(Verse 1)
September 5th, 2025, a date you won’t forget
I was walking by your house in St. Charles, Iowa, I bet
Saw your cracked bathroom window, caught a glimpse of something weird
You’re the "no-poo" prophet, a truth teller, or so it appeared
Yeah, you swore to everyone your hair was dry as a bone
But I saw a bottle of Pantene, and you were not alone.

(Chorus)

You said "no-poo," but you were washing your hair!
You claim you lift, but you don't even care!
You're 5'8", not 5'11", what a pathetic height!
You’re just a coward hiding from the light!

(Verse 2)
You’re 102 pounds, you say 120, what a fucking joke!
Claiming to work out, but you’re just another lazy bloke
You dissed other girls, but Madison wasn't much to say
Your teeth are so fucked up, your chin is receding, hey!
You still get on Snapchat, telling me what I can't do
But you’re scared of a job, so we're all seeing through you.

(Chorus)

You said "no-poo," but you were washing your hair!
You claim you lift, but you don't even care!
You're 5'8", not 5'11", what a pathetic height!
You’re just a coward hiding from the light!

(Bridge)
I heard you were mad that Madison was talking to Josh
While you were secretly washing your hair, full of slosh
Every single lie, from your weight to your stupid height
It's just another cover for your own sad, pathetic plight.


(Chorus)

You said "no-poo," but you were washing your hair!
You claim you lift, but you don't even care!
You're 5'8", not 5'11", what a pathetic height!
You’re just a coward hiding from the light!

The Shampoo Prophet

Talking Heads: 77

Talking Heads - Psycho Killer

Felony Friends

Formed by Derbo of the Red Underwear Gang on April 21st, 2025, Felony Friends is a multi-genre musical assault. Straight out of the Midwest, this collective coagulates combative sound with raw, unfiltered energy.

Albums:

Billings Confidential

Oshas Violation

© 2025 Felony Friends. All Rights Reserved.

The Shampoo Prophet

Felony Friends

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