Groping For Trout In A Peculiar River…

Well look at the hairdressers in their wonderful clothes
They don’t even notice us little lambs just watching
Marvelling at their picture perfect hair & self confident pose
Well aware of the covetous glances they’re notching

& us in our favourite corner with our stupefied faces
Detachment hanging from our every word
Watching in awe with funereal respect & our tongue-tied graces

& do you really think they’re happy? Well yes I think so
But I guess we’ll never really know
& do you think we could be that happy? Well I’d like to hope so
But I think that we both know
The answers probably ‘No’

You give me a bell & we meet up at the end of the road
We take the backstreets to avoid any provocation
In this town full of Arthur Seatons & A Taste Of Honey prose
We watch the working classes rage against eradication

As we saunter through the Cemetery reading headstones along the way
The cherry blossom coming in to bloom
& you turn to me & say I love it here - I think I’ll move in one day

& do you think that they were happy? Well yes I hope so
But I guess we’ll never really know
& do you think we will ever be happy? Well I’d like to hope so
But I think that we both know
The answers probably ‘No’

& our Junior Schools have gone & our lives keep rolling on
Time really is - an Indian giver 
& no one cares for us, they don’t give a tinkers cuss
They leave us groping for trout in this peculiar river…

& do you think we will ever be happy? Well I don’t know
But I think the answers ‘No’…

The First Bass e.p.

Groping For Trout In A Peculiar River by The Ramsden Squares.

Only You…

Looking from a window above - it’s like a story of love
Can you hear me?
I came back only yesterday – I’m moving farther away
I want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
& all I ever knew… only you

Sometimes when I think of her name – when it’s only a game
I need you
I listen to the words that you say & it’s getting harder to stay
When I see you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
& all I ever knew… only you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
& all I ever knew… only you

This is going to take a long time & I wonder what’s mine?
I can’t take no more
I wonder if you’ll understand it’s just the touch of your hand
Behind a closed door

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
& all I ever knew… only you



Only You by The Ramsden Squares

Elizabeth’s In Love Again…

Elizabeth’s in love again, she feels like making plans
She’s starting to break promises & she feels like singing songs
Elizabeth’s in love again, she says: ‘The world looks nice today’
It feels like it did when she was young & it tastes like yesterday
Because Elizabeth’s in love again & she’s speeding like a car
She’s speeding like a bicycle – upon the handlebars…

& she’s beautiful, she’s everything to me is my Elizabeth
On days like these I wish I was…

Elizabeth’s in love again she says: ‘The sun’s gonna shine today’
She thinks she’ll wear her new coat & she’ll wear her hair this way
You see Elizabeth’s in love again & she feels like making love
She says she could not care at all but she couldn’t care enough
& she’s out there chasing rainbows that she knows will never end
She’s tripping on some poetry because she’s in love again…

& she’s beautiful, she’s everything to me is my Elizabeth
On days like these I wish I was…

Elizabeth’s in love again but we’ve been here before
& it won’t be long before it all goes wrong & she’s listening to The Cure
& when it all falls through & her world turns blue & her heart gets broke again
When she’s drowning in self misery & reeling with the pain
& then all alone she’ll turn for home & she’ll hide herself away
Because Elizabeth may be in love again but it always ends this way…

Elizabeth's In Love Again (single)

Elizabeth's In Love Again (single version) by The Ramsden Squares.

Gadding About…

Me & Sophie pull up at half eight
Just a couple of seconds apart
We like to get in early to get organised
Coz we’ve both got a half nine start
We’re both laden with books in our Bags For Life
It’s just one of our safety behaviours
We put our backs out humping them up the stairs
Aaron Beck is our Holy saviour...


We’re just gadding about from 9 to 5
We ricochet from compare to despair
Trying to hide our imposter syndrome…

Me & Sophie are just winging it
Half the time we don’t know where to begin
We never practice what we preach we’re just hypocrites
A couple of Dewey Finns
Me in Room 7 & Sophie in 6
We’re like a couple of weather vanes
In & out all day with our latest updates
Celebrating DNA’s...

We’re just gadding about from 9 to 5
We ricochet from compare to despair
Trying to hide our imposter syndrome…

We both know it’s all smoke & mirrors
It’s like a scene from A Beautiful Mind
With our post-it notes all over the walls

Me & Sophie are being socialised
In to something that fills us with angst
We’ve got butterfly stomachs & sleepless nights
Coz we daren’t leave nothing to chance
So Sophie’s vaping with a slight of hand
Whilst I’m necking the Gaviscon
I feel like I’m sinking from over-thinking
So afraid of doing something wrong 

We’re just gadding about from 9 to 5
Feeling like the Wizard of Oz
Gadding it, blagging it, living a lie 
Trying to pull the whole thing off
Trying to hide this imposter syndrome…

