was living my nightmare in the last 3 months
this should never ever happen again
definitely won't do
0/10
never ever

lidocaine

if it could actually work,
and to be more than a melody.
please?

cerebonin

The Forest Above

The Forest Below

The City Below

The City Above

fuck
my
life
fuck
my
life
fuck
my
life
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
why
why
why
why
is
this
happening
why
why
why

sedural

i had a shitty witty day
PSTN
PSTNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

romanesque cellar

23:58

ibuprofen

it doesn't end

I AN OUT OF ADVIL
I DONT WANT TO TAKE IT ANYMORE
GOD BLESS OMEGA 3
FUCK SUSHI
FUCK RED MEAT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

advil

a brutally honest letter is all you'll get

it's the hardest of times, i want to live,
i choose to be.
I'm so afraid..
abandoned,
"ditched" in a way..

what's the opposite of solidarity? 
disharmony,
dissension,
scrutiny,
discord.
whole,
entirety,
integrity,
perfection.

loss.
death.
reborn.
no regrets, not at all

dissension

i miss the sunsets at the port
i'm sick of salami and cheese
i miss speaking my language
i'm sick of wide european streets 
i miss feeling safe
i'm sick of this illusion

just an intro

i am not even sure what i miss.
thinking it thoroughly,
i miss mainly the events of the past,
the smells of my past lovers,
the colors of their eyes,
the angle of their eyes as they smile,
the touch of the hairy chest in my palms
.
but i don't miss the sickening loneliness,
and the broken concrete tiles,
and the parks that i sob in everyday and every night,
and the green color of the bike trails that will never guide me again
.
i don't miss anything about this cursed city that raised the broken down shell of myself
.
i only miss the chillz on my skin
from the thought of knowing
that it won't take long
until i find a new lover
.
and now it's almost unreachable.
during the day,
the new smells and smiles
relieve my pain as if it never was,
but during the night, the lack of intimacy brings it all back,
all at once,
in the worst form it can appear,
almost unbearable
.
which weapon should i choose to conquer myself in this strife?
should i approach you like an opponent in a chess game?
or a player in a poker tournament?
or as rival in a russian roulette match?
or maybe as an helpless buterfly who got his wing torn off?
.
give me a gun and I'll kill you,
give me the right medicine,
and I'll heal you
just give me something to work with

heimweh / fernweh .

life is funny
.
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
KARMA IS THAT YOU?

truth leaks

stop writing me
why would you do that
to me
to yourself 

you were so eager to keep your distance from my essence
so eager that you did the exact things i kindly asked you not to do

why do you seek my attention?
is getting my attention worth irritating me?

go f0ck urself with a broomstick
one with splinters and is heavily used
f0cker

you are not there
i'm not there


i know that hate is never the solution
but there are so many places i used to call my own
that now engrave the memory of us
when it was

our conversations are etched into the trees,
i can hear them in the rattle of the leaves

our kisses were observed by the stone tables,
they are too cold to sit near

the waiters remember my name,
they asked me why i'm alone this time

you hold custody of my safe spots
and it will take years for it to reset,
i know

i didn't comprehend 
how fast regret can be replaced with contempt

a beautiful feeling

evoosa

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