just ignore me!

I'm no reverse psychologist
saying "it's better you see if you just ignore me",

why can't you see?

I SO want something I can't have,
in secret I'm hoping...

...I'm hoping you'll love me!

an artist with no audience,
never lauded before or since,
is bound to cut off an ear,

it's such a lonely hill to climb,
in speaking to an unborn time,
but at least the unborn can hear,

when some bright tomorrow
drowns today,
they'll look upon your work and say:

there stands the symptom of his time,
 the mirror that no one would call  "mine",

just ignore me!

I know,
 fames a fetter that lets you pet her,
then won't let you be,
and so,
if you'll just continue to ignore me,
ignore me...I can go free!

sure, I could use a fan or two,
but often when I look at you,
I think: there's something wrong with your ears,

consensus is the public lash,
that whips the grip and treasures trash,
never knowing what it hears,

it's bitter, yes,
this nothing-sweet,
where victory admits defeat,

so gorge on your one size fits all,
and i'll still serenade the wall!

just ignore me!

Ignore Ignore

all of your relations are milking stones,
you find squeezing is so pleasing,
that wringing's your only way,

but you'll never get a drop from your milking stones,
just your callous and your malice,
and your deified decay,

milking stones for Monday,
there's an advantage to press,
so your weening down the one way,
in ceremonial undress,

you and your milking stones for Monday,
you'd be drinking every drop,
but you're just another stone,
that wasn't even piled on top,

(WOOOOO!!!....cramp,)

why you gotta treat me like a milking stone?
that endeavor's long been severed,
I'm not even your main squeeze,

now your raising up your flesh to be milking stones,
to pinion your dominion,
in a circle of harpies,

milking stone,
why you gotta treat me like a,
(squeeze...squeeze)
milking stone,
why you gotta treat me like a,

milking stones for Monday,
every heart throb is a hook,
that you've been barbing hoping someday,
you'll be given what you took,

and everyone owes you a bleeding,
so you're leech farming the sores,
and you set your claws a-kneading,
in the pittance of my pores,

(WOOOOO!!!...cramp...)

Milking Stones For Monday

it's in the box...
but people LIKE it in the box...

we are
Ornamental humans,
like trees grown only to be pruned,
...
The angels bring me sunshine,
in bottomless regret,
the pain will bring the morning mourning,
and already I'm begging for sunset,

and I know that I can't turn back time,
but I can slow it down in a distorted pantomime,

everyone I know has turned away,
why can I not seem to close my eyes?

a lavish suit of failure,
I wear it everyday,
and it's perfectly tailored,
in bottomless shades of an endless grey,

and I know that I can't turn back time,
but I can slow it down in a distorted pantomime,

 everyone I know has turned away,
why can I not seem to close my eyes?

betrayal is a bicycle,
a bicycle built for two,
but you're not even pedalling,
I won't do all the work for you,

November,
just remember all you've done,
December,
oh what a loss you've won,
Remember,
Satan is your son,
Satan is your sun,

back when all these seeds were sown,
to grow into this tangled mess,
there every word could weigh the world,
every action was more of less,

November,
always counting down to none,
December,
 unsaid about what's undone,
Remember,
Satan is your son,
Satan is your sun,

trauma to me, 
finding your face,
I don't want to know,

Satan...Satan...

of all the things you could ever believe...

Betrayal Is A Bicycle Built For Two

once or twice,
 I took your bad addvice,

bin bile,
never again,
bin bile,
never again,

(sure sounds may-day)

...

hidden message
hidden message:

A mantis motionless,
Collecting timings trace,
Romance is,
Only everything in proper place,
Silencia, she came to me on invisible wings,
To drink the nectar from my flower offerings,
I dreamt I suckled orphaned ant eaters today,
Contempt flies, frightened by my totem manta ray,

...

once or twice I rolled the loaded dice,
bin bile,
never again,
bin bile,
never again,

bin bile,
never again,

Nomina Barbara

i don't know what to do...
i don't know what to do...

