No matter what Theo, I know who you are. I know how smart and beautiful and kind you are.  
You're
Wonderful

Sometimes
he gets so hard on himself
low low low
he can't see the light
he can't see the light
that I see
sunshine sunshine
oh 
if you didn't know
I'm telling you so
I believe
you're wonderful
wonderful
if you couldn't see
what you mean to me
I believe
you're wonderful wonderful
so I
take his face in my hands
baby baby
they can't see you
they can't see you
like I can
sunshine sunshine
oh
if you didn't know....

you're a good man
you're a real good man
good and oh
I understand
I understand
and
if you didn't know
I'm telling you so
I believe
you're wonderful
wonderful

words and lyrics by Jeannette Kantzalis, My Playground Music, BMI

From Mama To Theo

Wonderful

All you can do is wait. Once you've exhausted all of your remedies, ideas, money, you finally realize it's up to them. It took me years to get that through my head. So I've been waiting....

Come Back Come Back

Iʼm waitinʼ on you
Maybe tonight youʼll come around
I really miss those baby blues
looking right through me
maybe tonight youʼll come around
Oh yeah cause there are
So many things that I needed to say to you
Iʼm still not ready to tell you goodbye no not yet
So find me
So we can just be together
Come Back Come Back
Just find me
I promise Iʼll be here forever
Come Back Come Back
So what should I do now
Your leaving has left me hollowed out
Trembling echoes bounce around your name
if you can hear me
Maybe tonight youʼll come around
There are so many things that I needed to say to you Iʼm still not ready to tell you goodbye no not yet
I know your pain is
I know your pain is real
So why donʼt you feel it
Bring on the agony
Thereʼs so many things I want to say to you
So many things we still can do
Come back come back

Words and music by Jeannette Kantzalis My Playground Music, BMI

From Mama to Theo

Come Back Come Back

I wrote this after you'd been on methadone for 10 months. We'd meet up once a week and go for coffee or dinner and walk in the park where you'd fish every night.
You said you'd be weaned off by your birthday.  That it was over.
You relapsed soon after. 
I'm still waiting...
When I recorded this, I could barely get through it without crying and laughing. You can hear it in my voice.

Out of Nowhere

Walking through the darkness
black water beats the sand
I'm staggering I'm helpless
nothing goes as planned
he bargains with the same skills
he's screaming without pride
believe me believe me
believe me
couldn't stop it if I tried
it came out of nowhere
it came out of nowhere
brought me to my knees
begging please
Another Sunday evening
comes around
and from his mouth
I hear the sweetest sound
two words I need right now
It's over
yeah
and it came out of nowhere
and 
it brought me to my knees
begging please

words and music by Jeannette Kantzalis, My Playground Music, BMI

Out of Nowhere

Out Of Nowhere

I tried a million different ways to help you. I read everything I could find, spoke to anyone I knew who'd experienced their child going through this. But I finally ran out of ideas. I'd tried everything I knew, even things I didn't know. I was defeated.
I kept coming back to the simplest question: Why?
Was it me? Was it somebody or something else? Was it you? I'd asked you so many times and you gave me so many answers.
I'd listened to every word you said and tried to memorize it all, looking for clues, anything that might tip me off as to how we ended up here.

I had nothing left but to remind you that my love is unconditional and that I'll always be here waiting. The hardest thing I've ever done.

Put That Needle Down

When you told me that you didn't fit
and you learned how to pretend
didn't matter where or what you did
and we're nowhere near the end
Now your eyes are all I recognize
Sweet and blue as sin
I'm begging you to realize
we're nowhere near the end
It was you and me
in this troubled town
now it's time for you to put that needle down
I told you and I showed you
When you're done, I'm the one
waiting for ya
Now you're living on the streets again
in places I don't wanna know
and I'm tangled in your hell again
I can't stay
and you can't go
so you think this is the only way
to keep the noise down low
you're gonna have to trust me love
I can't stay and you can't go

It was you and me...
And I know that you are hurting
so much agony
but ya gotta find your courage
you've got that part of me
this world is hard
but worth the scars
I promise there's beauty out there
you've got a lot to live
so much to give
stop crying
and just 
try

Words and Music by Jeannette Kantzalis
My Playground Publishing BMI

Put That Needle Down

This song, where do I start? 
I have this stupid, crazy dream that you and I will someday sing together.
I wrote this song for us.
The first verse is mine,
The second it obviously yours and we switch back in forth in conversation as a mother and a son, THIS mother and MY son.
You can hear my voice crack a lot in this one. It took forever to record.