Gadding About (single)

Gadding About by The Ramsden Squares

All I Wanna Do Is Sleep…

I just wanna sleep
I am emotionally & physically beat
But my mind keeps playing tricks on me
& I can’t sleep…

I was nodding at a quarter to 10 – I could barely keep my eyes open then
Felt it was clearly time to hit the hay - but then PING! I’m wide awake!
Coz in the daytime I can’t think on my feet – I’m not quick enough to think in the heat
Of the moment or the cold light of day - but on my back in the middle of the night it’s ok

So I’m writhing like a snakepit - I’m as restless as a shark
I’m reliving my day in the silence of the dark
The offence I should’ve taken but instead just laughed away
All the things I should've said - all the things I’m gonna say
Well I’ll practice ‘til the sun comes up & then I’ll make you pay…

If I could only get some sleep
Coz I’m emotionally & physically beat
But my mind keeps playing tricks on me
& I can’t sleep…

& a car pulls up outside like a Colditz searchlight - sending shadows across the ceiling 
Illuminating irritation & my tired & helpless feelings  
As I avoid the mocking flash of the digital clock
The metronomic taunts of it’s tick & it’s tock

When I just wanna get some sleep
Coz I’m emotionally & physically beat
But my mind keeps playing tricks on me
& I can’t sleep… 

Last time I looked it was a quarter past 2 - & I was making up scenarios between me & you
In which I knew exactly what to say - & one thing lead to another until… wahay!
But now I’m running through a list of the best lyrics I’ve ever heard
At the top of which sits Richard Ashcroft from The Verve
& tonight the lyric I’ve decided is the very best 
Is: ‘I’m a million different people from one day to the next’

So I’m writhing like a snake-pit - I’m as restless as a shark
I’m reliving my day in the silence of the dark
I get up, I walk around - I just don’t know what to do
It’s like I’m doing this on purpose though I really don’t want to
It’s like my brain is saying: ‘If I’m not sleeping, neither are you…’

When all I wanna do is sleep
Coz I’m emotionally & physically beat
But my mind keeps playing tricks on me
& I can’t sleep…

The Silecroft e.p.

All I Wanna Do Is Sleep by The Ramsden Squares

The Loneliness of the new Mum…

Smile & they’ll never know
The feelings you could never show
The anger that you keep inside
Emotions you know best to hide

The what ifs upstairs keep you up late at night
The shoulds & the musts make your chest feel tight

Oh dear God – the loneliness of the new Mum it cripples you
The shame, the guilt, the inadequacy
This is not how they told you it would be

Your life is not a verse from a Simon Elvin card
Nobody told you that this would be so hard…

Feeling they can read your mind
Afraid of just what they’ll find
So alone you compare & despair
Self doubt you could never share
 
The what ifs upstairs keep you up late at night
The shoulds & the musts make your chest feel tight

Oh dear God – the loneliness of the new Mum it cripples you
The shame the guilt the inadequacy
This is not how it’s supposed to be

Your life is not a verse from a Simon Elvin card
Nobody told you this would be so hard…

So smile & don’t let it show
Just smile & they’ll never know…

The Loneliness e.p.

The Loneliness of the New Mum by The Ramsden Squares

Victoria & The Fox…

Good morning Vic – I hope you’ve slept
& the Midnight Gardener hasn’t been at it again
That nocturnal Monty Don
Good morning Vic – hope you’re as happy as toast
& the International Scrabbling hasn’t taken its toll
Yeah I hope you’re still on a roll
Kicking the ass of John from Austin
With yer triple word scores
Que es el Espanol por favor?

Victoria & the Fox – a genuine dream team
The Fox is a poly-math whilst Victoria’s a scream
With her eye for detail & her artistic flair
The Queen of accents & impersonations
Hilarious beyond compare
The best company you’d ever care for…

So I say: Good morning Vic – that’s how I start my day
Hope the Midnight Gardener hasn’t been at it again
That nocturnal Monty Don
Yeah, good morning Vic – hope you’re as happy as toast
& the International Scrabbling hasn’t taken its toll
Yeah I hope you’re still on a roll
Kicking the ass of John from Texas
With yer triple word scores
Que es el Espanol por favor?

Victoria & the Fox – SwimGymHoadCart 
Proud Mum moments & charity shop CDs
Playing in the car
The World’s caringest geek – Masterminding to Radio 4
A trip to the tip & a Café Nero 
She’s really living the dream – her & The Fox are the best tag team
I’ve never seen…

So I say: Good morning Vic – I hope you’ve slept
& the Midnight Gardener hasn’t been at it again
Yeah good morning Vic – hope you’re as happy as toast
& the International Scrabbling hasn’t taken its toll
Yeah I hope you’re still on a roll
Kicking the ass of John from Austin
With yer triple word scores
Que es el Espanol por favor? 

