A lighter life, I'm told
Is better for the soul
An enigmatic nightmare
Undersold
Ask and you'll receive
The magic up my sleeve
Folded flowers and
Untethered dreams

Lo and behold
I'm below all the rules that I wrote
But if I forget
What all the words meant
What does that show

Careless, on the edge
Metaphorically upset
Faltering, open eyed
And far
A charter for the hidden firsts
You'll have to hide or be dispersed
We'll never win so why bother
With a start

A tired life, I'm told
Is a reward for growing old
What a shitty gift
I think I'll have to avoid it all
Put my basket in the road
Stroll off into the snow
And lie to any soul that passes by 

Lo and behold
I'm below all the rules that I wrote
But if I forget
What all the words meant
What does that show
So you can be yourself
Upon the waves
Undulating through broken days
And you can stab yourself
It feels good this way
Make sure you never have another shitty day

If it hurts that bad
Then why do you keep trying
If it hurts that bad
Honey, let me make it worse

Let me make it worse
Let me rub salt in your wounds
Let me kill off all the people that you love
Let me stand guard and fail at that
Let me show you that its not that bad
To be upset and to be underneath yourself

Lo and behold
I'm below all the rules that I wrote
But if I forget
What all the words meant
What does that show
Tell me what does that show

cory matthews revenge plot

Not The Night Wind (Nana Grizol)

Why am I on this bed again
I find myself screaming 'light is dead'
Waiting for an answer from the ceiling fan
Truth is she's my only friend

If I could lie again and change the truth
And convince myself that I'm not you
Then I wouldn't feel so liable
For burnt Skunk trays and broken bottles

Lessen the punishment, bed rest is a drag
I've always loved what makes me feel most bad
Afterglow never hit so hard
Till I lost my name in a playing card

Turn the lights off let me just stand and stare
At the circus animals in the air
At the levity of my blotted brain
At the terror of going down the drain

Why am I on this bed again
There's no light, no life left in my head
I've got no truth left to spend
So I guess this time the lies will win

Find a place to rest my head and die
I'll find a place to finally ask why
Why there's no hand to hold
As you're falling down the stairs
I'm told will never end

not eating people, but also not trying to

my throat is scratched, i'm tired, and here's this

How Many Lights Do You See? (Bright Eyes)

Winter came and knocked the power out
Chilled your heavy heart and sent you flying south
But I couldn't follow you, not even if I wanted to
I'm too content to freeze to death
To let the world reclaim my breath
To save me from whatever's left
To break my heart and heal it too

So here I am, stuck out in the freeze
Sucking in the air, pretending my last breaths are free
And I thought it'd feel better, to succumb to the weather
But instead I'm just full of ache
Trying not to wish I could be saved
Trying not to scream at everything
I guess dying's too tough to task

Everyday is, well, you know, the same
I wake up, I scream at nothing
And I fall asleep in a blind rage
So maybe all I need is just a little change
But where am I gonna find that
I mean, like, where the fuck

too tough to task

I was sixteen browsing Erowid
Trying to make sense of this
Urge to live outside myself
And now I'm lost in intelligence
That will never be relevant
So I ask you now
Does that even hold water

I was sixteen browsing Erowid
Delving through experience
Understandably enthralled by it
And now I've seen what happens
When you realize your distractions
Define your focus 
And make life worth a shit

Now I'm eighteen browsing Erowid
Mistakes that made me scared of it
Are echoed through the reports that I read
And I see myself in them
When they talk about the limits
That are so easy to exceed

Now I'm eighteen browsing Erowid
Reluctant to go through with this
Maybe I'll lose my mind again
Or maybe I'll find the future
In a world of confusion
Watch lightyears pass before my eyes, they flee
So I don't know the half of it
But you can't deny the passion spent
Maybe this is exactly what I need

I Was Sixteen Browsing Erowid

Last night I saw
A man on the sidewalk
Holding a sign, asking for gas
So I gave him ten dollars
It was all I had in my wallet
And I watched him fill up his truck and drive away
So I went home
And crawled into bed
Fell asleep
And slept through the night
Then I woke up
And went outside
Breathed in the air
Five degrees feels nice
And I'm not sure
If any of this
Holds any significance
But it stands to be said
That I'm on the edge
I want to be pushed
Can I please be pushed

20/01/2022

i saw what you saw
when i opened my eyes
it was dark and growing to twice its size
i watched as it consumed the room
as i cowered in the corner i called a tomb
and now i'm pleading my case 
to a shadowy face of a man
who thinks love is just a disgrace
i hate who i've become
and i don't believe anyone
when they speak of a way out

last night i laughed as i fell asleep
i saw what i was missing

03/02/2022

Waking up
I see all of the roses, I'm content
So I lie back down
Oh, my god
My god says that I'm lazy, and I tell em
"Hey you're never around,
My inaction is a consequence 
Of the lack of motivation I've found
And though everyone is helpless
Don't you think a little help would suffice
And, no, I'm not complaining
I'm just saying that I think it'd be nice
To supply with the tools to fix the problems
That you caused with your light
Cause as it stands right now
I'm not going to believe
I'm not gonna bow my head or drop to my knees
To serve a future that can't even be guaranteed
That's not lazy, it's sensible
You of all people should see
That creation doesn't come from faith or decree
It comes from a place of wants and needs
Fulfilled and received"

Waking up
I see all of the roses, I'm content
So I lie back down
Waking up
I believe that life is purposeless
And, in that, happiness can be found
I'm walking down the street
I find a silver dollar dead on the ground
I flip it in my pocket
And I stroll on back into town
Waking up
I see all of the roses, I'm content
So I lie back down
The fauna is rising
In my mind I am finally allowed
To be who I want to be
Myself, alive with dignity
There's a power bestowed to me by myself
And I don't need anyone else

Myself, Alive

I swam the river long
And I swam the river wide
And all I got is resentment I can't hide
A servitude that cannot equal life
I'd rather spend my time behind closed eyes

So as I float on down
I'll forget this old town
All I remember are faces and unpaid dues
And reasons to leave
That aren't enough to move

Where do I start this time
I found out
One true fact
This pain don't write itself
I am in control
Oh, I am in control of this world I know
I am in control

I swam the river wide
And I swam the river long
There's reason in its flow to right old wrongs
There's reason in its flow to sing along
There's reason in its flow to hang on

What would you call it

I swam the river long
I swam the river wide
I'm drowning
Oh, I'm drowning alright

i swam the river

Out of fear or out of faith
I was running away
Out the door and down to where
The demonstrators stay
So come again, my lonely friend
And we could dream all day

I was out turning tricks
When I saw the reason to exist
A glint of gold and a spray of blue
And just like that I was consumed
So don't you know what to say
What there is in everyday
Cause I believe it's alright
I will see the sun tonight

Black out curtains, do them away
Play the chords that make you feel okay
Just a couple more easy breaths
And I will stop worrying about death
I saw the future on the roof
Standing with his feet unglued
And when he dived, he caught himself
On a cloud, and, in good health, he ran

Out of fear or out of faith
Don't you know, today's the day

Out Of Fear Or Out Of Faith

I've had to start deleting songs because I can't afford Pro
So please listen on Spotify, every stream helps

fleeingvenus

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