222,
what am i supposed to do?
333,
who am i supposed to be?

the Earth it burns,
the sky is raining ash,
the Sun above,
looks like a bloody gash,

Heaven...
haven't we prayed for your reign?
Heaven...
over and over again,

i bow my head to the floor and,
pray to the light,
pray to the night,
for a little rain,
for a little rain,
if only for a little rainfall,

PLEASE let me heal,
oh how beautiful this world can be!

praying for the rain,
to wash away the pain,

(rain falls)

thank you,
thank you very much!

Aina Eru Ilúvatar

this song was written around a poem. but as music has it's own cadent sanctity i couldn't fit the whole thing in without compromise.

so here is the poem:

 "Witch Hazel"

5 year fathom watches watches,
stillborn every second second,
every biding breath it botches,
every burden bares it's beckon,

"time's the cup that drinks from you,
the carvened starvened quaffing challice,
press it to your lips anew,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom weighs the way,
in 1/16th of ever after,
kindle-clocks counting decay,
in oft regurgitated laughter,

"every thought's a treason plot,
a handle hewn in cares grown callous,
picks you up to smash you down,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rode the road,
it's pressures poured into impostures,
each angle set to explode,
in seamy seams of dream imposters,

"drown your druthers cupid-careful,
find no fears and make no malice,
still you simper for a stareful,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rolls the roles,
the marrow-masks that try to wear him,
tumblings take of tithing  tolls,
their irredeemers
set to scare him,

"dampen drove the bridal bridle,
purity's your pleasure pallace,
phallacy's your idle idol,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,


(and here are the additional lyrics i wrote to fit the song structure)

stop/start
help me and mine, to be gentle and kind,
while the signal behind, melts my mody and bind,
help me and mine, to be gentle and kind,
while the signal behind, melts my mody and bind,

NO!

what do you know?
I know i love you,

NO!

what do you know?
I know i love you,

do i ever! do i ever! do i ever!

unconditional love,
subliminal, sublime, 
(i know)
patience is mine,
if i just take the time,
(to show)

only what's true,
monkey see monkey do,
though we sleep dreaming that we're awake,
and have to make our own mistakes,

my love...

every word's a wager,
speak them softly,
awful comes so awfully,

every angry utterance, is a seed of regret,
haven't you found yourself yet?

there you are:
reflected in her eyes,
you have to be the man,
 that she believes in you to be,

oh if you could only see,

opening  your eyes,
opening your eye...

Virginiana Hamamelis

(dedicated to my father Leszak, my little brother Barry and my aunt Ruth.)

Suicide is something,
that you live with,
don't you got some songs to write,
a gift to give with?

isn't it a blessing to feel anything at all?
isn't it a blessing just to feel?

...

i woke up this morning,
it was chewing on my head,
i wondered why we come here just to suffer,

i woke up this morning,
wanted to stay in bed,
i am a blank receipt to every other,

i woke up this morning,
and something wants me dead
i've got to set that sample rate to smother,

loopy-lie,
is that what they said?

Suicide (is Something That You Live With)

what you wouldn't give,
to not have have to live,
what you wouldn't say,
to wish it away,

wait...
wait...
wait...
give me a little...
time...
time...
time...

give me a little...

you pretty thing,
come talk to me,
and be my friend,
broken wings,
life's locked to me,
but I'm on the mend,

sing to me a smile!

...

clown feet cast,
into the desert of the sinking sands,
(SINK)
here in the ghost-cave,
in my open grave,
they don't even care,
i'm not even there,

sing to me a smile,

i wanna cry,
("smile!")
i wanna cry,
(and the west wind shone:
"smile!")
i wanna cry,

what i wouldn't give,
to finally live,
what i wouldn't say,
to wish it away,

stay...
stay...
stay...
give me a little,
time...
time...
time...

give me a little...

you pretty thing,
come sing with me,
I'm SO off-key,
and everything,
you seem to be,
is harmony,

stay with me a while...

