i didnt wanna feel anything
but hiding my emotions just brought pain
overwhelmed i lost my way
everywhere i look its just grey

staring in your eyes i forgot my lines
but i can feel you look right through me
why cant i ever feel whole
why cant i ever feel fine

why why
do things that make me happy make me sad

just grey

water
all around
the waves push me down
but i wont drown

water
all around
something comforting
in the way that it surrounds

in different circumstances
this would have worked out
you only live once
but does that make things better now
and part of me starts to doubt
but i just gotta keep on moving now

water

i didnt know what to say
when everything started to fade
the colors dont quite look the same
blue turned to grey and the greens went away

its gonna be just fine
its gotta be
when i look outside at the sun
im at peace

the value that i place on you
is not the value on me
i try so hard to get it through my brain
but something cant connect inside me

its gonna be just fine
its gotta be
when i look outside at the sun
im at peace

its gotta be

you were sleeving cards
while i was trying to drown my heart
choking on a coke and malibu
i dont ever wanna play a part

thank you for all the times of happiness
i struggle but i know ill get back soon
thank you for all the love you offered me
i could never tell you its not enough

you were screaming out at me
asking if i ever even cared
i finally broke and let loose there
instead of writing shitty little songs

thank you for all the times of happiness
i struggle but i know ill get back soon
thank you for all the love you offered me
i could never tell you its not enough

sleeving cards

look at the window
the leaves all sway
it all blends together
wish I could do the same

walking from my cell doors
the wind hits my face
in a moment of clarity
I finally drift away

up to the atmosphere
nothings in my way
the storms all below me
its a beautiful day

suddenly I'm driving
right next to the lake
the fish seem so lonely
ill take that swim someday

I think of future plans
how quickly they can change
but for now ill live there
I finally drift away

up to the atmosphere
nothings in my way
the storms all below me
its a beautiful day

up to the atmosphere
nothings in my way
the storms all below me
its a beautiful day


atmosphere

made on 4/1/21

it feels so different now, calm but i cant unwind. and when i think of you i think of all the times we would fight. its ok im not mad at you anymore. its too late, but its just something i had to say

destroycard 4/1/21

i can see the future so clearly
ill break my beak just like a bird
window panes cant stop the feelings that im feeling
id rather die than turn around

i had to learn
we were never flying the same way

your fingerprint smudges leave me reeling
breaking the illusion that im dreaming
multiples the pain that im recieving
what if glass is all im seeing

i had to learn
we were never flying the same way
i had to learn
we were never flying the same way

window panes

you always told me that id understand
but i dont understand at all
you always told me its in gods plan
and that told me all i needed to know

when you get sick of being the second choice
i guess its time to find out on your own
when you get sick of your own voice
it feels like theres no where else to go

i heard a terrible song in the store today
it reminded me of you
what does that say?

i cant take the pressure
im folding with no wager
i just wanna leave this table for good
nothingness forever
the calmness of no future
is like a spa day inside the void

let me leave let me leave
i just wanna go but i dont wanna feel guilty
let me leave let me leave
i just wanna go but i dont wanna feel guilty

you always told me id understand
but honestly im letting go 
I always wanted to see the world
but i cant do this alone

when you get sick of being the second choice
i guess its time to find out on your own
when you get sick of your own voice
it feels like theres no where else to go

i heard a terrible song in the store today
it reminded me of you
what does that say?

all i need to know

always in my head
waiting for good things to end
end up in my bed
waiting again

breathing isnt living
im just a machine giving
i have to learn to fend for myself

everything is ending
cant find a new beginning
someday ill just be dirt in the hills

the seconds feel so long
but know that it will pass

shed my skin 10 times
almost like ive died
what more do i have to do to love my life

everything is ending
cant find a new beginning
someday ill just be dirt in the hills

the seconds feel so long
but know that it will pass
the seconds feel so long
but know that it will pass

dirt in the hills

i never thought we'd meet again
but here you are and here i am
so much to say but i just cry
you hug me then im fine
i find the words, but then your gone
i hear the birds sing their song
inside of me you live on
my only brother, youre not gone

alone
i spend my day
will it be a good one
well i dont have a say
alone
i waste my time
hoping for a friend
to bring me back to life

we snuck the other room
where i held my head close to yours
i couldnt hold my breath no more
you smiled as i was petrified
i tried to smile but it felt out of place
i always hated my own face
i dont deserve this kind of love
so finally i woke up

alone
i spend my day
will it be a good one
well i dont have a say
alone
i waste my time
hoping for a friend
to bring me back to life

find the words

i can feel the black hole carve its shape
a man with nothing left to say
one year ago these'd be the days
but since ive met you the bars been raised

i pace around this cluttered space
fingers feel like novacaine
I glance back to see your face
the words I can't say cloud my brain

I went for a walk and forgot you existed
for two miles I was in bliss
when I got home. I knew
I need to forget you

it's the hardest thing that I will ever do

the black hole

i trace my footsteps
i kinda wish i started from scratch

im doing nothing
to say im living is a stretch

i made these rules for myself
that i just cant quit

im sick of giving
when do i get to live

the post party depression is back again

Scratch

its a beautiful thing, youre always on my mind
all the things i wanna lose, all the things i wanna hide

you fill the cracks, kintsugi
you make me feel all right, and thats alright

when i cant seem to think, youre always on my side
all the things i used to hate, i cant remember why

you fill the cracks, kintsugi
you make me feel all right, and thats alright

Kintsugi

they dont feel the same
the dark parts of my brain
you scrub it out // you wash me down
til everything i see is solid gold now

and i just worry
theres so little time
but we use what we can find

they dont feel the same
the bad days replaced
im happy now // it slips away
its always something its pointless after all

they dont feel the same
the dark parts of my brain
you scrub it out // you wash me down
til everything i see is solid gold now

Fall_Forever_

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