Tracks I've produced that may or may not change in the future. Enjoy!

Smoking Reclaim

05.12.2020

Pocket Litter

How Special

I'm So Tired (GL RenD)

It's the powders it's the pills, 
It's the way they make time stand still
It's the flowers, it's the seeds,
It's the way that they control me
It's the flora it's the fauna,
It's the “I don't fucking wanna sober up”
It's never knowing when enough is enough

It's never waking up at baseline
Or being able to play that bassline
It's throwing up my guts for days
Spine aching, counting all the ways
I have soak myself in substances
Handicapped bathroom hash oil stints 
Is this something I care to change?
Am I stoned or deranged?
Is it still justified to remain high when chronic pain makes me want to die
I try to whiten up my eyes but they soon well with tears
Why does the fear of unrelenting pain seem to consume my nightmarish brain
Face fucking dosed till I'm insane, gained superpowers from the flowers, swallowed seeds trying to explain why they all say I should abstain from drugs and self destructive, reproductive acts, act like I don't want wax inside my lungs each second I'm awake, I pray the Lord my bowl won't break when I spaz out of conscious control of my muscles,

Suicidal breakdowns in my dorm room, bitch so much I need a muzzle. 

 They say I should live,  Me Before you what gives? 

It's the panic, it's the fear, it's living through another year.
It's the sunshine, it's the rain, it's nightmares of being on that plane
It’s the lack of any drive, it’s just the  “I don’t fucking wanna be alive”
Perception’s so contrived

I'm vomiting up words and sounds hoping I'll stumble upon something profound, but all around it's just the same damn song, 
I hate the world they did me wrong, 
Leave me alone, don't take my bong, 
Be happy I'm still here.

Substantial Revelations

Jesus take the wheel cause' I keep swerving into traffic.

Take that Seroquel, the miracle that stops my psychopathic

Episodul lose of all fucking control.

To not be dead or

at least higher than all the people I admire in this world.

_____

Are we alone or are we sent here by design?
Does any of it fucking matter or are we just wasting time,

with our monotonous existence?

With such painful persistence,

I've been building up a distance between myself and the suicidal mindset

_____

(Set) down your bowl for just a moment, hear me out,

I know you're faithfully so hateful to this world, I know I was devout

before I figured out nobody really fucking cares.

So you can take off your headphones now and stop being scared.

_____

Fall face first, and feel the burn.

It's time to learn that you can handle it.

Just get out of bed before you atrophy and stand a bit like,

_____

I've been so inactive spending years just merely acting

like I had control over anything.

Living life a crippled spastic hating fucking self medicating, self deprecating fucking asshole,

without a god damned clue how to move on and forget about the past.

So let's get through this pain soaked day the only way I know I've got,

and that's with coping skills and nasty pills and mass amounts of pot.

_____

And I don't know, where I'll go.But I'm not failing three times in a row.

And I've got a gun (I don't),

and I'd say it's been fun.

_____

But it's been hell in handbag lugging this bed of nails around.

Always rains just enough to waterboard but not to drown out all the signals with substantiated cures.

I am shooting for September but I'm really just not sure

If I can keep this mask glued on with painkillers and hash,

Clued onto all the latest fads

Like shoving weed up my ass

_____

And if I’m breathing still, then ignore me. But if I’m bleeding on the floor please let me die, do not resuscitate, and bring me back to this world I hated

(Hated) every fucking moment of my turgid existence,

Despite this I’ve been making plans and still going the distance,

Required for humans to be seen as normal,

All the while making shit poems to act as informal

Suicide notes, and last wills, this last pill might kill me

But it's better than waking up to know that I'm still me.

_____

Jamie pull that up, we're got a live one and and he's dead.

Everything in his life was fixable except that big hole in his head.

The nightly news at 5 identified him and, by that I mean Reddit, misinformation is our nation, do your Civic duty, spread it

_____

(It) was his dying wish to be on your TV.

And for you to know exactly what he means.

When he says “we're all fucking dying out here”

Hopefully it's crystal clear, that we don’t belong here,

And we all want to disappear.

Anhedonia EP

Anhedonia (Nobody Really Fucking Cares)

Would someone please kill me?     
       
I'm pissed that I'm still breathing out, not bleeding out on the floor.     
     
I'm know pain's not fatal, and I'll have to wait till it's over and that there's no cure.      
     
For this unending torment, so get bent I'm sure that I'm living the best that I can.       
      
But I'm just a waste and a drain on the system, no matter how hard I pretend.       
          
That it's useful to stay living.     
     
I'm prolonging giving myself an easy out maybe then.        
      
I'll finally know peace, but until then I'm just looking forward to my untimely end.      
    
If these words are useful to anyone out there then maybe it's not all for none.        
      
But fuck this games rigged, I'm giving up on giving up, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

untitled.mp3

gin miller

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