in the throes of a godless time
conversations that arent mine, nevermind
i feel my hands around your neck, oceanside
because youre breathing w/out reason
in our most suicidal season
california is a whore just waiting to watch you die

the moon is drinking me dry
saturn is eating me alive
oh how obscure our lives feel under such a violent night

themoonthatdrankthenight_ifdreamswerethunder

closingnotes_ifdreamswerethunder

blue_revised

'featuring vox from mia mormino

bite down hard on my thumb
my ladders missing a few rungs
your wheels missing a few spokes
do you think god laughs at her own jokes ?

youre loving til your dizzy
and dizzy til your loving
living like your dying
pretty kitty got caught crying
bumblebee stop trying
stinging butterflies not flying
trapped in honeysuckle thistles and vines
nothing short of borrowed time

tripping in the dark again
bash my head in the ceiling fan
bite down harder on your lip
pain so tender, my mind slips

dizzylover

i get scared
i cant stare too long for long
shortsight longtooth i promise i wont tear you apart

i behave
and i engrave both our names
in trees that have been around much longer than me

oh lilac aphasiac can i speak for you is that okay
i grip my bikelock nice and tight and protect you down dark alleyways
we ran straight home on broken legs and ur mother locked us out in the rain
but well have each other and thats just okay

oh lilac aphasiac please just promise youll speak up one day
ill give you my jacket, limbs, fears and debts that i swear ill soon pay
ill scalp tickets to my hell if you promise to not get on that train
but well have each other and thats just okay

oh lilac aphasiac can i speak for you is that okay
ill grip your hand hold it nice and tight and if your feet get tired ill be your cane
promise youll never leav california and ill promise to not forget all my mistakes
and ill take those boulders off your shoulders right before you collarbones break

oh lilac aphasiac sound your vowels out or they wont sound back
my lotus lover living life loftly above low lily pads
ill count the freckles on your face and well skip some stones across silverlake
but well have each other and thatll be just great

lilac aphasiac

crocodile smile preying upon me
lesson worth learning
lionheart beating out of sync
memory worth burning
oxhide hiding all of that waspblood
beautiful monstrosity
longtooth shortsight i wont tear you apart
mostrous beauty

chimera
you are loved
i dont care what youve done

chimera(bonus_track)

i was talking in the past tense
i was thinking all in cursive
i am living just to play pretend
because reality just aint so immersive
the goddess of love loves me
the goddess of hate hates me
i awaken from my nonbeing
just to get lost in my ceiling
and i wish i could write like nabokov
or sings songs that you heard of
i wish i could think before i speak
or speak in a language you receive

 i was born and i was alone
i was born and i wont die alone
or maybe just not yet

i can the smell the rain right through the wall
i can hear in pains from the tension of it all
my mothers name isnt mine to swear
my fathers name isnt mine to bear
theres a spider in my brain pulling all the strings
and weaving webs from what anxiety brings
brings me nothing
but i wish it brought me something
from headaches to keepsakes
my heart is constricting me just like a snake 
in the end i guess its all just the same
and its my burden to live w/ this shame
my face grows old and you dont ever think of me anymore
but i guess thats all okay because my love ends w/ u

hand it too me
some sense of being
i dont know why
my brain breaks when im alone
depersonalize
dissacoiate from human lives

give it too me
true sense of being
i dont know why
i cant feel the 
wind on my neck
the flaws in my own whole complex

give me something
false sense of being
i dont know why
my hands slip past
the nape of my neck
when i cant help but tell a lie
cant help but make something
that will make you cry
cant help but make something
to listen to after i die
    
i just want to be wanted

and it brings me close to earth
makes my whole head hurt
oh so very much
i cant feel the touch

and it brings me far from you
in dreams we talk like we do
oh so very much
can you feel the touch

i cant feel the touch
could i ever bring back that trust
i see you riding shotgun
when no one else is around

no one else is around
i cant hear the sound
cant see the signs on 101
which exit was your house on?

