Elliott Smith / Oh Well, OK (Piano)

12/10/2021
6:11 pm / first take
me forgetting what chords to play and what words to sing for 3 minutes 

i’m left with your indifference
i don’t know if you’re singing your words for me
it’s getting really dark here too
i’ve got nothing left to hold onto

just your voice echoing forever
inside a single cell i call home
and a number on my phone
that you don’t want me to call

rest your tired mind
the tides will bring you back to the shore
rest your tired mind
i’ll always carry you back home

you carry your indifference 
like a loaded gun 
shoot me if you want
i think i’ll keep the bullet this time

let me be the bearer of your shame
i don’t want to go empty handed 
she’s got everything 
so let me have this one thing

rest your tired mind
the tides bring you back to the shore
rest your tired mind
i’ll always carry you back home

your song wasn’t for me to hear
but i heard every line
it’s a song that i came to love
and my love is a loaded gun

and my love is a loaded gun
and my love is a loaded gun
and my love is a loaded gun 
keep the bullet this time

(cover art / ivan’s childhood by andrei tarkovsky)

Carry You (Take #1)

About october 31, 2021, sunday 
(cover art by me)

Leaving, etc.

Timeless (Rest Of My Days) / Demo

Elliott Smith / Twilight (Piano, lullaby)

a demo written and recorded on august 11 2021, in my grandfather's attic

made a bed for you in my head
but you won’t lie down
you won’t lie down
you won’t sit still

now your birthday’s coming up
so i put my hair up
and bake you a cake

and i could be your mother
and i could be your friend 
we’re oceans apart though 
and there’s someone in your bed 

and i could be your mother
and i could be your friend 
we’re oceans apart, though 
and there’s someone in your head

it’s not me, it’s not me it’s not me
it’s not me, it’s not me, it’s not me

i’m glad it’s not me
cause i never knew 
how to get you to stop 
holding the knife

we act on intuition 
just like animals
or we don’t act at all

and i told you a thousand times
the dove doesn’t know of murder
it just flies into the night

and i could be your mother
and i could be your friend 
we’re oceans apart though 
and there’s someone in your bed 

and i could be your mother
and i could be your friend 
we’re oceans apart, though 
and there’s someone in your head

it’s not me, it’s not me it’s not me
it’s not me, it’s not me, it’s not me
i’m glad it’s not me

cause i could never learn to be
silent

Gülce Yavuz's Album

Bedhead (demo)

In The Belly Of A Whale

24 February 2022 / 5:08 AM

You are uncomfortable 
I speak too much
I know too many words
To describe what you’ve done 
You are uncomfortable 
Because you know
I know too many people
That would tell me to quit
But I keep my promise
And I stay
You are uncomfortable 
For making me say 
I am uncomfortable 
I say it anyway
You are uncomfortable 
When you kiss her
I’m still there with you
I’m there in the room
But I’m always there
And I keep my promise
And I’m always there
And I’m sorry
I am uncomfortable 
That you are uncomfortable 
And you are uncomfortable 
That I am so comfortable 
To stay

uncomfortable

25 January 2022 

Can I disappear if no one’s looking for me? 
Can I disappear right here? 
I’m asking just because— I climbed but nobody taught me how to survive the fall
And I don’t really want to kiss the floor
So I keep holding onto your shoulder blades as if you’re a cliff
Because you’re just as steep sometimes
And my arms are really tired
I don’t want to give up just yet but my arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired
My arms are really tired

distress signal

7 April 2022 

Oh god, Rosie
Last one more night
The fear in your bones will keep you alive 
Hair down to your knees
A mother? 
A daughter? 
A woman? 
A lover?
Who might you be? 
All this delay is making me feel dizzy
This little hope’s been on your waiting list 
So long
Oh god, Rosie, 
Last another night
For me

drowsy rosie

11 August 2022

I gave myself bad advice
I walked into your house at night 
To take in the sight of your sleepy eyes
To take in the sight of your wife

I think I have shown you
That I have no pride
No amount of time 
Can take back what you’ve done

I don’t think it’s funny
But I can hear your laughter from the other room
You will learn to be quiet
You’ll learn to stay quiet 

I think I have shown you
That I have nothing to lose 
I almost can’t spit out the question
But if I leave will you want me more?