Jinky

CS#04576856 (part 3) Ritual Of The Bag

Don't think that way...

she's Fahrenheit,
and Monday mist,
and histories,
that don't exist,

she's beatitude,
and all eyes to the floor,
where they pretend to pretend,
that they don't want more,

an imaginary friendly,
baited line of which they send me,
precognitions in and then we...
...wake myself for it gets too wet...

thinking that there's nothing finer,
than that surrogate vagina,
i got problems, no reminder,
needed cause i can't forget...

locked down in the dead of a winter,
trying to bury all that's wary,
in the tundra tattled ground,

who'd believe the tubercular sky?
certainly not me...not ever-after,

staring all the time,
this mountain that i climb,
dwindles before the sight,
isn't she so Fair-in-Height?

don't think that way...

feeder fodder,
teeter totter,
invoking a choking chain,
stabilize your unstable eyes,

i've no motive direction,
or human affection,
instilling a willing,
keep the world at disarms length,

pretending i'm a homosexual,
when really?...i'm nothing,

nothing much at all...

who'd ever cater the maze?
the undertow's a hushed web of collusion,

staring all the time,
this mountain that i climb,
dwindles before the sight,
isn't she so Fair-in-Height?

who would ever cater to the maze?

°Fahrenheit

WiSDUMB

One sip of storm cloud,
winter worries right in,
worn like a war shroud,
masking your true feelin',

Anger augurs emotion,
what are you feeling?
a poltergeist emotion,
doubles your dealing,

Howls at the window,
turns out the lights again,
DON'T LET IT IN though,
 it rattles your mental chains,

Needs a handle to haunt,
leaves for lack of a want,

But while the feral's in fashion,
and all the dishes are smashin',
watch it without any passion,
as you breathe,

You can get high on forgiveness,
they can't see,
between the isn't and isness,
just like me,
wondering "just what is this",
SO angry,

Why can't we be?
why can't we?

It goes away...
it goes a:
...(ghost wail)...

Hey little weather,
why does your winter woe,
keep it together, 
snared  in your snarl of snow,

The past was a palace of pain,
we should be healing,
your eyes go Autumn again,
what are you feeling?

Me? i'm an empty grave,
with a moldy heart,
and each smile you save,
is a brand new start,

Anger slain by the breath,
spring loves winter to death,

All that i have i'm sharing,
with the one that i'm caring,
she turns around from my staring,
to mock me...

i'll get high on forgiveness,
she can't see,
one day she'll have to live this,
without me,
wondering "just what is this",
SO angry,

Why can't we be?
Why can't we?

Coping Mechanism

A Winter's wage,
upon my back,
breathes me down,
Pneumoniac,
all withered to, 
a halfway through,

you enemy,
but you used to be...

my Dewy Decimal,

mirthless and mime,
always trying to live,
worthless am I,
somethings gotta give,

and you're still fading,
my Dewy Decimal,

Dumb-Dumb,
birthless time, burbling black
Dumb-Dumb,
worthless I'm. not going back,

I unlocked that door with a minor-key,
why do you have to be so you to me?

Keep it closed..
keep it...
I will...

A Summer's-Day-look-away,
the sky is blue, your mind is grey,
you've chained me to,
the things you do,

you enemy,
but you used to be...

..my Dewy Decimal,

burbling blind,
for what I can't forgive,
worthless am I,
something's gotta give,

and you're still fading,
my Dewy Decimal,

Dewy Decimal

Empty was the side of the door,
that didn't know she's gone,
till the stock boy sang all alone,
writing his cattle call,

so happy just to sleep on the floor,
where her light had shone,
and they'd spent all day,
 on the Every-Which-Way,
dripping up to ripple through the clouds,
till he could see it all with his lazy eye,

he must be doing something wrong,
when he's doing something write,
because his cattle call,
is lording the flies,
but they don't see that at all,
hoarding their lies,
he's a plastic battle doll,
losing his head,

it's a make be...
it's a make be leave,

Never was nothing you know,
never was nothing you no,

meeting on the every-which-way,
with a joyful grieve,
when leaving arrives,
and harmonious lives,
 have to separate,

so happy just to hear what she'd say,
playing make believe,
now the words they spoke,
are this blossoming choke,
echoing, like underwater tears,
and they're leaking out through his lazy eye,

the walls are chewing on his head,
and he keeps an empty bed,
the last outpost of a hung human heart,
and he's like a ghost who just lives in art,
or a scratching post where life sharpens it's claws,

it's a make be,
it's a make be leave,

Lazy Eye

Now it's time for bed,
a pillow for your head,
and tell all your visions to me,

the Sun has gone away,
it's good-bye to the day,
and now we must close eyes to see,

every question is an answer,
ask and you'll see!
every answer is a question,
tell them to me!

forwards my Love,
and we'll wake into dreams,
nestled above,
in the not as it seems,

nestled in dappulous dreams,
nestled in dappulous,

let my lullabies,
close your pretty eyes!

now the day is done,
it's goodbye to the Sun,
and hello to dappulous dreams,

if you find me there,
and you become aware,
the transmission's ripe to receive,

every question is an answer,
ask and you'll see!
every answer is a question,
tell them to me!

forwards my Love,
and we'll both go to sleep,
nestled above,
in the Castles I keep,

nestled in dappulous dreams,
nestled in dappulous...