somethings got to give
im alive though i never lived
i need something soon
beyond impending doom

what on earth is my deal
what on earth is my goddamn deal

i was thinking in the past tense
i was talking to myself in the figurative sense
drowning in the rhetoric
of all the shit i never said
the goddess of love hates me
so i guess the goddess of hate loves me
i swim through the wavelengths
of my perpetual being
i wish i could write songs like daniel johnston
or live in the moment, constant
i wish i can behave when you speak
or shape the world you receive
i guess not

i can the smell the rain right through the wall
i can hear in pains from the tension of it all
my mothers name isnt mine to swear
my fathers name isnt mine to bear
theres a spider in my brain pulling all the strings
and weaving webs from what anxiety brings
brings me nothing
but i wish it brought me something
from headaches to keepsakes
my heart is constricting me just like a snake 
in the end i guess its all just the same
and its my burden to live w/ this shame
my face grows old and you dont ever think of me anymore
but i guess thats all okay because my love ends w/ u

thebeginningofmanonearthisacrybornoflove;theendofmanonearthisacryforlove_demo

black licorice & dysphoria
i am living high off of blis
i am living w/ all kinds of dysmorphia
i am living high off ignorance
i am living to one day put my hands around your hips

wildflowers & euphoria
in the tall grass i hear the snake hiss
in the tall grass i pluck some magnolias
they were once your only favorite
i was once your only favorite
now i live w/ everything i hated

is it too much to be what everybody wanted
or to be what someone will want
lovelorn & dulcet scorn, i see it through
but thats okay because my love ends w/ you

oh to be what everybody wanted
i am love i am love i am love

licorice&dysphoria(maybeinanotherlife)_demo

theearthbehindme&thehopeofheavenbeforeme_demo

hairpin, clothesline
ropeburn on both thighs
bangs cut just a tad too high
flushed w/ florid eyes

glass grave heart now beats in the dark
i can hear harps from afar

crocodile eyeline
dovetail, gooseneck butterfly
choker scars nape high
still sweeter than any wine

glass grave heart now beats in the dark
i can hear harps from afar

glassgraveheart_demo

ive been forgetting all the thoughts that i thought i forgot how to drive again how to drive again

feel the leather brush up against my palm i forgot i forgot how to drive again

how to die again  

empty is the head filled w/ emptiness i forgot why i cried again why i cried again

feel the leather brush up against my hand i forgot i forgot why i tried again

///

sev's hair has come undone
but i like it when it looks that way
advert your gaze, ill try to find something to say
sev's hair has come undone
i find it hard to look away
head full of birds, mouthful of clay
count down the days

can you hear the age in my voice
do you see the crows in my eyes
can you see the color in the noise
does time slip by faster in this life

it appears i have come undone
and i pray to god she looks away

can you murder all my memories
do you count the steps to the door
can you make gravity stop for me
do i hear your footsteps from the floor

do you count the freckles on my shoulders
do you feel the scars on my face
do our parents know how much we grew older
do we even occupy the same space

can you read the signs of death to come
can you feel the pain when its so numb
a month of indifference 
a lifetime of beligerence
can i see you when we both come undone

can you read the writing on the wall
can you feel the air when you fall
a day of deliverence
an eternity of ambivalence
can i see you when we both come undone

postmodern/postyouth_demo

i watch the silhouette crawl across the living room
27 lines of light cast through your perfume
i watch your pirhouette leave a footprint on the kitchfloor
if design predates art then what am i looking for
the ceiling fan spins for only one purpose
i twist the bread bag with hands all so nervous
the tile borders the carpet shoulders shelter the target
forfeit the starlit and what im looking for

ur all i want all the time
ur all i want all the time

i spin the balisong through fingers so restless
you right the wrongs through words oh so breathless
the mannequins mirror my movements so effortless
the shattered mirror reveals me to be headless
i spit shine the marble counter  to reveal the room
cracked porcelain & marigold reveal your mood
tap dancing tongues, trance ridden thumbs
tentative transience when numb sum dumb like fevers & thrums

ripping pages from the rollbahn
dripping ink from the pilot  
i cant take my mind off
everything i covet
crossing names off the phonebook
stashing shoeboxes in the closet
everytime i see that look
youre the only thing i covet

youralliwantallthetime_demo

theres  a million things i thought id say
but in the end it doesnt matter what i say
only what i do
when im alone w/ u

my volvos rear brake light aint working
literary devices aint confirming
everything i thought i thought i knew
when at the edge of the world my mind splits in two

but there are so many things id like to say
so many things id like to do
im not ready for death
when at the edge of the the world my love ends w/ you

