just ignore me!

I'm no reverse psychologist
saying "it's better you see if you just ignore me",

why can't you see?

I SO want something I can't have,
in secret I'm hoping...

...I'm hoping you'll love me!

an artist with no audience,
never lauded before or since,
is bound to cut off an ear,

it's such a lonely hill to climb,
in speaking to an unborn time,
but at least the unborn can hear,

when some bright tomorrow
drowns today,
they'll look upon your work and say:

there stands the symptom of his time,
 the mirror that no one would call  "mine",

just ignore me!

I know,
 fames a fetter that lets you pet her,
then won't let you be,
and so,
if you'll just continue to ignore me,
ignore me...I can go free!

sure, I could use a fan or two,
but often when I look at you,
I think: there's something wrong with your ears,

consensus is the public lash,
that whips the grip and treasures trash,
never knowing what it hears,

it's bitter, yes,
this nothing-sweet,
where victory admits defeat,

so gorge on your one size fits all,
and i'll still serenade the wall!

just ignore me!

Ignore Ignore

Mozart, from the time he was a child up until his death, would often speak in a strange nonsensical language of his own devise.

 His name for himself in this language was "Punkitititi".

Punkitititi

words unwritten,
speech unspoken,
day was breaking,
now it's broken,

my well of wonder,
torn asunder,
my throne is thatched,
of thorns and thunder,

oh Polyhymnia!
a spring-time breeze,
through willow trees,
a-weep,

let me live in ya,
and sing my song,
to the morning dawn,

ARISE,

let it arise,

so sound vibrations,
lift me up,
and pour thyself,
into my cup,

a sacred hymnal,
come and bless,
this broken instrument of flesh,

Polyhymnia

once or twice,
 I took your bad addvice,

bin bile,
never again,
bin bile,
never again,

(sure sounds may-day)

...

hidden message
hidden message:

A mantis motionless,
Collecting timings trace,
Romance is,
Only everything in proper place,
Silencia, she came to me on invisible wings,
To drink the nectar from my flower offerings,
I dreamt I suckled orphaned ant eaters today,
Contempt flies, frightened by my totem manta ray,

...

once or twice I rolled the loaded dice,
bin bile,
never again,
bin bile,
never again,

bin bile,
never again,

Nomina Barbara

i don't know what to do...
i don't know what to do...

222,
what am i supposed to do?
333,
who am i supposed to be?

the Earth it burns,
the sky is raining ash,
the Sun above,
looks like a bloody gash,

Heaven...
haven't we prayed for your reign?
Heaven...
over and over again,

i bow my head to the floor and,
pray to the light,
pray to the night,
for a little rain,
for a little rain,
if only for a little rainfall,

PLEASE let me heal,
oh how beautiful this world can be!

praying for the rain,
to wash away the pain,

(rain falls)

thank you,
thank you very much!

Aina Eru Ilúvatar

this song was written around a poem. but as music has it's own cadent sanctity i couldn't fit the whole thing in without compromise.

so here is the poem:

 "Witch Hazel"

5 year fathom watches watches,
stillborn every second second,
every biding breath it botches,
every burden bares it's beckon,

"time's the cup that drinks from you,
the carvened starvened quaffing challice,
press it to your lips anew,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom weighs the way,
in 1/16th of ever after,
kindle-clocks counting decay,
in oft regurgitated laughter,

"every thought's a treason plot,
a handle hewn in cares grown callous,
picks you up to smash you down,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rode the road,
it's pressures poured into impostures,
each angle set to explode,
in seamy seams of dream imposters,

"drown your druthers cupid-careful,
find no fears and make no malice,
still you simper for a stareful,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rolls the roles,
the marrow-masks that try to wear him,
tumblings take of tithing  tolls,
their irredeemers
set to scare him,

"dampen drove the bridal bridle,
purity's your pleasure pallace,
phallacy's your idle idol,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,


(and here are the additional lyrics i wrote to fit the song structure)

stop/start
help me and mine, to be gentle and kind,
while the signal behind, melts my mody and bind,
help me and mine, to be gentle and kind,
while the signal behind, melts my mody and bind,