Fairy Circle Lullaby

garbage pale,
and lookless eyes,
and candy apple core,

shimmer shale,
and bunny tail,
and close your open sore,

evening out your mourning,
to the kindred pain
goes a word of warning,

in the Neverything,
i could almost taste it,
and my broken hands,
they reached out to trace it,

don't you...

with the Habit Velveteen,
and the don't know what i mean...

The Velveteen Habit

Let's sing a song,
with all the notes that you forgot,
it will be so pretty,
right up until it's not,

(sable and sapphire)

you've turned back to your turn back,
and yanking womb,
wearing your blind,

spin your clocks backwards,
open to shutting your mind,

so give me a little space please,
not a message to send,
while i'm mourning the death, 
of my imaginary friend,

sable and sapphire,
all nevering,
he wrote you this song,

boiling eyes taper,
togethering,
right into wrong,

into wrong,
into sable and sapphire,

tape worms and Tuesdays,
and a never-will that never-was,

ape germs and loose lays,
and doe the dill,
we is what we does,

all fabled to the famish,
he'll be making his stand,
are you gonna cut off his head,
just because your flames aren't being fanned?

sable and sapphire

Theophobia

If I may,
 i might say:
(nonsensical mellisma)

 Do you think it's time,
for the low to climb?
(nonsensical mellisma)

raise up your hands, 
to the man,
 with the master plan!
(nonsensical mellisma)
If the sun's gonna shine,
love of mine,
i would never worry,
(nonsensical mellisma)

someone gave to me the Time,
(nonsensical mellisma)
i saved it for a friend of mine!
(nonsensical mellisma)

in madness i saw,
9/10ths of the law.
(nonsensical mellisma)

if i may i might say:
(nonsensical mellisma)

do you think it's time,
(you know...i really do)
for the words to rhyme?
(nonsensical mellisma)

everyone, it's begun,
so lets get it done!
(nonsensical mellisma)
turning the key,
can't you see,
it just has to be,
(nonsensical mellisma)

the sky is turning black and blue,
i don't know what i'm supposed to do,
stuck in a Reptile Petting Zoo,
oh someone let me out!

Nonsensical Mellisma #2

Copywrite

so beautiful the breasts,
i get it off my chest,
as terrible as mother nature,
as she will,
why does she have to kill?

aren't you killing something:
scowling at me,
it's pretty to see,
Outsanity,
is my darkness shining?

cause i won't harm a thing,
till near becomes far,
i've been catching black widows,
inside a jar,
and setting them free,
to be what they are,
away from my window,
away from my scar,

"I know you"
you're never gonna know me,
you're never gonna know, No, No,
"I know you"...

sunrise is so good for the eyes I'm staring,
blindness is a kindness, can't you see?
don't view, what is true, as you do, directly,
is it a thing in itself or a quality?

only leaving stays,
and it always says:
I'm a funeral with no mourners,

and the find you there,
of a lashing stare,
is a room without no corners,

every thought,
is all caged and caught,
can i sicken oh so sweetly?

in the Thornery,
I'll be mourning me,
when the victory defeats me,

"I know you"
you're never gonna know me,
you're never gonna know, No, No,
"I know you"...

the bridge is shakey,
the bridge is shakey,

and you blame the mirror,

everything regrets itself,
in counting corners,
cut and dry,
dehydrated tears won't drown you,
as for what lurks all around you,
every word is haste and hear-through,
questions start but never end,
how you blame a mirror's reflection,
for it's opposite direction,

can you?
never...did away,

never finish what you cannot start...

just what is a poor boy to do?
I'm crazy about me, I'm crazy 'bout you,
("He's crazy")
am not,
no way,
(are so)...