Hey what’s for tea today? A jacket potato & glass of Moet…

Dinosaur Senior

Victoria & The Fox (Dinosaur Senior final mix)by The Ramsden Squares.

Dreaming (Like Debbie Harry In Blondie)...

Dreaming - I was just dreaming - I was just dreaming about you
& when I woke up from my dreaming I found my dream had come true

I don't remember much - about yesterday
I think I drank too much - I thought you fancied my mate
I've got a thousand piece jigsaw, with some pieces missing in my brain... all the same...

I was dreaming - yeah I was just dreaming - I was dreaming about you
But when I woke up from my dream - I found my dream had come true...

I have a vague recollection - of a Sunday session
Of the Dancing Doorman - at the Transport Caf
Of you singing 'Release Me' at the free & easy but it's a bit blurred after that...

& as I open my eyes in the dim half light
I see you smiling back at me
& as you whisper 'Good Morning' 
I get the stale sweet smell of cigarettes & brandy
As you kiss me... on the forehead...

& this must be hypnogogic - it defies logic to me
That upon waking - you lying naked - is the first thing that I see

& as I piece together - sketchy memories
From various flashbacks - that keep coming to me 
I think I must be dreaming - like Debbie Harry in Blondie
Coz this never happens to me...

Dreaming (Like Debbie Harry In Blondie)

Wednesday Week…

Here she comes to say goodnight – I’ll get no sleep tonight
This bedroom vision, it’s clear to see – is the perfect girl for me…

On Wednesday week she’ll love me … but Wednesday week… never happens at all

There she goes I’ve just seen her again – she’s off to town with her new best friend
She only does the things she likes to do - & now she’s with someone new…

On Wednesday week she’ll love me … but Wednesday week… never happens at all
	
On Wednesday week she’ll love me … but Wednesday week… never happens at all

Here she comes to say goodnight – I’ll get no sleep again tonight
This bedroom vision, it’s pretty clear to me – is the perfect girl as far as I can see…

On Wednesday week she’ll love me
Yeah on Wednesday week she’ll love me 
But Wednesday week… never happens at all…


Wednesday Week (Undertones cover) by The Ramsden Squares

Take The Skinheads Bowling…

Everyday – I get up & pray to Jah
& he increases the number of clocks by exactly one
Everybody’s coming home for lunch these days
Last night there were Skinheads on my lawn

Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling
Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling

Some people say that Bowling Alleys got big lanes (got big lanes – got big lanes)
Some people say that Bowling Alleys all look the same (look the same – look the same)
There’s not a rhyme that goes here that rhymes with anything (anything – anything)
Had a dream last night but I forgot what it was (what it was – what it was)

Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling
Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling

Had a dream last night about you my friend
Had a dream:  I wanted to sleep next to plastic!
Had a dream: I wanted to lick your knees (lick your knees – lick your knees)
Had a dream: it was about nothing!

Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling
Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling
Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling
Take the Skinheads bowling – take them bowling


Take The Skinheads Bowling (Camper Van Beethoven cover) by The Ramsden Squares

Georgie Girl…

(Kathleen Hannah) It doesn’t have to be different for girls
(Beth Ditto) Yeah we all know that it’s difficult for girls these days
(PJ Harvey) But it doesn’t have to be different for girls

It’s not a crime to be a size 10
No it doesn’t matter to most men
But you strive to be a size 8
To impress this week’s new soul mate

Oh Georgie – I do not mean to be rude
But fuck this male mastery & female servitude
Kick back! Do not collude

I just wanna see you happy with yourself
Don’t get your self worth from being with anybody else

The Church is up in arms – are women up for the job?
Is this casual misogyny really endorsed by their God
It’s the age old battle of the sexes – between ‘slut’ & ‘stud’
You can have equality - but only on men’s terms
& don’t challenge the fragile ego to the point of no return
Coz we all know what can happen if the worm tries to turn

(Malala Yousafzai) Why does it have to be different for girls?
(Caroline Craido-Perez) Though we all know that it’s difficult for girls these days
(Sophie Lancaster) It doesn’t have to be different for girls

Only just 16 – life shouldn’t be so tough
& it breaks my heart to hear say you’ve had enough
There’s nothing wrong with the way that you look
So it makes me so sad when you speak of nips & tucks

Oh Georgie – please shelve your teenage plans
& all your talk of being cosmetically enhanced
Enjoy your childhood whilst you can

I just wanna see you happy with yourself
Don’t get your self worth from being with anybody else
Coz I just wanna see you happy with yourself
& not getting your self worth from being with anybody else
Be who you are – just be yourself…


Georgie Girl by The Ramsden Squares

* this is an oldie that I've amended some of the lyrics to. I've deleted the original, which previously got 332 'listens', so please feel free to listen once or twice & share with friends who may like it. Thank you...

