I really f*cking wanna cry. I feel so incredibly empty inside. I don't wanna die. for some reason, I like being alive. But I don't really understand why. There are some really positive moments, but the negativity wins. I hate this. I wanna be a positive influence, but all I do atm is posting f#king mental breakdown stories on instagram. Pulling everybody down. 

!!!TW SELF H4RM!!!



lately the urge to cut myself is coming back. I haven't done it for years but I really wanna hurt myself and feel the pain of the razorblades cutting through my skin. tbh it feels like everybody is fucking boring but I don't tell anybody, I think so sometimes. Cause I know it's not real. There are a lot of interesting persons, but I'm so angry on everybody rn. F#CK OFF. F#CK YOU. I want everybody to be happy. love goes out. to everyone of you. YOU F#CKING PEACE OF SH#T. I don't wanna be alone anymore. For years I was alright with being alone, but I'm not anymore. I'm really anxious lately. Anxious about.. nothing. There's almost no reason to be anxious. 
I h4te the people, staring at me in public. I can tell the difference between looking interested about my appearence, or the judgy 4ssh0les who think they are better than me. I am feeling very bad, but I love myself so much. I'm a good person. I'm full of love, but all THEY want me to, is having a job and working. I WANT TO. but i'm way too f#cked for that. Ich könnte es nicht verkraften, stress vom Chef zu bekommen weil ich irgendwas nicht gut genug schaffe, zb jeden f#cking tag aus dem Bett zu kommen.
I made some borderline tests cuz it seems like it matches. It came out that I might have borderline. I'm gonna tell my therapist, and tbh, I hope the diagnosis is true. In that case, there would be a reason why I'm so f#cked. They haven't even diagnosed a bipolar disorder II. They said it's a Cyclothymia, but w tf. I don't wanna say Cyclothymia is nothing, BUT ITS F#CKING F#CKING  INTENSE WHAT I FEEL. I want people to understand me. Nobody ever will. but maybe a little bit. I'm feeling so l0nely. I miss having deep relationships to friends. But I'm everywhere. And nowhere really into. I'm just being here and there, and it's f#cking oberflächlich. I dön't know where to go with my life. I wanna be able to make my money by music, but it's gonna take some time until I'll get noticed. I really don't wanna be famous. I REALLY DON'T. But I don't wanna be stuck in this f#cked up system anymore. I wanna enjoy my life. I want a romantic relationship. But it's not the right time for that. Last night I dreamed of a girl who works in a second hand shop, and had the most pretty face in the world. We kissed, not even with tongue, but it was so incredibly beautiful. But I don't let anybody really get into my space. I'm sharing almost EVERYTHING in my instagram stories, I'm opening up to everybody. But I don't, at the same time. I don't understand anything. I just wanna sleep and wake up at the time, I'm don't having my current problems. It could be worse but it's soooo stupid to think so. hm. love goes out to everybody, even if ur an 4ssh0le, its just a lack of love in ur life. 
stay strong peeps, probably nobody will read this for a long time, and thats sad. But it still helps me ig, so that's...fine?

mental fucking crisis Z/($§/ZTG(/&H(/T&/$§ G(T&/§)G(/ZT%G )(/%

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These are some beats that developed from me playing around with loops and my piano on garageband :) DM if you want to use a song.

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A delicate, graceful and heartening track with classical / orchestral sounds with a piano at centre stage. Free and flowing. Romance / Beauty / Amazement / Regal / Stately.

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Bjørn Lynne - Between The Moon And The Stars (Heartening, endearing, stately, chamber, storytelling)

Turns out that it's very important to get see if a couch can fit in your apartment before you buy it... I am  still haunted by this day!

The Couch Saga

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AnnSnake_2st EP_[ What is your soul shape? ]

AnnSnake - What is your soul shape?

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