NO!

what do you know?
I know i love you,

NO!

what do you know?
I know i love you,

do i ever! do i ever! do i ever!

unconditional love,
subliminal, sublime, 
(i know)
patience is mine,
if i just take the time,
(to show)

only what's true,
monkey see monkey do,
though we sleep dreaming that we're awake,
and have to make our own mistakes,

my love...

every word's a wager,
speak them softly,
awful comes so awfully,

every angry utterance, is a seed of regret,
haven't you found yourself yet?

there you are:
reflected in her eyes,
you have to be the man,
 that she believes in you to be,

oh if you could only see,

opening  your eyes,
opening your eye...

Virginiana Hamamelis

Wind,
when you wail...save a sigh for me,
the Sun's caged in clouds,
you're going to breathe it free!

I'm just a mutter made of meat feeding time,
you're every utterance is sweet so i climb,

Wind?
aren't you there?
don't you care?
don't you though?

...

Am i ready to die?
screaming out my whispers?
you spit blood in my eye,
I can't see...

and one can't take a joke,
if you don't take it seriously,
...it's no laughing matter to me,

on a lower level,
on a brittle bridge a-burn,
I will take a step back to see,

the dead endings arise,
so the better things will turn,
the less that there is of me,

I don't have to think the thoughts,
I don't have to do a lot,

cause the less that there is of my personality
 the less that there is of this thing called me,
 the less that there is of a target to control,
and the less that there is to break,

"are you going to?"

"cause the rhythm's all off,
there's a fearful in your mirrorful,
and your scared so you scoff,
away,"

"are you going to break again?
looks like you could use a friend,"

if i break before i'm gone,
shattered in the moment,
let me break like the dawning day,

"are you going to break?"

i won't break on a Monday,
i won't break on a Tuesday,
("are you gonna break?")
i won't break on a Wednesday,

cause I'm already broke,
unto a thousand shards,
and the winter is wringing worry,
heeds me helpless in a hurry,
 
i won't break on a Thursday,
i won't break on a Friday,
i won't break on a Saturday,
("are you gonna break?")
i won't break on a Sunday...

'cause I'm already shorn,
into a shattered shape,
and the angles stabbing to set,
my silhouette,
all filled with fret,

I'm already broken,
in endless repentance,
a dead ended word,
wound in a run on sentence,

Wind carry me the song-shine,
Wind carry me the song,

"weigh the weather in your worship,"

Wind won't you care?
carry up my song,
you've always been there,
i've waited for SO long,

Sky!
won't you sigh your secrets soft and sweet?
Earth!
won't you tremble at my feet?

Wind aren't you there?
don't you care?
don't it blow?

Have a Heart Charlotte-Tin!

(dedicated to my father Leszak, my little brother Barry and my aunt Ruth.)

Suicide is something,
that you live with,
don't you got some songs to write,
a gift to give with?

isn't it a blessing to feel anything at all?
isn't it a blessing just to feel?

...

i woke up this morning,
it was chewing on my head,
i wondered why we come here just to suffer,

i woke up this morning,
wanted to stay in bed,
i am a blank receipt to every other,

i woke up this morning,
and something wants me dead
i've got to set that sample rate to smother,

loopy-lie,
is that what they said?

Suicide (is Something That You Live With)

all's reduced,
to little use,
and tears apart,
my 8-bit heart,
...i'll have to drown the day inside the sound,

aphids nest,
inside my breast,
and bitter blight,
of naked night,
...and pain to plant your pantings in the ground,

Goop it Up!!!

Ohhh!
yodel-lay-hee!
yodel-lay-hee-hoo!!

pain the people into pattern,
"there's no maybe I'm a disagree",
said the 13th son of Saturn,
"monster's made me...would they leave me be?
programmed into Quasimodal,
they degrade me and my grievery,"
LET LOOSE THE DEMONIC YODEL,

Ohhh!
yodel-lay-hee!
yodel-lay-hee-hoo!!!

said the flower on the tomb,
withering recanted,
"look where i was planted,
just how do i bloom,
with my very essence,
rooted in putresence,"

kingdom of the skritch,
lost in the forest of stop-signs,
how it makes me itch,
red lights that will never change,

even purest intentions,
destined to fail...how does it go?