I’m Not Lloyd Cole…

& on the days I don’t see her – I hallucinate
I get delirium tremens – yeah I sweat & I shake
Coz love is the drug

But she never see’s me – I’m just like Claude Raines or Chevy Chase
In them films they were in – she looks right through me without a trace
& I want to tell her everything - & I dream of just telling her anything…

But her boyfriend’s a meathead – everyone around here says he’s nails
& how can I compete with Cuban heels & a ponytail?

So I sit in my room all day - trying to make sense of it all
Trying to understand the world around me – painting with blood on my cave wall
& I’ll write her a love song of such originality
Or try my hand at poetry – wax lyrical & florally
But I’m not Lloyd Cole you see…

& if I time it right – using all my guile & patience
I can accidentally on purpose - bump in to her at the Newsagents

But my hair is a mess & it’s hard to fulfil your dreams
When your trainers have holes in & you’re on a return to work scheme
But I want to tell her everything - & dream of just saying anything

But her boyfriend’s a young Harrison Ford – showing off in his Skoda
& I’m more like a car on bricks & I look more like Yoda

So I sit in my room all day - trying to make sense of it all
Why she won’t go out with me – instead of that Neanderthal?
& I’ll write her a love song of such originality
Or try my hand at poetry – wax lyrical & florally
But I’m not Lloyd Cole you see…

So I sit in my room all day – just trying to make sense of it all
Trying to understand the world around me – painting with blood on my cave wall
& I’ll write her a love song of such originality
Or try my hand at poetry – wax lyrical & florally
But I’m not Lloyd Cole you see…


I'm Not Lloyd Cole (new vocal) by The Ramsden Squares

The Morrissey To My Marr…

You were the counterbalance to all my dating mishaps
As you rode up on your bike to meet me
The nerd in the shorts, trainers & knee length socks
I fell in love completely
Coz you were so adorable, we hit it straight off
We said we never wanted kids or to marry
But as time passed by I hoped you’d change your mind
Because I desperately wanted a family

Oh Lucy Nicely I loved you so, you were the Morrissey to my Marr
My Light That Never Went out, my beacon of hope
Balled up in your pyjamas, you’d throw on a coat
We’d go driving in your car…

But 5 years down the line we said we’d call it a day
Keep it amicable & still be friends
But when that became too painful I cried so long & wetly
& said: ‘This has to end…’

Coz Lucy Nicely I loved you so, you were the Morrissey to my Marr
My Light That Never Went out, my beacon of hope
Balled up in your pyjamas, you’d throw on a coat
We’d go driving in your car…

Upstate New York, my Apartment, listening to The Smiths
Songs of unrequited love 
Sad tales with ambiguous endings
Sound-tracked a love that was unbending…

Then you turned up at my door & said you wanted to talk
You’d re-evaluated yer life
& then you took me by surprise & said: ‘I think we should marry’
I said: ‘Can we sleep on it tonight’?
So here I am in my Wellington’s in this timber framed barn
As the rain pours down outside
Under a leaking tin roof, with all our family & friends   
‘Oh Lucy Nicely would you be my bride’?

Coz Lucy Nicely I love you so, you are the Morrissey to my Marr
My Light That Never Went out, my beacon of hope
Balled up in our pyjamas, we can throw on our coats
Let’s go driving in your car…

‘& if a double-decker bus, crashes in to us…’


The Morrissey To My Marr by The Ramsden Squares

Bedsitter…

Sunday morning going slow, I’m talking to the Radio
Clothes & Records on the floor, memories from the night before
Out in Clubland having fun - now I’m hiding from the sun
I’m waiting for a visitor though no one knows I’m here for sure…

Dancing – Laughing – Drinking – Loving
& now I’m all alone in bedsit land my only home

I thinks it’s time I cooked a meal, to fill the emptiness I feel
I spend my money going out, I’ve nothing in, I’m left without
So I clean my teeth & I comb my hair & I look for something new to wear
& then I start the nightlife all over again & kid myself I’m having fun…

When I’m Dancing – Laughing – Drinking – Loving
& now I’m all alone in bedsit land my only home

So I look out from my window view, there’s really nothing else to do
I read a book, maybe write a letter: ‘Mother things are getting better’
Watch the mirror, count the lines, the battle scars from all the good times
I look around, I can see a thousand people just like me…

We’re all Dancing – Laughing – Drinking – Loving
But now we’re all alone in bedsit land our only home
We’re all Dancing – Laughing – Drinking – Loving
But now we’re all alone in bedsit land our only home…

The Piggy Lane e.p.

Bedsitter (Soft Cell cover) by The Ramsden Squares.

