Streaming/Buy: https://song.link/i/1444808738
MV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqvqAKuJ-HI

Dear Listener, 

This song is about growing up. It's about wanting to run away to somewhere, anywhere, nowhere. It's about a girl who fought with her mom on mother's day, and in her frustration, anger, and grief, wrote a song about it in her closet at 3am a year ago. 

It is for the girl I used to be and still am. The girl who hated the way she looked in this video so much that she only ate protein bars for a good year. The girl who will run on the treadmill for hours trying to run off weight, physically and metaphorically. The girl who still wonders if she'll ever be pretty enough because years of hate are hard to undo.  

But most importantly, it is for you, whoever and wherever you are. And I am sending it to you with all my love from a broken but healing heart.

With all my love,
ESAE 

Thank you to Elyonbeats for helping me mix this. Check his music out at: https://soundcloud.com/elyonbeats

a car going nowhere

안녕하세요. 오랜만이죠? 
늘 바쁘게 지내고있었어요. 현재 저는 앞으로 일어날 여러가지 일들에 대비해서 준비하는 중이에요. 
와중에 새로운 곡을 만들었어요. 

Hi. It's been a while.
I've been hustling and keeping busy. My music is going under some reconstruction. So have I, to be quite honest. I am in a stage of preparation for what is to come.
For the meantime, here's another thing I made. 

bdaba is the first Korean song I've ever released. The lyrics are simple, straightforward, and didn't take long to write. Mainly because these were all thoughts I had when I would walk around late at night when I couldn't sleep. The first line of the verse, roughly translated, is "it's because we're human that we suffer." Although sadness, struggle, and obstacles will remain constant in my life, I have also excepted that it is a necessary part of it as well. 

Mixed by Austin Chee
Check his work/reach out to him about his mixing services at https://soundcloud.com/user-335105848

Art by Zion Chen
Check his work out at www.zionbalance.com

bdaba (비다바)

걍 한번 해봤다. 라라라~

The reason this sounds like it was mixed by a potato is because I mixed it ;_____; 
Sorry. Help. 
 
Thank you, again, to Zion Chen for the artwork. Check his work out at: www.zionbalance.com

kill you

Special thanks to Austin Chee, Abe Song, and Taylor James Washington for taking the time to help refine this further and add a killer synth solo.

Thank you to Alex Nguyen for the artwork 

Lyrics 

I dance in the streets with my shoelaces untied
On rainy days I erased my smudged make up
The weekdays seem like weekends
And time ran
Without even noticing I became a boring adult

But I still don’t act like an adult
But I like living this way

Chorus: I got that groove I got that groove I got that groove groove dance babe
I’ll never stop I’ll never stop stop stop hey
I got that groove I got that groove I got that groove groove dance babe
I’ll never stop I’ll never stop stop stop hey

I sing this song when summer is almost over
A long time ago I didn’t sleep and dreamt with my eyes open
I let my hair down and left my high heels next to the door
On days like this, it’s not right to be hiding under blankets

Don’t need sleep 
There are so many things to do before the sun sets
Take a step back
Relax your body and ride the rhythm 

Chorus (x2): I got that groove I got that groove I got that groove groove dance babe
I’ll never stop I’ll never stop stop stop hey
I got that groove I got that groove I got that groove groove dance babe
I’ll never stop I’ll never stop stop stop hey

groove

b i t t e r as black coffee but here's a happy song for you.

mix: Austin Chee
art: Zion Chen (http://zionbalance.com/)

is it love (사랑일까)

dear lord I was an infant when I wrote and sang this. tb to the late tens. seems like too long ago. it's cringey and eye opening to see how far my style and vox have come since then. 

사랑해주셔서 고마워요 <3 계속 응원하고 기도해주세요 ㅠㅠ 계속 음악 하고싶은데... 하. 

many thanks to oliver chen for the mix and helping with the arrangement. 
gtr + violin + vox: yours truly 
artwork: zion chen (http://zionbalance.com)

song of a violin

Buy/Stream: https://song.link/i/1450854915

어느 순간 나이가 들면 안에 있는 걸 예기하고 싶을 때가 있을꺼야 
사는게 별것 없다는 걸, 꼭 막힌숨 풀리길바란다 

시간이 나없이도 지나가고
철 좀 들고 나니까
나마있는 건 하고싶은 말 밖에 없고
예기할 사람이 없잖아

수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
이때 쯤 다 괜찮을줄알았는대
수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
근데 난 이렇게 아무것도 모를까

