you're rich, you got nice cars, i guess you win!

umm, but what about after life? 
you know that is coming right? FOR ALL OF US.
believe what you wanna. but you know, bc already you've experienced nirvana, whatever.
nirvana's a little bit more than just gettin whores 
and getting everything you want when you want it. 
instant gratification, you didn't learn the lesson.
so you're gonna try to take mine? I don't think so, babe.
Like I said I was here to help you out, but you turned me away so I guess it might cause you some doubt when you try when you try 

Well, I guess you're riding a little bit too high.
should I cut you down? or let you come around?
cuz you're taking a long time now, taking a long time now
are you helping me or hurting? thats the essence. that's what you said! you said it yourself!

Gone Fishing (At the Maritime Bay)

the brain is odd when youre suffering

LYRICS: 

In the beginning there were two little fish
One of the light, one of the dark
Grown from source’s Petri dish
And then sent out on Noah’s Arc  

I was an Earth Angel, wandering the planes
You had crawled up from hell, promising to save
And I knew who you were the whole damn time
My head might get confused, but my heart it never lies
 I wanted you to take me hard for all I am
Plunge me to your darkest depths and hurt me bad with your hands

I like the feeling of you when you crawl inside my mind
I feel less alone
but the feelings I desire are of the hurting kind 

When you’re scuba diving in my head its like a pillage 
Dominate my body first then tame my Lilith 

You’re a psychonaut who spends your days out in space
But I often forget that life’s not a race
Hurt me slowly, hurt me softly, tantric force 
I want your love & madness as we orbit voids of course 

I like that you’re psychopathic hiding behind your wool 
Your gentleness is convincing but a real lover always knows 
I can feel your need to take my body how you please
In life i dominate you but in lust you can own me
Only if you’re desperate for it, hungry to the brink 
of insanity 
Enough to risk it all for the feeling 
To captivate the sweet angel and show her the power you’re wielding

Don’t wait around when I invite you over
I said I was alone, an easy target, a four leaf clover
When you cross the boundary the bloodthirst in your eyes
Is far too powerful for you to disguise 

I like the way you look around
 I project my thoughts out
Don’t you hear me thinking "I want you to hurt me"? 
I’m an earth angel masochistic sacrifice
Showing up to sadists door hoping for a ride

Gimmie life or gimmie death I don’t really care
I just want you to be the one to take me there 

If...
it’s the ending, good! Hurt me badly
Like you should
Have no mercy for me
I’ve got no safe words honey
Do what you want 
Do what you please
I want you to abuse me
I want you to abuse me
Like you already do to my mind

Make me scream
Make me cry 
Don’t be gentle
Don’t ask why
Make me bleed 
Or make me die 
And when it’s over 
hold me tight
As if you loved me.... right
If you want the pearl
Then fuck me for it 

I’m an earth angel 
I am innocent and pure
But I have suffered deep enough 
To love it to its core
And now I crave the suffering 
That fools like you will always bring

So now you can inflict it if your hungers strong enough 
Unless your compulsive brain is gonna make you act like you’re too tough
You try to pick apart the shape and size of my body
That’s how you protect yourself from your feelings that are naughty
You disgust me and I could spit in your fucking face
The way you act is so submissive but that’s not your place
 Maybe in the real world bc I own you there
But when we are in lover realms you can pull my hair

Hey I know your soul is sold
So you better hurry before we get too old 
Better take me now while I’m still around
I see you laughing when I ask how to get out
How to end my self
You don’t think I have the guts? 
Mmm… You’re fucking nuts
I could crack my own skull 
That’s the pain I have from never being loved at all
So if I can’t get love from you then I need you to hurt me
Though of my body, you are unworthy
I guess that’s half the fun 
Hurt me in the shadows
Oppose the mourning sun

☯  Sadist & The Masomaiden ☯ (The Sundance)

bear with me I still don’t have my drums so I had to use the MIDI 


I don’t miss you anymore. 

lyrics:

I wish you were here
I really do
I really miss you,
dear Barbara Blue

learned a few lessons
at birth I was marked
a beast in the ether
a god in the stars

damned to be damned
damned straight to hell
the karmic dance rang the liberty bells
I live with my head down
my mouth sewn shut
No way around it
but to you I am a mutt.