shadow of heaven, halo bent
clouds of  nothing,  i regret
hour of need, time well spent
sky of something, ill go get
a clue when im alone w/ you

fake trees & fake friends
roundabouts & deadends
on the carousel still spinning and spinning
when at the edge of the world my mind splits in two

so many things id like to say
so many things id like to do
im not ready for death
but who am i to argue

so many things i didnt say
so many lives to live through
is it ok to be scared of death
when at the edge of the world my love ends w/ you

theedgeoftheworldacoustic_demo

a world w/out sadness
a mind w/out madness
hourglass, strapped for cash, i can break the habit

a world w/out sadness
a mind w/out madness
stained glass, window sash, my two headed rabbit

a world w/out sadness
a mind w/out madness
greasy hair, taxi cab fare i think we pass our exit

sculpting minds
just like mine
leaves me hollow all inside

i lick the end of the matchstick
empty my pockets for chapstick
carpet rash, spirit ash ill find out what makes you tick

flicker the lights on my bedside
fill all my insides w/ turpentine
a photograph, memory lapsed ill find out what makes you sick

a world w/out sadness
a mind w/out madness
crooked smile, shortest mile i forgot my jacket

a world w/out sadness
a mind w/out madness
daft denile, stay awhile i can make it worth it

a world w/out sadness
a mind w/out madness
greasy hair, taxi cab fare i think we pass our exit

sculpting minds
just like mine
leaves me hollow all inside
closing blinds
killing time
leaves me empty all inside

i lick the end of the matchstick
empty my pockets for chapstick
carpet rash, spirit ash ill find out what makes you tick

flicker the lights on my bedside
fill all my insides w/ turpentine
a photograph, memory lapsed ill find out what makes you sick

i taste the flame of the wick
empty my mind, amnestic
beat & bashed, whiplashed ill find out what makes you tick

fill up the corner of the room
spill all the existential doom
heavenly brass, no bandpass ill find out what makes you sick

aworldwithoutsadness_Demo

i was the sword
w/out a shield
never to be
sheathed or concealed
never to feel something real

all i see is red
dissasociated deep in june
all i feel is death
in these midsommar afternoons
wasting too much time
for a life taken way too soon
the water's reflection of the moon
no shades of green or blue
at the edge of my mind
all i think of is you

i want to peel the skin off my face
i show you what is true
the most violent of passions
the most violent of truths
when at the edge of the world
my love ends with you

all it ever takes
is all it ever gives
to get out of this place
and live a life worth lived

can i ever see in the dark
can i scream on the roof and fall apart
so much vividness
so much violence
so violently nonviolent
i leave feeling such cowardice 
my hands are reversed 
formaldihyde upset, lavender sunset im dead

i can hear the waves crashing up against my ear
i cant live my life w/out any fear

its all beyond the pale
shadows at the gates of hell
i see clouds of something
i regret nothing

could you ever love yourself
i could never see myself
but i see skies of nothing
i regret some things

i was the knife
inside your skin
holding on to dear life
digging deeper in
so many words left
blank  

themostviolentofpassions_demo

my elise by joyce manor

your mind is a river and i forgot how to swim
ive been treading certain waters that ive gotten too deep in
i cant get the taste of your skin of my tongue
i want to graze my teeth right up against your lungs
so i can feel you breathe
so i can feel something

swimming upstream felt like a daydream
now's not the time for i told you so

my mind is a river along with other pseudonyms
hanging on the precipice i should of taken the shallow end
my fingers covet to bask in your sin
my mysterious appeal has lost all fluorescence
but im a wolf in sheepskin
bashful i wish i had your intentions

bashful

slackjaw, coming down with the drugstore blues
hollow me, drifting, cut me loose
you're getting off the greyhound with some bad news
you mind your mouth like you wanted to

(im on the highway im driving sideways
in my minds space im dozing its closing)

so say it
'oh no'
take it or leave it

im getting drunk in the afternoon
ill see you on the evening news
i swoon

dozer

keep what you want
a clouded disguise
sun sets my mood
makes my teeth prone to bite
get what you want
choke the light out my eyes
out of body by day
im still stupor by nite
but it gets worse and worse
all the technicolor makes my eyes hurt
tell me how the come ups all the rage
but maybe i just cant handle change

and it gets worse and worse and worse
and i just cant tell you how much that hurts
'go find yourself before you cave'
but maybe im just not so brave

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