*listens to car seat headrest for the first time* "ok i think i'm gonna make a rock song or something i have no idea what i'm doing

s/o to baby bugs (@user-978942385) for creepy lyric inspo, i love bowie's acoustic songs a lot and they make me wanna explore explaining stuff like this

stream on spotify!! (other services too): https://bit.ly/3Si6Pfd

lyrics:

[verse 1]

always wanna take what is mine as your own
you say it makes you lucky when i'm hurt in the cold
i wasn't fast enough and i'll pay the price
you'll chop off my arms and legs and hang them from a necklace
you're lucky... that we aren't on the flipside
silent as i sit in pain with fur torn from my body

[chorus]

justifying wrong as you've always done
call me subhuman and pond scum
just a toy for your entertainment
keep me in glass box to wither and die

justifying wrong as you've always done
call me subhuman and pond scum
i'm just a toy for your entertainment
keep me in glass box to wither and die

[post chorus]

if my mother had a death wish
she'd come see me used and abused
not the way she'd intended to let me out of the burrow
cared for, not coddled but definitely not whatever the hell this is now

[verse 2]

and the only reason you’ll cry when you’re rolling my skull around in your palms
is because
no else will be in the position i was

[verse 3]

you can do so much with those opposable thumbs
you grab and tear ‘cuz it’s fun
the horrors keep counting up
a nightmare
i will never see the light of day again, at all

spotify

Rabbit

pre-save: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/childishvendetta/ok-so-what-now

this song is very... everywhere(?) on purpose. trying to take your mind off of the fact that being trans can suck when everyone around you doesn't support you.... is not easy.

lyrics:
[ part i ]

1, 2, 3
i can't wait to get my life back
no wait
i can't wait to start my life up, yeah
so sick of sitting in dark
trapped in this body as a hell
but no one'll even listen till i'm old enough

i cant even look myself in the eyes
the feel of my face causing tears to arise
i don't even wanna hate it
but there's nothing i can really do to change it now

why won't you listen to me?
i'm always walking round the block
planning a couple moves
destressing with the sun beamed on face
i'll get some time to think it through
i'll have to live it out

[ interlude ]

why not like, a victory story man?
come on
uh, i don't know, like this?

[ part ii ]

1, 2, 3 and
once upon a time
there was a girl although nobody really knew it, yet
living off on the wayside
and they stared at her cross-eyed
for screaming at the beetles

what happens now?
you thought they loved you

(they stared at her cross-eyed)
(for screaming at the beetles)

so she went to sea
her sails were pink
and no one screamed and told her it was wrong

and up came crashing waves of expectations
that were placed from very young
come on

[ part iii ]

autonomy
i know it's there, or something
i know it's there, or something
i know it's there, or something
i know it's there, or something

i know it's there, or something
i know it's there, or something
i know it's there, or something

i know it's there, or something
so please, treat me like i have it

ok, so what now?

SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/track/3DMKNinqPactNRtNG4fpMq?si=06713e1381304350

song about someone i like a lot despite the obvious signs that it won't go anywhere. someone i had never expected to meet but sometimes i wish i never did because god damn does my heart ache

this song is 68 bpm and i actually played with a metronome LOL
quite a bit of this is inspired by @janeremover's "search party" as well as @ohravengirl's "losing contact with you" and the vocals + mixing are heavily inspired by @car-seat-headrest (and a bit of sign crushes motorist's "theres this girl").

[lyrics]

you used to make my heart race
staring from the corner of the window
and i'd kill to have you find my bike again
just to see you run off into the distance
into the distance

we hadn't even talked
when i got your number
i almost dialed 911
i thought my chest was gonna burst
breathing inside of a paper bag

when we finally talked
for more than a couple of seconds
i'd shown you all the things i'd drawn
and you'd do the same

i texted all my friends
exchanged a couple of words
maybe this will be the one
but nothings always as it seems (ignore me i am just obsessed)

If We Make Eye Contact, I Might Have A Heart Attack

PLEASE PRESAVE!! https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/childishvendetta/three-quarters

a song about my inability to make new(er) friends, my irls hating the music i like and the new found knowledge that my parents are divorcing. sampled bojack horseman

a little bit of inspo from dust bowl by @mothercain too (pls drop that song) the ending is inspired by @car-seat-headrest's twin fantasy (those boys)

lyrics:

i must be in charge of messin it up
i'll sit down atop my weathered sheets stare at the ceiling
i've got no friends outside
and in my macbook they've all been left on delivered

it really hurt me when i walked to the jukebox
and you stuck your fingers in your ears with your blood red eyes
so i sat down and held back a river
the little things just start to build and stay up but i know

that you love me
and you'd say nothing to hurt me
but i wonder if it's just a big facade
and i hate it when i doubt the ones who're closest
but when it's recurring,

i have to worry if my friends even like me (waking up depressed i feel like going back to bed)
and now my parents split so i don't know who to talk to ("we'll go our separate ways")
i'll drown it out
give me three quarters and i'll try to drown it out

man, i literally feel like i'm floating in f--
like, limbo or something man
nothing feels real!
oh my god