A genocide was placed 
on my humanity
a relic on display
for all these losers to see

you close your eyes
easy for you
I burn alive
you buy new shoes
ugh

I needed you so bad
you're a cog in the wheel
your heart is walled
you don't care how i feel.

my inner child
a burning star
and it knocked on your door
to remind you who you are

you shut me out.
your flame was dim.
through me your spark flickered
you still chose him
(his $)

feeling alive, it doeesn't matter to you
when you are as afraid as my dear Barbara Blue 
but I tried to tell her that I had felt that way too
I showed her my heart but she hated the truth
Derealized me by shutting me out
I gave her the power and all of the clout

But in history we have seen greedy men
who let people die and
dehumanize them
I hate this game.
you let me down.
Barbara, I wanted to
keep you around

Learn how to love
learn how to see
you blind me further
to my humanity

Yet my flame's stilll there
always burns for you
if you don't take it then
just as well, too

But Barbara, I needed
you to cradle me
my inner child really, really
wanted to be free

Loved you in a myriad of ways
thought that we would figure it out someday
To you I'm not real, 
just another pawn.
you started the campaign to prove that I was wrong
but lies don't prove nothin' dear Barbara Blue
except that you're running from...
yourself, too!

She Played Us Both

LMAO POKÉMON???? Not what I meant by GHASTLY





Song from September. I stopped caring how I sound & now creating is way more fun. This was just a demo, messed up a few times but someone said to make my mistakes loud & proud. My inner child wanted to be heard. Don’t you accept ppl who make mistakes?

Enlightened By Love (demo)

Not Very Inspired By U

MAKER

Daddy (blueface cover)

Scott was at my bedside
I’ll never be the same
What a waste of time

You were at my bedside

lyrics:

Well the only bone chillers
have gone cold
gone cold
not a soul

Well the wind mill has 
gone a ghost 
like cumber's coal
Their pockets full

Now the grass' as tall as me
The suns been faded like a dream
and now the moneys all been chased
they couldn't take it to their graves

Well the wind mill has 
gone a ghost 
like cumber's coal
Their pockets full

Well the only bone chillers
have gone cold
gone cold
not a soul
not a soul
not a soul

I'm in fire
I'm in water
And weeds as tall as me
The suns fade like a dream
You could have what you see
We know better than to chase

The Sawmill

Lyrics:

Leon? 
My twin flame left me in south dakota down at the old grain
I am nobodys babe
I'm tired of you thinking you own me just 'cuz you know Leon walked away

I am nobody's girl
I am alone in this world
I don't need you

I go wherever you want me
You dont want me nowhere
anybody

You can't trust these monsters you're running from
towards the gates of the only good ones

If Leon can hurt me then anyone can
You should've hooked just nobody's man

Yeah he's gonna kill me someday
if I'm lucky, 
Leon love me

Tower

lyrics:

How can you not see this? 
I love who you are
I just can't believe it,
we have come so far

Conceptual personality
None is real
Do you have a motorcycle?
Well I got to know

My imagination's got a grip on you
I could love you in reality but that just won't do

Shielded your eyes to the morning sun
Waves they crashed to the shore
There was a flute player in the ocean and he calleld us home

You can get away only for so long
When I buried my bad memories
Then we rejoiced as you leaned on your cane
You said nothing can get us here, there was so much joy it was pain

Visions (Truck Stop Man)

lyrics 
Charging under the moonlight
you never knew you would feel life
Moonlight
Moonlight

I was in love and it killed me
So far down below the deepest depths of the sea
I was in love and it killed me
Couldn't get it right
Get it right

Moon Lite

Acoustic rough draft

He's my king, 
I
wish I could go away
but I'm only fallen
without it I'll be okay