수물한살
수물한살
수물한살라는 나이가 왜 이렇게 아플까 

이제는 괜찮타고
예기 하고싶은데
지금이 좋다고 말하고싶어도
거짓말인거 너도 알잖아
숨쉬는걸 다 잊어버리고 
이 순간안에 갖고있는것도 업고
시키는대로 잘했는데
잘했는데 

수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
이때 쯤 다 괜찮을줄알았는대
수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
수물한살
근데 난 이렇게 아무것도 모를까

사람이니까 그런가봐
사랑받지못한 날 무시하지마
사람이니까 그런가봐
사랑받지못한 날 무시하지마

English Translation: 
A moment will come when you’re older that you’ll want to let go of the things inside you
“Life isn’t that bad,
And I hope the breath knotted in my heart will release” 
Time passes on with me
And now that I’m grown up
All I have are words I want to say and no one to say them to

21, 21, 21, 21
I thought everything would be ok by then 
21, 21, 21
But I still know nothing, absolutely nothing at all

I want to say that I’m ok now
I want to tell you I’m doing well right now
But that’s a lie and you know that too
I forgot to breathe
I have nothing in this moment 
Even though I did as I was told to do
I did as as I was told to do

21, 21, 21, 21
I thought everything would be ok by then 
21, 21, 21
But I still know nothing, absolutely nothing at all

Maybe it’s because I’m human
Don’t look down on me because I’m not loved 
Maybe it’s because I’m human
Don’t look down on me because I’m not loved 

prod. by: @elyonbeats, https://soundcloud.com/elyonbeats/snow-lo-fi-beat
pc: @ramires_j on instagram

21 (스물한살)- prod. by ElyonBeats

Now available on all platforms: https://song.link/i/1480748213

Music Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMSukFcbb8Y&feature=youtu.be

Cover by: Alex Nguyen
Photo by: Jason Ramires

trying

안녕하세요.
제가 많이 우울한 시기에 스퀴시라는 아기상어 캐릭터를 만들었어요. 새벽 4시 정도였을거에요. 굉장히 우울하고 너무 외로운 시간을 보내고있었어요. 자존심도 낮아지고 자신을 사랑하는 법을잊어버리게 되었어요. 그래서 스퀴시라는 캐릭터를 만들었어요. 위로하기위해서요. 저뿐만 아니고 여러분들도요. 스퀴시는 굉장히 통실통실한 생명체에요. 상어라서 이빨이 뾰족하고, 많은 사람들이 무서워 보인다고 생각하지만 사실 스퀴시는  당신이 어떤사람이던지 사랑을 주고싶어해요. 당신이 어떻게 생겼던, 무슨 일을 하건, 점수가 어떻건, 사람들이 당신을 어떻게 생각하던지 상관없이요.
힘든 일상속에서 그래도 여러분을 사랑하는 생명체가 있다는걸 알려드리고 싶었어요. 어디든지, 언재든지, 힘든시간안에서도 여러분을 응원하고 사랑하는 마음으로 노래 만들었어요. 한국말이 조금 서툴어서 제 마음이 잘 전달될수 있을지 모르겠지만, 제 진심을 담아서 이 캐릭터와 노래를 만들었어요. 
곧 한국에서 제 음악 발매할 계획이에요. 그때까지 많이 응원해주시면 제가 버티고 이겨내서 여러분을 위에 좋은 음악 더 만들고 힘들어도 더 열심히 살아볼게요.
사랑하는,
이세 (그리고 스퀴시)

Hello everyone. It’s been a while.
When I was going through a very depressing time, I made a baby shark character named Squish. It was about 4am I think. I was very sad, lonely, and really hated myself. I think during those times, it’s hard to say nice things to yourself. All I heard in my head were mean and terrible things. So I made Squish (because it’s easier taking love from an imaginary baby shark that I made in my head than from myself lol) in order to comfort myself. And you too, dear listener!
Squish is a very squishy little being. Because she is a shark, she has very sharp teeth and a lot of people might think she’s scary because of that. But in reality, Squish is very loving. And she loves you! NO matter who you are, what job you have, what grades you have, no matter what others think of you.
Life is tough, but I wanted to let you know that there is this very precious lifeform who loves you very much! Wherever, whenever, through dark times and good times, I wrote this song as Squish, rooting for you every step of the way! Even though my Korean and communication can be lacking, I made Squish and this song with all my heart. 
I hope to release my music in Korea soon (it’s a little complicated since I’m an American citizen but I’m working on it!). Until then, please show us lots of support so I can last a little longer to make you more music. Even though it’s hard, I’ll last a little longer!
We love you!
ESAE (with squish) 

