serenity

all of me

i know im not the only person whos ever felt like a burden before. ive always felt like one because of how much id be suffering internally and try reaching out to people. i had some support, sometimes i didnt though. its been tough trying to feel better and sometimes i dont feel like trying to get better. i thought medications and therapy would be the end all be all to cure me but it didnt. its so much effort to get back to normal after an entire life of turmoil. so yeah, this is what i made. i kind of rushed it just to get it out there.

your burden

checking in

fall down

Lyrics:

(Yeah yeah yeah)

I don't want you crying no more,
I just felt like dying, I don't die no more,
Trying to change my mind, but I ain't trying no more,
Cause I don't see you walk through my door no more

You told me you don't want to see me no more,
How am I suppose to feel if you don't want me no more,
I feel like I am useless, I'm worthless now,
I guess I have to figure it out, figure it out, oh yeah

You don't want me trying no more,
I gave up, but I burned that bridge some more,
Made sure you wouldn't come back cause I am no more,
I don't deserve nothing except to sleep on the floor

But don't you dare say I don't care no more,
Cause I love you, I want you, there is so much more,
But you won't give me that chance cause I am no more,
Don't worry, you left, I saw you walk out that door

no more

into the dark

star shopping

****this was a failed project. giving up on it. thanks for stopping by but i just can’t do it anymore. i’ve been stuck for so long and at this point, i don’t think im getting out of it. i can’t seem to move on from my past and its consumed me. thanks for stopping by, but i’ll probably be downloading everything and deleting this account for good. sometimes its not meant to work out and that’s okay.****

forfend wasnt always called forfend. started out with a few name changes. i ended up sticking with the name because it meant to prevent or keep away something evil. i identified myself as the "something evil" part. i wanted people to keep away from me or to prevent them from getting close to me, otherwise they'll see me when i get bad. 

when things get bad for me, they can get really bad to the point im a whole different person and i dont recognize myself to the point, but it happens sometimes. its difficult to control so its best if people stay away from me. its better that way for everyone. but this is my space i can put what i feel into a sound and be able to feel my feelings again and it helps me cope with the craziness of the world. 

ive had to fight a lot of internal battles, still do, the alcoholism doesnt help me either. i was almost 3 years sober but ended up relapsing and spiraling out of control. the bad came out in full force this go around and now i gotta suffer the consequences of my actions. sobriety has definitely had a good impact on my health and well being in general. alcohol and depression dont work well together, who'da thought.

talking about the ups and the downs in life. those downs are usually pretty rough for me, which is why this music i make is pretty depressing. sad music is odd because i usually feel better when i hear it. it lets me know im not the only one who feels this way and i dont have to feel alone or feel like my feelings arent valid. so im gonna keep making music for as long as i can and i hope some of my music here brings you solace. 

im not the best artist, nor did i claim to be, but at least its me being vulnerable and putting something i hold so intimately with myself and share it out for people to hear whats going on in my head and how i feel when im alone. 

thanks for stopping by. much love.

forfend

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