june 01, 2021

small talk with your friends
it just so happens
you left me a promise
unfulfilled again

small talk with my friends
it just so happens
i latched on to a promise
unspoken
your hair in my face
your laugh reverberates
in my head, what you said
has me stuck in that day

your car on my street
parked beneath the plum tree
sometimes in my dreams
i still hear you knocking
we sit at my place
talking to you doesn't feel like a waste of time

trying not to pretend
you know what happens
lie and say it again
a sweet reminder
looking over your shoulder
i'll lose it too
it helps that i'm honest
when i'm with you

small talk with your friends
don't let this happen
i flew over treetops
just to get some distance
perspective is useless from this point of view
i know i am biased when i speak of you

small talk / calm down
rebalance / react
you answer with silence
you're not coming back
break down / fall back
you kept me intact
i reject the notion that you have what i lack

small talk (with mostyn)

goodnight moon

someone else

black star

call me

walnut creek

postcard

there's a feeling that i can't describe 
its half awake and half alive 
it's sickening and wells up in my chest 
sometimes it's muffled and it's deafening 
but when i feel it it's everything 
it's threatening to blow up in my head 

sometimes it hits me hard when i can't sleep 
it counts the fears that should be sheep 
it keeps me up and wrestles with my brain 
it's a gentle nudge off logic's peak 
a monster hiding under my sheets 
it robs me of my rational mind frame 

but it's okay

panic (it's okay)

i watched a sunset go down from a foggy rearview mirror 
as purple clouds roll over my head, whisper 'there's nothing to fear' 
but purple always fades to gray to black to night skies far away 
and darkness will evaporate but when and where is hard to say 

i'll go anywhere 
if you try to find me 
i'll go anywhere 
if you try to find me 

i fell asleep in the front row of a commercial flight 
where candied skies of orange red bled in through windows seeping light 
but orange always fades to gray to black to night skies far away 
and darkness may evaporate but morning always comes too late 

i'll go anywhere 
if you try to find me 
i'll go anywhere 
if you try to find me 

i'll sleep anywhere 
if you sleep beside me 
i'll go anywhere 
if you go there with me 

i'll be anyone 
if you'd only ask me 
i'll go anywhere 
if you try to find me

anywhere

come away, come away, come away with me 
we'll take a boat and we'll hide out in the sea 
come away, come away, come away with me 
we'll sail away until we're lost in waters deep 

i've never seen the sun rise from above the yellow sea 
i'm drowning in the sun light and falling in between your words 
in the silence in between your words 

you look like rain, all days pass the same 
one less voice to blame, this isn't what i wanted

come away with me

what are you afraid of 

she said "let's go home 
i'm tired and i'm only 
holding on to you because 
i need someone to listen closely 
to the words i say 
i know i'm no good at composing 
all my thoughts, i pray 
you'll let me know if i'm imposing" 

what are you afraid of 
talking to you is my biggest fear 
what are you afraid of 
that the words i say won't be the ones you hear

what are you afraid of

september 8, 2016 

fly by off north lamar 
we're driving downtown in your orange car 
i'm tired and you're tired too 
but it's easier being tired with you 

i let this city eat me inside out 
give me a dose of morphine, let me shout 
at the top of your lungs, the whole world's in our mouths 
we'll blow smoke til we're gone, let our souls fizzle out 

fly by off north lamar 
we're driving downtown in your orange car 
i'm tired and you're tired too 
but it's easier being tired with you 

black eye, we're two for two 
i'm down one shot but you've had a few 
it's a nightmare but we're on our way 
we're gonna find out why someday 

and when we're down and out of play 
we'll scream at each other til we're almost okay 
forget the sound, don't call my name 
just bring me salvation in the form of your face

michael

october 4, 2016 

a stream of consciousness, i don't know what to do with this 
i heard from you on monday night after a week of oversight 
i wish you'd only let me see a version of you more discreet 
there's some place i would rather be, of this we can agree 

i used to think of you on days that i had more to do 
of rain that fell down on the streets and soaked your laundry and your sheets 
but we were sitting in my car, we never did go very far 
there's someone else i'd rather be when you are next to me 

rain fell down on your face 
i hope your laundry blows away

a stream of consciousness

october 6, 2016 

don't leave me on the couch 
i'm falling in between the spaces 
where the cushions meet our faces 
and my skull your hand embraces 

am i still in your good graces 

it's hard to fall asleep in hotel rooms on foreign streets 
it's even harder next to you where ghosted sheets pass through 


don't leave me in this bed 
i'm sinking in between the spaces 
where the pillows meet our faces 
and your skull my arm embraces