The Loneliest Man In The World…

I still shout ‘Hello’ whenever I come home
Though silence is a deafening reply
I bring you up to scratch on the news of my day
Talking to myself helps the time pass by
& memories are a double-edged sword
But I still I raid them – coz I can…

Coz when I close my eyes I still see you
& when I open them I just miss you more
I am the loneliest man in the world… these days
These days…

Your coat’s there – still hanging at the foot of the stairs
Coz I can’t bear to move it
Coz your perfume clings to its collar & cuffs
& I sometimes hold it near just to smell you 
& the answer machine still holds your message
& I play it sometimes coz I can

Coz when I close my eyes I still see you
& when I open them I still miss you more
I am the loneliest man in the world… these days
Coz when I close my eyes I still see you
& when I open them I just miss you more
Yeah I’m the loneliest man in the world… these days
These days…

The Stand Alone .ep.

The Loneliest Man In The World by The Ramsden Squares

I Think Our Loveseat Is Riddled With Woodworm…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3R5Zyt243Y

Hey look at us! We watched 18ths turn to 21sts
Engagements say it’s serious, then wedding videos
Hey look at us! We watched baby steps & baby firsts
40ths & 50ths & the next thing that you know
We like a Caribbean Cruise
But only with an ocean view
We’ve got a chimnea, a barbeque 
& a water feature statue
Garden decking duck egg blue
A Blue Motion VW
Golf – Special edition Oryx White
Off road parking, sitting safely in the drive
Of our leafy suburb, as we pour another wine 
& you say – ‘Hey! I think our loveseat is riddled with woodworm’…

Hey look at us! Parma ham with melon starter
No more crispy pancakes, anymore
Hey look at us! We splash Olive Oil on everything
That there Jamie Oliver’s got a lot to answer for
We drink Corona with a lime
Wear underwear by Calvin Klein
We like minimalist design
& a full rack of red wine
Coz it helps us to unwind
As we sit in our streamlined
Kitchen – by Colosseo Oro
Looking out on our botanical patio
As you turn to me, in the faint light of moonglow
& say – ‘Hey! I think our loveseat is riddled with woodworm’…

Well me, I’m still mourning Habitat
I’m like Justin Timberlake, only I’m bringing sweaty back
Desperately clinging to my youth, still a big Paul Weller fan
As I dance around the kitchen, listening to The Jam…

Hey look at us! We watched friendships lead to housewarmings
Weddings lead to Christenings, Godparents at the font
Hey look at us! Now we’re attending far more funerals
Than we really want, eating stale quiche & volauvents
I will not covet thy neighbour’s car
Sitting at my breakfast bar
Eating strawberry guava
Drinking Colombian Fedar
Watching Victoria Derbyshire
As you trot off for a Spa
Day – with the girls from the Golf Club
Leaving me to think of popping to the pub
But instead I sit alone in the hot-tub
& think - ‘You’re right, our loveseat is riddled with woodworm’…

I Think Our Loveseat Is Riddled With Woodworm

I Think Our Loveseat Is Riddled With Woodworm by The Ramsden Squares

A Song For The Colonial Sons Of A Former Empire…

We were playing a game & everyone was shouting & they wouldn’t do what I’d say
So I took my ball & I ran back home & now I’ve got no one to play… with
But Mother says we’re gonna go to the beach, coz we’re better off on our own
We can do what we want with no interference
From all those people with their funny little ways who do nothing but shout & moan…

So you can move along now coz the water’s freezing & this part of the beach is mine
I’ve got a big spade & I’m dragging it behind me – yeah I’m drawing a line
Coz I’m sick of you displacing the pebbles on my beach & blocking out my view of the Sun
We got here early – yeah we got the best spot
& then you lot with your colourful swimsuits, appeared & just came along…

& yeah I vaguely recognise your face – have we met before?
Oh I stole your marbles when I was much younger – well that was a long time ago
& no you cannot have them back – possession is nine tenths of the Law…

Well I’m not gonna stand for this, it’s not how we do things - you’ve got to have some boundaries
We’ve got a windbreaker, it’s bigger than yours & it’s marking out our territory
We’ve put our towels down & we’ve got a sun lounger – you can bet we can handle the heat
You see we got here early – & we got the best spot
So you lot with your colourful swimsuits, can beat a hasty retreat…

This little corner of the World is ours & ours it is gonna stay…  Ole…

An e.p For The Colonial Sons Of A Former Empire

A Song For The Colonial Sons Of A Former Empire by The Ramsden Squares.