Just Wake Up


Mama: 
I wake up so nervous
And I reach for the phone
Did you text me, did you call me
I’m scared it’ll show
A message from someone
Saying something I can’t take
A call
So very hard to make
And the screen shows me nothing
I check it all day
“I’m here”
And that’s all you have to say

Just wake up
Darling wake up
Please just wake up
One more time for me

Theo:
I wake up so heavy
And I fumble for the phone
You’ve texted and you’ve called me
I think you should know
The message I’ll answer
Is the one from a stranger
He’ll get me where I need to go

And the screen shows me nothing
I’ll check it all day
I’m here
And that’s all I have to say

I’ll wake up
Yeah I’ll wake up
Oh I’ll wake up 
I won’t know why I do
I’ll wake up
Yeah I’ll wake up
Oh I’ll wake up
One more time for you

Mama:
I’ve got enough for both of us
Nothing I need
I hope I didn’t mess you up
Nah, it’s just me
Promise me you’ll stay around
I’ll do my best to keep breathing
Please don’t you let me down
Please don’t leave
Me

Theo:
I’m not enough for both of us
You’re all I need
I hope I didn’t mess you up
I’m stronger than you think
Promise me you’ll stay around
I promise I’ll always be waiting
Please don’t you let me down
Please don’t leave
Me

And I’ll wake up
Yeah I’ll wake up…..

Words and music by Jeannette Kantzalis
Copyright My Playground Music, BMI

Just Wake Up

So many times I dragged you back home. I found you in several different cars, apartments, parking lots and parks.
You'd always go back to the streets.
One night when I was out looking for you like I had for the last 3 years, I found you in one of your usual hangouts.
I asked you to come home, just for a night. 
I offered you food, a bath and I promised I wouldn't try to make you go to rehab or to stay.
You agreed. We talked for hours. It was the first time I noticed how much your smile was like mine and not just the way it looked but how you used it. I finally realized how much like me you are. Why hadn't I noticed it before?
When I woke up you were gone. Again.
I knew you would be.
I'd never felt so defeated in all of my life and that night changed me forever.  

I Brought You Home To Say Goodbye

We used to have it all figured out
I can’t remember the last time
I knew
what I was talking about
and we mattered
In your life
I’m getting so faded
I’m so unused and underrated
I’m shattered
and yeah we mattered
I guess I brought you home just to say goodbye
I’ll brush your hair from your forehead one last time
and I’m make you tea and honey
and listen to your every word
I guess I brought you home just to let you go
there’s so many things I still want you to know
I know it’s hard for you
but just a moment more
You’ll wait until I’m fast asleep
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you steal my keys
I guess I brought you home
to let you leave
to let you leave
We feel so alive the cause of the danger
the fascination held me
until I surrendered
and it’s got you now
I know that howl
Look at you, I couldn’t see
the sadness in your smile, it’s just like me
It’s never ending
and hope keeps spinning
Where did you go?

Words and music by Jeannette Kantzalis
BMI My Playground Music

I Brought You Home To Say Goodbye

This was the beginning of the end. A girl came into his life and they started his undoing. I was so angry. I warned him over and over and of course, he didn't listen. He was so young, just 13, she was older and more worldly.

Gotta Get Away

He
didn't see this one a comin'
he shoulda hit the ground running
back to me
he
made a promise just to love her
no one else above her
oh please
and I wonder
should I stop this whole damn thing
from starting
my heart is screamin
gotta get away
gotta get away from her
can't you see it's moving way too fast
 my baby
doncha know it's never gonna last
oh no
she
didn't know I saw her comin
she shoulda hit the ground running
away from me
she
came with pockets full of nothing
drugs and easy loving
oh please
and I wonder
could I stop this whole damn thing from starting
my heart is screaming.....
suddenly I'm silent
don't mistake my silence for surrender girl
when I have decided
I want him back
with me
you'd better run

words and music by Jeannette, My Playground Music, BMI

Gott Get Away

Gotta Get Away

Theo was just a little over a year old when I wrote this. In fact, I had him in his playpen next to me in my little 8 track studio while I wrote it. 
The love I feel for this boy is never-ending and unconditional.
We have a bond like no other, me and this boy.
I adore you, Theo.

I Adore Theodore

Havenʼt slept for 30 weeks
I donʼt mind
I donʼt mind
you give me more than I can keep youʼre so kind
so kind
I canʼt wait to see you everyday
you smile I know itʼs all okay
did you know the stars came out to say I adore
Theodore
youʼre everything I never knew I wanted Everything Iʼll ever need
put your arms around my neck
your wonderful so wonderful
canʼt wait for what is coming next
your wonderful so wonderful
anytime you need just anything
Iʼll be there before the phone can ring did you know you taught me how sing? I adore
Theodore
When itʼs time for you to go
Iʼll be fine as long as you know
I adore you so

words and music by Jeannette My Playground Music, BMI

I Adore Theodore

This is my son, Theo. He is brilliant. 
He is beautiful. 
He is kind and.....
He's a heroin addict.
Here's our story.

From Mama To Theo

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