ghost sheets

november 12, 2016 

if everything i said was met with 
silence of first degree 
don't you think it might be better 
to cut down this olive tree 

what will it take for you to 
hear the words i can't speak 
you know i'll just misconstrue your 
silence for harsh critique 

why do i need a reason 
to be polite 
where's the breeze in 
the air tonight 
won't you leave 
right before my eyes 
need a reason 

why do i need a reason 
to stay the night 
i don't believe in 
your candlelight 
you fell asleep 
right before my eyes 
i need a reason

silence

october 2, 2016 

close the car door, just keep driving, you don't tell me anymore 
all the things i want to hear, i don't know what i'm trying for 
close your eyes and paint a picture of my heart and what it stores 
you don't focus on the right things, you don't see me anymore 

you don't see me anymore 

hey, don't start crying, i'll be here 
on the street side when you come by 
i won't try to disappear 
even though you make me feel 
like a shadow on the walls 
of the rooms inside your home 
i'm the echo when you call 

stumble forward, you don't answer when i show up at your door 
you don't hear the words i say, i don't want to be ignored 
listen closely to my voice and in your mind try to record 
all the noise inside my heart, you don't hear me anymore 

you don't hear me anymore 

hey, don't start crying, i'll be here 
on the street side when you come by 
i won't try to disappear 
even though you make me feel 
like a shadow on the walls 
of the rooms inside your home 
i'm the echo when you call

echo

march 16, 2017 

i loved you in pairs of two 
your toothbrush was pink and mine was blue 
your jewelry and new tattoo 
bumblebees and lilies remind me of you 

i felt you in pairs of two 
the lemon in your hair and the scent of your room 
your makeup and sweet perfume 
violins and sweaters remind me of you

time series

pairs of two

april 23, 2017 

you smudge up my glasses that i always keep clean 
you divy up my heart and leave nothing in between 
the spaces of my ribs, oh your teeth are so pristine 
remind me of your kiss, i don't remember anything 

you taste of molasses from the cookies we made 
you always gave me the last bite but never the last say 
the pressure in my chest, oh i know it's so cliche 
i wasn't at my best, it doesn't matter anyway 


i loved you in the slightest of ways 
you always kept me going for days 
i think i know what you're going to say 
i think i know what you're going to say

glasses

september 2, 2017 

what can i do to make you smile 
maybe if you bare your teeth, i'll stay a while 
maybe if you press a kiss to the back of my neck 
i'll dwell on you for one more year 

would you follow me out the door 
maybe you could focus in this blurry night 
tell me what you're gunning for or - 
don't spill your heart, we'll drown in mine

smile

september 29, 2017 

i don't like your fuck buddy 
he sees more of you than me 
i wasn't expecting anything 

i enjoy your conversation 
mean remarks, no hesitation 
put me down with your words today 

i love it when you're yelling 
i love it when you scream 
your voice is so compelling 
but you're not on my team 

i wish you weren't so pretty 
i wish you wouldn't smile 
i'll crumble at your feet 
please don't leave for a while 

will you stay for a while

fkbdy

october 6, 2017 

please calm down 
will you tell me what you're thinking tonight? i know 
lost and found - 
oh, this gentle wave of sinking, my cover's blown 
you hair feels soft under my hand 
when i touch it, please don't reprimand me 
god, i cannot handle more rejection 

this is fictitious, it's the story of a girl i knew 
none of it's real, i don't think about happiness with you 
would you tell me if i'm overstepping exponentially? 
i cannot help myself, i'm restless, i am shaking at my knees 

please calm down 
will you tell me if i'm dreaming? this nightmare's overblown 
and i can't seem to slow down 
if you stop, i'll have a reason to be alone 

this is fictitious, it's the story of a girl i knew 
nothing has changed, i don't think about happiness with you 
would you tell me if i'm overstepping exponentially? 
i cannot help myself, i'm restless, i am shaking at my knees

calm down

july 28, 2018 

sitting at a coffee shop 
"tell me about your day" 
flipping through your notes 
we start to escalate again 
i never seem to understand 
any of it in the end 

i replay each moment slowly 
frame by frame - a different story 
in my mind i'd like to change 
everything i said that day 

talking on a summer night 
"we can do it your way" 
turns into a fight 
i start to raise my voice again 
you never seem to understand 
any of it in the end 

i replay each moment slowly 
frame by frame - a different story 
in my mind i'd like to change 
everything i said that day 

and i still remember every sentence 
that i said that made you cry 
and if i could go back to evening

halcyon

april 29, 2018 

i remember all the late nights you spent with me 
holding hands under cover of dim lit streets 
you were so soft when you looked at me 
you were so soft 

