The sixth tape. Emo folk/experimental emo rock.

Anecdote of a Broken Heart

Lyrics:
This has to be over soon
The longing for late June
The longing for something I won't find out here
And there's nothing you can do
To stop me from leaving soon
But even if I do I'll land up right here 

And I'm starting to see, maybe I'm the problem.
I know we all have a part, but I seem to cause them.

And my patience is growing thin
And I know it's far within
It's buried deep within like a splinter in skin
The more I dig it out
The more I lose myself
Wondering what will be left of me in the end

And I'm trying my hardest, though it may look like I'm not.
Just bleeding myself dry with another song.
But self expression doesn't fix what's wrong.
Taking every chance I have to just turn and run, just turn and run.

Now this is getting serious, but I push it to the side.
Starting to act like I'm delirious, how much longer can I hide?
And I know I should try and fight this, but I feel my hands are tied.
But from my experience, my prayers will be denied.

It has to be here soon
The feeling of spring in bloom
Something to make me feel like it's all worthwhile 
But I never leave my room
Slowly being consumed
There's nothing I can do to make me feel worthwhile 

But my bones crack and break under the weight.
Realizing I still have a while to wait.
Cause there's still demons I'm hesitant to face.
Navigating through this changing maze.

Now this is getting serious, but I push it to the side.
Starting to act like I'm delirious, how much longer can I hide?
And I know I should try and fight this, but I feel my hands are tied.
But from my experience, my prayers will be denied.
My prayers will be denied.
My prayers will be denied.
My prayers will be denied.
My prayers will be denied.

Longing

Prod. by me and Chizian. Drums by Chizian.

Lyrics:
The only thing keeping me alive is the promise things will get better in time.
I've waited long enough, it should be my time, to get to the greener grass on the other side.

And I've been told before many times what I'm looking for comes from inside.
So I keep searching, but I'm yet to find, the thing to make me feel alright.

And it's starting to feel like if nothing gets better neither will I.
And I'm starting to realize that this is something that I can't deny, and this,
Has nothing to do with any of you, except for you.
Cause this is just something I'll have to work through.

And I'm done with wasting time, I'm done with my excuse for everything!
But I still commit myself to expectations I can never maintain!
And I thought I made a mark but I have yet to even begin!
Cause every little thing still gets under my damn skin!

And it's starting to feel like if nothing gets better neither will I.
And I'm starting to realize that this is something that I can't deny, and this,
Has nothing to do with any of you, except for you.
Cause this is just something I'll have to work through.

The only thing keeping me alive is the promise things will get better in time.
I've waited long enough, it should be my time, to get to the greener grass on the other side.
And I've been told before many times what I'm looking for comes from inside.
So I keep searching, but I'm yet to find, the thing to make me feel alright.

I'm not alright, I don't think I'll ever be alright!
Cause most days I still don't see a point in the fight!
I'm not alright, I don't think I'll ever be alright!
Cause most days all that drives me is the spite!

If Nothing Gets Better (Ft. Chizian)

Lyrics:
Do you remember when you were just three?
The summertime adventures of father you and me,
While mom was asleep, too young to understand the grasp of disease,
So innocent and free and made to believe the presence of good in this world,
But soon dad was overseas, and it felt like just me.

And I'm still terrified of the plot behind your eyes,
Cause I don't know anybody's intentions,
Been backstabbed enough yet still desperate for attention,
Been made to feel like the whole world is wanting to see me fall,
Like everyone's out to get me, I'm one man against an army.

Overseas.
And it felt like just me.

(Overseas)
Oh
(And it felt like just me)
Oh
(Overseas)
(And it felt like just me)
Oh
(Overseas)
Oh
(And it felt like just me,
And it felt like just me,
And it felt like just me,
And it felt like just me)
And it felt like just me.
And it felt like just me.
And it felt like just me.

Overseas

Lyrics:
When you first came in brought my life to a halt
Only took what I knew, first taste of the alt
We both cut eachother, filled the wounds with salt
But it's all my fault, but it's all my fault
Victim's your default
So get another tattoo and bury the pain
And numb yourself till you're cold in the brain
Until you're just a shell of guilt and shame
We'd be one in the same, we'd be one in the same
But I'm no longer that way

You claim that you preach love,
But it's never quite enough,
I see through the facade.
Pull the victim card,
Wait for one to come along,
To solve your problems.
And I won't give you the satisfaction.

I can't escape your grasp.
I can't escape your grasp.
I can't escape your grasp.
I can't escape your grasp!

You think you're so above it all.
You think you're so above it all!
You think you're so above it all.
You think you're so above it all!

You claim that you preach love,
But it's never quite enough,
I see through the facade.
Pull the victim card,
Wait for one to come along,
To fix your problems.

I just know, you'll be soon faced with your karma.
You claim that you preach love, but it's never quite enough, I see through the facade, I do.
No matter what you take of mine, and anytime I hide, I look who's in the back of my mind, it's you.

