David hung his Christmas lights the wrong way round
He's looking for a secret cord that can't be found
No we don't sell this
Then go to hell, miss
Rude language sure to displease the Lord

Desperate David's car broke down in the parking lot
Walks across the street to give it one last shot
Those are a danger
Told him a stranger
And David loses
What's left of his mind

Woke mind virus walks beside us
Infringin rights of mine
Leave the store, sir
Pleads the store clerk
Y'all can kiss my ass

He punches once
A fourth, a fifth
A minor fall, then a major lift
And in the end they call the cops
Officer, let me go, please please please please

David hung his Christmas lights the wrong way round
Now he's facing prison time
Ain't that profound?

(The wrong way round)

Hallelujargh

Cover of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

Doctor Dogballs - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) (2024)

Featuring D-LIN, Hatsune Miku and Microsoft TTS Adult Male #1, American English

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAve Maria

And a very Hainbach-flavored Holidays to you all.

Made for the Something Awful Xmas Thread for 2024

All Is Not Calm And Bright

A Christmas re-work of 10 Drunk Cigarettes by Girly Girl Productions. Art is AI generated because so is the base song and I got lazy, sorry.

Lyrics:
I need presents, on Christmas day
I want to open up some boxes
So, if you have cash, then buy me stuff

Getting presents (yes)
That's a part of my plan
And I could name ten things that I need
True love to give to me

Ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying, five golden rings
Four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree

Seriously, give me all of that and more
Actually, there's a couple of things
I don't want pipers piping or drummers drumming
But I want all that other stuff

Getting presents (yes)
That's a part of my plan
And I could name ten things that I need
True love to give to me

Ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying, five golden rings
Four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree

Seriously, give me all of that and more, okay?
Actually, there's a couple of things
I don't want pipers piping or drummers drumming
But I want all that other stuff

Getting presents (yes)
That's a part of my plan
And I could name ten things that I need
True love to give to me

Ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying, five golden rings
Four calling birds, three French hens
Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree

10 Lords A-Leaping

Santa's Watching

Christmas was merry, the elves were merry,
Santa was merry all the time
There on the North Pole, that jolly old soul,
Crafting toys before the Yuletide

But, whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad

I found you hiding, I found you lying
About all the presents
Your fancy stories, of arctic glories,
Torn and tattered in the end

But, whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Your Santa lies in dust

Christmas was merry, the elves were merry,
I found you hiding, I found you lying
Christmas was merry, the elves were merry,
I found you hiding, I found you lying

Your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad

The cleansing fire, up the chimney
Bringing truth to our house
Your scarlet ashes, of fabrications,
Caught in the act, and

Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad

Your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad
Whoa, oh, your Santa lies in dust, dear Dad

Santa In Dust

Where There's a Gift There's a Sleigh

Krampus Town

El Caído

Samples from Otis Redding's "Merry Christmas, Baby" and the YoutTube video "Steve Ballmer at NET Conference going crazy about Developers! | 1999"

Hallelujargh

Flipperwaldt

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