("there's nowhere to go")
like a happy ending,
trapped in the middle of suffering,

I...
wait in sorrow,
I...
no tomorrow,
I...

I'M SKRITCHING OUT!!!

cry your,
eyes sore,
Lois Lane,

sausage,
lossage,
know his name!

whatever you try,
you'll be told to lay where you lie,

dissident bane-play it again,
play it again-dissident bane,

whatever I do,
i'll be cursed to perform for you,

dissident bane-play it again,
play it again-dissident bane,

always watching,
micro-chips in my head,
and the things that they've said,

land of the true north,
the strong and the free:
why hasn't it ever applied to me?

holding me down,
and they gouge me to sleep,
thinking my thoughts,
beating my heart,
(LOOK AWAY)
holding me down,
downdowndown,
and they gouge me to sleep,
downdowndown,
(LOOK AWAY)
beating my heart...

Hollow-Weening

CS#04576856 (part 3) Ritual Of The Bag

all of the way down...

it's a heavy sort of floating,
please don't let me fall,
please don't let me fall all the way down...

i've been locked inside for days and days,
dreams telling me: "do what the Master says"

Archie please,
broken knees,
wearing the weather,
keep it together,

 Fast-Food-Tantalus,
and his worry warts,
cast the coins,
but the oracle won't answer,

Archie Please,
dream disease,
the corpse of his Mother,
to give to his Brother,

pick it up/put it down...

Archie Please

Perfidia

i,
thinking: "it's not so bad at all"
i,
picking myself when i fall,
i,
even though now i have to crawl,

"if you'd just keep moving..."

help me to help me,
I'm NOT crazy,
and the notes will fall,

it's been all for free,
you won't ever find me,
on the stage of the cage,
of the Cursery,
I'm still trying to be honest,
and get off whatever's on this,

"get off it now!"

and leave all conscious meaning,
somewhere inbetweening,

("if you'd walk in the center,
you cannot raise your hands to defend")

just leave all conscious meaning,
somewhere inbetweening,

i,
beating my head against against the wall,
i,
feeling the cage upon my call,
i,
having to end the rhyme with crawl,

"if you'd just keep moving"

I'm trying...i'm trying....

Cursery Rhyme

Well... the Forest can see,
you've known every tree,
but the Wind bares it's witness,
it can no longer aquit this,

pretends not know you,

why is God is so great,
if he's making you hate,
till the sweet earth below you,
pretends not know you?

If the prayer consists,
of curse that was hissed,
from the blessing of fire,
to the lonely denier,

Are you gonna sell the cell to the wayful youth?
Are you gonna burn in hell if you speak the truth?

Well... the mountain can hear,
you're in love with your fear,
but the wind does adore you,
so it has to implore you,

something that you have to know,

Why is God so good,
but you don't do what you should,
till the sweet sky above you,
pretends not to love you,
pretends not to love you,
pretends not to love you...

Maker, Maker,
So lowly...

and these decades of disgrace,
have been written on my face,

I almost found the words,
but they were buried in that awful place,
how can i speak the truth?
how could you understand something you couldn't face?

drown it out of me,
drown it out...

nowhere...nowhere...
i made a new whine,
set to opine,

Maker, Maker,

awful me,
awful though,

and these decades of disgrace,
have been written on my face,

I almost found myself,
but he was drowning in that pool of pain,
I guess it's better if you think:
 you know what's what,  and i'm insane,

there's no body...there's body...

SPLAT!

Now it's time for bed,
a pillow for your head,
and tell all your visions to me,

the Sun has gone away,
it's good-bye to the day,
and now we must close eyes to see,

every question is an answer,
ask and you'll see!
every answer is a question,
tell them to me!

forwards my Love,
and we'll wake into dreams,
nestled above,
in the not as it seems,

nestled in dappulous dreams,
nestled in dappulous,

let my lullabies,
close your pretty eyes!

now the day is done,
it's goodbye to the Sun,
and hello to dappulous dreams,

if you find me there,
and you become aware,
the transmission's ripe to receive,

every question is an answer,
ask and you'll see!
every answer is a question,
tell them to me!

forwards my Love,
and we'll both go to sleep,
nestled above,
in the Castles I keep,

nestled in dappulous dreams,
nestled in dappulous...