Bitterness

Lyrics:
And I don't if I can escape this cycle I'm trapped in
(trapped in)
And I don't know why I can't be on my own again
(again)

Need to learn to be on my own
And I feel the claws as they swipe at my throat

And no matter what I do
I can't shake this perfect image I have of you
Do you remember the long drives home?
When I stared at you more so than I did the road
And I can't forget your smile
The shine in you eyes made me feel alright for a while
Can't forget your laugh
All the good times that I want back

Need to learn to be on my own
And I feel the claws as they strike at-

Isn't it funny how lovers become strangers in time
Do you remember Gambino dropping those songs as we had the time of our lives
Hours of conversation and now no one speaks a word at all
A word at all

But maybe that's a good thing
Maybe that's a blessing
Though it feels like I'm dying

You don't have the guts to see
Your heartless tendencies
Instead flaunt what you'll never give
Cast your doubt on me
Everything that you claim to see
Is your own machine
The one that you built
To try to keep the peace
Or whatever that means

And I'm not getting better
You'll get what you deserve
There's no way I could have seen this
There's no way it would of worked

There's no way around it
We're strangers now and I still cry about
The way you played me like a game
Cause you never intended us to be anything

Tired of being stuck on this
Tired of being stuck
Tired of being stuck on this
Shit out of luck

Starting to open my eyes
Starting to understand
That a life without you
Wouldn't be so bad

So bad
So bad
So bad
So bad


Lovers / Strangers

Lyrics:
I think this is what I need
I think you're the one of my dreams
Displace your guts in waves
So please don't leave

I've waited my whole life for you
I see you walk my way, then right through
Oh, what I would do
To get out of the mud and find you

I just want you to love me.
Why am I pushing you further from me?

There's nothing I can say,
Nothing I can do,
To get me closer to you.
Everything I try,
Everything I do,
Seems to distance me from you.
And I don't know if I'll make it through,
If you choose to go.
And I know that this is what I'll never get through.
Am I on my own?

Real Actual Love?

Lyrics:
I don't know what to think
What's my perception and what's reality?
A desire to be in-touch
Can't make up my mind without being too much

Too intense, still on the fence.
Take me back, to where I began.

Don't listen to a word I say
I'm just a delusional mess withering away
Still pondering why nobody stays
I have the answers but won't accept the blame

And I'm sick and tired of falling on deaf ears.
Playing (songs) for people that won't even care.
(And) I always knew that I'd get nowhere,
Except for here, right here, where do we go from here?
Right here, right here, there's nowhere to go from here,
Right here, right here, this is always as I feared.

I'm too intense, still on the fence.
Take me back, to where I began.

There's no end,
There's no end,
There's no end,
There's no end.
There's no end.
Not again,
I'm in my head.
There's no end.

Delusions

Lyrics:
But I will never want to fall in love again.
Again.

I want to die, in your arms, as you sing me love songs
(As you sing me love songs)
Drink up till, I forgot, all the people I loved that I lost
(People I loved that I lost)
Feeling tried, to go on, falling from where I thought I belong
(Where I thought I belong)
So again, I drink on up, like the answers at the bottom of my cup
(It's not.)
And nothing seems to bring me where I need.
(Ooo)
And nothing seems to make me feel at ease.
(Ooo)
Ooo...

Anecdote

Lyrics:
And now I'm wishing that I never met you
I was just an excuse to get where you want to
But you were so much more to me
Young and in love and I thought you felt the same

Well I miss you but you're not worth my time,
So why am I wishing you were here by my side?
How could you act like I don't exist?
It seems like you're always on the attack,
And I still want my fucking sweater back.

And now I see I need to be on my own.
To learn to just love the head that I call home.
To learn to love in more ways than one.
I guess I don't need anyone but myself.

I don't miss you cause you're not worth my time,
And now I'm not wishing you were here by my side.
Now I act like you don't exist.
It seems like you're always on the attack,
And I still want my fucking sweater back!
My fucking sweater back!

Now I just hope you've found whatever you're looking for.
(And part...)
But I don't want you anymore...
(And part of me will always care for thee...)
(And I know it took a while to let go...)
...I don't want you anymore.
(...but now I see things weren't meant to be.)
(...but you were the first I adored to shake my soul to the core.)

Watershed

Lyrics:
I'm not your favorite toy anymore.
I see you make your way to the door.
Drifting the other way, drifting the other way.
Don't wonder what to say anymore.
It's cause I've drilled myself to the door.
Slowly you turn the other way, drifting the other way.

You are...

Dont fall, under a spell
You wanted it
Forever, oooo
Dont fall, under a spell
You wanted it
I'm so far from you

Exhausted

Lyrics:
Open prairie fields wither with autumn's grasp
But unlike the change of seasons, this feeling is yet to pass
And the drive home is filled with restless thoughts
Anxiety takes its hold on me, I've already lost

And I just wanna be here, right in the now,
But I'm still plagued by a past I'm still figuring out.
And this thirty minute commute, seems like it never ends,
Guilt takes its grasp on me, I fall back down again.