Artwork: Nathan Kwon, https://www.instagram.com/haeun_logos/?hl=en

가사:
나는 너를 많이 사랑해줄게
어디든지 가도 나도 같이갈래
주머니 속에 기다릴게 
나는 너랑 있을떼 좋아

통실통실
나는 통실통실해
통실통실
나는 통실통실해
통실통실
나는 통실통실해
통실통실
나는 통실통실해

내가 너를 되게 사랑해
힘들떼 같이 있어줄게
내가 같이 아파 해줄게
혼자아니니까 걱정마

통실통실
나는 통실통실해
통실통실
나는 통실통실해
통실통실
나는 통실통실해
통실통실
나는 통실통실해해

나는 너를 많이 사랑해줄게
니가 어디든지 나도 같이갈래
주머니 속에 기다릴게 
울면 내가 먼저 눈물 딱아줄게 

나는 너랑 있을떼 좋아
나는 너를 사랑하니까
나는 너랑 있을떼 좋아
나는 너를 사랑하니까 

Lyrics
I love you very much
I want to go wherever you go
I’ll wait in your pocket
I’m happy when I’m with you

Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 
Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 
Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 
Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 

I love you very much 
When things are hard I’ll stay with you
I’ll hurt with you too
You’re not alone so don’t worry

Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 
Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 
Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 
Squishy squishy
I am squishy squishy 

I love you very much
I want to go wherever you go
I’ll wait in your pocket
I’m happy when I’m with you

I am happy when I’m with you
Because I love you very much 
I am happy when I’m with you
Because I love you very much

통실통실 (squish)

stream/purchase here: https://song.link/us/i/1504484804
album art: Sally Chen

I’m just a bit small in this universe 
Oh so dark oh so cold
But I watch you from so far away
 and I’m wishing upon you

And maybe one day 
I’ll meet you like the man on the moon
Maybe one day
I’ll meet you and tell you how much I love you

I’m just a bit small on this planet earth
Oh so lost in this world
And sometimes I feel like
No one cares if I hurt

And maybe one day 
When I’m older
A bit wiser and tall
I’ll go beyond gravity 
Turn my rocket flares on

Adlibs

When I’m sad and I’m lonely
And it’s just you and me
I think of the old times
Of how some brave men could see
That even smallest of creatures
Look up to the sky
We’re dreaming in wonder
We’re dreaming to fly

We’re dreaming
Oh we’re dreaming to fly
Oh we’re dreaming
We’re dreaming to fly

I’m just a bit small in this universe 
Oh so dark oh so cold
But I watch you from so far away
 and I’m wishing upon you

wishing upon you

midnight kid

we'll walk to the moon

i want to be more than i want to be

pretty lies from pretty lips (ft. Jayme Fortune)

the villains in my stories think they're heroes

BOOKING/CONTACT: esaemusic@gmail.com

produced, written, and sung by yours truly

ESAE라는 이름은 제 한국 이름의 앞 두 글자를 따온 언어유희입니다. 이세는 숫자로 바꾸면 2세라는 단어가 되고, 저는 미국에서 자라고 살고있는 한국인, 즉 2세입니다. 재미교포로서, 저는 중간에서 매우 다른 두 개의 나라와 문화를 접하고 있지만, 어느 쪽에도 완전하게 속하지 않는 기분을 종종 느낄때가 있습니다. 그저 제 음악이 모두한테 인생 속에서 쉼터를 제공해 줄 수 있는 부두가 될 수 있길 바랍니다.

The name ESAE is a play on words involving the first two syllables of my Korean name. 이세 (pronounced ee-say) means second generation, and is an integral part of my identity. As a second generation Korean American, I walk a fine line between two very different worlds and cultures, but often feel like I don’t belong fully to either. I hope that my music can be a dock you can rest at for a little while before you continue sailing through life.

ESAE 這個名字取自於我韓文名字的前兩個字。이세（念做伊斯欸）的意思是「第二代」，對我的人生觀來說是不可或缺的一部分。作為一位韓裔美籍的第二代移民，我小心翼翼的行走在兩個非常不同的世界與文化之間，但我時常覺得我不完全屬於任何一邊。我希望我的音樂能夠成為你在名為人生的旅途中的碼，在你重新啟程前，能夠休息一會兒。

ESAE

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