Lyrics:

Getting started with making themes is really easier than it seems
I like making themes ‘cause I’m an ordinary guy, it doesn’t matter that I didn’t go to school for Comp Sci
I don’t get PHP but it doesn’t matter to me, because with themes it’s all about styling what users see
I write CSS rules that’ll make your head spin, I’ve got a sweet site up before you even begin
Don’t make me laugh with this nonsense, this should be heavy on your conscience
You’re spitting some lousy rhymes and misleading our audience
Themes really aren’t that hard to make, if you put your mind to it it’s a piece of cake
All you need is some CSS and HTML, and a dash of PHP to make it function well
Learn a few WordPress functions and you can go far, like get_template_part() and get_sidebar()
Maybe register some widgets and some menus too, then document your work so users know what to do

Release date:
23 October 2015

WP Battles - Themes Ease of Development Rap

On episode 71 of the podcast, Tara Claeys of Design TLC joined us as an honored first time guest. In addition to her knowledge and wit, she contributed this brilliant rap which has seriously raised the bar for all future guests. Thanks Tara!

Get Options TLC

OrganizeWP is an incredible plugin for WordPress which makes content organization finally possible. Create custom post types and taxonomies with ease while navigating the most intuitive content management experience WordPress has ever known, with OrganizeWP.

https://organizewp.com

This is a simple tribute song written by Kyle for episode 77 of the Get Options podcast. It is not officially recognized or endorsed by OrganizeWP.

LYRICS
Organize…WP

WordPress has existed
for 15 years now
But somehow
Content management still sucks

All these pages
and post types
Just can’t get them right
and my website

Is a convoluted mess
I gave up hope I must confess
But Jon Christopher made a thing
that might save WordPress

Organize…WP

Why you need this plugin
may not at first be clear
But when you watch the demo
You’ll be smiling ear to ear

Rethink how you manage
all your content
This plugin’s heaven sent
It will be money wisely spent

So buy your license today
and watch your problems go away
you won’t regret whatever you pay
That’s all I’ve got to say

Organize…WP

OrganizeWP

This is an original song written by Kyle and debuted on episode 80 of the Get Options Podcast.

LYRICS
I’m the biggest WordPress fan boy that you’ve ever seen
making websites every day now
Every single one is optimized and feature rich and so incredible
everyone is asking me how
Well sit down and let me show you how to develop a website
install WordPress everything is just right
A couple points a couple clicks now we’re almost there
load it up in the browser and prepare to stare

Oh no! Too slow!
I guess I’ll go to Magento
Goodbye WordPress
You couldn’t pass this test
It’s you, not me
You lack this one thing that I need
WordPress, no contest
Is the world’s OKest CMS

Ecommerce is my specialty I employ WooCommerce, Ninja Shop
and EDD especially
Every site that I deploy brings joy but more importantly
makes big money
I’m a master, earning profits much faster, every alternative
would be a total disaster
Get rich I shall
but what’s this I’ve gotta ticket ‘bout a problem with PayPal…

Oh my! Can’t buy!
I guess I’ll move to Shopify
Goodbye WordPress
You couldn’t pass this test
It’s you, not me
You lack this one thing that I need
WordPress, no contest
Is the world’s OKest CMS

The WordPress admin is so easy to use
I point and click and publish, round the interface I cruise
When I release new posts I watch my traffic soar
all my followers are begging me for more
I live by the rule that content is king
and benefit from open source publishing
I’m a gifted writer all my fans say I am
I’m moderating comments which…are mostly spam?

I shoot, I’m toast
I guess it’s time to switch to Ghost
Goodbye WordPress
You couldn’t pass this test
It’s you, not me
You lack this one thing that I need
WordPress, no contest
Is the world’s OKest CMS

I got all the themes and plugins that I’ll ever need
giving me the design and features to succeed
These tools are so powerful with prices so low
But one of them is asking me to upgrade to pro?

What a disgrace
I’m now migrating to Squarespace
Goodbye WordPress
You couldn’t pass this test
It’s you, not me
You lack this one thing that I need
WordPress, no contest
Is the world’s OKest CMS

I’ve got menus and custom post types
and these new block things that seem alright
There’s nothing more stable you will find that’s a fact
oh shoot did my site really just get hacked?

I’m filled with rage
and sticking to a Facebook page
Goodbye WordPress
You couldn’t pass this test
It’s you, not me
You lack this one thing that I need
WordPress, no contest
Is the world’s OKest CMS

World's Okest CMS

An original song about Tara Claeys, written in honor of her appearance on episode 83 of the Get Options podcast and debuted on that show.

LYRICS
I’ve got a friend named Tara
She runs an agency
She builds and maintains websites
Near Washington, DC

Her work is outstanding
speaking objectively
She raises the standards
of website quality

She’s running a top notch biz
Highly refined services
A true time management wiz
and the name of her company is

She cohosts a podcast
With Liam Dempsey
Together they share stories
from the community

She’s an inspiration
to everyone she meets
Her Jane Fonda impersonation
really can’t be beat

I’ve got a friend named Tara
She runs an agency
I’m lucky to know her
and she’s a good friend to me

A Friend Named Tara

Cover of Blink-182's "Feeling This", about Pressnomics which is a fantastic conference for WordPress business professionals.

Played on episode 84 of the Get Options podcast.