The Inside-Outstitution

In the meadow,
I'm never ever gonna,
you always come on down,
when no one is around,

i climb up on my wall and can't attack,
there's a line up to stab my scratching back,
there'll always be a spot i just can't reach,
but it's as they say: to own their each,

a real follow me down,
a real did away,

(you always come on down,
when no one is around)

in the meadow,
i'm never ever gonna,
you always come on down,
when no one is around,

i'm trying to keep the lyrics terse,
but i think i should have wrote a second verse,
just don't ask me about the things i said,
i sing whatever comes into my head,

a real follow me down,
a real did away...

Susana,
don't you go and cry for me,
and the,
death of all that's make believe,

I'm tied up in loose ends,
I'll hide up in a world without no friends,

buy me some time, 
somewhere I could think about a good friend of mine,
wishing me a happy Susana,

I caught the melody within the dream,
reading a menu on a silver screen,
things I can't forget,
that haven't happened yet,  

(forgive...forget)

bridge won't you care, carry me home,
it's somewhere I've never been,
somewhere over here,
somewhere over there,

I tried it every single other way,
I just couldn't seem to get away,
"life's gonna kill you,
just like it's supposed to do."

buy me some time, 
somewhere I could think about a good friend of mine,
wishing me a happy Susana,

A Happy Susana

(This one was actually written 11 years ago when I was a homeless busker.)

in the city they don't even care,
all they'll give you is a vacant stare,
before they walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk away,

and every city whispers the same, 
broken promise again and again,
dreams fermenting, in, in, in, into pain,

but even nowhere is somewhere,
and if you go there, I'm from there,
I'd show you around,
I'd show you a...

The Angry Busking Song

7 years spent all alone,
cheap hotels and skid-row homes,
watch cockroaches climb the wall,
drown your pain in alcohol,
ex-wife and kids live on the dole,
obsession of lost control,
yesterday seems crystal clear,
a family to hold so near,

(and I wonder what your under)

pain became a nylon rope,
tied with strings of broken hope,
tied around my father's throat, his throat,
the fabric of life begins to tear,
3 estranged families that don't care,
a leap of faith into the air,

photo albums no one wants,
the old maid haunts her dirty laundry,
polaroids tell tongueless taunts,
query questions into qaundry,

tomorrow is held aloft,
posturing a weeping willow,
baby's first hair cut as soft,
as plucked feathers to stuff a pillow,

melody to mend amends,
for everything that's worth pretending,
every note that the muse sends,
writes for you this happy ending...

Leszak Kaczorowski

the vocal melody is a fallin',
one step at a time,
and the below is always callin',
someday the melody's gonna climb,

I don't know, 
but I have an idea,
it's mental diareah,
it's a part of apart,
it's a breaking my heart,

so I'll bury myself in the bright November,
and pretend it's okay,
while you fill me up like a canker sore cup,
and hang me on a beautiful day,

things were going great,
in a transensual state,
when the chords started going like this,

be short if you cannot belong

I suffer into every dawn,
I'm It, but I won't tag along,
scar tissue lines my every song
be short if you cannot belong,
just disappear into your mind,
and leave it all so far behind,
there's still a place where you might find,
the stars above have all aligned,

just be short if you cannot belong,

(Be Short) If You Cannot Belong

i bore to you a houndly frolic,
every rise and fall,
my backwords barkened by the rollick,
unheedy my call,

you gouged my grip, in scented slip,
for every phantom sniff,
and all that was, was lost because,
of wandering what if,

I bore to you a houndly frolic,
every fall and rise,
where winter whittled worry,
and unheedy went my cries,

your absence cast my echo,
in collide-a-scope collapse,
and all that is, was fleeting fizz,
for petulant perhaps,

so you tottered in a circle broken,
down on widdershins,
to engrave what must be left unspoken,
save by bitter grins,
upon the insides of my eyelids,
whence now even shorn and shuttered,
doth the vision of derision,
that the bitter grins have muttered,
cast it's kindling, sharp and spindling,
on the clenching of sightlesson,
so I'm sealing every feeling,
just to keep my keep from guessing,

Gay Science Obituary

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