Fairy Circle Lullaby

garbage pale,
and lookless eyes,
and candy apple core,

shimmer shale,
and bunny tail,
and close your open sore,

evening out your mourning,
to the kindred pain
goes a word of warning,

in the Neverything,
i could almost taste it,
and my broken hands,
they reached out to trace it,

don't you...

with the Habit Velveteen,
and the don't know what i mean...

The Velveteen Habit

Let's sing a song,
with all the notes that you forgot,
it will be so pretty,
right up until it's not,

(sable and sapphire)

you've turned back to your turn back,
and yanking womb,
wearing your blind,

spin your clocks backwards,
open to shutting your mind,

so give me a little space please,
not a message to send,
while i'm mourning the death, 
of my imaginary friend,

sable and sapphire,
all nevering,
he wrote you this song,

boiling eyes taper,
togethering,
right into wrong,

into wrong,
into sable and sapphire,

tape worms and Tuesdays,
and a never-will that never-was,

ape germs and loose lays,
and doe the dill,
we is what we does,

all fabled to the famish,
he'll be making his stand,
are you gonna cut off his head,
just because your flames aren't being fanned?

sable and sapphire

Theophobia

If I may,
 i might say:
(nonsensical mellisma)

 Do you think it's time,
for the low to climb?
(nonsensical mellisma)

raise up your hands, 
to the man,
 with the master plan!
(nonsensical mellisma)
If the sun's gonna shine,
love of mine,
i would never worry,
(nonsensical mellisma)

someone gave to me the Time,
(nonsensical mellisma)
i saved it for a friend of mine!
(nonsensical mellisma)

in madness i saw,
9/10ths of the law.
(nonsensical mellisma)

if i may i might say:
(nonsensical mellisma)

do you think it's time,
(you know...i really do)
for the words to rhyme?
(nonsensical mellisma)

everyone, it's begun,
so lets get it done!
(nonsensical mellisma)
turning the key,
can't you see,
it just has to be,
(nonsensical mellisma)

the sky is turning black and blue,
i don't know what i'm supposed to do,
stuck in a Reptile Petting Zoo,
oh someone let me out!

Nonsensical Mellisma #2

Copywrite

so beautiful the breasts,
i get it off my chest,
as terrible as mother nature,
as she will,
why does she have to kill?

aren't you killing something:
scowling at me,
it's pretty to see,
Outsanity,
is my darkness shining?

cause i won't harm a thing,
till near becomes far,
i've been catching black widows,
inside a jar,
and setting them free,
to be what they are,
away from my window,
away from my scar,

"I know you"
you're never gonna know me,
you're never gonna know, No, No,
"I know you"...

sunrise is so good for the eyes I'm staring,
blindness is a kindness, can't you see?
don't view, what is true, as you do, directly,
is it a thing in itself or a quality?

only leaving stays,
and it always says:
I'm a funeral with no mourners,

and the find you there,
of a lashing stare,
is a room without no corners,

every thought,
is all caged and caught,
can i sicken oh so sweetly?

in the Thornery,
I'll be mourning me,
when the victory defeats me,

"I know you"
you're never gonna know me,
you're never gonna know, No, No,
"I know you"...

the bridge is shakey,
the bridge is shakey,

and you blame the mirror,

everything regrets itself,
in counting corners,
cut and dry,
dehydrated tears won't drown you,
as for what lurks all around you,
every word is haste and hear-through,
questions start but never end,
how you blame a mirror's reflection,
for it's opposite direction,

can you?
never...did away,

never finish what you cannot start...

just what is a poor boy to do?
I'm crazy about me, I'm crazy 'bout you,
("He's crazy")
am not,
no way,
(are so)...