I think I have shown you
That I have no pride
I think that you know
You’re my best friend all the time

virgo

11 January 2022

Without warning— there appeared a flash of light, 
I felt the pull of some underground river
Vague in its blues and smeary in its greens
All dried up— yet soaking wet with the faint promise of spring

Found melody after melody in unforeseen amity 
That clung to my skin 
My sundress nowhere to be seen
Up to my neck in pink and green

I lifted summer’s veil to reveal myself 
Burning in the open field
Blinding the scorching sun for it wasted my time 
As a mother with poison milk 

Who fed me and fed me and fed me 
Until I grew into a woman made of silk 
And you wore me on your body
And you wore me out

In autumn, you grew tired and fell asleep 
To the sound of my leaves decaying
I stood fragile in my flesh for a single embrace 
Eager to dance my last dance and begin where I end

And I held your hand covered in black ink
Led you to a knowing clearing
My drunken sparrow— you were stumbling 
Filled with noise, painted white and pink

My roman candle, my angel in the snow
Forgive me for I am leaving
And I can’t look back anymore
And I can’t look back anymore

bougainvillea

17 May 2022

Tangled up inside you
I face the sun
And your mouth is a drain
For my love

I hold on for my life
Little fist curled up into a ball
There is no space between
You and I 

I'm inside, looking out
I'm inside, looking out
You're outside, looking in
You're outside, looking in
You're outside, looking in
You're outside, looking in
Seeing nothing
Seeing nothing

Is it my body, or is it yours?
Is this a declaration of independence?
Is this you leaving?
Is this you leaving?

I know when you're leaving
I know when you're leaving me
I know when you're leaving
I know when you're leaving me

inside

9 January 2022

Oh, Heidi is still waiting for the man
To smoke his cigarettes
So he can come back to bed 
And kiss her on the head

Heidi’s hiding in the detail
Hoping to be found
When she finds out no one’s looking for her
She’s gonna have a tough time

Please take the bigger picture
Never leave my sight
A year has passed, and more will
But there’s still so much love

Heidi is hiding in the detail
Waiting to be found
She still remembers each atom 
That made you the man you are

heidi

17 January 2022

Fell asleep to your voice
In a foreign place 
Wiped the tears away

No one saw me cry
So I can break apart
Slowly and quietly

And hope someone picks me up 
And puts me back together 
When the sun is up

And I thought it would be you 
I was so sure and
I was so wrong

Cause you take forever 
To say the words that you sing 
But I’ll wait if the wait is for you

Patient like a dog
I’m loyal to a cause that wants me dead 
I’ll die just to prove I love you to death

You put me through your hell
Even though all I wanted 
Was a little warmth

Your hands 
Too close to touch
And too far to hold

But don’t change
Stay the way you are 
You’re beautiful and I’m only tongue tied

Something in you I seem to recognize 
Is the reason why 
I keep dragging this around

This body is heavy
The dead can’t fight against the gravity
But don’t change, don’t change
Stay the way you are

I'm patient like a dog
I’m loyal to a cause that wants me dead 
I’ll die just to prove I love you to death

And even though there's nothing left for me
I’ll wait because the wait is for you

Let me in
Get me out
Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight 

You told me something,
What was it?
You told me something 
I couldn’t hear

Then you packed your shit, you left
From the door that you came in
Then you packed your shit, you left
From the door that you came in

I curse the day that I met you 
I curse the day that I met you 
I curse the day that I met you 
I curse the day

You told me something,
What was it?
You told me something 
I couldn’t hear

You do it all the time
You leave me nothing behind
All the time
All the time 
All the time
All the time
All the time
All the time
All the time
Please be mine

Something

Under St. Wendreda’s Angel Roof (I Wore My Hair Around Your Neck)

Heliacal Rising

Low / Words

Dovetail

I want you 
Even though it’s like that
Like that
I miss you
Even though it’s like that
Like that
Like that

Reprise

I could walk to Jerusalem
If I knew you wanted me there

When I sing these songs
Rarely I get to say what I mean

I don’t want to sing anymore 
I just want to be near

I want to be there
I want to be there
I want to be there
I

I want to be with you
I want to be with you
I want to be there
I 

I don’t want to make this face anymore
I don’t want to live like this anymore
I don’t want to make up sounds anymore
I don’t want to make up words anymore 

I don’t want to wait for love anymore
I don’t want to cry for you anymore
I don’t want to watch you leave anymore
I don’t want to remember 

I want to be there
I want to be there
I want to be there
I want to be there

I want to be there
I want to be there
I want to be there
I

I want to be with you
I want to be with you
I want to be there
I

Undress

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