Indiana Wants Me, I’m Hawkins Bound…

The Christmas lights are flashing - telling her you're not gone
Wherever you are Will there's a way
You just have to stay strong
Because love can give you a nosebleed
& love can guide you home
Back through the woods, past the Demadogs
You just need to hang on
Just keep listening to your favourite song

Coz Indiana wants me, yeah I'm Hawkins bound
I dig the underground scene down there
Yeah! It's really upside down
& some strange things do abound…

In a Midwest American Nightmare
Featuring a flea & an acrobat
Dr Martin Brenner & The Bad People
Kali & The Outcasts
Whilst Mama’s in her rocking chair chanting
Post traumatic flights of ideas
Eleven’s levitating van’s & friends
Slaying their Reagan Youth fears
Always fighting back the tears

Well Indiana wants me, yeah I'm Hawkins bound
I dig the underground scene down there
Yeah! It's really upside down
& some strange things do abound…

Alternate dimensions – psychokinetic nosebleeds
Supernatural, paranormal activity…
Papa’s on the trail of a lab-rat
Castle Byers has fallen down
Chief Hopper’s shepherding his flock
Trying to save the Town
From The Upside Down…

Yeah Indiana wants me, I'm Hawkins bound
I dig the underground scene down there
Yeah! It's really upside down
& some strange things do abound…

Yeah Indiana wants me, I'm Hawkins bound
I dig the underground scene down there
Yeah! It's really upside down
& some strange things do abound…

The BIG 5-oh e.p.

Indiana Wants Me, I'm Hawkins Bound by The Ramsden Squares.

7-Up Susan…

I’d only made love once – it was less than erotic                               
I could tell you all about it – it won’t take a minute
My life was a shambles – til you walked right in it                             
Now I’m as happy as a pig in my proverbial muck                            
& I’m learning why they call you… 7-Up                                          

As we lie behind the scoreboard at Vickers Sports Club
I don’t know what I’m doing now there’s the rub
I’m all fingers & thumbs & you say that’s enough
You say you’re calling me Francois & it’s time to rebel
Be God’s perfect asshole & get us expelled – oh hell!

 Ain’t it funny what love makes you do?
I didn’t really like you when I first met you
You lied & you cheated – & you had me sedated
 I nearly went home but I’m so glad that I waited
 

I’ve got a sticky right hand from the Ambre Solaire                            
& it’s obvious I’m enjoying it though I’m getting nowhere                 
You’ve got calves only a cow could love – but hell what a pair!           
& I’m drilling a hole in the sand from the tension                               
I’m going for a spin in juvenile detention                                            

For spiking Bernice for being an unqualified bitch
For dosing her with mushrooms for being a little snitch
For telling what she saw from the side of the pitch
Whilst the cricket team were losing I was finding out why
They call you 7-Up Susan – oh my oh my – that’s a 6! (Plus 1)

Ain’t it funny what love makes you do?
I didn’t really like you when I first met you
You lied & you cheated – & you had me sedated
I nearly went home but I’m so glad that I waited
Coz it’s so funny what love makes us do
Everything I did, well I did it for you
Despite you lying & cheating & getting me thrown out of school
You taught me more than those white collar fools ever could…


7-Up Susan by The Ramsden Squares

Everyday Is Like Sunday…

Watch the accompanying video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gplgGKWQ7HA

Trudging slowly over wet sand – back to the bench where your clothes were stolen
This is the coastal town – they forgot to close down
Armageddon – come Armageddon – come Armageddon come

Everyday is like Sunday – Everyday is silent & grey

Hide on the promenade - etch a postcard
Oh how I dearly wish I was not here!
In the seaside town that they forgot to bomb
Come come come nuclear bomb

Everyday is like Sunday – Everyday is silent & grey

Trudging back over pebbles & sand
& a strange dust lands on yer hands & on yer face
On your face – on yer face – on your face

Everyday is like Sunday 
Win yourself a cheap tray
Share some greasy tea with me
Everyday is silent & grey

When you’re on yer own 
When yer on yer own – when you’re on yer own
When yer on yer own – when you’re on yer own
When yer on yer own – when you’re on yer own
When you’re on yer own… 

Words & music by Morrissey/Street. (1988)


Watch video @: www.youtube.com/stevieboyralph

Everyday Is Like Sunday (cover) by The Ramsden Squares

I Wish I Could Fix This…

I should’ve asked sooner – why did we leave it so long?
I know it was something we were never gonna do 
But I always saw the rest of my days spent with you

& I know we should be happy - on this of all days
But it’s tinged with sadness & tears of regret
Because til Death Us Do Part is not that faraway anymore…

& I wish I could fix this
I would give anything
Just to take it away…

You don’t know how much I love you – I want to absorb the pain
When I hear you coughing in the middle of the night
& you never complain

& I know I should be happy - on this of all days
But it’s tinged with sadness & tears of regret
Because til Death Us Do Part is not that faraway anymore…

& I wish I could fix this
I would give anything
Just to take it away
& have you stay…

I Wish I Could Fix This

I Wish I Could Fix This by The Ramsden Squares.