And I wanna be happy where I am.
I wanna feel alive again.
But these thoughts never leave me alone,
Succumbing to them on my way home.

And anytime I go anywhere, part of me hopes I'll crash,
Visions of a calamity of metal and glass.
But I can't die young, I still have to fall in love,
With someone who accepts me despite all my flaws.

And I'm still scared I'll never break free, of this weight that I guess is crushing me.
And I'm so tired of the same, because I don't know if feeling nothing is better than the pain.

And I wanna be happy where I am.
I wanna feel alive again.
But these thoughts never leave me alone,
Succumbing to them on my way home.

Rumination

Lyrics:
And I thought I would have found myself by now
You were always there, but now you're gone, so I'm by myself
And tired of wasting all my oxygen
Screaming out my lungs with all these desperate cries for help

And I thought that I hit rock bottom,
But it's clear I've fallen further down.

And I'm always so damn exhausted
I'd go to bed but sleep doesn't fix a thing
And they say that "everything fades in time"
But I still bleed and cut myself on everything
And I'm past my expiration date
God only knows when I'll be able to feel again
And it doesn't matter which path I take
Wherever I go I'll be met with a dead end

And I thought that I hit rock bottom,
But it's clear I've fallen further down.
And I'm so far beneath the surface,
I know that I am sure to drown.

River Ballad

Lyrics:
Slowly withering away
Powerless to my own ways

And nothing really seems to bring me joy anymore
Hostage to this cross I'm forced to bear

And I can't keep on living this way
Everything is slowly taken from me

I can't breathe, I can't sleep
I can't find a release
I can't escape the pain and guilt
I can't seem to make peace
With the way I tear myself
Apart for every mistake
Or how nothing I do is
Good enough for me

And I thought I'd be better by now
Thought I'd have it all sorted out
But life doesn't stop even for the wounded
Thought I'd be dead before eighteen, wasn't supposed to make it

And confined to these four walls
I often forget that I'm in control 
I'm the only one
Woah, woah-oh

Everything is slowly taken from-

I can't breathe, I can't sleep
I can't find a release
I can't escape the pain and guilt
I can't seem to make peace
With the way I tear myself
Apart for every mistake
Or how nothing I do is
Good enough for me
For me
For me
For me

Drowning

Prod. by me and Chizian. Drums by Chizian.

Lyrics:
I'm digging my own grave
Though it's shallow I feel at home
And everything you've said
Still stings like smoke inside of my lungs

I sleep to escape myself
And this reality that I just won't accept
Is it different anywhere else
I've tried to fight this, but I can't forget
Clarity and vivid focus drowned out by awful noises droning on through the night.
Any minor issue or awkward moment has me terrified I'll lose you for just being too much.

And I know, fear will drive you away,
(Was I just a rebound to you?)
Just can't help feeling this way,
So please bear with me!
As I, try just to get by,
(Yeah, you're probably sleeping around while you got me broken down and blue)
But I can't take my eyes, off of
What could go awry!
So now, as I sit terrified,
(I wish I could take it back, it hurts cause it's true)
It's how you can't look me in the eyes,
Or how you tilt your head to the side!
(Cause I was just a rebound, I was just a homewrecker but I fell for you)
So now I can't even think about kissing you goodbye.

Da-da-da-da-da-da.

Another Heartbreak In August (Ft. Chizian)

Prod. by me and Chizian. First part drums by Chizian. Second part features Harlot and the Tramp with Bohdangerous on drums and Josh Cross on guitar.

Lyrics:
Just like the good old days.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-chyeah!

I hate to say it but I didn't think it would come to this
The only thing more rash than my mind are the scars on your bloody wrist
And I know!
You're trying to make this out to be something about yourself
I'm all that you ever wanted but you're too deaf, blind, and dumb to tell!

You don't even know exactly what you even want,
So keep on searching for your perfect miracle drug.

Your Loss Babe (Ft. Chizian and Harlot and the Tramp)

Lyrics:
I came on too strong
We both have done wrong
We're the villain in each other's stories
You didn't hold your tongue
I lashed out through song
We're the villain in each other's stories

But do you hear me when I say I'm sorry
But do you hear me when I wish I could rewrite the story

Pens and chords
These weapons of war
It's how I cope but that don't make it okay
I don't stand by the work
I wrote when I was hurt
It's how I cope but that don't make it okay

But do you hear me when I say I'm sorry
But do you hear me when I wish I could rewrite the story
But do you hear me when I say I'm sorry
But do you hear me when I wish I could rewrite the story

Pens and chords
These weapons of war
I wish I could rewrite the story
Pens and chords
These weapons of war
I wish I could rewrite the story
Pens and chords
These weapons of war
I wish I could rewrite the story
Pens and chords
These weapons of war
I wish I could rewrite the story

Weapons Of War

Purposefully raw and rough around the edges as well as not confined to any genre, fatalflaw.'s experimentally raucous take on the process borders the likes of outsider music, all the while pushing the envelope on what rawness can be in terms of production. 