now i am blue, i am missing you 
i am red in my head, i am wishing you 
would call, can we fall 
back into last fall 

i've forgotten all the bad things you said to me 
i wake up and remember how small and sweet you were 
in my dreams, oh so vividly 
you were in my dreams 

still i am blue, i am missing you 
i am red in my head, i am wishing you 
would call, can we fall 
back into last fall 


i remember all the late nights you spent with me 
holding hands, all our limbs tangled in bed sheets 
you were so soft when you looked at me 
you were so soft

blue

december 17, 2017 

pointed chin and rounded nose 
the angle at which they slope 
keep me on my knees and on my toes 

freckled face and ears that glow 
a breath you take, soft and slow 
stop my heart but that’s just how it goes 

please don’t walk away from me 
before i say my piece 
i know it’s hard enough to keep 
your composure 
and maybe later on this week 
we’ll take back the words we speak 
and you’ll tell me once again 
that it’s over 

tangled hair, a beauty mark 
every touch, a work of art 
tell me why this has to be so hard 

glassy eyes and lips that part 
a tear you shed, an odd remark 
why’d you make me love you in the dark

dec17

november 11, 2018 

they say the best way to get over someone 
is to get under someone else 
and i try to fill this void but 
no one seems to help 
can't stop crying long enough 
to get the words out 
but it's not as if you're listening 

who needs love anyway 
it was hard when you were here 
but it's worse when you're away 

how could you have nothing to say 
you were worth a hundred years 
but i was only worth two days

listening

cover of alex g's skipper for the z tapes compilation
https://ztapes.bandcamp.com/album/sandy-alex-g-covers-compilation

drums by @davinrml

skipper (alex g cover)

march 13, 2020

when it rains, i open all the windows in my room
will i see you soon
will i see you soon

in a haze,  i think about your shadow in the moon
will i see you soon
will i see you soon


bass and artwork by katie wang
mastered by trung tran

will i see you soon

march 31, 2020

blue gates, twilight
you hide between my thighs tonight
backseat, i feel your heat
with me, you're not so shy

i run from intimacy
your love terrifies me
commitment made me weak

but when we fight it feels romantic
i'm addicted to your pain
and despite all of the panic
i miss playing your game

how much time do we waste on being polite
take the news without a fight
you can't look me in the eye
i can't see beyond tonight
does she breathe soft and light
in your ear, a lullaby
does it feel just right
is it what you like

little spoon, what are you drinking
overwhelmed and overthinking
lighting up before i see you
blowing smoke until you're subdued
you don't want to talk tonight
dull yourself and close your eyes
drag me into bed but i
know this is the last time


photo taken by kerrington cai
skeleton drawn by katie wang
mastered by hugo

little spoon, what are you drinking

https://dogbiterecords.bandcamp.com/album/pandemic-relief-benefit-compilation

april 1, 2020

when they found him, he was sitting in a mango tree
wasn't looking for company
and he never came down from that mango tree
he was just happy to be

we'll walk from 2nd street
even if your soles are bleeding
even if you start pleading
with me
we'll catch the opening
even if they catch us speeding
even if you end up leaving
me


we saw the sea was blue
and the city too
when we hiked for three
hours in norway
and the sky was bright
at ten o'clock at night
when we saw the view
from norway

we stopped for sorbet
in bergen, norway


Artwork by Jack Diller

mango tree

https://kierst.bandcamp.com/album/trick-or-treat-october

this kind of weight it is hard to hold
i can't keep it up no not at all

i'm sick and tired but i can't sleep
he finds his way into all my dreams

i sink into the mattress springs
so i don't have to watch october leave
so i don't have to watch october leave

i'll keep my plastic memories
of tinted lights in our hometown streets

weeks go by and i'm still the same
i wonder if i'll always feel this way

stars blend into their static screens
so i don't have to watch october leave
so i don't have to watch october leave


mixed and mastered by max gowan
artwork by kylie ting (@by.deweydez)

october (kierst cover)

april 3, 2020

raven hair and raven eyes
in three days, you'll say goodbye
running car in the moonlight
your heart caught me by surprise

sans surprises je suis touché
par les yeux que tu as posé
sur mon corps sur mes blessures
mais ces trois jours filent à toute allure

carried on a winter breeze
your voice bears sincerity
every word brings relief
weightlessness in company

s’il suffisait de se reposer
je l’aurais deja fait
si tu entendais
ces voix qui murmurent
elles me torturent


mastered by max gowan
artwork by jules boucher (@mathildexomusic)

fuvk

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