Sandanista…

I’m sat in Sandanista  - listening to Jamie T
Surrounded by fairy lights - & shabby chic
The weather outside reminds me – of Betty Blue
Looking like it could do anything, which in turn reminds me of you

I’m sat in Sandanista – quietly on my own
A Polish girl is speaking in her mother-tongue on her phone
I’m drinking a cool beer – cursing a gang of men who
Are talking far too loud, whilst perusing the tapas menu

& I miss you - & I wish you
All the happiness in the world
Yeah I miss you - & I wish you
Were here with me

I hope you’re happy – I hope you’re having a wonderful life…

I’m sitting in Sandanista – listening to ‘Maggie’s Farm’
Keeping myself to myself – a new tattoo on my arm
& it’s burning like a Scotsman, in the mid-day sun
I finally went & got it, once you were gone

Yeah I’m sitting in Sandanista – there’s a mismatched couple outside
Looking in the window of the jewellers, all breathy sighs
She is taller than he & he is smaller than me
We were a good match weren’t we? Aesthetically

& I miss you - & I wish you
All the happiness in the world
Yeah I miss you - & I wish you
Were here with me

I hope you’re happy – I hope you’re having a wonderful life…

I’m sitting in Sandanista – I keep looking at my watch
Pretending I’m waiting on someone – even though I’m not
My head bent to my phone, just to pass the time
I keep scrolling through old photographs, of when you were mine…

The Betty Blue single

Sandanista by The Ramsden Squares.

If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going, You Can’t Get Lost…

Me I’m moving on – got my life here in this rucksack
Sleeping on a postal trolley, Manchester Piccadilly
Sometimes A&E
Coz me I’m moving on – like the seasons, like the weather
Living off people’s kindness & sometimes charity
Even though they don’t know me…

Me I’m moving on – to somewhere nobody knows me
Where I can re-invent myself, with an air of mystery
& a bottle of vodka for company
Coz me I’m moving on – just like Madonna or David Bowie
A level thumb at a Service Station, or hiding in a train toilet
Fare dodging down the line… 

Me I’m moving on – got my life savings in my pocket
Got a park bench for a bed & my rolled up coat for a pillow
Got the moon as a bedside lamp…

Like a High Plains Drifter – like Kwai Chang Caine
Like the Littlest Hobo – or The Man With No Name
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m glad I came
& I just hope that you remember…

Me I’m moving on – a rolling stone with a restless spirit
A sad reflection in a steamed up window, a lonely figure on a Promenade
Who hasn’t spoken or eaten for days 
But me I’m moving on – like then sun & the moon & the wind
& as a wise man once said - if you don’t know where you’re going 
You can’t get lost…

 So me I’m moving on – wouldn’t want to outstay my welcome
Make up another story – re-invent myself
Further down the line…

The Husker Don't single

If You Don't Know Where You're Going, You Can't Get Lost (mk ii) by The Ramsden Squares.

Can’t Stop Dancing…

From an early age you caught the bug
When Elvis was omnipresent & you fell in love with
David Bowie, with old T-Rex
Then Debbie Harry & all the rest
Then you cut the coat tails of your parent’s tastes 
The first time you heard Terry Hall singing ‘Rat Race’
& life was more tribal & all your friends said
Are you one of us now? Or one of them?

& you said: 
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing – this is me & I can’t stop dancing
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing  
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing – this is me & I can’t stop dancing
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing  

Teenage obsession - competing styles
Jealous possession to soundtrack your denial of 
Labile emotions blowing hot & cold
Seeking out the new finds, discovering the old

& you said: 
Look at me I can’t stop dancing – this is me & I can’t stop dancing
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing  
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing – this is me & I can’t stop dancing
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing  

From latest crush to latest craze 
To last Sunday's chart
From first love - to first kiss
To your first broken heart…

A spaghetti junction of style & taste 
To trigger memories of people, times & places
& just when you think you've heard it all before
Here comes a new one to get you back on the dance floor

& you say: 
Look at me I can’t stop dancing – this is me & I can’t stop dancing
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing  
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing – this is me & I can’t stop dancing
I’m just me & I can’t stop dancing…

The Husker Don't e.p.

Can't Stop Dancing by The Ramsden Squares.