Three Quarters

streaming :P https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/childishvendetta/campfire-song

the best song i've ever made, if i'll be quite frank. i wanted to use a lot more instruments and make the mix less spacey because i was definitely using that to compensate for my lack of creativity. new era of childish vendetta, i'll be working on a full album soon that isn't 5 minutes long and rushed lol

i got a new acoustic guitar, so the first half of this song's acoustic parts are played on my old dana mahogany, second half (second chorus bit) are played on my new morgan mahogany live (i love it sm)

lyrics:
tell tales of woes and warm my hands by the campfire
i'll keep it lit with the logs of my heartache
waiting for a hand because i'm lost and need finding
but i'll stay in the woods 'til the sun's out, singing

holed up in a cabin with the lights out
holes inside the wood,
storm's brewing and the front door's smoking
thought i'd be safe when i was right here
but when i depend on myself it's a nightmare

don't know what i'll do when i walk out
but i'd die if i stayed in
maybe i should ask what the man in the chair'd say
what the man in the chair'd say

(the man in the chair... is my therapist by the way. haha)
(and man, is there a lot of stuff to unpack there)
(he said making these songs is good for me though, so that's-- that's cool)
(you take one flimsy look at your problems and you're like "yeah no, i'm overreacting a lot..." but, no that's not true)

begging me to open up (art is subjective)
but i think back to when i was fourteen (if you're depressed you just need a change in perspective)
when you tried to shut me down (said my mother)
like i don't have a reason

with dad's sweat coverin' his forehead (telling me to cool down)
asked if my friends were corrupting me (and not to overthink)
so i hid, ran to deepest part of my mind (just builds up the burdens)
in hopes that it'd die of frostbite

when the ones that you trust
and look up to
just ignore you
but act like nothing is wrong

all the guilt that you feel
trapped inside of the sole of your heart
with no outlet
smoking 'till you inhale all of the fumes

so that's why, that's why, that's why
i keep running back
even if i can't keep the fire lit
and if i freeze to death
i tried, i tried, i tried, i tried, i tried, i tried

Campfire Song

a song about not wanting to go against the grain. inspired by @janeremover's goldfish and some other stuff i don't remember at the moment.

lyrics:
i was just floating along
through the currents, whisked through the winds,
reassurance i could've been him

pushing carts through the lot
a race track was built in my mind
with the wood from the temple
slash and burned, to make haste of time

after all of these years 
suffocating through your hugs
but you meant them so i let you go
conditioned with you as the judge

how long have i bent my knees
for fear if i'd change i'd displease
all the ones who'd adored me
to end up disposed in a wildfire no one else can see

i thought i was floating a long
but i was still clipped to the tree
a hanger at the back my of my neck
where the elders could stand back and
all watch this person they'd crafted
scared to step out of the shell they were granted
'cuz i don't want to lose the ones i love

identity crisis

sorry this took me so long
but here's a song about an ocd scenario
made in garageband + fl
inspired by alex g's "the same" and baby bugs' "he loves me (he loves me not)"

lyrics:
don't ride out of my life
you've pushed me to edge
and i don't see a future if you aren't the page

swore i wouldn't get here
it was my biggest fear
but i guess that's what i get if i'm always gonna fold

i'm not superstitious
were you malicious?
or did i play my cards wrong and our time has gone awry

i said i'd do it right
and now that i've rushed in
i've made myself a fool and i can't ever play this down

ran for the false gold
a story that's been told
and it won't seem so big to you but that's just how it goes

i could say ten words
or i could no words
there is no amount to get this pressure off my chest

ripping the glue off
unstaple the paper
it was never straight enough but i just brushed it off

play the scenes back in my head
and even though they haven't happened
i can feel them vividly as if they'll come to past

and my mind can't shake it
i've tried to erase it
but i am just so certain that the cart'll go off course

my hearts on a roller
you were the joker
i should've taken out the deck before i shuffled it

you gave my life high value
or gave it no value
haven't had the time to think about it

joker card

i got a direct input for my ipad so my electric guitar is back in business
this one's inspired by @quannnic, @thisisduster, @02_26_2001, @janeremover, @mothercain and @moonwater1's songs:
life imitates life + snarky, inside out, for miles + aberdeen dream sequence, royal blue walls, dust bowl (demo), suicide cleanup

clashing genre's just the way i like it. i love loud music i'm sorry to everyone who says fuck the loudness war

had a ton of fun making this. this song's about an ocd scenario of getting killed on a college campus (lol)

lyrics:

sun's up but my head's down
i'm walking with the 1 2 1 2
always gotta memorize my moves
making a misstep
into uncharted terrority's got me—

she never goes outside
guess her dorm is a temple
she sleeps after class with the pills in her hand
her head's always down
in a map of the quad she stays at

she never goes outside
what's the worst that could happen?
last seen by a pond up the street with a drink in her hand
a red tissue stuck in the hole in her head

"you can't just be alone"
haunting the campus on your own
but this time not by choice
made a misstep, jumped by an unknown
until your motherfuckin arteries explode

(breaking news!)
just a fear of mine (there's girl in a lake)
(that we'll probably forget in a week)
(we'll plaster her face on the side of the street)

they'll find your body (we won't ask the family)
but they don't know who did it (just rake in the dollars the story'll make)

campus homicide

do-it-yourself

- banner by astro_eden on twitter

all my likes got deleted by a false ban !

fish eat cat

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