LYRICS
There’s something that you should know
A conference is coming back
For WordPress professionals
That’s been absent way too long
Will gather together soon
Everyone will be there
If you skip out then you suck
And your business is doomed to fail

The venue has been secured
The contract has been signed
Cancel all of your plans
Until your ticket has been obtained
Sally and Josh have done
What nobody else can do
They’ve done it for six years straight
And Beyonce will be there too

If you’re not there this time
That will be such a bummer
The best event you’ll find
is in Arizona

Pressnomics

A tribute commercial written for long-time supporter of the show, Joey J. Joey's a photographer living in Singapore with a business called Last Lights.

We love Joey so we made this little pitch for his website.

LYRICS

Go to Last Lights dot net
that’s where you’ll get
quality photography you won’t forget

That’s right, for stunning snapshots so beautiful they’ll change the way you see this world, check out last lights dot net. Singapore based photographer Joey J shares his expertise and his art on this site which is well known as a solid source for cityscape scenes captured on film. Visit his website today and download his free eBook which provides information about long exposure photos and the blue hour.

Last Lights

Friend of the show and of the hosts of the show, Joseph Howard, is the subject of this rap song. It was featured on episode 100 of Get Options which was Joe's first guest appearance.

LYRICS

So I got this friend named Joe
Host of a really cool podcast show
He’s ready to do whatever it takes to make his business grow
With Marvin at his side, heavy on the pedal his foot’s applied
he says team “get inside”, he’s taking ‘em on a crazy ride
He’s the next Gary V, everything an entrepreneur should be
ethical, responsible and bursting with integrity
Take his course and you’ll be learning
How to make your pay recurring
Profit you will be ensuring
Just like Joe you’ll be enduring

Not happy with the small stuff
‘Cause it’s never enough for this buff  
He’ll make it look like it ain’t tough
‘Cause it’s never enough for this buff

Here’s my little clickbait teaser
This friend of mine’s no geezer
You will not believe when you find out he’s not as old as Weezer
I’ll never understand how Joe is able to do everything
He is the maintenance king, look at all the sales he brings
Daily exercising, while impressively businessing
Transparently documenting, every day is just more winning
but the best part of all of this is Joe is just beginning
This guy has every reason to be 24/7 grinning
He wants to be friends with you
He’s a living example of what to do
If he does it then you should too
except for the butter in his morning brew
That is really the only thing
Joe does that I’m not endorsing
Oh well…on another note congrats Joe and Sterling

Joe Howard

John Locke of Locke Down SEO is great friend of the show and a genuine expert when it comes to anything search engine related. We put together this little rap for him on episode 100 as a way of saying thanks for being so supportive.

LYRICS

I got that first page on lock down
hey guess what I found
an SEO pro you know who don’t mess around

my competitor’s pages are nowhere to be found
my traffic is soaring and sales abound
all because I had the brains to call and hire lock down

1, 2, 3 and 4
these are spots that my pages were made for
on serps I’m king, dominating
rising and outranking, for this I am thanking
a west coast bro who knows SEO
and can take any site where you want it to go
so if you need your organic traffic to accelerate
call 9 1 6 - 7 4 7 - 2 1 9 8

Locke Down

Kyle was reflecting a bit on the changes in our industry and also the comments of people within it. For some reason he felt compelled to pen a jingle about his musings and it goes a little something like this...

LYRICS

I’ve been reading about these mergers and acquisitions
Reflecting on the changes and our market’s consolidation
Accidental entrepreneurs are one by one cashing out
The WordPress has been proven to be fruitful there’s no doubt

Some might say it’s a strange time to play
in this WordPress world
but I’d say if that’s your take you were obviously not paying attention in business class

because none of this is new
it happens in other markets too
as an ecosystem grows its rate of newer entrants slows
it gets hard to compete
if you’re not big you’re beat
we can all innovate but still the cycle will repeat

It might sound pessimistic
I’m just being realistic
It’s inevitable when operating in a system that’s capitalistic

So stop your crying
There’s gonna be a lot more buying
Every single company that gets old
Can only ever fold or get sold

It happens the same way every time
industries find success and climb
some of the players get combined
and everyone else is left behind

investors come, innovators go
leaders change and before you know
an industry that kids created
becomes corporation dominated
and just before it gets saturated
and everything cool’s been created
it becomes exactly what all the founders
rejected and hated

Market Consolidation

Kyle's a morning person and well known for passing on the majority of evening social activities which come his way. But he's ok with that and even wrote this little tune to express his feelings.

LYRICS

I don’t know
what happened at the after party
I didn’t go
I went to bed and I’m not sorry
I’m being made to feel
Like I’ve committed a heinous crime
I need my sleep, so buddy you can keep
Your crazy late night good time

I’m not anti-social
I’m just a morning kind of guy
I’d like to have a drink with you
If we can do it before nine
I’d like to talk with you for hours
over coffee or some tea
but at this stage in my life
I think I’m gonna call it quits early
I’ll be asleep by 10:30
I’m skipping the after party

You can have
All of my free drink tickets
I’ll sleep through it all
No matter how loud it gets
Don’t feel bad
I don’t get down with FOMO
I won’t be lonely, pal I’m only
the most boring guy you know

Skipping the After Party

get_options() is an irreverent advice podcast about your life with WordPress. Hosted by Kyle Maurer and Adam Silver.

http://getoptionspodcast.com

get_options()

Popular tracks