The Inside-Outstitution

In the meadow,
I'm never ever gonna,
you always come on down,
when no one is around,

i climb up on my wall and can't attack,
there's a line up to stab my scratching back,
there'll always be a spot i just can't reach,
but it's as they say: to own their each,

a real follow me down,
a real did away,

(you always come on down,
when no one is around)

in the meadow,
i'm never ever gonna,
you always come on down,
when no one is around,

i'm trying to keep the lyrics terse,
but i think i should have wrote a second verse,
just don't ask me about the things i said,
i sing whatever comes into my head,

a real follow me down,
a real did away...

Susana,
don't you go and cry for me,
and the,
death of all that's make believe,

I'm tied up in loose ends,
I'll hide up in a world without no friends,

buy me some time, 
somewhere I could think about a good friend of mine,
wishing me a happy Susana,

I caught the melody within the dream,
reading a menu on a silver screen,
things I can't forget,
that haven't happened yet,  

(forgive...forget)

bridge won't you care, carry me home,
it's somewhere I've never been,
somewhere over here,
somewhere over there,

I tried it every single other way,
I just couldn't seem to get away,
"life's gonna kill you,
just like it's supposed to do."

buy me some time, 
somewhere I could think about a good friend of mine,
wishing me a happy Susana,

A Happy Susana

(This one was actually written 11 years ago when I was a homeless busker.)

in the city they don't even care,
all they'll give you is a vacant stare,
before they walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk away,

and every city whispers the same, 
broken promise again and again,
dreams fermenting, in, in, in, into pain,

but even nowhere is somewhere,
and if you go there, I'm from there,
I'd show you around,
I'd show you a...

The Angry Busking Song

7 years spent all alone,
cheap hotels and skid-row homes,
watch cockroaches climb the wall,
drown your pain in alcohol,
ex-wife and kids live on the dole,
obsession of lost control,
yesterday seems crystal clear,
a family to hold so near,

(and I wonder what your under)

pain became a nylon rope,
tied with strings of broken hope,
tied around my father's throat, his throat,
the fabric of life begins to tear,
3 estranged families that don't care,
a leap of faith into the air,

photo albums no one wants,
the old maid haunts her dirty laundry,
polaroids tell tongueless taunts,
query questions into qaundry,

tomorrow is held aloft,
posturing a weeping willow,
baby's first hair cut as soft,
as plucked feathers to stuff a pillow,

melody to mend amends,
for everything that's worth pretending,
every note that the muse sends,
writes for you this happy ending...

Leszak Kaczorowski

the vocal melody is a fallin',
one step at a time,
and the below is always callin',
someday the melody's gonna climb,

I don't know, 
but I have an idea,
it's mental diareah,
it's a part of apart,
it's a breaking my heart,

so I'll bury myself in the bright November,
and pretend it's okay,
while you fill me up like a canker sore cup,
and hang me on a beautiful day,

things were going great,
in a transensual state,
when the chords started going like this,

be short if you cannot belong

I suffer into every dawn,
I'm It, but I won't tag along,
scar tissue lines my every song
be short if you cannot belong,
just disappear into your mind,
and leave it all so far behind,
there's still a place where you might find,
the stars above have all aligned,

just be short if you cannot belong,

(Be Short) If You Cannot Belong

i bore to you a houndly frolic,
every rise and fall,
my backwords barkened by the rollick,
unheedy my call,

you gouged my grip, in scented slip,
for every phantom sniff,
and all that was, was lost because,
of wandering what if,

I bore to you a houndly frolic,
every fall and rise,
where winter whittled worry,
and unheedy went my cries,

your absence cast my echo,
in collide-a-scope collapse,
and all that is, was fleeting fizz,
for petulant perhaps,

so you tottered in a circle broken,
down on widdershins,
to engrave what must be left unspoken,
save by bitter grins,
upon the insides of my eyelids,
whence now even shorn and shuttered,
doth the vision of derision,
that the bitter grins have muttered,
cast it's kindling, sharp and spindling,
on the clenching of sightlesson,
so I'm sealing every feeling,
just to keep my keep from guessing,

Gay Science Obituary

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