Why

You're killing my vibe
my vibe
my vibe
I was a rebel in the beehive
so they kicked me out since I was 5
they said I'm too advanced at lovemaking
he wanted a toy but I wasn't faking
I'm the real thing
and they all pretend
a man's pride can't comprehend

snake the serpent DEMO

its giving...munk
Lyrics

Don’t be too much
Don’t be not enough
Don’t move my feelings around
Don’t get attached to stuff

I am not the same
I am not the same
As my mind as my brain 

(X2)

You cannot break my heart
if I don’t give you a heart to break
But you know this best of all 
I’ll give it to you anyway

I am not the same
I am not the same
As my mind as my brain 

You cannot hurt me
Now that I don’t need nobody 
I am always happy
I am never happy
I don’t need to be happy (x2) 

I am not the same
I am not the same
As my mind as my brain 

There’s no me no more 
no

I am not the same
I am not the same
I am not the same as the people I don’t know
I just feel feelings

I Am Not The Same! (as my mind as my brain)

Phosephenes (unfinished)

Anyone INStRUMENTAL

Songs I wrote/recorded when I was 15, under a self-titled album called, "Bygone Era"

Bygone Era

Neuro

God gates
God hated me because I fell 
I had to take Route 66 to get back

Dark Song

Anyone

Encircles

this song is to my guru

Love is a purity
You keep your hands in my head
You're twisting my mind
You got my love until I'm dead
Near hotel Julien
no one's come to my gravestone
to ask if I wanna go
to the masquerade though

Love is security 
Security's an illusion
So keep me delusional to keep me around you
I'm an impurity
take your hands out of my head
Do you wanna love me?
Do you wanna feel that? 

All life is loss
and loss is just heartbreak
you tell me I'm wrong and its these drugs that you want me to take
to make me feel better
what is that to me?
I gotta stay away from my mind so you can make me free

Love is no purity
and my hearts a sun
its burning so badly 
would you just listen ?

Love ain't no purity
And my hearts a sun
I want you so badly
I want you for fun

Burning like July
yes my hearts a suns
I want you to see that
I want you my hun

Nobody gets it 
that my hearts a sun
I want you to feel it
I want you for fun

My hearts a sun

Its not what you thought
What do you wanna say to me?

Its not like you understand
but why do I get it when I can't be your friend?
Stick me in a place that I have never been
Tired of your modern day dreams
Tired of your social media kings

Love ain't no purity
and my hearts a sun
its burning so badly
would you just listen?
God its a beauty
and my hearts a sun
I don't understand
I won't just listen

My Heart Is A Sun

for Eddie Money the king of the sunrise hotel and casino who comforts me while I fold rags in a dissociated fog

Sunrise Hotel & Casino

Lotus Eater

the eclipse stole our love
the full moon changed me

waiting

(this isn't the official version. the other one is on my YouTube)

Hey Full Moon

We Don't Get Along

Perhaps take 2

Why Does Everyone Get A Swing

lyrics:
in my head 
in my mind
i wonder why
you wanna put 
me off tonight
but i 
feel so alive

and the postman he's familiar
and the docent he is too
and the sky is with the sun and the sun is in my eyes
and the ocean is me
embodies my life

in my head 
in my mind
i wonder why
you wanna put 
me off tonight
but i 
feel so alive

Hotel Hotel

Lyrics

With a nice guy driving thru Nevada 
He’s a serious guy son of a gun 
In his eyes, yeah, you can tell he’s had a 
lot to think
withholding wisdom 

We park outside of the gift shop 
He’s not dancing around no more
He’s got a lot of tunes that he whistles
But he keeps his head down

Don’t gimmie that look honey
Don’t ginmie that look 
I know it’s not the best but
there’s a lot of places that I need to be
There’s a lot of wind that I need to feel

He had a nice drink sitting in the desert
He gets his brilliant ideas again 
A painter, mostly
I tell him that my head hurts
He’s so far in that he couldn’t listen

Don’t gimmie that look honey
Don’t ginmie that look 
I know it’s not the best but

The NV Desert

💎
❤️‍🔥🪐⭐️🧿
check out my YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/ErikaGillmusic

Erika

Popular tracks