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out…

Take me out tonight – where there’s music & there’s people & they’re young & alive
Driving in your car – I never ever want to go home
Because I haven’t got one anymore
Take me out tonight – because I want to see people & I wanna see life
Driving in your car – oh please don’t drop me home
Because it’s not my home it’s their home & I’m welcome no more…

& if a double-decker bus crashes in to us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
& if a ten tonne truck kills the both of us
To die by your side well the pleasure & the privilege is mine…

So take me out tonight – oh take me anywhere I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care
& in a darkened underpass I thought: ‘Oh God my chance has come at last’!
But then a strange fear gripped me & I just couldn’t ask
So take me out tonight – oh take me anywhere I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care
Driving in your car I never ever wanna to go home
Because I haven’t got one - no I haven’t got one…

& if a double-decker bus crashes in to us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
& if a ten tonne truck kills the both of us
To die by your side well the pleasure & the privilege is mine…

Oh there is a light & it never goes out – there is a light & it never goes out
There is a light & it never goes out – there is a light & it never goes out
There is a light & it never goes out – there is a light & it never goes out
There is a light & it never goes out – there is a light & it never goes out…

The Indecent Proposal single

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (Smiths cover) by The Ramsden Squares.

Enola Gay…

Enola Gay, you should have stayed at home yesterday
Aww words can’t describe, the feeling & the way you lied
These games you play, they’re gonna end in more than tears someday
Aww Enola Gay, it shouldn’t ever have to end this way…

It’s 08:15 & that’s the time that it’s always been
We got your message on the radio, ‘Conditions normal’ & you’re coming home…

Enola Gay, is Mother proud of ‘Little Boy’ today?
Ahh this kiss you give, it’s never ever gonna fade away…

Enola Gay, it shouldn’t ever have to end this way
Aww Enola Gay it shouldn’t fade in our dreams away
It’s 08:15 & that’s the time that it’s always been
We got your message on the radio, ‘Conditions normal’ & you’re coming home
Enola Gay, is Mother proud of ‘Little Boy’ today?
Aww this kiss you give, it’s never ever gonna fade away…

Enola Gay (2020)

Enola Gay (OMD cover) by The Ramsden Squares.

It’s Gettin’ Cramped In Here…

Well if it’s Sta-prest trousers & tonic suits that float yer boat that’s swell
& if it’s bondage pants & safety pins, well that’s pretty cool as well
& if you wanna squeeze your silicon valley, in to a skin tight leopard print dress
Well go ahead man do it while you can - Hell yeah! Dress to impress
Well you’re welcome in here it’s a pretty cool place
But could you clear the dance floor, make some space
Coz I’m here to announce & make it clear 
It’s about to get Cramped in here…


If you’re a real Hep Cat in your Ray Ban shades with a beret on yer head
If you’re digging that whole beat poetry thing - quoting poets long since dead
Or if you douse yourself in patchouli oil & headbang til your head explodes
Well that double denim look just ain’t my thing but I can live with ‘Anything Goes’
Well your welcome in here it’s a pretty cool place
But could you clear the dance floor, make some space
Coz I’m here to announce & make it clear 
It’s about to get Cramped in here…


Well if you wanna live your life in Gothic gloom, Bat-like style & velveteen dress
Or become a Superstar DJ – well I wish you all the best 
If you’re the hip hop kind making beats & rhymes or an acid freak making House
However you swing & whatever your thing, don’t keep it in just let it out
Well you’re all welcome in here it’s a pretty cool place
But could you clear the dance floor, make some space
Coz I’m here to announce & make it clear 
It’s about to get Cramped in here…

Cramped!

It's Getting Cramped In Here! by Filthy Ralph.

POV (Lockdown Blues)…

Well I only came on board to take a look whilst no one else was around
Coz I could feel the pressure building up so I wanted to see who was going down
Well I was spoilt for choice from my point of view
& what’s a hot blooded man supposed to do
I got the lockdown blues?

Well whatever your pleasure & whatever your taste you can pass the time
Amateur Fantasy Public or Fake just fill your boots it ain’t no crime
You’ll find you’re spoilt for choice from that point of view
Coz what’s a hot blooded woman supposed to do
When you got the lockdown blues?

There ain’t no shame in having a sneaky peek if you’re feeling all alone
& there’s no guilt in pleasure at your own leisure in the comfort of your own home
Well you’ll be spoilt for choice from that point of view
Coz what’s a hot blooded brother supposed to do
When you got the lockdown blues?

Straight or gay have it your own way whatever gets you through the night
Young or old just take a hold & relax with Angela White
You’ll be spoilt for choice from that point of view
But what’s a hot blooded man supposed to do
When you got the lockdown blues?

It's About To Get Cramped!

P.O.V. (Lockdown Blues) by Filthy Ralph.

Best listened through headphones. 
Keep scrolling down - there's lots to hear!
TRS adopt a: 'that'll do' approach to quality control & doff their hats towards: Victoria Wood, Postcard Records, Eric Chappell, The Brilliant Corners, Orange Juice, The Smiths & John Cooper Clarke.

See also: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Ramsden-Squares/704831992872764
www.youtube.com/stevieboyralph
https://soundcloud.com/filthy-recordings
https://theramsdensquares.bandcamp.com/

The Ramsden Squares

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